Waking up was the easy part. Everything else was criminally difficult. The events of last night hit me like a brick wall. Emma was the first to come by when she heard my groan through the wall.

She put her hand on my back, rubbing it back and forth."Let it out, let it out,"

"I'm an idiot." I whine, putting the pillow down and flopping on my bed.

"No you're not." Emma says, rubbing on my shoulder.

"Yes I am. What is one of the first lessons at the Academy? Be forgettable. What is kissing someone? Pretty darn memorable. Why did I have to be so selfish? I should've-"

"Do you like him or not?" Emma cuts me off, snapping me out of going on another rant.

Words fail to form on my tongue. "I-I-"

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, I do."

"Do you regret what you did?" Emma asks.

"No."

"Canada, then I don't see what your issue is."

"I don't want to break his heart. In a few years, we'll either have to break up or, he'll have to find out that vampire's are real!" I clutch the pillow to my chest once more. "I'm going to break a good boy's heart."

"Well, most high school relationships don't work out either way, so there's that." Emma says.

"Why did I have to be so selfish? He just looked so beautiful, and perfect, and he was just so sweet, I had to lean in and put my face right on top of his."

"It's okay, you went off of human nature."

"Shouldn't I be free of that because, oh I don't know, I'm not human?!"

"You still have the brain of a human, and the heart, and the veins, and the soul, and the feelings."

"But I don't use them like humans." I say. "What am I going to tell him?"

"Hey, who knows, maybe this'll become something beautiful." Emma tries to force a smile on.

"I doubt it. This'll be something ugly, and something really ugly fast." I say. "Do you think I can still sit with him and his friends at lunch? What about in Earths sciences? Should I transfer lab partners?"

"Take a couple of deep breaths, Canada." I sigh, and oblige at Emma's request. Once I finish, I look back up at her. "Feel better?"

"Will you be mad at me if I say no?"

"No, I won't." She says calmly.

"Hey, Canada, you got the answer for the crossword puzzle in- Oh my!" David cuts himself off as he stands in my door way. "What in the rapidly heating world did that boy do to you? I will personally break his face for you, Canada, just say the word."

"Don't. It's my fault anyways."

"No it isn't. Human nature still applies when you're technically dead." David sets his paper down on my desk.

Emma points to her brother. "My point exactly."

"I don't know, I still feel wrong." My phone buzzes on the bed, and I pick it up.

Emma cranes her neck over my shoulder. "Who is it?"

"Uh... Gayle."

Gayle
Hey, you're still coming for your shift today, right?

Canada
Yeah, be there in a few.

Gayle
Ma and Mom are out passing out fliers at Traverse City, so be prepared for just me.

"Be prepared for just me?" I ask, feeling my eyebrows go up to almost my hairline. "Oh please don't tell me he's expecting something."

"Do you think he is?"

"I guess, I mean..." I sigh. "It's out of character for him."

"Thought so." Emma nods.

"He tries something, and I can be over there in five seconds to rip his face apart." David says.

"I know." I say. "But I can fight him off on my own."

"Wasn't saying you couldn't." David says, throwing his hands up in mock surrender.

"I better put on a hoodie or something." I go over to my closet and pulling out one of the sweatshirts.

"We'll leave you to get ready." Emma gets up from my bed, pulling her brother by the arm.

"And remember, say the word and I'll kill that boy." David throw in as he exits my room.

I slide over a sweatshirt, and make the usual journey towards Save the Planet. I feel my heart rate going higher ad higher as I get closer to the building. When I'm walking, I think it'd explode, if I were human, that is. When I reach the door, my hand is still shaking. I knock, and twist the door nob. Gayle sits on one of the couches, clearly waiting for me to show up. That sends my adrenaline into over drive.

"Hi." I greet the boy at one of the computers.

"Hey." He says back. "Sleep well?- Wait, who the heck asks someone that? I'm sorry Canada."

"It's okay."

He isn't smiling like he usually is. He's serious, and worried, all of the things that I'm not used to seeing him as.

"Do you want to talk?" Gayle gestures to behind him, where the two couches are.

"Yeah." I say, sitting on the couch across from him.

"So, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

"We do." I say. "I'm sorry, clearly, you don't appreciate my actions."

