Lily POV

I've been checking my phone too often—not because I'm excited to hear from him, but because I'm afraid of what I'll feel when I do.

Every time Nate's name lights up my screen, my stomach knots. Not in anticipation. In dread.

There's nothing wrong with him. That's the problem. He's kind. Thoughtful. Always asks how I'm sleeping, how classes are going, if I've eaten. He sends voice notes when I take too long to reply and attaches old photos with captions like miss this smile like we've lived a lifetime together instead of half a semester.

But every sweet message feels like another thread tying me to something I need to cut loose.

And I can't stop thinking about the person I already unravelled for.

I haven't told Nate I love him. I never said it, and never will. But I think we both know the silence is its own kind of answer. He's waiting. I feel it in the way his voice softens during our calls, the way he pauses before hanging up like he's giving me one last chance to say what he's afraid he won't hear.

I never do.

Instead, I talk about anything else—assignments, the new coffee I found, the dream I had last night that didn't mean anything but definitely didn't include him. I keep things surface-level, safe, like I can smooth over the fracture I already made with distraction and time zones.

But he sees through it.

And I don't have the heart to give him the truth yet.

Because the truth is... I still taste Finn's name when I say goodnight.

It's not fair. To Nate. To myself. To any version of the girl I used to be before everything got complicated. But I keep delaying the inevitable like distance can dilute the damage. Like guilt can be rescheduled.

It can't.

"Lil, you alive in there?"

I blink, pulled out of the spiral by Shawn's voice echoing from the hallway. I'm in the kitchen, staring blankly at the inside of the fridge like I'm expecting it to solve my emotional crisis.

"What?" I call back.

"There's a game tonight. You coming?"

"What game?"

Shawn pokes his head around the doorframe, brows raised. "Football? Reddington? Kind of a big deal?"

"Oh." My voice comes out too flat. I clear my throat. "Yeah, maybe."

His gaze narrows, but before he can push, Kam and Jennie blow into the kitchen like a whirlwind of boots, bags, and caffeine.

"You better be coming," Kam says, slapping her iced coffee onto the counter. "Finn's starting."

My heart does that annoying flutter thing it's been doing since Christmas.

"Word is there might be pro scouts there," Jennie adds, eyes wide with the kind of excitement I wish I could match.

"I'll be there," I say, too quickly.

Kam shoots me a look, one that says she's clocked the undertone. I avoid it.

Shawn grabs his keys and slings his hoodie over one shoulder. "Alright, let's go, baby. Don't wanna be late for your big brain class."

Kam shoves her laptop into her tote with a sigh. "Honestly, I don't even remember what subject this is. I'm just showing up at this point."

"You're lucky you've got me chauffeuring you around like some academic Uber."

She smirks, crossing the kitchen to him. "You're not even getting five stars. You play the worst morning playlists."

"Wow," he gasps, mock-offended. "I pick you up, I bring you snacks, and this is the thanks I get?"

Kam rises onto her toes and presses a kiss to his lips—quick, sweet, familiar. "You're lucky I think you're cute."

Shawn grins, backing toward the door. "You say that now. Wait till I blast ABBA the whole way there."

"Try it and I'm walking."

Their laughter fades as the door shuts behind them, leaving the apartment in stillness.

But the echo of it lingers—the easy rhythm between two people who just fit.

And I want that.

Not with Nate. I've tried, and it's never felt like this.

But with Finn... it could.

The way he sees me. Grounds me. Makes the world quieter when everything else is too loud.

I'm tired of pretending. Tired of the guilt.

And I can't wait to end things with Nate—not to hurt him, but to stop lying to both of us.

Because my heart already knows where it wants to be.

And it's not with him.

******

The stadium pulses with noise, the kind that settles beneath your skin and doesn't let go.

Crowds chant like their voices alone can change the outcome of the game. Floodlights paint everything in a surreal glow. The night air is sharp, but adrenaline keeps most people warm.

