It did not surprise me how I managed to stay calm despite what I have just heard. I have been trained to mask off my emotions because they cloud judgement. And despite how my head is pulsating with anger and curiosity, I still went to sit with the group. When they saw me nearing the table, they quickly eased with the topic.

"See you tomorrow. Maliligo muna ako. Sama ka, Lara?" tanong ni Karleen at tumayo.

Hindi na ako nag-abalang tumingin sa kanya. The incident a while back made me extra careful. Not that I am afraid, but because I don't want to blow my cover this early.

"I'll join you," presenta ni Vil at sinamahan ang dalawa.

Karleen grunted and walked towards our tent to get her toiletries. Ganoon din ang ginawa ng dalawa bago sila tuluyang umalis. Naramdaman ko na lang ang katahimikan ng paligid nang kaming dalawa na lang ni Duke ang natira roon.

He heaved a heavy sigh which made me look at him. The limited light from the torches around us illuminated on his face. Nakakunot ang noo at salubong ang kilay na nakatitig sa akin.

"Aren't you cold?" pasimula niyang tanong.

I can't believe it is the first thing he wanted to ask. Dahil sa narinig kong usapan nila kanina, pakiramdam ko'y may nalaman na siya tungkol sa akin. I have prepared myself for that scenario yet he asked something different.

"Hmm?" tanong niyang muli nang walang nakuhang sagot sa akin.

Wala sa sarili akong tumango kahit na hindi naman talaga ako nilalamig. Kaagad siyang tumayo at hinubad ang itim na jacket. Umawang ang labi ko nang walang pasabing inabot niya ako sa lamesa at inilagay iyon sa balikat ko.

"Is that better?" tanong niyang muli nang bumalik siya sa pagkakaupo.

Tumango ako bilang sagot. Tila nakuntento naman siya roon dahil hindi na siya muling nagsalita.

A part of me is saying I can kill him, right here, right now. The three are gone and it is just the two of us. I can escape through the forest and no one will notice unless they will find his body.

But the other half won't let me do it. It wanted... this. To be looked by him. To have his attention. To sit with him in peace.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kaming nakaupo roon. The faint sound of crickets and laughters from the other students enveloped us. We never talked again but his attentive eyes were glued to me the whole time and even when the three arrived, he never stopped looking.

Iyon ang naging laman ng utak ko nang nasa tent na. Tahimik na ang paligid at tulog na si Karleen sa tabi ko pero nanatili akong dilat. The news I heard from Lara and Duke confuse me a lot. Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naguguluhan dahil alam ko naman ang pakay ko sa una pa lang.

I checked my wrist watch and saw that it is already three in the morning. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. Pero sa tuwing ginagawa ko iyon, ang pagtitig naman ni Duke ang nakikita ko sa kawalan.

That is why I am mostly grumpy the whole morning. Sanay naman ako na kulang sa tulog, hindi nga lang dahil sa lalake.

When I joined the group for breakfast, Duke was not there. I didn't know the absence of a person could be... disappointing. I mentally slapped myself. Why the hell was he the first thing I looked for?

"Si Lara?" usisa ni Karleen kay Vil habang pinapanood namin siyang ipaghanda kami ng kakainin. Vil playfully smirked which made her roll her eyes. Kumunot ang noo ko na kaagad napansin ni Vil.

"What? You didn't get it?" tanong niya sa akin. Maging si Karleen ay naging kuryoso sa isasagot ko.

Alanganin ako umiling na siyang ikinatawa ni Vil. Mas lalo akong nagtaka sa kanyang reaksyon.

"Are you serious?" natatawa na rin si Karleen dahil doon. Umiling si Vil at tumalikod upang ipagpatuloy ang pagluluto. Si Karleen naman ay tuluyang humarap sa akin.

"You know, when you're a couple, you do... things," dahan-dahan niya paliwanag. Nang makitang wala akong bahid ng reaksyon ay napabuntong-hininga siya.

"They... made love," dugtong niya at napainom sa kanyang juice.

Tumaas ang kilay ko. Made what?

"You really don't know this, do you?" hindi makapaniwala niyang tanong.

Truth is, I am not sure. The definition of love has been vague to me since my parents died. I haven't seen much of people's love on my workfield. In fact, I lack it. Love is an emotion so I suppress it to do my duty. The only love I have seen was my parent's. Since then, I only believe in one thing: to love is to die.

"I feel bad. Parang bad influence tuloy ako," komento ni Karleen at napasimangot.

"Ngayon mo lang alam?" si Vil naman ang sumagot. Binato siya ni Karleen ng tinapay pero nasalo niya iyon at kinain. Shortly after that, Lara joined us. Pinagsilbihan siya ni Vil habang sinusuri naman siya ni Karleen.

