Calix

What use is it to continue living, if my life has been snatched away from me? I'll be as good as a dead body with no emotions and precisely, my father expects me to become one. An artificial robot he can control, break, use, whenever he wants. And I, follow him foolishly, the one who has helped in my creation. That was his job only for he certainly is not aware of the difference between being a father and a dad.

I close the diary, keeping it safely away into the depths of my locker in one of my cupboards. Mrs Isla Rosa has advised me to pour my heart out into pieces of paper in order to avoid deteriorating my mental health, and eventually, my anxiety. After I began seeing my therapist again, after return from Fleurina and the whole mess, the woman could not understand my sudden pale appearance as if light has been sucked out of me. I could not tell her everything hence, it was only natural why she couldn't understand the reason behind the rise of my anxiety issues, which had begun subsiding few weeks before.

"Your Royal Highness, Lady Crystal has arrived." Audrey informs from outside the locked door of my bedchamber.

I ultimately rise from my bed and straighten my attire in front of the mirror. I look as usual, like a prince is supposed to. The only difference anyone can spot is how devoid of emotions I am. I know, Lady Crystal who as well, did not have a say in this arranged marriage, does not deserve such unemotional treatment from her future husband, but my hands are tied. Isha is the only one for whom I can show my utmost and unconditional love. Yet I have hurt her deeply.

Soon, I head outside the bedchamber where Audrey and Kev are already waiting for me, sympathetic gazes adorning their features.

"I am alright." I smile tightly before walking through the hallways and heading towards one of the meeting rooms where Lady Crystal apparently is. I did pass on our first meeting, the day before yesterday, with the excuse of being ill. Of course I cannot keep delaying the meet.

Before I know, I am already sitting in front of Lady Crystal with a strained smile. I am trying my best to be polite but it is hard when the thoughts of Isha have been occupying my mind, 24/7. All day, all night long. The self-loathing directed towards me, guilt, regret, pain, is tearing me apart but I am trying. I am trying my best to survive.

"I hope you had a comfortable trip to Euthensia from Le Moba Nano, Lady Crystal." I say, as usual with the tightened smile on my face, as I try my best to focus on the woman in front of me.

"Perhaps." She hums, as she carefully inspects the gem embedded figurines, placed as means of decoration, on the table.

From my understanding, Lady Crystal Veraya Moraxo is very...peculiar. Not in a bad sense, of course. But rather peculiar than the aristocratic ladies of her age, at least. I had prepared myself to face yet again another narcissistic, wealthy noble, who love to flaunt themselves without actually contributing anything to the good of the society. Especially since Duchess Leonora has always tried her best to set up me with her youngest daughter, Crystal. And of course, I had expected that the lady I shall be meeting today might show much over-enthusiasm, due to wanting to marry me solely to become the future queen of Syncitia and enjoy the authority and power that comes along with the title and status. However, Crystal, who is close to my age, appears just as unconcerned as me, about the whole arrangement. She seems almost uninterested to partake in this arranged marriage.

That is interesting. Certainly.

Crystal sits in her floral, soft pink, ankle-length dress, her whitish-blonde hair done in an elegant bun with few locks falling out, and like a curious kid stares at any and everything with great intent, through her grey eyes. She does not look any less than how I had imagined an odd but kind fairy to be, as a young boy.

I wait patiently, and drink tea and the snacks placed in front of us and wonder if she will speak first. But when she does not, I decide to break the silence, "Is there anything you would like to know about me, Lady Crystal?"

"I have been informed," she says, fluttering her eyelids.

"You have been...informed?" I inquire, not getting the notion of her short and curt replies.

"Yes." She looks at me, tired, "My secretary has made me learn by heart everything about you, Your Royal Highness."

It is not that I was aware of this fact. In fact, I was ordered by Father to perform the same by looking up to information about Lady Crystal. Let's just say, this is a silent and compulsory rule during aristocratic arranged marriage meetings, in order to impress the future partner. However, I never expected Crystal to be so blatantly honest. Wondering, if I should present the question tormenting my mind; eventually I do ask. Even though, if Father were to hear about it, he will not hesitate to shower me with his wrath and horrible insults to bruise my self-confidence more. It is a matter of advantage that none but us two are present in this room. Still, I make sure to lower my voice before querying.

"Pardon me, Lady Crystal but I cannot help but wonder if you are not interested in this marriage proposal?" An excitement surges through me at the thought that our feelings regarding this sudden arranged marriage, decided by our parents, might be mutual.

"I am not, Your Royal Highness," without any going round the circles, Crystal replies.

"I see." Controlling the rising smile on my lips, I probe further, "If you do not mind, may I know the reason?" I certainly do not hope that it is because of any rumours surrounding my personality but as long as I see an opportunity to break off this marriage, anything is acceptable.