I trail behind Kam and Jennie as we head toward the student section, taking in the electric buzz of it all. My hands are jammed into the pockets of my coat, heart already beating faster—and not because of the game.

Because I know he's down there.

And I'm not trying to put space between us. I've stopped pretending I can.

It's been days since the last time I saw him in person. Not that long. But long enough that the idea of seeing him again makes something twist deep in my chest.

When we find our seats, Kam spots Shawn a few rows down and yells his name. He waves us over with both hands, like we've been gone for years. We settle in, shoulder to shoulder with half the university, all of us layered in scarves and school colours.

The game kicks off. The crowd erupts. But I'm not watching the ball.

I find him immediately.

Number 10.

Finn moves like the field was built for him. Controlled. Dangerous. Effortless. His focus is razor-sharp, but there's a fire in the way he plays—like he's got something to prove. Or someone to impress.

And then he glances up.

Right where we're sitting.

His eyes find mine like he's known exactly where I'd be. One look, no hesitation. My breath catches in my throat.

And then—he winks.

Just the corner of his mouth lifting, that half-smile of his, like it's a secret only I get to keep.

It's one second. But it sets me on fire.

Jennie doesn't notice. Kam's too busy heckling the ref with Shawn. But I just sit there, still and stunned, heart thudding in my chest like it wants out.

Because no matter how much I try to stay composed, all it takes is that one look and I forget everything else.

Everything I'm supposed to feel. Everything I should be saying to Nate.

There's only him.

The game blurs after that. I hear the cheers, see the flash of jerseys, feel the energy ripple through the crowd. But I only watch him. And when the match hits a penalty shootout, it's like the entire stadium holds its breath.

Finn steps up for the final shot.

He barely blinks.

Then he launches the ball into the back of the net like he was born to win.

The crowd goes feral.

People are jumping. Screaming. Someone spills a drink down Jennie's coat and she doesn't even care. Kam and Shawn are high-fiving like lunatics, and I'm just standing there, watching him.

Watching the way his teammates dogpile him. The grin that splits his face wide open. The way his eyes flick back to the stands—toward me—like he knows I'm still looking.

God, I'm so screwed.

"Victory party at Bridges Hall!" someone yells through a stolen bullhorn.

The mascot chases them down the field, and the crowd erupts again.

"We're going, right?" Jennie asks, eyes already lit up with mischief.

"You just want an excuse to flirt with half the team," I tease, bumping her shoulder.

"And I'm not ashamed!" she says proudly, throwing her hands up. "Arrest me for loving beautiful athletes!"

Kam sighs and starts gathering her things. "Fine, but I'm leaving early. I have an essay due at midnight."

"You don't have to come," I tell her.

She raises a brow. "You ever heard of FOMO? Essays can be redone. Nights like this? You don't get a redo."

I don't say it out loud.

But she's right.

Because tonight feels like the beginning of something I don't want to miss.

******

The party is wild. Bridges Hall is packed, the music so loud it vibrates in my chest. Kam, despite all her talk of essays, is locked in an intense game of beer pong with Shawn, and of course, they're winning. Jennie? She's got her arm draped over the shoulder of the goalkeeper, laughing way too hard at something he said.

I weave through the crowd, heading to the drinks table. Just as I reach for a cup, a familiar figure appears next to me.

"Hey there."

The voice is low. Familiar. Dangerous.

I don't need to turn to know it's him.

Finn.

Slowly, I glance to my side. He's standing way too close, that infuriatingly smug tilt to his lips like he knows exactly what he's doing to me. His hair's still damp from the post-game shower, curls tousled, jaw freshly shaved—or maybe not, because there's a shadow there now, one I hadn't noticed before. And his eyes... God, those eyes.

"Celebrating your win?" I ask, trying to sound steady even as my pulse flutters in my throat.

"You watched?" he says, a slow smile spreading across his face like honey melting on warm toast.

"You were incredible," I admit before I can stop myself.

He steps closer, his body brushing against mine. "Say that again."

I roll my eyes, but I can't hide the smile tugging at my lips.

"You were incredible," I whisper.

