my.mom and dad now told me to stop using my phone half a hour before bed.

my mom said that i will have restrictions on my phone and bed time until i leave the house

are you fucking me

ALL OF MY FRIENDS DONT HAVE RESTRICTIONS ON THEIR BULL SHIT

THEY CAN STAY UP AS LONG AS THEY WANT AND STAY ON THEIR PHONE

WHY DO I STILL HAVE FUCKING RESTRICTIONS.

WHY AM I STILL NOT FUCKING TRUSTED BY MY FUCKING PARENTS

YEAH I FUCKED UP A LOT IN THE PAST BUT SHIT I'VE REGAINED MYSELF FROM THEN

AND YEAH NO FUCKING DUH I SCREW UP A BIT STILL

BUT WHY DONT THEY STILL TRUST ME WITH MY SHIT

IM IN HIGHSCHOOL. I BET YOU NO ONE ELSE IN THAT FUCKING SCHOOL HAS A "bed time without your phone" EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN THAT FUCKING HOUSE

ITS BULLSHIT.

THEY DON'T REALIZE THAT WHEN I'M AT HOME THE INTERNET IS MY ONLY FRIEND

I DONT GO OUTSIDE

I GET SHY TO ASK A FRIEND OVER SOMETIMES

I CAN'T REALLY EXPLORE THE BLOCK CAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING BIKE

NO ONE IN MY BLOCK IS MY FRIEND OR EVEN MY AGE

AND HELL, THE ONES THAT PROBABLY ARE IN HIGHSCHOOL THAY ARE LIKE 16-17 DO DRUGS OR/AND SMOKE NEXT DOOR

WHEN I WAS A KID, I HAD NO TRUE FRIENDS THAT CAME OVER EVERY OTHER DAY

I WANTED IT BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED

AND LOOK AT ME NOW

BARELY HAVING IRL FRIEND

PROBABLY LIKE 7

WHILE THOSE FRIENDS HAVE A TON MORE

BECAUSE THEY CAN TALK

I CANT

I WEAR A MASK JUST TO HIDE MY EMOTIONS FROM PEOPLE

I SWEAR TO GOD PEOPLE THINK IM A MUTE BECAUSE I DONT TALK

IF I DO ITS IN A SLIGHT WHISPER BARELY LOUD ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO HEAR

UNLESS IM WITH MY FRIENDS. I'VE SUPRISED A CLASSMATE WALKING NEXT TO ME IN THE HALL ONCE BECAUSE MY FRIEND PASSED BY AND I USED MY ACTUAL VOICE

AND WHEN I GET HOME I PUT THE MASK ON AGAIN.

ITS WEAKER BUT ITS STILL THERE

"i know more things about you then you know yourself" - my mom

OH REALLY

CAUSE I'VE JUST BEEN KEEPING THINGS TO MYSELF

BECAUSE I CANT TALK.

IT'S NOT IN MY ABILITY TO PSYCHICALLY TALK ABOUT MY PROBLEMS

CAUSE I CRY THEN MILLIONS OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS RUN THROUGH MY HEAD AND IM SCARED

IM.SCARED OF MY FUCKING SELF

IM SCARED OF THE SILENCE BECAUSE IT ALLOWS ME TO THINK

IT MAKES ME THINK OF ALL THE STUPID SHIT I DO 

THATS WHY I LISTEN TO SO MUCH MUSIC

JUST TO DISTRACT MYSELF OF MY OWN THOUGHTS

HELL, I DONT THINK HIGHLY OF MYSELF UNLESS ITS IN SOME FUCKING VIDEO GAME

I GO ON MY PHONE SO MUCH NOW CAUSE IT HAS ALL OF MY FRIENDS.

ITS MY ONLY WAY OF TALKING TO MY FRIENDS

SO I DONT FEEL LONELY.

SO I DONT FEEL LIKE SHIT OR SCARE MYSELF CAUSE OF MY OWN THOUGHTS

AND THEY ARE RESTRICTING ME OF IT. MAKING ME HAVE LESS TIME ON IT WITH MY FRIENDS 

I WANT TO SCREAM RIGHT NOW

ITS SO STUPID IM CRYING OVER MY PHONE

ITS SO FUCKING STUPID

BUT OT JUST CONNECTS ME

AND MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY

I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!!!!!