"Please, don't be hurt, Canada."

"I'm not. I just, wish I hadn't done that. -Not that I don't appreciate our wonderful friendship, I just... you know?" I don't even bother with guessing feelings. Eighteen years on the planet, and I don't know how to talk.

"Yeah, I know." He says, nodding. "Where should we go from here?"

"I can leave, if you'd like."

"No, if anything I should be the one who leaves, I shouldn't have led you on like that." Gayle talks more with his hands than usual. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"It's okay, Canada."

"Same to you."

Great, just great. My first kiss was with a guy who doesn't have any feelings for me. I went out on a limb, and I fell out of the tree. Now, I'm in over my head, because I don't want to add salt to the open wound of kissing a guy who doesn't like me, and then ditching his charity.

Gayle lifts a stack of papers off of the desk. "So, we're putting up fliers today, sound good?"

"Yeah, sounds good." My head nos along with each word.

"You don't mind walking do you?" He asks.

"No, not at all."

"So, how was your weekend, thus far?" He asks.

"Good. Yours?" I angle my head towards him.

"Good."

That ended up being the most conversation we had in the whole outing. The rest was just him telling me where to turn, or if I missed a spot with the staple gun. Now, I have to go to school today, and face whatever sort of tension that will be every time I have Gayle anywhere near me.

At the beginning of the day, Gayle walked by me a few times, and didn't say anything. He had to deliver something into my music classes, he looked at me for a minute, and then looked in the exact opposite direction. In Earth Sciences, we didn't say anything that wasn't the answer to one of the questions on our work sheet. Now, it's lunch, and I stare at his table for a minute, and then I sit at the table I sat at one the first day here.

I eat my lunch silently, staring at the table while I'm eating, and when I'm done, I crack open a book, and read it through. I close my eyes, and open my instinct a little. I look over at Gayle's table, hopefully, I can hear what they're saying.

"Gayle, what'd you do?" Jordan asks.

Gayle looks confused at the other boy. "What do you mean?"

"Canada's back to eating lunch by herself, and this is after you two kissed, that usually isn't how this happens, so what did you do to the girl?" Jordan adds in between bites of their sandwich.

"We just... don't like each other." Gayle avoids eye contact with the group, just staring down at the table, studying the pattern of dots and stains.

That makes one of us.

"People who don't like each other don't kiss at homecoming." Leah says.

"I think we both want that we stay friends." Gayle explains.

Again, that makes one of us.

"Okay, well, that doesn't look like friendship to me." Hunter says.

"What do you want me to do? I didn't send her over there." I've never heard Gayle like this before. He's irritated, and annoyed, almost angry.

"Gayle, Canada's over there because chances are, she doesn't think you want her over here." Hunter says. "Have some common sense, man."

"Lunch is about to end. I'll text her later."

I've heard enough stories from Emma to know how that's going to work. He won't text me, and I'll eat here at lunch again tomorrow. I feel another lump growing in my throat, but I swallow hard on it, and put some blood in my throat to make sure it stays down. I finish my day, I walk home, I do my homework-

I feel my phone buzz.

I pull it out of my pocket to see that Gayle has remained true to his words.

GAYLE:
Hey.

CANADA:
Hi.

GAYLE:
So, did you hear the one about the cat that was born with no ears?

CANADA:
???
No

GAYLE:
Yeah, neither did he

CANADA:
Good one.

GAYLE:
I'm sorry that things are awkward between us

CANADA:
It's not your fault

GAYLE:
IDK. I feel like it is, tho. You didn't eat lunch with us today

CANADA:
Maybe I just wanted a change of scenery

GAYLE:
Well...
If you were sitting over there today because you felt like you had to, you don't, really.
You're always welcome at our table

CANADA:
I don't know. I don't want things to be too awkward

GAYLE:
Why would it be awkward?

CANADA:
We kissed when we didn't have feelings for each other

GAYLE:
I was hoping we could forget that ever happened...
Maybe just move on, like we never kissed
IDK
Just a suggestion

CANADA:
I kinda like it...

GAYLE:
FR?

CANADA:
???

GAYLE:
For real**

CANADA:
Oooooh

GAYLE:
So, what do you say?

