1. First, computer fonts. Times New Roman or Helvetica are preferred. Documents should always be double-spaced, especially professional and academic documents.

"John, what font is this? It looks a bit, uh, squiggly."

"This is Comic Sans, Frank. I heard somewhere that curved lines made writing sound friendlier."

Frank groaned, switched to John's part of the slide deck, pressed Ctrl+A, and immediately changed the font.

"What did you do that for? I thought it looked nice."

"We're in a professional setting, John."

"What's unprofessional about Comic Sans?"

"Comic is in the name, for one, and I'll leave it at that.

8. Footwear, especially at school, should be chosen based on comfort and convenience, not appearance. However, this is a topic where people often have their own preferences, but remember to conform to the aforementioned rule of being relatively conservative and nice. There is nothing wrong with sneakers, but slippers imply you were too lazy to change into actual shoes.

"Bold choice to wear slippers today, Regina, when we're going out in the dirt to collect earthworms. And it was sprinkling earlier, too. Have fun!" Frank airily said to Regina while they were both waiting outside Ms. Stevens's office. Regina had made a crack earlier about his polo shirt, and he was out for revenge.

"You're kidding me. The one day I woke up late and had to rush, we're out digging up worms."

"You know what they say, Regina: early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Women, too, I'm told."

"When do you wake up anyway, Frank? You're always here before me."

"Ooh, early bedtimes: that's another one I should remember."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Enjoy the weather—maybe you'll even do a bit of singing in the rain."

"You too?"

16. Nutrition is a topic which most teenagers desperately avoid; after all, in the era of Starbucks, Tpumps, and McDonald's, how can one maintain a healthy diet? First, avoid sweetened drinks, with the possible exception of fruit juice, and even then do not drink them in excess; if you are going to have sugary drinks, you may as well ingest a healthy amount of vitamins as well. Eat whole fruit such as apples and bananas instead of their processed forms; this ensures you consume a satisfactory amount of fiber, and whole fruits have more nutrients than processed fruits anyway. Bubble tea is the scourge of the civilized world, and should be avoided at all costs. If it is unsweetened, then it may be considered as a wonderful way to enjoy tea on hot days. Refrain from consuming Frappuccinos and similar beverages, and avoid fast food unless desperate for sustenance.

Despite its many benefits toward getting to classes on time and shaving precious minutes off his morning commute, a fast walking pace was a double-edged sword, as Frank discovered when rounding a corner, he bumped into Juliet, who was carrying a cup of boba and dropped it in the collision. Before Frank could even register the small arc of white it left on his shirt, he was bending down to pick up the thankfully sealed cup, once again bumping his head into Juliet's, who was doing the same thing.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! For the spill, and bumping into you just now. Hey, have you ever seen Legally Blonde?" Juliet asked, seemingly all in one breath.

"I have, and dare I ask why?"

"So you remember that one scene where Elle was doing the bend and snap?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, do you think that's realistic?"

"How much caffeine do they put in this stuff?" Frank muttered to himself while holding Juliet's cup a safe distance from him. Juliet snatched it and gave him a mildly disappointed look before taking another sip.

"Not that much—it's good. Want a sip?" Juliet asked, holding out the cup again for Frank to examine.

"I'll pass, thanks. First Regina spills it in her bag, and then this—there must be something stronger than caffeine in here. If I were president, my first executive order would be banning the stuff. It's clearly corrupting the youth."

"You can be so hilarious sometimes, Frank. Next time I see you downtown, I'll buy you one—unsweetened, if that's your cup of tea," Juliet said with her usual smile before scampering off.

Ms. Baldwin poked her head out her classroom door:

"All of the sugar in there can't be good for their health. It's the scourge of the civilized world, I'm telling you."

"That's a good line! Mind if I quote you on that?"

"In case the boba mafia come after me, I'll let you take ownership. Have a good day, Frank, and watch where you're going in these hallways—a few more boba spills and we'll have a Slip N' Slide in here."

"The slippery slope toward moral armageddon..." Frank said to himself as he walked away, a bit more slowly.

24. A person's taste in music reflects their soul. An educated, sophisticated person spurns pop and rock music, and instead prefers to listen to jazz or classical music. A truly refined person will also enjoy opera; although some people view opera to be boring and soulless, a true aficionado will realize that opera is music of the heart, not random singers screeching high notes. It is poor form to impose your music tastes on others, however, no matter how crude theirs may be.

One thing Frank enjoyed most about his sessions in Ms. Bracknell's classroom was the relative peace and quiet; it was good to not be bothered by doors opening and closing, the school bell, or Alan's Black Sabbath that was leaking out of one of his earbuds that had fallen out. Scratch that—the Black Sabbath definitely bothered him.

"You know, someone's taste in music says a lot about them," Frank told Alan quietly after nudging his shoulder and pointing to the stray earbud.

