03 | Jason

The support group room was spacious for a small area, with big windows touching the ceiling, a beige-creme color palette, carpet, and an expanse of walls filled with fancy art pieces. There was a foldable table with refreshments and food pushed by a wall, and in the center were the god forsaken chairs. Other than that, this room wasn't special.

I tried to lay low, not wanting to talk to anyone because everyone already seemed familiar with another. I kept his hood on, trying to melt in the background. There were four others, three boys and one girl— all that looked like friends.

I hated this, hated meeting new people with a passion. I was basically incapable of weaseling my way into established friend groups without getting punctured in the jugular by anxiety, or well, and also the lack of a social battery to get me through any interaction.

I wasn't a person people wanted to be friends with. There wasn't anything special about me that anyone wanted to know. Hell, I didn't even know shit about myself. The most I could talk about was my hospital experiences, but I doubt that conversation would go anywhere .

Besides that, nobody seemed to acknowledge me, which was good. I was fine observing, and maybe there was a chance I could get out of here without speaking to—

"Twix boy! It's you!" My eyes scrunched shut when I heard the familiar deep voice call me out. It was at that moment, I wanted to castrate Carwyn because now everybody was looking at him, and god this guy was going to fucking die.

When I whipped around to face him (begrudgingly mind you), I noticed Carwyn still looked douchey. Pretty douchey. It was probably the gray sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and the pair of shades that sat above his messy hair. He took them off, tucking them into his pocket as he greeted me with a smile fit for a pompous asshole.

"You came," Carwyn beamed, gesturing at me. "Awh, look, we're twinning."

"No we're not. Shut up." I said flatly, now regretting wearing the inverse of the guy's outfit. I probably should have tried harder, because now this assface was going to bother me. Fun.

"Alright, alright," Carwyn chuckled softly. "Well, jokes aside, I'm glad you're here. Everyone wanted to meet you."

"Oh sure," I rolled his eyes, crossing my arms over my chest, letting my fingers dig into the sides of my nonexistent biceps.

"Come on, lighten up, Kang."

"I'm pretty pale already," I rolled up my sleeve to show my awfully paper-white forearm, "Look you can see my veins."

"That's weird."

"I know, I was trying to scare you off."

"Well it didn't work."

"I can show you my translucent ribcage if that'll scare you away. Y'know I'm ET in my free time?"

"Well, uh, cool. Just come on, you'll love them my guy. Taemin really wanted to meet you, you know?" Carwyn was tugging his arm despite the nasty glare I gave him.

"I don't think I should," I tried to not budge in place, but it was a bit hard when my strength was the equivalent to a singular string of uncooked pasta.

"Why not? Let the impulsive, mommy-issue-having, non-committing Kit-Kat lover introduce you to his friends!" Oh god, this guy was a fucking menace.

Unable to create some creative comeback to that monstrosity of a sentence, I let myself be dragged to the center of the group and shoved right into the direct spotlight of other people I honestly didn't want to talk to.

But Carwyn was insistent, and honestly, this guy would probably throw me as piranha bait if he was given the chance. I already disliked him, our relationship bar teetering on hate, and before I could snarkily reply, someone gasped.

"You're here!" My gaze flitted to where the voice came from, and when I did find them, I had to look down a little to see their bright smile.

"This is Taemin," Carwyn said, a hand settling on his shoulder. "He's my best friend."

He pointed to the pink-haired boy with the thick yellow sweater on. He was pocket-sized, pale, but I couldn't ignore the way his cheeks were a natural rosy red. Maybe he was sick, I couldn't tell. But the hospital bracelet on his wrist was a dead giveaway.

"Hi!" Taemin held out his tiny hand, and out of sheer awkwardness, I shook his hand back. "It's nice to meet you. Carwyn said you liked Twix."

"And that's all he'll ever know about me." I murmured, side-eyeing the bastard. So he couldn't keep his mouth shut either? Pleasant.

"Right, well, this is Charlie," Taemin gestured at the boy beside him. He was awfully frail and skinny, and I didn't expect the guy to wave his fingers at me. Awkwardly, I waved back.

"I'm Wyatt." The orange-haired guy with the cannula and oxygen tank spoke up. I nodded a hasty acknowledgment to the guy.

"I'm Sooha." The only girl gave him a warm smile. I returned one back, albeit a bit weak.

"That's everyone," Carwyn patted his back. I nearly stumbled forward, but I held my ground, not wanting to embarrass myself around this many people. Carwyn proceeded to pull me away a good distance from the group, but before I could argue, he leaned down close to my ear.

"When Cooper comes, you'll find out what they all have if you're curious." He added in a whisper only I could hear.

I pushed him back, glaring at him. "Bro, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Carwyn raised an innocent brow, "What? You looked like you wanted to know, especially 'cuz you were staring at Charlie—,"

"—The fuck? No I wasn't," I grew defensive, but Carwyn didn't seem to believe me.

"It's alright, he's used to the stares. I guess you can tell he has anorexia." Carwyn shrugged.