CANADA:
I like it

GAYLE:
That's great, I still want to be friends with you

CANADA:
Same, I don't want to ruin our friendship

GAYLE:
Me neither, you're a great friend

CANADA:
You are, too. You gave me my first big-girl friend group

GAYLE:
Fr?
For real?**

CANADA:
Yeah, I guess you could say that I'm kinda anti-social

GAYLE:
Huh
Any who, you still going to eat lunch with us tomorrow?
You better, punk,
I mean, only if you want to,
Also, you're not a punk
I was trying to make a joke, I'm sorry if it backfired

CANADA:
It's cool,
And yes, I will be eating lunch with you guys

GAYLE:
Yes!!
Gotta go, Ma and Mom made dinner, and it's ready

CANADA:
I should go, too, I think my parents are here

GAYLE:
KK, byeee

CANADA:
See ya

I walk back downstairs, to see that Matthias and Abigail were, in fact, home.

"What's got you so happy today, Ms. Canada?" Matthias Inquires.

I don't feel like explaining today. "It's nothing."

"Gayle apologized, didn't he?" Emma asks, not bothering to look up from her calculator.

"How'd you figure that out?" I ask.

"Common sense." Emma says.

"Why would Gayle be apologizing? I thought you two were happy, and, you know, looking for a relationship." Abigail says.

"No, turns out there weren't feelings behind that kiss."

"There was some sort of feeling in that kiss." David mumbles.

"David!" Madelyn hisses, throwing a towel at him. "I'm sorry it didn't work out, dear."

"It's okay. I'll be fine."

"If you insist." Madelyn says, shrugging her shoulders. We finished dinner, cleaned up, and went back to life as it is. I went to bed, and entered into the swallowing darkness that is sleep.

I roll over and look at my clock that says it's the middle of the night. Great. I can hear something down the hall, though. I lean up against my door, careful not to alert whoever is making the noise. I'm pretty sure it's Matthias and Abigail

"-Think Matthias?" Yep, that's Abigail.

"I think you're doing wonderful." Matthias responds, in his most soothing of tones.

"The girl doesn't have any makeup 17 year old's have makeup, and she never asked me to get her a new one." She says.

Oh. They're talking about me.

"Maybe it didn't come up. You know Canada's always been low maintenance." Jamison says.

"But she should be able to come to me and ask for my help about boys." Abigail says.

"She went to Emma first because Emma's more her age."

"It just feels like I'm making excuses for not knowing my daughter." She thinks of me as her daughter? Or is she talking about Emma?

"It's okay." Matthias tells his wife. "This is normal for all parents."

"I know, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt."

"I know it's rough, but it'll be okay, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." I can hear Matthias lay a kiss on his wife's face. "Let's go to bed. I think it's fair to say that both of us are tired." Then, they go silent. I walk back into my room, and stare at the wall, and feel the pit of guilt grow in my stomach. I made Abigail cry. I did that. It wasn't David, or Emma, it was all me. I find myself going to sleep with that idea floating around.

When I wake up the next morning, I get dressed, and head downstairs. I see Abigail chopping up some fruits.

"Good morning, Canada."

"Good morning."

"Sleep well?" She asks.

"Yep. You?"

"I did, thank you for asking." She says. I should've said thank you, too. "I'm just chopping some stuff up for lunch today. We're having a little Thanksgiving party at work today."

"I forgot that that was coming up."

"It's okay." Madelyn says. "It was started over a racist tradition, anyways."

I quirk an eyebrow. "Hm?" I know the answer, but I also know that she wants to talk about it.

"Oh, well, um, well, Thanksgiving started when white settlers had a feast, after killing villages of Native Peoples."

"Oh." I say. No matter how many times I've heard that story, it always hits me in the heart. She puts down her knife, and I feel myself walking over to her, then, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, and she repeats the motions. When we break away, we smile at each other a bit, except Madelyn's is more sad.

"I take it you heard Matthias and I's conversation last night." She says. "Be honest. Please."

"I did. I'm sorry."

"No, if anything, I should be sorry. I need to dedicate more time to you." She says. "How about we go get some expensive coffee while you're on break, huh?"

"Yeah, that sounds great, actually." I say.

"Great, how does Friday sound?"

"Sounds great." I say, nodding.

"Then Friday it is."