Nasa gitna kami ng pagkain nang dumating si Duke. Sinusuklay nito ang buhok gamit ang kamay habang naglakad palapit sa lamesa.

"Aga mo namang naligo," komento ng kanyang kapatid. Umupo ito sa tabi ni Karleen habang ako ang nasa dulo. Hindi na ako nag-abalang tumingin at itinutok ang atensyon sa pagkain.

"Ganoon talaga kapag nagpapabango," si Vil naman ang nagsalita. He's sitting in front of me, beside Lara. When I look at him, he's already smiling at me. Kumindat pa ito na mas lalo kong ipinagtaka.

Our breakfast were short. Katulad ng dati'y mas pinili kong makinig, at kahit na madalas na nakikita ko ang pagsulyap ni Duke mula sa gilid, hindi na lang ako nagbalik ng tingin.

Pagkatapos noon ay ipinatawag na kami para sa morning activities. Students gathered on the open space in front of the small platform. Halos nasa unahan lang kami kaya kitang-kita ang nasa entablado. The crowd settled when the man started to speak.

"I hope you all had a good sleep," panimula niya. "Today, we are going to have our second activity. Last night, you made friends but now, mostly will be a foe."

Nagsimulang magbulungan ang mga estudyante. Tahimik lang naman kami nina Karleen na nakikinig.

"There will be ten groups, each with a color code. Twenty flags are given per team and you are tasked to hide them within our perimeter. The goal of your competitors is to seize all of it, and the first five groups who will lose all their flags will be eliminated. Your name and respective teams are posted on the board. Plan your techniques, know where to hide, practice teamwork. Until then, enjoy the rest of the morning."

Agad-agad na nagkumpulan ang mga estudyante sa pisara. Meanwhile, I stayed on the same spot while watching everyone get excited with the activities. Karleen volunteered to check our names. Nang bumalik itong nakangiti ay alam ko na ang resulta.

"Same group!" masaya niyang balita at agad akong hinila papunta sa mga iba pang ka-grupo. They were gathered on the side while listening to someone call them by name. Nang matawag ang pangalan ko ay binigyan ako ng isang bandera. The leader of our group proceeded to ask questions from the members about the ideas where we can hide our flags. Everyone threw suggestions: hide it under the rocks, bury it on the ground, sink it on the falls, cover in our blankets, and almost everything they can think of. Pati si Karleen ay nakisali na rin sa pagbato ng mga naiisip. I remained listening to the group while playing the flag's stick on my hand.

"Of course, our rivals won't only plan on how to gather our flags or how to hide them, but they will also plan on how to make us not be able to bring the flag to the finish." the girl added. She went on to drawing her plan on the soil with her wood stick while everyone was being attentive.

"That's Gigi, if you remember her. President of the Student Government, Level 4, Class A," Karleen whispered to me while our leader was explaining in the middle of the group's circle. "That girl," turo ni Karleen sa malayong banda, "is Rosephine. Natalo siya sa presidency last year, classmate sila, but more of competitors," she added.

"So, I hope you're telling good things about me," Gigi came to us. Tinanguan ako nito bago bumaling kay Karleen. "'Sup, boys?" She cooly greeted the two who were silently discussing something behind us. Hindi nag-abala sina Vil na bumati pabalik at patuloy na nag-usap.

"I was telling her how close you are with Rose," ani Karleen. Gigi rolled her eyes, as if she heard the most ridiculous thing today.

"That girl plays dirty," Lara commented.

"If they win tonight, she surely did a trick," Karleen seconded. Napatingin ako sa babaeng tinutukoy nila. Her angelic features actually contradicts their remarks of her.

Gigi smirked, "If, K. If," she added and turned her back on us.

She went to remind the group on how we will do the activity tonight. Pagkatapos noon ay muli kaming nagliwaliw sa iba pang tents. Karleen got busy chatting with the lower levels while Vil and Lara disappeared on my sight. Hinanap ng mata ko si Duke ngunit wala rin akong makitang anino niya.

I gestured to Karleen I'll leave now but she only waved me goodbye. Hinayaan ko siyang manatili roon habang nagdesisyon akong magmasid sa lugar. Before the trip, we were told we are to camp on the highest mountain but we are on flat land, which means, we're not yet on the top. The perimeter is quite wide but the extensions are forests. When I passed the waterfalls, there were still footprints until where my eyes could see.

Napatingin ako sa pinanggalingan at nakitang may kalayuan na ako mula sa talon. I have never explored this part of Winston during my missions so I am uncertain where this leads me. If only I could call Gesa and ask her which direction to take but the network did not reach it here.

