what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

what am I supposed to say when my friends are dying and there's nothing I can do?

what am I supposed to act like when all my secrets have been told?

what am I supposed to feel when I no longer have their hand to hold?

what am I supposed to think when someone says things will get better?

what am I supposed to write when I sign that last letter?

what am I supposed to do when everyone says we should have worked?

and what do I say when I know it would have only caused worse hurt?

what am I supposed to look like when my heart is being broken?

what am I supposed to mend first as my soul is lying cracked open?

what am I supposed to lie when no one understands that I want to die?

what am I supposed to look at you when you don't know everything I hide?

what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?

what am I supposed to do now?

Lauren 💛.