♫ somebody that i used to know

- gotya & kimbra

"But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing..."

Content Warning at the end of the chapter.

✧

How do you heal from your first heartbreak?

It's not like there's a rule book or anything. There is no pre-determined way to process it all, but there are some universal experiences:

Everything reminds you of the person you lost. For Priscilla, it was every flower. Every Zonko's product. Sugary sweets. Candles in the halls at night. Her potions textbook, riddled with notes at the top of the page from another time in his writing. Every hallway at Hogwarts reminded her of a past scheme with Fred at her side. Sneaking out at night was impossible without him. Even breakfasts at the Great Hall, Priscilla's favourite part of her day, reminded her of Fred.

For Fred, it was laughter. He missed Priscilla's laugh, especially if it was from his jokes. Hogwarts seemed so much quieter after he lost her. He missed that look she would give him when she was onto his mischief. He missed watching her give Vader those scratches at the back of his ear he loved so much. He longed to show her his new inventions, get her feedback and hear her ideas. The library felt weird if he wasn't in there tutoring her in potions. He missed her long blonde hair, her blue eyes and smudged eyeliner, and how much she cared for her friends. He missed her dancing and rocking out to the radio he gave her. Above all else, he missed how strong Priscilla was. It never occurred to him that he needed her to feel strong as well.

Without her, things didn't make sense.

Another universal experience is longing. Realizing that when you think of a joke the other person would love, but you can't share it anymore. Waking up in the morning and realizing you can't hold their hand on the way to class. No hugs after a long day. No kisses or embraces. After a long day, you can't go to that person any more as you used to for comfort. You have to completely readapt to the loss of their physical presence in your life.

Fred fucked up, and he knew that. He had meant what he said to Lee that day; every time he closed his eyes, Priscilla was passed out on the floor. She would get a terrified look in her eyes every time before they closed. He could still feel the ripples that radiated off of her from his head to his toes at night. If he could go back and change anything, he would change how Priscilla found out about all of this. Maybe he wouldn't have lost her.

Fred had never needed to be serious before. It was always him and George, who never needed that kind of advice and care. He knew Priscilla was capable of taking care of herself, but what happens when her eyes were closed? What happens when it's 3 am and she's crying on his lap, shaking and sobbing?

The weeks went by in a blurred haze. Priscilla's head and shoulders felt heavy for a while; walking felt like swimming through honey. It eventually got easier even though nothing changed. One day she was able to get up out of bed, and she's been beating on since.

She skipped Potions every day unless there was a test or assignment due, and when she went, she didn't sit with Fred or George anymore. Instead, she sat with a random group of Slytherins that she didn't know too well.

Whenever Priscilla passed Fred in the halls, it felt so foreign. They never made eye contact, never smiled at each other, and never even walked within a foot of each other. Fred looked like a ghost of himself. He wasn't goofy or loud like he used to be, opting to present himself as more reserved than usual.

She could tell George and Ginny were upset about what happened because in the little conversation she shared with them, they always had a small tone of pity. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville were awkward around her as well. 

The only possible upside to all of this was Draco and his gang couldn't touch Priscilla. There was no mischief for them to bank on. That didn't mean they gave up, though.

Pansy Parkinson seemed to take a liking to Fred since the breakup. She was always lingering around the redhead in the halls, making small talk and touching his arm during conversations. Fred usually looked less than interested, but there was no way Priscilla could know for sure what he was thinking. She knew what Pansy was thinking, however. The little shit.

Things got worse once the exam season neared. Hogwarts wasn't as full of laughter as it normally was, the library was always full and nobody seemed to be hanging around the halls like they used to. Priscilla didn't see most of her friends around anymore.

Perhaps it was because the pranks in the school almost completely stopped after the second task. Fred and George were suspiciously quiet for a while, and no matter how much Cilla tried to convince Nitara to have a go at a prank, she promptly refused.

"I don't feel like it, Cilla. Please stop asking," Nitara droned on the way to the library one evening.

"We can't be miserable forever, Nini. A prank always cheers you up!"

"I don't want to be cheered up, Priscilla," Nitara responded bluntly.

Priscilla frowned at her friend and gave her a big bear hug that would do Molly Weasley's justice. Nitara squirmed for a moment, not wanting the affection, then sighed and gave in. She wrapped her arms around her friend and put her chin on her shoulder.

"You're impossible," Nitara sighed.

"One of us has to be."

It was an impossible situation for Priscilla. She was torn between her two closest friends at Hogwarts. Nitara refused to talk about what had happened, and she and Cedric hadn't uttered a word to each other in weeks. Cho was a ghost, nobody had seen her for a while. The three continued to avoid each other at all costs.

One day, Priscilla was sitting outside in the freezing cold under her tree. It was a spot that definitely wasn't hers anymore, it made her think of Fred probably more than any other place at school, but she felt like she had to go there. Think things through in her head. Rip off the bandaid.

She was surprised to see Cedric pop his head out of the castle door and jog towards her in the snow. She watched him silently, waiting for him to make his way over.

"Here you are, Cilla," he said, reaching down and handing her a joint. "Luna wanted me to give this to you."

"That was nice of her, but I'm not a charity case," Priscilla sighed. She lit the joint from a flame sprouting from her fingertip, pulled, then handed it over to Cedric.

He took a hit before he sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her for warmth. She put her head on his shoulder in an instant. "How have your lessons with Moody been going? Any update?"

"Nothing," Priscilla replied. "We still have no clue how I can cast those spells. He said he had another idea to try, though. Meeting with him in his office tomorrow."

An Ewok in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

"I hope you figure it out, then." He studied her for a moment, then started to chuckle. "You look like a little Ewok in your hat."

"I do not!"

"You do too!"

"You gotta lay off the grass, Diggory," Priscilla laughed, shoving him in the arm.

Cedric sighed and began to frown slightly. "I miss how things were."

"I know you don't like talking about it, Ced, but she really wanted to tell you. From the moment it happened she felt awful, she used to fight with Cho to get her to tell you," Priscilla admitted. "She thought you should hear it from Cho first."

Priscilla didn't like to see Cedric so upset. It was so unlike him, he used to always be so happy-go-lucky. Maybe it's because he didn't have Nitara around anymore to feed off each other's energy.

"I don't know how to talk to her again," Cedric admitted.

"It's Nini, she loves you," Priscilla said. She rubbed his back supportively. "I'm sure if you told her what you told me, and you see how sorry she is, you two will work things out."

"Thanks, little Ewok," Cedric said, changing the mood.

"I am not an Ewok! You and your Star Wars, oh my god!"

"You're the one to talk! You have a cat named Vader!"

✧

Fred watched Priscilla and Cedric from a window in the Gryffindor tower. There were at his and Priscilla's spot. Their spot. And they looked rather cozy.

Maybe it was time for Fred to move on too.

Content Warning: Marijuana Smoking