Sa huli ay dumiretso ako sa paglalakad. I passed the red, perimeter line without anyone noticing it. The path became covered in large roots, making it harder to walk. Medyo dumilim din ang paligid dahil natatakpan ng mga sanga ng puno ang kakaunting sinag ng araw. When I reached the end of it, there were vines covering the way. Matatayog at nagmistulang pader ang mga iyon.

Muli akong lumingon sa likuran upang kumpirmahin na mag-isa lang ako. Once confirmed, I pushed through it only to be greeted by an empty lawn. There were no tracks on this part already. Tumingin ako sa kalangitan at makulimlim na iyon.

I decided to continue until I reached the end of it. Napabuga ako ng hangin nang makita ang kabuuan ng Winston. I am now at the peak of the mountain and the view, no matter how small things were, is breathtaking. Ni hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagpunta rito. For all I know, the wolves might be on the corner but for once, I didn't care. I just think I need to breathe, and I can only do it in here.

These past few days, I have been running in circles. Ilang beses kong pinakawalan ang pagkakataon upang matapos na ang misyon. I was trained to make it quick. One cut, two shots, and walk away. Kailanman ay hindi ako nahirapan sa mga atas na ibinigay sa akin. I never doubted and yet, here I am, standing on the edge of a cliff, because for the first time, I do not know how to kill.

I do not want to admit but I am changing. I have adopted Karleen's company that my thoughts rarely revolve on my mission anymore. And I don't want to change simply because I can't.

I have been preparing for this mission my whole life and I cannot mess it up just for a fleeting feeling. This mission isn't just a mission— it is about justice: for my parents, for my grief, and for everything they took away from me.

Tonight's activity is the best time to kill Duke. Everyone will be busy looking for flags. They are distracted enough to look for one missing student. And he's close enough for me to do it.

Kinuha ko ang kutsilyo mula sa ilalim ng jacket. The tip of the blade shone elegantly on my palms, taking me to the memory of my very first training and how I picked it as my weapon. The Chief said I am built for close combat, close up duels, and quick kills, and I could pick a seraph or katana, but instead, I chose a pocket knife.

It was my mother's. I can vividly recall a few nights that I watched her clean this knife and hid it under her bed, but I never saw her using it. I just knew she treasured it even though it wasn't her ultimate weapon.

When I learned about their death, the life I thought I would have vanished. It turned three hundred and fifty-nine degrees and since then, everything I do was for the justice they never had.

I was eight when they died. I memorized the artillery when I was nine. At twelve, I topped the class. Fifteen when I mastered knives, and seventeen when I was labeled as the assassin. In between those years, I learned to shut my emotions and to turn the pain into my ultimate defense. I never grieved for my parent's death, I didn't make time for it. I made a promise that I will never cry until I have avenged them, and it has always been the reason why I am still alive after countless missions.

Ibinalik ko sa ilalim ng jacket ang kutsilyo bago nagdesisyong umalis sa lugar. When I reached the tents, the group was nowhere to be found already. Inilibot ko ang paningin ngunit abala ang lahat para sa aktibidad mamaya. Where they could possibly go? Baka naman nasundan ako kanina?

And then what would happen if they knew I am their enemy? Saglit akong napatigil at hinayaang isipin iyon.

What would happen then, Gabrielle? Will you be ready to murder them on-the-spot?

"Dianne!" ang sigaw ni Karleen mula sa gilid ang nakapagpaputol ng iniisip ko. She ran to my direction and when I was about to step back, she enveloped me with a hug.

"Saan ka ba nagpunta? You could have been lost in the woods. Akala ko, napano ka na!" she said as she checked my hands, maybe looking for any bruise or wounds. Napaawang ang bibig ko sa kanyang inasta ngunit bago pa man ako makaapila, muli niya akong niyakap.

"Huwag mong uulitin 'yan! Always tell me where you're going!" she said then calmed down eventually. I remained there, standing while the three looked at us like a freak show. Naunang tumalikod si Lara at tinapik naman ni Vil ang balikat ni Duke. Doon ko lang din napansin ang mariing pagtitig niya sa akin na tila ba hindi lang si Karleen ang pinag-alala ko.

"Let's eat lunch and hide our flags after," ani Karleen at nauna sa lamesa. I stood there, dumbfounded with their reactions when Duke decided to walk to my direction. Mas lalong hindi kumalma ang puso ko dahil sa ginawa niyang paglapit.

He sighed as he scanned my body. His eyes tell me how relieved he was to see me in front of him. Hindi ko alam kung bakit at hindi ko na gustong alamin pa. If only I could ask him to shut up and walk away, or if only I can convince myself to do it instead.

"I looked for you everywhere," he said it like he was in pain when he didn't find me the whole time. I bit my lips and tore my eyes off his gaze. The second it landed on the ground, I got the answer to my question.

I am not prepared to leave as well.