"That's awful." I said the first thing that came to mind. Carwyn nodded, pressing his lips together into a firm line.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that."

"Why are you so casual about it?"

"Because there's nothing wrong with having it." Carwyn shot back. At that, I deflated a little. "He's fine with people knowing. It's not like it changes anything else about him."

"Well you don't know that for sure, y'know." I mumbled, snaking my hands into his sweater pocket, gaze averting to the ground.

"Maybe, but even so," Carwyn nudged my elbow, getting me to look at him, "Just 'cause you're sick, doesn't mean you're any less of a person."

"Gosh, I didn't know that already." I rolled his eyes, "Thanks for the Ted Talk. Oh, wait. I didn't need it because I'm breathing. Breathing means I'm a human!" I said, sarcasm dripping off his words.

"I meant it in a metaphorical sense. God, I'm trying to sound smart and you're making me sound dumb." Carwyn pretended to be hurt, but I knew the dumbass was nowhere near offended.

"Well because you are stupid," I didn't know why I was wasting energy on this dickhead, but I was. It was hard to get away from him. Every time I tried to step aside, Carwyn followed.

"Let me be smart once," Carwyn pleaded. From the corner of his eye, I noticed Dr. Clem arrived. Great. Mentally, I counted down the seconds for the psychiatrist to save me, knowing I couldn't handle Carwyn for any longer than a minute.

"No, you're stupid," I started walking back to the circle, but of course, Carwyn tagged along.

"Please? I want to impress you with my fucking brain folds. Is that too much to ask?" I gave him a disgusted look, remembering what the guy said yesterday about me being interesting.

I supposed it was a joke, and that made me feel a little bit better. It kinda justified my shit attitude.

"Keep your brain folds to yourself, good god." I said, sitting down in one of the chairs, and oh, lucky me! Carwyn plopped down right next to me. "You don't have to impress me."

"But I want to," Carwyn said. "I wanna be your friend."

"Nobody says that bullshit out loud," I forced myself to look straight ahead, knowing it would only make me more agitated if I looked at him. "If you're gonna make friends with other people, it happens naturally. Like natural selection."

"So does that mean you'll naturally select me to be your friend?"

"No," I snorted, "I'm going to naturally select you to leave me the fuck alone."

Thankfully, before Carwyn could piss me off any further, Cooper clapped his hands together, signifying the start of the meeting. At that, I bit back the smug smirk twitching over my lip knowing I got the last word, and with that, I tuned in to Dr. Clem as he started to speak.

"Welcome." He only said one word, and I already knew why he was so compelling. It was the slicked back olive hair, killer dimples, and the sophistication that oozed out of him. I guessed all the coolness went to him and not his dipshit of a brother.

Maybe he was worth listening to. For Sae's sake and just to piss off Carwyn.

"Alright, for today since I noticed we have a new member, we should do introductions again. I'd also like to personally thank everyone for coming down here," Dr. Clem said. Oh, looks like the manners went to him too.

"I know it's tough being here, but hopefully this little group will make things a little more bearable." Fuck. How could I hate this guy?

I sat patiently as he listened to everyone re-introduce themselves to the group. Wyatt suffered from lung cancer, and apparently the gross tumor shit metastasized all over his lungs so he needed an oxygen tank.

Somewhere Carwyn and him started talking, and he threatened to throw it at him. As he should, honestly.

Then there was Sooha, who said she was from the psychiatry ward. Apparently she went through all kinds of severe depressive episodes from trauma that was bad enough to land her in the ward, but her best friend was Charlie, and he was her reason to stay around.

The introduction went to Taemin, who had a gnarly brain tumor that caused him to have amnesia. They were still trying to figure out how to get it out, so he was memory-less for now, but he said he enjoyed making new memories with Carwyn.

When it went to Charlie, he didn't have much to say except he had anorexia nervosa. He mentioned that Sooha was his only friend, but that was all would say.

And then it landed on me. I didn't know what to say, really. Was there even anything to say?

But I guessed it didn't hurt to say a few things.

"Hi," I started, immediately cringing inside when I heard my own voice stark against the silence.

"My name is Jason, I'm nineteen, and I originally had cancer, but now I have an unknown terminal disease that's probably going to kill me pretty soon but it's okay, I guess." I said all on one breath, and fuck, my face burned having to speak out loud with people staring at me.

I turned to Dr. Clem, begging for him to say something when the silence made me fidget in my seat. He gave me a small smile before turning to face the group, "Thank you for sharing. I hope you'll have a good time here."

"I hope so too." I forced out, though I didn't believe his own words, and I wondered if Dr. Clem knew that too. If he did, he didn't mention it.

I wanted to fucking disappear already. I hated being put on the spot. It wasn't like this place was boring, but I just didn't understand how people wanted to talk about these things. It felt painfully personal, like I wasn't supposed to hear this, and that things like this shouldn't be shared.