In a blink, his hand slides around my waist, pulling me in until we're chest to chest. My breath catches. Every inch of me feels suspended, waiting.

"You know what I think?" he murmurs, voice a rasp of heat against my ear. "I think I've earned more than just a compliment."

My heart stutters. "Finn—your rule—"

"Screw the rule," he says, and his eyes burn into mine like he's been holding this back for far too long.

Then his mouth is on mine.

It's not soft. It's not careful. It's everything.

His lips move over mine with a hunger that knocks the breath from my lungs. One hand stays on my waist, the other cradles my cheek, and I kiss him back like I'm starving—like I've been waiting for this without knowing how badly I needed it.

There's no room for thought. Just heat. Just Finn. Just the way he makes me feel like the only thing that matters in the room.

But then—

"Lily?"

My heart skipped a beat as I pulled away from Finn, that voice is familiar. It can't be, he's in Japan. I turn and that's when my heart sinks – it's Nate, He's face mixed with anger, hurt and betrayal

Without another word, he turns and walks out of the party, his footsteps echoing despite the booming bass from the stereo. I follow him out, the cool night air hitting me.

We stood at the front of the building, the buzz of the party still audible behind us, but the tension between us intense.

I called out to Nate, my voice tinged with desperation, "Nate, wait!"

He kept walking, his back rigid. I called out again, louder this time, "Please, just listen!"

Finally, Nate stopped, his shoulders tense as he turned slightly to face me.

"I'm going to ask you three questions," he said, his voice controlled but with a hint of turmoil beneath the surface.

Nate's voice was steady as he began, his back still turned to me. "First question," he started, "do you have any feelings for me?"

My heart sank at the directness of the question. "Nate, let me explain – " I began, but he held up a hand, silencing me letting out a dry bitter laugh.

"Answer the question, Lily." His voice rises, frustration clear now. He turns his head just slightly, enough for me to see the hurt flickering in his eyes. "Do you or do you not have feelings for me?"

I hesitate, but I can't lie. Not to him. Not anymore. "I don't think so," I whisper, my voice barely audible.

"Wow" Nate lets out a bitter laugh, the sound echoing in the empty night.

I'm silent, my heart sinking into my stomach. I can't give him what he wants.

"Second question," he continued, "Do you love him?"

I choke on the air around me. "Nate..."

His body tenses even more. "Do. You. Love. Him?" Each word is a punch, designed to break me down.

"I—" My voice falters, and tears blur my vision. "I haven't figured that part out yet."

"Yeah?" he mutters, his eyes narrowing as he finally turns to face me, his expression dark. "Well, you sure didn't look too confused back there with your tongue practically down his throat."

I flinch like he's hit me. "Please ."

"Then what was it, Lily?" he snaps, stepping closer, his fists still clenched. "What the fuck was it, if it wasn't you choosing him over me?"

"Sor—"

"Last question." His voice cuts through my pleas, his eyes locking onto mine, daring me to lie. "Did you sleep with him?"

My heart clenched as I met his gaze, knowing that my answer would change everything.

The world around me tilts, and I feel like I might collapse under the weight of it. "Nate—"

"Yes or no," he demands, his voice breaking for the first time. "Did you sleep with him?"

"Yes," I whispered, the admission feeling like a knife to my chest. "I did."

"You slept with him?" Nate's voice was sharp, each word laced with a seething rage that sent a chill down my spine. "Was it before or after I told you I loved you?" he spat.

He's hurt, I've hurt him really bad.

I can't answer. The silence stretches out, unbearable, and I can feel his heart breaking from where I stand.

"Before or after, Lily?" he repeats, louder this time, his voice shaking with rage.

I swallow hard, my hands trembling. "After," I whisper, the word barely audible, but I know he heard it.

Nate's face contorts into something I barely recognize. His hand flies to his hair, pulling at it in frustration. "After," he repeats, like the word is poison in his mouth. "I can't believe this... I can't fucking believe this."

"Nate, I'm so sorry," I choke out, stepping toward him, but he backs away from me like I'm toxic.