"What does this say about me?"

"You need to pay more attention during ensemble."

37. There is no gesture more odious or reprehensible than the high-five, especially if unsolicited. It is an unnecessary transfer of pathogens, and serves no purpose other than to show how hooligan-like you are. Instead of high fives, use more hygienic methods of commendation such as fist bumps. The entertainer Howie Mandel is a practitioner of this sterile technique. A hand raised in the air should not be taken as an invitation for a high-five, and assuming it as such indicates you are very crude in your mannerisms.

Ever since Frank had helped Regina in her first of many attempts at snaring an oblivious John, he had noticed that Regina considered him a friend—or maybe a co-conspirator was a better term. Regina had made the incorrect assumption, based solely on seeing that Frank and John shared a class and didn't seem to hate each other, that Frank was privy to John's inner secrets, some of which were bound to be useful in her amorous adventures. This was something that Frank tolerated, begrudgingly, mainly because she had gotten him free tickets to the San Francisco Opera through a family friend.

Frank passed by Ms. Baldwin's classroom often after 6th period, where Regina would often intercept him outside Ms. Baldwin's door and keep him up to speed. One day, she had bypassed the verbal debriefing and simply gave Frank a loud high-five, something everyone else in the hallway clearly noticed.

"What was that for?"

"John complimented my shirt today. Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, the shirt looks nice."

"Keep up the good work, Frank. I'm counting on you," Regina said sternly, shaking her finger. After she walked away triumphantly, Frank poked his head in Ms. Baldwin's classroom:

"How come so much crazy stuff happens in your English class while mine is so quiet? When was the last time the janitors replaced the AC filters?"

"I've told you this before, Frank, there isn't any mold in the AC system. Next time Regina's doing one of her things, I should take a video and send it to you. Isn't young love splendid?"

"I know Shakespeare said 'love looks not with the eyes but with the mind,' but I bet he'd change his tune if he spent a period in your class."

"Do you think John likes perfume? I should gift Regina a bottle," Ms. Baldwin said suddenly.

"Maybe John can do the Al Pacino thing and guess what she's wearing with his eyes closed."

"Ooh, the tango! That's a great idea—I did competitive ballroom dancing in college and can teach them. If you ever need a dance lesson with a special someone, my classroom is always open."

"I worry if I spend too long inside your classroom, I'm going to turn into one of them," Frank laughed, and he waved Ms. Baldwin adieu before she could co-opt him in some new scheme.

38. All educated people read a great number of classics. Here is a list of some of the better books to contribute to your sophistication of mind...

"Hey, Frank—you're smart: what's a good book I should read over the weekend?" Beth asked offhandedly during lunch when Frank made the mistake of making eye contact. Frank was beginning to suspect that associating with "that friend group," as he had started to think of them, was entangling himself in too much scandal for one mischievous troublemaker to bear.

"There's this really good book by an Irish author, James Joyce, called Finnegans Wake—there are some really profound insights in there."

"Isn't that the book filled with meaningless gibberish?"

"Well, if you think about it, the meaning of any book is a social construct. A structuralist school of thought, believe it or not, would attribute great meaning to this so-called 'gibberish' in Finnegans Wake. He had a 50-letter long word for thunder, representing the primality of creation! I dare you to call that meaningless."

"Have you actually read Finnegans Wake, Frank?"

"God no. What am I, stupid?"

"Well, do you have any simpler recommendations, perhaps ones better suited for my feebleminded intellect?"

"The Metamorphosis is a classic. Gregor Samsa turns into a bug, so on and so forth. Imagine Ms. Baldwin's face when you tell her you've read Kafka."

"What would I have to give you for you to give me a full list of reading recommendations? Self-improvement and all that."

"Nothing at all. I consider myself a generous guy. After all, 'there is no frigate like a book to take us lands away.'"

"We should start a book club. You, me, Regina, Juliet. Wouldn't that be a great idea?"

"I'm not the book club sort. Invite John instead—he's the sort to be interested in those things."

"Great idea! Regina will be so happy. I'll tell her you suggested that."

"Wait, no!" Frank shouted, but it was too late: Beth had already ran off to where Regina and Juliet were huddled by a vending machine.

45. To further delve into smaller, less relevant topics, board games should always involve strategy and minimize luck. Chess is a classic, and not a bad choice, although personally I do not like it that much. Scrabble is a very strategic game which also builds your vocabulary, although it is not as popular as chess. I recommend it to hone your strategic skills, and as a fun game to play. Checkers is absolutely pointless; if you want to play a game on an 8x8 board, play chess instead. Dungeons & Dragons, while not strictly a board game, is a wonderful way to practice strategy while also interacting with friends.