Why would they want to talk about what sucks out loud? It confused me because why would you let yourself relive it like that? You were already going through it, talking about wouldn't do shit but make you feel worse, make things feel more... real.

Not that it wasn't already real. The dying part was very much real. But even so, your own life sucked ass already. Who knew how much other people's life sucked, so why would you make it worse for everyone else by talking about it?

God, the place was stuffy, so stuffy it made my hoodie incredibly boiling hot, but I couldn't take it off without looking like a loser. I tugged at the collar, leg bouncing as I incessantly tapped my foot on the ground. Every now and then I would glance at the time, but that stupid minute hand didn't want to budge.

When it was Carwyn's turn, I wanted nothing more but to get out of here.

"My name's Carwyn, I'm twenty. I go to the college nearby, I play hockey and a few other sports, and I'm pretty healthy. I'm only here because my lovely brother asked me to be."

Now that, I expected. I only caught like what, some of his introduction? I didn't really care to know more about him, but what I did hear fit his douchebag agenda so it was enough, I guessed.

Of course he was perfectly healthy. Of course he played sports. All he needed was to be popular, unfairly smart, and some pretty girlfriend to seal the fucking deal.

"Well then, that's everybody!" Dr. Clem said, though his enthusiasm did nothing to fix my spoiled mood. "Now that we're a whole group, I can assign your partners for the Buddy Program."

"How does this work, Mr. C?" Wyatt asked. At that, Dr. Clem gave him a pleasant, dimpled smile.

"I picked the pairs out based on how I think you would accommodate one another," He explained. "I want you guys to be able to feel comfortable but at the same time try new experiences. Every week, we'll come back and discuss what you guys did and play some bonding games."

"So with that," He clapped his hands together, surveying the entire group, "I'll pair you guys right now. Wyatt and Sooha, you're together. Sooha, I know you're best friends with Charlie, but you and Wyatt also have a lot in common so I thought it'd be sufficient to pair you two."

Sooha didn't look too happy, but she took it like a champ. Wyatt, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind it.

"Next, I put together Taemin and," I hoped he would say my name, because honestly, being with Taemin didn't sound too bad. I'd take anything, anyone other than Car—

"Charlie! You guys are already acquainted, yes?" Fuck. Taemin and Charlie nodded. "Then I put you two together for that reason. With that, it leaves Carwyn and Jason!"

I hated this so much. So fucking much that I wanted to throw my body out the goddamn window. Defenestration sounded sexy right now since my terminal illness wasn't being helpful at the moment.

"Carwyn is a good kid, Jason. You two would have an interesting time together." Dr. Clem probably sensed that I was unsure about this, hence the apologetic tone and the "look at the brightside!" vibe he had to his words.

"He's right," Carwyn nudged my side, giving me a wink even when the group dispersed to engage in small talk among one another. I frowned.

"We'll have a good time, Jase. I promise you that."

"You arranged this, didn't you?" My eyes narrowed.

Carwyn raised his hands up in defense, "What? Me? No, I didn't. My brother chose them, and I think he has really good judgment."

"You're a lying shitbag," I muttered, inhaling sharply. "I hate this."

"I'll change your mind about me," Carwyn said, "Like I said, I promise I'll make you wanna stay around with me."

"Promises don't last forever," I shot back bitterly, "And I can't stay around long. I have six months left." At that, Carwyn's eyebrows shot up on his tanned features, and for a second, I truly believed he was going to pity me.

"If you're gonna say some cheesy shit—,"

"— I'll make your time worth it." Oh. Carwyn leaned forward, resting his elbows over his own knees. "Even if promises don't last forever, they can last a day. I'll fulfill it by tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I glanced at him, a frown wavering over my lips. "What makes you think I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Because, we're part of the program" The edges of his lips curled upward into a blinding smile.

"C'mon, be my tomorrow, I, and I'll be yours."

"Fuck off," I shook my head, scoffing. "Just fuck off, I don't like this."

"Sounds like a plan!" Carwyn ignored me, sitting back up, and god, I wanted to punch the healthiness off his face. "I'll wait for you at the front foyer tomorrow, and I'll take you somewhere."

"No," I repeated. "I'm not going to go anywhere with you. I don't know you."

"Sweet! We'll have a fun time. I'll take you to my favorite place," Carwyn proceeded to ignore me yet again, and I made the mistake to meet his eyes.

His eyes were warm, a weird warm that repulsed me because they were so lively... and hopeful. I didn't like it, and immediately I whipped my head the other way, refusing to look him in the eyes because that was awfully weird to think about. Who the fuck called someone's eyes warm?

Anyway, I was probably not going to show up tomorrow just to spite him. There was no way I agreed to being part of the program. All I agreed to were the meetings, and this, this wasn't part of it.

There was absolutely no way Carwyn would make my six months left alive worth it. There wasn't room for anyone else in my life, and as much as I didn't want to admit...

If I were to die earlier, I didn't want to hurt him. That hope in his eyes, or whatever, I didn't want to be the reason that would go away.