One month until the wedding. 

                 Sure, I was more than ecstatic to be getting married. The realization brought me a sense of peace I couldn't quite explain. I was in a perfect spot of life. I had an amazing fiance, three loving daughters-to-be, and no worries. Yes, creating a master's thesis while planning a wedding was a bit intense, but in the best possible way. What was better then your dreams coming true? Nothing, or at least I thought that. But then the nerves came, and consequently, the guilt. It started out so small, just a bit of queasiness when we'd meet with florists or caterers to finalize our choices. I felt an overwhelming dizziness and nausea. Something about seeing the lilies that'd would be on display on our wedding day, touching them and smelling them, made me feel uneasy. Two days later when we went to taste the fish, I just about hurled I felt so overwhelmed.

           Of course, I didn't tell anyone. How could I admit I was having second thoughts about Dean? He was a perfect dream, the kindest soul I'd ever known. And though I wouldn't admit it to Allison, he was also becoming my best friend. I loved him so deeply, but the proof was in the sickness. If I wasn't nervous on some level, why did I get sick every time we went to a wedding planning activity? I shook my head. Today was not about that. We were having brunch with Allison and Jerry, a couple that still surprised me. They were making things work, and she seemed happy. That made my life easier, that the best man and maid of honor actually liked each other. Of course, now my worry was I'd catch them in a coat closet during the wedding, but hey, it was better than the days I worried about Allison murdering him in a fit of rage. I pulled on my shoes and tuck my hair behind my ear. It was time to go over to Dean's house. I'd been living next door until we officially got married, but his house still felt like home. 

          A few minutes later, I walked through the door and saw Jerry and Allison sitting on the couch, their legs intertwined. Kari approached me, shaking her head. 

"Kayla! Oh my god, Aunt Allison and Uncle Jerry were making out again. It's disgusting."

"Well, I think it's cute," I smiled. "You ready for some waffles?"

"I can't," Kari sighed. "I have a thing to go to..."

"Will Aiden be there?"

"Unless he becomes a ballerina, I highly doubt it," She said. "It's auditions for a spring recital."

"Oh right," I replied. "Tell Dom to send me a video."

"I will," Kari said. "I wish you could come."

"I know," I said. "But we have to get our dresses fitted, and the guys are getting their measurements for the tuxes."

"I know," Kari said. 

                         "Where are Candice and Marisa?"

"Sleeping in," Kari laughed. "It's Saturday, and there's no game today. They will wake up when they smell food."

"Ok," I said. "Hug before you go?"

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes before complying. 

Allison looked over at me and grinned. 

"Wow," she said. "Kari treats you like a real mom, complete with a hint of disdain and sense that you're not cool at all."

"I know," I shrugged. "It's part of the gig, I suppose."

                     "So," Allison said. "You ready to make some food?" 

"Of course," I smiled. 

She got up, giving Jerry a quick peck on the lips before leaving the couch. I smirked and made some kissing noises at her. She rolled her eyes and smacked me. Honestly, I was thrilled she was so happy. We went to work, and in the background, I could hear Jerry and Marisa turn on some Saturday morning cartoons. 

*

*

*

                    The food smelled so good, sugar and meet wafting into my nose. I took a deep breath; when did I become so famished? Dean put his hand on my knee, smiling.

"So," Jerry said, grabbing a platter of food. "Either of you two getting nervous yet?"

"No," Dean said. "Although, it is a bit unreal. I can't believe it's so close. Our engagement has flown by."

"I know," Allison said. "I haven't even planned a bachelorette party."

"Which will be tasteful, right?" Jerry asked.

"Sure," Allison said. "If a real life version of Magic Mike is tasteful."

"That's cute," Jerry said. "You're trying to make me jealous. I see what you're doing."

                  "It's only trying if she fails, Jerry," I said. 

"Is it my fault I don't want to share the most beautiful woman in the world?" Jerry said. "I can't have some young guy with muscles stealing her away."

"Well, I know Kayla doesn't want strippers," Dean said. "And neither do I."

"Fine," Allison said. "You people are all prudes."

"Please," I said. "You already told me we're going to a Taylor Swift concert."

"Well, Taylor is awesome," Allison said. "And it's cooler than smoking cigars and playing poker."

"Well, all I know is I am excited for the honeymoon," Dean said. 

                     Jerry winked at us, and I blushed. God, I hated our friends sometimes. 

"I bet Hawaii is lovely," Allison said. "You'll miss the Seattle rain, I promise."