When Frank passed by Ms. Baldwin's classroom once again, he heard her say his name, and he steeled himself for yet another update on John and Regina's failed courtship. He was pleasantly surprised to instead get an invite to Ms. Baldwin's weekly 2v2 Scrabble game with Ms. Liu and Mr. Simon; Mr. T had to leave early for a business trip to Lima, and he had told Ms. Baldwin once that Frank had a passing interest in the game.

"After school today, my room. There will be snacks."

"I'd love to come. What's the prize, bragging rights?"

"The losing team at the end of the month has to wear Scrabble tile costumes to school for a day. It's a hoot, and you'll be exempt, of course."

"Sounds great, I'm in. Are they any good?"

"We're English teachers, of course we have a good vocabulary," Ms. Baldwin promised. "You won't be dragging me down."

Mr. Simon and Ms. Liu chortled slightly when they saw that their opponent was not the fearsome Mr. T, but a puny little freshman.

"Frank's a smart kid, I'm telling you."

"We'll see about that," Mr. Simon laughed.

"Hammer. 34," Mr. Simon began.

"Hare. 7," Ms. Baldwin returned quickly, listening to Frank's whispered advice to set up tiles for a high-scoring play on a following turn.

"Inked. 20," Mr. Simon returned.

Frank looked at his and Ms. Baldwin's tiles, now featuring a Z and Q, and chuckled slightly.

"Get that dictionary ready, Ms. Baldwin. I think our illustrious opponents might need it."

"What for, Frank?"

"Trust me on this. Beziques, 392."

"I challenge," Ms. Liu said with a smile.

"Bezique... a trick-taking card game from the 19th century," Ms. Baldwin read aloud. "Acceptable derivations include 'beziques.'"

"This is why we never invite students, Alice," Mr. Simon said dryly.

"No, we should do this more often. Shall we play it out, or shall we let this act of God stand on its own?"

"See you Monday. I think I have a bit of light reading to do before our next game."

"Don't forget the loser has to clean up the tiles!" Ms. Baldwin laughed.

48. The model human being sits in the rain with soggy clothes and socks, yet refuses to use an umbrella on personal principles. The model human being watches their friends go to the movie theater to see the latest superhero movie, which they really wanted to see, but instead goes to an educational seminar at the library. The model human being sits alone during lunch at school and reads the newspaper because they know reading is the key to success. The model human being is not afraid to reprimand their classmates for breaking the rules, even if they don't think it would make a difference. Remember to commend your friends if they are model human beings.

"Why are you standing outside in the cold, Frank? Come inside with us—we need you to settle a bet about what that complex number thing was called we were learning—I guess not 'we,' since you're doing smart person math," Juliet said to Frank, who was quietly reading under an awning a copy of the New York Times he had borrowed from Mr. T, as the morning sprinkle continued around them.

"I try to take these quiet moments when I can—we only have ten minutes, and there's this great article on President Underwood's new social welfare plan I want to get through. That's De Moivre's theorem, by the way, that you're thinking of."

"Of course there are barely ten minutes, class just let out. You need to live a little, Frank. You can't always go around solving everyone else's problems without any of the good parts for yourself."

"I have fun in my own ways, and you have fun in yours. You can get boba downtown with your friends while I'm attending the lecture series at the library. Today's is going to be about botany. Thrilling stuff."

"So you're telling me that your definition of fun is playing the word 'beziques' in Scrabble? That's the highlight of your day?"

"How did you hear about that?"

"Ms. Baldwin wrote it on her whiteboard, and naturally I had to ask her about it. You're wasting your talents, Frank, on trivial things like this. Someday you're going to look back on your high school experience and wonder why you spent it alone in the rain reading a newspaper." Frank groaned and stuck his newspaper in his backpack, and followed Juliet. Before they entered, Juliet turned to Frank again:

"I have a great idea: you always go to Ms. Bracknell's classroom for office hours, right? I've been struggling a bit with my trigonometry recently. I'll come there, you can help me, and we can talk about what it means to be a model human being or whatever you're trying to become. Does that sound good?"

"It sounds more like you would be helping me, Juliet. But that sounds like a fair trade: I teach you trigonometry, you teach me the meaning of life. It's like a rom com. Delightful."

"I know, right! Actually, you know what: I'll give you these remaining ten minutes to wallow in your own misery and finish reading your newspaper. Outside, in the cold. Just so you can bid adieu to the world you'll be leaving behind come lunch time."

"I have many mottos, Juliet, but this is one of them: 'the future is only what we make today.' I hope that this office hours tête-à-tête will be all you're talking it up to be, since I sure am looking forward to a brighter future that isn't full of, you know, all of this."

"That's the spirit! See you later!"

Discussion Questions:

What is this a flashback to? How does the different context How To Be A Good Person is presented in change its meaning in the story?

Does Frank seem happy? What are his interactions like with his classmates?

Does this series of vignettes portray being a "good person" as a good thing? How does this connect to what we saw in the previous chapter with the "good person" ideology being taken to an extreme?