"Change is the only constant."

Change refers to a difference that conflicts the former position, self or nature of a substance, living and non living.

Changes can be physical, emotional or behavioural. Behaviour change can refer to any transformation or modification of human behaviour. It may also refer to a broad range of activities and approaches which focus on the individual, community, and environmental influences on someone's behaviour.

We are all affected by the change. But we need to have a healthy attitude towards the idea of change, if we want to live our lives to the fullest. We need to be nonjudgmental, keep focusing on the present situation and accept the things as they are and do change the things which are in our control without any fear.

My change was in my character. Once upon a time, I never really believed in the word "constant". Being a left alone girl had nothing stuck to me ever. And now that a certain amount of people have entered my life, I have learnt to be consistent.

I had a drastic change, a very rapid and huge one. I was a mess, in my heart, mind and even my surroundings. But now... I am all kept up and designed about how and what I wanted to do.

And although everything may change, a few things never change. Just count fears and memories. We don't replace our memories, our life chronology. We just make some more.

As I entered Heeseung's room to witness the cleanliness once before I drop out the trash, I spotted his book shelf to be messed, like he searched something in a haste and didn't get the time to even properly close the shelves.

A light giggle escaped the chapped partition on my lips and I walked out of the room to put the dirty laundry inside the washing machine.

I dabbed my hands with the towel and re-entered his room. Pulling out all his thick books and laying them on the table, I rubbed each book to dust off the thick layer of dirt that had collected themselves there.

I rubbed the shelves to clean them and removed the glass to fit all the books. I read the name of the books, thinking them to be all on business management but they weren't just business stuff.

He had some of the finest Psychology books, one being the Cambridge University's course book. I have always wanted that book but I was too poor. And so was he. How did he buy this?

"Could have been long savings. But why did he spend so much on Psychology." Saying so, I put the book in the cabinet and arranged the first shelf with some psychology and many business books.

I picked up a number of books on quantum theory and set them aside in the lower racks and finally picked up the heaviest book. It was covered by a thin plastic wrap.

"What is this?" I blew air over the untouched dust on it, which instantly made me cough with the particles entering my body.

"Gosh!" My eyes turned red but that was okay in some time. I rubbed the rest of the dirt and my white duster was all black and smelly. I opened the wrapper and found out that it was another book on quantum theories.

I gasped and choked on my own breath, not because of the cough or the dust allergy I had but because of the book that I held in my hands.

"Six Hundred Dollars? What the freak?!" I almost shrieked the price of the book.

"How on the holy earth did he buy this book? His earning was not even a hundred fucking Dollars!"

With a sudden urge to see the book, I turned through the fresh and crispy pages that stuck to eachother. It was last updated in the year 2114 and so, probably bought the same or the later year. Heeseung was 18 that year and I was 10.

I turned to the next page and found a handwritten note. The writer used a liquid ink, I suspect to be old fashioned fountain pens. It had a precise smell, a sweet scent. And I was familiar with it.

Even after 14 years, it's still smells the same. It retained its smell just the like the pages that did not turn yellowish.

"Dear Heeseung,
You're eighteen this year. It has been long since I saw you. I know you keep running away from me and that, even today you know things that I don't. You were always smart, always gifted but not as much as that crush of your childhood. However I know, you do have a connection with her  and that she will always be your sunshine, but for the sake of that 'damsel' you've chosen to keep safe, you must do things as I say. It's your fate to come back and I will always be glad to have you back but not that chick. I have never not heard your request regarding her but I do not feel any attachments towards her nor do I feel any sympathy for her.
                    I know you have always wanted to study Quantum Physics and I am proud to say that you will to choose it. I know how much you do for a slut that won't live longer with a business of striping. Yet, I adore you and wanted a good future for you. Here, I gift you this book for your further education and about the girl's school, yes I will see that too.
                 You will not argue with me and comply by all that I have demanded from you. Even if not now, someday you have to. When you do, if it's too late, you'll face the consequences. With this, I stuck you the scholarship to Cambridge University and the ticket to the country. My men will pass you your passport and visa. My men will also look after that slut. I have done all that needs you to study further and farther without any worries. All the best.

Someone you know."

"What the fuck!" Reading out the note made me want to know the sender but I was already disgusted by how manipulating it felt. I gasped yet again, freaking out on the fact that Heeseung was once threatened for the sake of my life.

But Heeseung's certificate of diploma in business hung on the white wall of his room. He officially studied Business and not Physics. How did he defy the sender?

"When was I a striper?" I felt my lips press against eachother, holding my hurt inside my heart. I was always called names and I hated it like any other person. It's just been two years since I came out of that pain wretched cocoon I had build around me. I wanted to forget the burns of past.

