I woke up to the familiar beeping sound of the heart rate monitor, feeling unusually heavy-headed and worn out. I wriggled my fingers and noticed a weight above my left hand. I turned my head slightly and saw Leon. He sat in the chair placed beside the bed with his arm folded on the siderail and his head resting above. His other arm held onto my hand as he lay close to me, sound asleep. 

"Leo—" I mumbled weakly.

For a heavy sleeper, it surprised me when he flinched awake and jolted up at the sound of his name. His eyes scanned me from head to toe and the end of my lips lifted up into a frail smile. His hand cupped one side of my cheek and the other combed my hair away from my face. I laughed breathlessly at the ticklish feeling of his fingers on my scalp.

"Sweetheart, are you feeling okay?"

I nodded and remained silent. I didn't dare to look at him so I lowered my gaze, staring at my own hands. His fingers moved from my hair to my ear before tracing along the curve of my jaw. He inched closer, putting the siderail down and sat close to me with his hips against my thigh. "Can I tell you something?"

My heart stuttered when he whispered so gently to me and unease stirred within. I was afraid to hear what he had to say, but I was done pushing him away. So, I forced a soft sound from the back of my throat to acknowledge his question.

"Rae, I know you'd been through a lot. But you don't have to pretend that you're okay when you aren't. I understand that you want to take your time to talk and no matter how much time you're going to take, I'll wait for you. I'll always be here for you and you can talk to me when you're ready," Leon said, leaning close to me so that our foreheads touched. In a voice filled with tenderness and affection, he whispered, "And you're going to come to me. Can you promise me that?"

"Why?" I rasped, all choked up by the profound emotion brimming from within.

"Because I love you. I love you deeply, sweetheart," Leon mumbled, skating his thumb over my lips before both thumbs wiped the corners of my eyes, taking away tears that had flowed without my knowledge. All the words swelled in my chest and I let them out relentlessly, without restraint.

"I-I wanted to cry too. I w-wanted to t-talk to someone too. B-but everyone t-treated me l-like I w-wasn't me, I f-felt so d-different and I f-felt so miserable..." I spoke through my sobs, stopping every now and then to gasp for air. "I w-wanted to b-be o-okay too..."

Leon's fingers curled on the back of my neck, taking me into his arms without any hesitation. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for making you feel this way." 

He held me so tightly in his arms that I felt being squeezed, but at least I knew everything that happening at the moment was real. I wept in his embrace like a helpless child, my hands balled the material of his shirt tightly as I buried my forehead on his shoulders. My entire body shook as I leaned my entire weight against him for support. 

He stayed with me until I stopped crying. He combed my hair back and looked at my face, chuckling lovingly as he kissed gently on my eyelids. Heat erupted on my cheeks as I knew that I must have looked terrible but funny at this moment. Leon shifted his hips, got off the bed and went into the bathroom. When he returned, he held onto a warm towel and wiped my tear-streaked face. To my horror, he even forced me to blow my nose. I complied, anyways.

"I'll go grab lunch for the both of us, what would you like to eat?" Leon smiled. Grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over, he changed away from the shirt that was drenched with my tears and snot. My eyes stared towards all the lines and admired the ridges on his body. Well, even when I can't do anything right now, it doesn't mean I can't drool over my boyfriend's hot body. 

"There's drool on your face," he said, raising a brow towards me. 

"Oh shit, really?" I quickly wiped my hand across my lips and realised that I had been played. Lifting my gaze towards him again, I glared angrily towards his annoying mischievous grin. 

"You're cute, girlfriend." 

"And you're annoying, boyfriend." 

"I'll buy you lunch and you can't be angry at me," he grinned. "Tell me what you're craving for." 

He inched close to me and anticipated an answer but I held onto his arm and tugged it lightly. He flexed his arm and supported me to a sitting position. 

My eyes stayed lock on him, looking at him and understanding that there was no better time to explain everything other than now. So, I inhaled deeply, bracing myself before I said, "Will you listen to me?"

"Rae?" Leon placed his hand on top of mine and sat back down on the bed beside me. He gave me all his attention as he waited patiently for me to continue.

"The room was so dark that other than whatever the damned lamp placed right above me could shine, the rest was pitch-black. It was cold too, so freaking cold because it is still in the mid of February and I was left right in the middle of that room in a thin dress," I shuddered uncontrollably at the thought, but continued regardless, "Every time he entered the room, he came up with a new way to torture me. The first day, he forced me to go through the entire night looking at my phone. I watched the phone rang and stop 32 times and I nearly lost it right there when it finally stopped ringing. Then the next morning, that psycho decided to pick up your call. I refused to make a noise because I couldn't imagine what you will have to go through knowing that I might not have a decent chance of leaving there alive. I was stupid but Leon, I love you too much and I just can't bear to put you through all of that—"

I felt Leon shake when he tightened his grip on my hand.

"So, he sliced my thigh with a knife before leaving me inside the room to bleed until I blacked out. He asked for a medic later to tend to me so that I don't die so quickly. But before I could even heal properly, he started to play with me like I was nothing but a worthless toy. He just shot his gun aimlessly, kicked me, punched me, dunk me in water and whatever he felt like it. I fumed, there was so much anger seething within me at first, but as time went by, I just acted as though nothing happened," I laughed bitterly. "I was losing myself every single day. It was to the point that I couldn't feel a single thing anymore. No anger, no fear and no pain. So, one day I decided to keep counting to keep myself in touch with reality. I just counted and counted but I fell deep into despair because I was losing hope that I'll ever be saved."

Drops of wet, warm tears splat on my hands. Those weren't my tears, they belonged to Leon.

"Then, I woke up one day and found myself in the hospital. I was so happy that I came back into the arms of everyone so I told myself that I can finally try to fix myself and get back on track in life. I was broken in some ways and the thing that happened to me had changed me definitely, but I'm still me. I thought I could do this until I felt everyone trying to tip-toe around me. Everyone looked at me like I was the most miserable thing on earth. For some time, I wallowed in self-pity. I spent the entire time moping over all the ugly scars on my body or how hideous I looked because I was skinny to the bones. Not only did it not help, but I got even worse. That was why I decided to shut everyone out."

I paused for a moment to catch a breath. Resting my head on his shoulder, I tried to calm myself down. I need to finish saying everything.

"But I can't possibly do this alone. I know I need help and I don't want it to be just the psychologists. I want someone who knew me and loves me to work with me." A strong urge to cry surfaced once again but I swallowed hard and pleaded, "Leo, I need you. Can you please stay by my side? Can you please help me?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Of course..." he repeated reassuringly, "Thank you for telling me everything." 

✿