"Making believe there's a future
Is it naive to think we could work?
The second it's out, then I lose her
We're already here, so one more won't hurt
It won't hurt

But all that we are is all that we'll ever be
'Cause he's the one waiting at home
She holds my guitar as I pluck out a melody

There's only so far we can go
Next to you, but I'll never be close
So take your time while you're mine
And smoke slow."

- Smoke Slow by Joshua Bassett

I inhale deeply as the song drifts through the air of my bedroom, emanating from my Google Mini. The lyrics echo in my mind, stirring up a storm of emotions. Is it really naive to think we could work? What if I lose even the remnants of our friendship? He's already dating her anyway. I don't stand a chance. Do I? I can't be the one who breaks their relationship, right?

How can you break their relationship if he doesn't feel anything for you? If he hesitates, that means he's liked you for a long time as well. Or maybe he's just a piece of scum. Aisha. No! He isn't like that, screams my inner self, defending him against my inner demons.

Whenever I see him, I want to chase him and make him look at me. Be the only one who knows how it feels to be the apple of his eye. I don't want others to see that enchanting smile of his that makes you want to cry. I am down bad. I know. But there's always the "but" haunting me in my nightmares. The ones where his eyes are hollow and, when he looks at me, he's looking past me. I cover my face with my hands as the song changes and so do my line of thoughts. I sit up to check my notifications on my phone, scroll through Instagram, and finally decide to call Chhavi, my bestie.

"Hey, Chhavi," I say, my voice trembling slightly.

"Hey! What's up?" she responds, her voice a comforting presence on the other end.

"I... I can't stop thinking about him," I confess, my heart aching with every word.

"I knew it," she sighs. "You need to let this go, Aisha. He's with someone else. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I know, but it's so hard," I reply, tears threatening to spill. "Every time I see him, it feels like my heart is being ripped out."

Chhavi is silent for a moment, then says softly, "You deserve someone who loves you completely, without hesitation. Someone who isn't already in a relationship."

"I know," I whisper, wiping away a tear and my throat stuffing down a cry. "But it hurts so much."

"It will hurt less with time," she assures me. "Just give yourself a chance to heal."

We talk for a while longer, her words a balm to my wounded heart. But as I lay down to sleep that night, the lyrics of "Smoke Slow" continue to haunt me. I can't shake the feeling that I'm destined to always be on the outside, looking in.

This is my first time writing a novel, I like sad novels which make your heart bleed and eyes wet, I am open to recommendations, I liked Her Perfect by Stephie Walls the most!!! I would love to get your views on this piece.