"You're sorry?" His laugh is harsh, jagged, like broken glass. "You're sorry? You slept with him after I told you I fucking loved you, and that's all you have to say? You're fucking sorry?"

I reach out, my hand trembling, desperate to touch him, to fix this. "Nate, please, I didn't mean to hurt you—"

Before I can make contact, Nate jerks away violently, pulling his arm back with so much force that I stumble. My feet slip out from under me, and I fall hard onto the concrete, a sharp sting shooting up my palm as it scrapes against the rough surface.

I glance down, my palm scratched and bleeding, but my gaze flickers up to Nate, who's staring down at me like I'm a stranger. His eyes—those same eyes that used to light up when he looked at me—are filled with nothing but rage.

Finn, who had been observing from a distance, rushed forward with concern etched on his face.

"Take it easy, Nate!" Finn's voice cut through the tension, his hands reaching out to help me up from the floor.

As I struggled to regain my footing, Nate's laughter sliced through the air, harsh and bitter.

"You," Nate spat as he walked towards Finn, his fists clenched at his sides. Without warning, he swung a punch at Finn, the force of it catching everyone by surprise.

Gasps echoed around us earning eyes turning to the unfolding scene.

Finn stumbles back, wiping the blood from his lip. His eyes darken, his chest heaving with restrained anger. "Nate, you need to calm the hell down," he growls, wiping his mouth.

But Nate's beyond reasoning. "You're the one who fucked my now ex- girlfriend," he spits, his voice venomous. "And you think you're the good guy in this?"

I watched in horror, tears streaming down my cheeks as Nate lands a second punch  lands square in Finn's ribs, and he grunts in pain, doubling over before retaliating with a punch of his own. His fist slams into Nate's face, and blood sprays from his nose.

"Finn!" I cried out, attempting to rush to his side, but a restraining hand stopped me. I turned to see Jen holding me back, her expression filled with concern as she silently urged me not to intervene.

Nate's eyes narrow as he glares at me. "Even now, you defend him?" he scoffs. "Pathetic, fucking bitch, to think I loved you," he seethes, his voice thick with hatred.

I've never seen Nate like this, is this the same guy that remembers my coffee order, smiles so brightly with his dimple peeking out, and got me Mr. Dimps – what did I turn him into.

Finn tackles Nate to the ground, pinning him down as his fists rain down on him, one after the other. The dull thud of each hit echoes in the night, and I watch in horror, frozen, my body trembling with panic.

Nate struggles beneath him, his face bloody, but he manages to shove Finn off with a surge of strength, scrambling to his feet. His chest heaves as he wipes blood from his mouth, his eyes blazing with fury. "Get the fuck off me!" he roars.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Finn snarls, pushing Nate back.

Nate spits blood onto the pavement, his eyes wild. "Oh, now you're her knight in shining armour? Give me a break." He swings again, this time catching Finn in the side of the head.

Finn stumbles, shaking it off before lunging at Nate with a growl, tackling him into the side of a parked car. They grapple, their movements frantic and desperate, each trying to overpower the other

I stand frozen in horror, unable to move. I try to yell for them to stop, but my throat is closed from all the crying.

Shawn and the goalkeeper, Jen was talking to rush forward, shouting as they pull Finn and Nate apart, trying to stop the violence.

"Enough! Break it up!" Shawn's voice cuts through the fight.

Finn's chest heaves with heavy breaths as he glares at Nate, who spits blood on the floor.

Nate's words cut through the chaos like a knife. "Fuck this." He yells, "I never want to see you again!" he spat out bitterly turning to me, his voice filled with anger and betrayal as he walks away.

I bury my face in my hands, tears streaming down. Finn steps away from Shawn and wraps me in his arms, my sobs growing louder against his chest. 

Everything hurts. Not because I regret being with Finn, but because I never meant to hurt Nate like this. I hate that I hurt him. He didn't deserve this, and the guilt of breaking him gnaws at me, even if my heart belongs to someone else.