"Certainly, Your Royal Highness." Lady Crystal nods her head with an air of elegance, as she prepares to possibly explain her reasons as to why she is opposed to this marriage too, after taking a sip from the freshly brewed milk tea. "To be brief, I am not interested in marriage, anytime soon. It is not that I have no intentions of ever marrying but rather the fact that I want to do so, after establishing a business. My business."

"Interesting," I hum with my fingers resting on my chin as I listen to the words of the woman in front of me. I was right. Lady Crystal is quite different from the nobles I have come across, so far. "So, you want to establish your business, you say. Why?"

"Nothing extraordinary. I am just a woman who does not wish to live a life dictated by her mother. Aristocratic life, early marriage without my permission, maintaining elegant poise while being aware of the talks behind your back is not my thing, I am afraid. I have more to my life than being a pretty, little doll, as my mother thinks of me, and take part in the nasty politics of our corrupted high society while tending to a husband I am not even familiar with. I apologize if I come off as rude, Your Royal Highness. You are a gentleman but if we are proceeding with this marriage, you should know that there will be no emotional development from my side, whatsoever. And that also includes any form of physical affection—"

Lady Crystal stops speaking when she notices my content smile, for she must have expected me to be rather rude or at the very least, disappointed. I am not. I am over the moon since opposition from both parties, means the marriage cannot occur anymore, according to the laws of Syncitia. However, I am concerned over the fact that His Majesty will not stop looking for eligible noble ladies for me.

"You do not seem, displeased," Crystal hesitantly comments, judging by my expression.

I chuckle. "You are correct Lady Crystal. And it is because I am opposed to this marriage, as much as you are." The woman beams brightly at my statement.

"Is this true, Your Royal Highness?" Crystal eagerly asks, hoping to receive the answer she wants to hear.

I nod in affirmation. "I am not jesting. Lady Crystal, I do not want this marriage to happen either."

Crystal sighs in relief, letting go of her poised posture as she slumps against the chair she is seated, "You have no idea how happy I am to hear this, Your Royal Highness. I was worried that I would be never able to set up my own business at this rate. I am forever indebted to you."

I cannot help but express a soft laughter. I do not know what may occur in the future, but having Lady Crystal as a friend perhaps might not be bad. "I did nothing, Lady Crystal. In fact, I respect your dreams and goals. What business are you thinking of starting?"

She grins toothily. "Food for bibliophiles. As an avid readers of books myself, I want to start a business where food will be prepared based on books. Combining the customers' preferences, our love for books, and my cooking skills, I want to create the impossible. I know..." Crystal exhales gloomily, "Mother will not appreciate this hidden dream of mine, and perhaps even kick me out of the estate but I have already made arrangements, if such a situation should take place. My father will give me a place to stay."

My eyes soften with empathy. Crystal and my situations are similar but different. She is tied under the chains of her mother, Duchess Leonora and I the same, by my father, King Richard. The only difference is that she still has another parent to seek comfort from, even if her birth-givers are divorced at present. But I have no one. My biological mother is somewhere in the world, and the one I had given the place of my mother, turned out to be a betrayer. I cannot help but envy the young lady.

"I am glad, Lady Crystal." I offer a gentle smile, forced upon to replace the saddened expression from my face. "Please do let me know when you begin your business. I will make sure to let my girlfriend Isha know. She has a great passion for books and will be soon making her debut as a published author. In fact, she will also host a literary event and perhaps if the times match, I may be able to order food based on the themes and designs of her debut novel. Or I could surprise her at the event—" I gulp down the upcoming words when I realize how I have begun talking unknowingly about the one I love, but who is no longer mine.

"I am sorry, please ignore er, the things I said just now." A nervous laughter leaves me.

An amused smile curls up on her lips. "The Isha Sen? I have heard about her. The scandal. Girlfriend. Honestly, I was surprised to receive the marriage proposal since I had expected the both of you to be in a relationship, still."

I clear my throat, trying to come up with a believable lie, "Things changed. We changed." I have changed.

"I see," the smile does not leave Crystal's lips, "That's sad. I would have loved to befriend her. It was entertaining to see my mother riled up, which is very rare might I add, over Miss Sen. I suppose it had something to do with a social gathering of the former Queen, attended by both."

I remember the day. Very vividly. And everything else that took place that evening. Shaking my head, I clear my thoughts when foggy, steamy memories cloud my senses.

"Is that so?" I manage to utter.

"Yes," Lady Crystal grins wider, "But now that our marriage will break off, I hope you and Miss Sen can get back together. I am familiar with how high society works, Your Royal Highness. And although, I do not know much about you, Miss Sen, and your lives, I can say that the parting that had taken place, wasn't pleasing and intended for."