Closing the door behind, I walked out of the room and made my way towards the terrace. I was feeling suffocated. I was haunted by that crevice in Heeseung's past and I was devastated to read the letter. Heeseung never told me how he has lived. He never told me what he has done in his life.

What is that he knows and whoever this person is, doesn't? What is as such that his childhood crush knew that the person wants? And if it's done, why did Heeseung change his subject?

"If the letter said he had been still maintaining contact with his crush, does that mean she's far away?" I whispered to the evening sun far in the horizon and stared at myself.

Sunoo had always told me that the  knowledge, we're proud of, isn't  Heeseung's pride.

"He knows a lot, and wishes that he knew a little less about all that he knows. He knows something we don't know, something he doesn't wants us to know. That when spoken to the world, your life and trust may collapse."

Think silence is like a thread and mental activity is like a tapestry. Silence is golden, but it’s our job to tweak it into interesting shapes. The thin thread is powerful enough for cracking hearts and as the sages all say, there is something deeper to realize.

I wasn’t ready to hear that. I protested that the tapestry isn’t separate from the thread. I protested that the tapestry was never made.

In time, I realized mental activity is more like spray-painting a metal sculpture that doesn't hold on to everything. Standing in the moonlight with our can of paint, we think we can add to the majesty.

But silence is almighty. It’s infinitely greater than anything we could add. Maintaining inner silence is perfect surrender and perfect understanding.

But sometimes, that silence is just holding back emotions that we don't need to.

These emotions, they're like a bottle of coke. We shake it, a little and a little. We see the fuzz and then it goes away. And we do that for eons and eons. If we bottled up our emotions, the pressure builds up so much that sometimes it ends up bursting the bottle. The brain.

But every once in awhile, something unique happens. Instead of bursting the bottle, the gas recedes; the pressure dissipates. The coke looks almost as if it's been recently purchased. But it doesn't taste the same. It loses its properties and starts to become ragged.

Heeseung does knows a lot, way more than anybody else. And I believe, he has a graver reason to how he solved the penteract constant with just his own brain. He has the derivation completely embedded in his brain and undoubtedly, that hasn't been done once.

I had noticed his eyes that day. I had noticed his eyes on the first day he saw Sunoo. I had noticed him everyday to not understand that churning ache he forced back.

I realise, he's no different than me. Gravity, I can't deny the gravity that pulls us down on this earth. Neither can I deny the coercion he has felt.

The only thing that I need to know is all that he does, all that he hides.

"I have a sun. A very bright sun."

Old words played in my head as I watched the orange plasma blob of helium and hydrogen, set beyond the hills in the pinkish-blueish sky. I breathed a harsh breath in and rubbed my swollen eyes.

"I have to get to work." Sniffing a little, I closed the terrace door and put on my jacket to leave for the lab.

"Ouch!" I stubbed my toes on the low cupboard, breaking the cursed glass and whimpered, jumping on one foot. I sweared at my carelessness as the load of books fell on my feet, crashing them under.

"Fuck!" I sat down and picked up the small book, stacking them back in and massaged my poor baby toe. The larger books still layed around me and, old pages and official letters created an egoistic mess on the floor.

"Y/n-ah!" I looked up to meet Heeseung's eyes, rushing to help me. He started picking the books up to free my foot and toes that were already paralyzed and felt broken.

"Aah, look at you!" I clutched his bare wrist as it quickly tried to remove the broken glass sheath. First time ever I noticed a dried scar running across his wrist, like he had tried cutting it. My eyes remained focused on the scars.

He turned his orbs to look at it and removed his hands away from me. I changed the direction my eyes stayed on and picked up the papers.

"Get a trash bag please." My voice trembled.

"Hmm." He hummed a whisper. Even he knew I saw something I couldn't imagine. But it looked old, way old.

I assembled the papers in a diary I could reach to support them from flying. They looked as old as that scar, the diary and the letters. It was Heeseung's old diary and I knew he would write it everyday for 10 years. He never touched it after he went to the US and I never felt the urge to invade his privacy but now, I need to.

"A letter from dad?" I whispered the salutation written on a envelope and quickly hid it inside one of my computer books as Heeseung reached me and helped clean the mess.

"Don't worry, I'll install a new glass for this shelf. You should be more careful." He laughed and sighed, dabbing his sweat.

"And you should speak a little more."

______________________________

Hey Rosairises
Late update is here.

So I have decided an update schedule for Tesser and wish to finish it in more or less 18 chapters.

I want to finish this first in a month so be ready for updates on the very day.

We will reach the answers to all the left out and scattered questions soon.

ByeBye!!!