"No they won't," Jerry said. "We should go on vacation too."

"Oh, that reminds me," Allison said. "We should go shopping today, Kay. We need to get some new bikinis for you. And some clothes for Dean. You guys need like matching outfits so you can take cute honeymoon pictures."

"You don't take pictures on a honeymoon," Jerry said. "You go into a hotel suite, lock the door, and only leave to eat. That's the rule."

"No, they will do other things. Jerry, other people think about things besides sex."

                      "Well, this is getting weird," I said. "Will someone pass the bacon, please?"

"So babe, how's the search for a renter going?" Dean asked.

I was looking to find someone to rent out my house when we got married. Sure, we didn't need the money. But it didn't hurt to have some investments. I figured we could take the proceeds and donate them to a charity. I was having the girls research different options for donations, which was getting them involved in their community. 

"Good," I said quietly, my eyes meeting Jerry's glance. "I actually decided to sell the place."

"Why?" Dean asked. "I thought you wanted to keep it."

"I just found someone who really wanted to buy it," I said. "He is sort of going to surprise his girlfriend on her birthday. It was sweet, and I am a hopeless romantic."

"This dude is buying his girlfriend a house for her birthday," Allison said. "Diamonds are a lot cheaper."

"Maybe this girl will get both," Jerry said, his voice flat and unemotional. "I think it's lovely that Kayla's future neighbor is such a romantic."

                "Well, I wish I would have known you were selling it," Allison said. "I've always had this dream about Kayla and I living next door to each other. When we were six, we wanted to have a double wedding and get pregnant at the same time. And then we were convinced that our children would grow up together and get married. I'd have a girl, and she'd have a boy."

"It sounds sweet," Dean said. "Well, the double wedding is out. I want to have all the attention on my bride. Sorry."

"Oh, don't be," Allison laughed. "If Jerry and I ever get married again, we might just head to Vegas or something."

"We could do something more traditional," Jerry said.

"You'd get up in front of hundreds of people in church," Dean asked.

"If Allison wanted me to, absolutely."

                        They both smiled at each other, and I did too. 

"Look at us," I said. "All four of us, happy and in love. God, a year ago, we were all miserable. And now, Fate has brought us here."

"Well, Fate, and Greta McKay being a whore," Allison said.

Jerry nudged Allison, and she frowned.

"Sorry," Allison said. "I have a big mouth."

"It's fine," Dean said. "Let's have a toast. To fate."

"To fate," I smiled, raising my glass. 

I took a drink, not realizing it'd be my last mimosa for a long while.

*

*

*

                      Putting on my wedding dress always felt like something magical. Of course, the prep work was not so much fun. The seamstress was lacing up my corset, which was not actually that uncomfortable. She seemed to be having a bit of difficulty. 

"Is everything alright," I asked. 

"Yes dear," She said. "It's just...have you gained some weight."

"I don't think so," I said. "I've been so nervous, I can hardly eat. Everything makes me queasy. Honestly, I've thrown up a few times this week."

"Hmmmm," she said. "Your corset is tight. When was your last fitting?"

"Six weeks ago," I said. 

"Curious," She replied. "Can I ask you...No, I shouldn't ask..."

"What?"

                 "When you've thrown up, when did it happen?" She asked. 

"When we were at the florist and the caterers. I had to rush off to the restroom and just hurl. God, it's awful."

"Ah, yes," she said. "I know what's happening."

"I am having doubts," I sighed, feeling tears form. "I mean, I am so certain about Dean. But I think on some level, I must not be. Why else would I be puking every time we plan our wedding?"

"Because a flower shop and catering studio have strong smells," The woman said. 

"Why would that matter?" I said, my voice squeaky. I was getting upset very easily.

"Because you're pregnant..." She said, as if I should have known.

"No I am not," I laughed. "I can't be pregnant. I am on birth control. I got on of those three year shots, and it doesn't expire until..."

"Let me guess," The woman said. "You're just now realizing your shot expired about eight weeks ago."

                        "Oh my god," I said. "I could be pregnant."

"When did you last have your period?" The woman smiled.

Seven weeks ago. 

"It's been some time," I said. "I thought I was late because of the wedding stress. God, I could be pregnant."

"Well, congrats," She said. "But I think we should reschedule your fitting. I have a special corset for expecting brides, it's a bit more flexible. Can you come back next week?"

"Yes," I said. "I suppose I can."

She just nodded, but my head was swimming. I knew one thing for certain: it was more than just wedding nerves.