"I—" the strained smile expresses more than what I wish to say. "Thank you, Lady Crystal for your words of support, however..." Once again, the smiling face of a certain black hair, with beaming, optimistic and sometimes insecure chocolate-dark eyes, the glasses that tend to slide down the bride of her nose, tender, rosy lips stretching at my sight, love for fine, red wine, nonstop words flowing out that I love so much—appear like a daydream in my mind's eyes, which hold the power to take my breath away. And next comes, the hurt expression on her beautiful features. I never witnessed it but I for sure can imagine it. "I apologize, Cal—Your Royal Highness. This commoner girl forgot her place in the society and misunderstood everything. Well, I am glad to have experienced...the memories you gave me. Even if they were temporary and false." My heart rips apart and soul dies a bit, just how it has been every day, as the broken words of Isha ring like a bell in my mind.

Crystal might have sensed what I am going through, as with a polite smile, she stands up and I follow her. We both shake hands. "I apologize for any discomfort, while your stay in Euthensia."

"I had none." She smiles generously. "In fact, I am glad we are on the same page, Your Royal Highness."

"I believe you will be alright now? I mean, with Duchess Leonora. If you need help with your business, or well, your mother..." We both simultaneously chuckle. It was tragic. It was funny. And it was relatable. As they say, 'forced-to-fear children of dictatorial parents unite.'

"Thank you but my father will handle everything. Hopefully. As for you, Your Royal Highness," she offers me an expression of sympathy, "I believe as well that whatever decision you make from this moment forth will be the decision you want. Not someone else." Lady Crystal does not know about my and King Richard's relation, but she has pretty well formed a brief assumption of what it could be. And that also narrates the reason she might have discovered in her mind about my and Isha's sudden breakup.

Our breakup, the change of positions, capture of Queen Veronica's crimes, and so on, have not been announced to the Syncitians yet. I have been pushing back the announcement date schedule with all my might while finding excuses. Perhaps, since I never was ready to fully grasp the present bitter reality of my life and embrace it wholeheartedly. But this does not exclude the aristocrats. The ministers, politicians, and aristocratic families of Syncitia are aware of the abrupt changes. The questions were answered by my secretary, with the ones that Father wanted to deliver. "They mutually decided on heading separate ways." Bullshit. I broke Isha. It had nothing to do with a mutual decision.

I am an asshole.

I wonder how our present lives would have turned out if I was just a little braver, and rather than creating a nasty drift, actually had a conversation regarding the new changes, with Isha. Would she have consoled me, helped me? Would we have found a way together to escape from this situation my father has put us in? Would we have been happier?

"Your Royal Highness."

I blink, returning from my thoughts at Lady Crystal's voice. I massage the bridge of my nose. "I am sorry. I haven't been myself for some days."

"I understand. Well, I am sure all will be good soon." Crystal proceeds to grab her pink purse. However, both of us halt when we hear loud commotions, coming from outside. More specifically, voices of guards trying to stop someone.

Within the blink of an eye, the door bursts open, and in enters with hasty steps...Lola Hwang. And good lord, she is simmering in anger, with the vortex of fury swirling inside her. The sight was demonic, and everything frightening. One thing was clear as day, however.

Lola Hwang is here to kill me.

Before I can react by stepping aside or the guards can enter to hold the woman down, she places a hard punch on my left cheek, an ooft sound automatically leaving my lungs. I hear an audible gasp which might have come from Lady Crystal, or even the guards who are too stunned to take any action.

"Lola—" I shut my lips when the woman knees me in my groin. As a result, I fall on the floor, as pain surges through my reproductive parts. It was hilarious. And it was humiliating.

But nothing that I did not deserve, hence I endure the pain and humiliation in silence while motioning the guards to not take a step. Beating up the Crown Prince can lead to anyone, no matter the wealth or status, to spend their life in prison, or get kicked out of the country. But Lola shall not go through such punishment, for obvious reasons. I can handle this much at least for creating the shatter of heart in Isha.

"I trusted you with my best friend, Calix." Lola snarls, looking down at me, with her fisted knuckles turning white from the way she is clenching them. "If I had known that you were such a fucker to play with a nice girl like Isha, I would have done everything in my might to stop her from falling for you. If I see you near her again, for anything, whether that be a word of apology out of guilt, you will be dead, even if I have to spend my days in prison. And that is a promise, you royal asshole." Lola notices the startled and little terrified Lady Crystal now. As someone who knows how Lola can maintain her fake politeness in the high society, today seems different as she gives the lady a middle finger, not knowing that she is no longer my fiancée. Never was.

Not paying attention to the taken aback and offended face of Lady Crystal, Lola stomps away but not before delivering the words that shatter me completely.

"You are worse than Killian."