A/N: Is it weird that I like writing soft Hobi more than hard Hobi? I was considering writing a Hobi smut but honestly soft Hobi does more for me than any smut ever did-

Anyway!!! Enjoy!!!!!!!

~~~

Y/n held Hoseok's hand and guided him to the door. Since his role was done, he was about to depart the mansion for good. He'd join Jungkook and Taehyung as the eliminated contestants who couldn't come back. She had all their numbers, so she'd text them about who she eliminated three days from now. And, eventually, she'd tell them about the winner. Or maybe she'd show them.

It was funny, really. After all this time, she still had no idea who the winner could be. She loved multiple boys in this mansion. How was she supposed to choose? And even outside the mansion, she was convinced she was an absolute simp for Kim Taehyung. If she chose one of the current contestants, would it feel right, or would she want to go crawling back to Taehyung? That was yet another obstacle she had to overcome. Who did she want the most?

It was time for her to fall in love and start her life. Her sister told her to be happy. Y/n was finally allowing herself to feel that. It was amazing. For the first time in years, Y/n was going to be happy. She would find love. Maybe her soulmate.

She shook herself out of her thoughts and stopped by the back door with Hoseok. The man gave her a grin and brushed her hair as if memorizing the feel of it. He chuckled and gave her a heart-shaped smile. Hoseok was an angel. A kind soul with a gentle yet crazy nature. His personality brought so much sunshine to the world. She made sure to write him a long note about how much she appreciated him before he went. She could see it sticking out of his back pocket.

"Ready to go?" Y/n asked, Hoseok snorting.

"Never. I'll miss Yoongi."

"I'm starting to think this show is a romance about you two, not me and the boys." Hoseok laughed but didn't disagree, Y/n giving him a nudge. After, she embraced him. He was quick to hug back, rocking her back and forth. He kissed the top of her head, her pulling back to meet his eyes. "I'll miss you. This mansion won't be the same without you and your energy. Will you send us videos of you dancing?"

He beamed. "Every day! And every night. And every morning. You'll get sick of me."

"Impossible. How could we ever get sick of our sunshine?" Hoseok's smile grew, Y/n squishing his little cheeks and watching the way Hoseok scrunched his face. She laughed and keep squishing him, Hoseok letting out inhumane noises and being as extra as always. It was refreshing to get her mind off everything. Hoseok made the world fall away. It was like he swooped her up and took her to some magical land where unicorns existed. It was perfect. She hoped he'd stay with the boys for a long time. He deserved the support group.

Speaking of, Hoseok and Y/n turned to see the rest of the boys waiting there. They were smiling, opening their arms. Hoseok bounced his way over and hugged them. Y/n's face fell when she realized Jungkook and Taehyung weren't there to hug him too, but she put her smile back on for Hobi's sake. He deserved a happy farewell. He certainly wasn't taking it as hard as all the others, but that was because Hoseok was such a kindhearted person. He always made sure everyone was okay before checking on himself. It was as inspirational as it was concerning.

"We'll miss you," Namjoon said. "Take care of yourself, okay? Text me if you need anything. After this, let's get a drink together."

"Oh no, you'll record me drunk and blackmail me!" Hoseok said with a gasp, Yoongi grunting.

"You say that like it's a bad thing. Now come here and hug me and only me before I kill you in your sleep."

"Kinkyyyy," Jimin said in a drawl, Jin scowling and whacking him. Jimin whacked back. That resulted in a whacking match that Namjoon stood in front of to stop the pair from crashing into Yoongi and Hoseok.

Yoongi ignored them (as always), going to Hoseok and giving him a soft hug that melted Y/n's heart. He wrapped his arms around Hoseok, appearing tiny in the man's hold. Hoseok tried to pick Yoongi up, but Yoongi's hiss caused him to back off. Yoongi snuggled up on Hoseok's chest, Jimin and Jin putting aside their argument so they could record it. Yoongi swore at the camera, Jimin laughing and letting his squeaky sounds show. But there was one issue.

Y/n saw through it.

There was no joy in Jimin's eyes. Any emotion was drained. It was all fake. A show. A deadly façade. That raised another issue: Y/n had no idea what to do to fix it, especially in a way that wouldn't seem like overstepping. Regardless, it was Hoseok's moment, so Y/n snapped back to attention when Hoseok parted from Yoongi.

Yoongi made grabby hands toward Hoseok but dropped them when he realized Jinmin were still recording. Yoongi scoffed and went back to his grumpy self, Hoseok ruffling the kitty's hair. The man cracked a gummy smile, Jin zooming in on it and taking so many pictures, he accidentally triggered an emergency call.

After, Hoseok opened the door. He gave Y/n a kiss on the cheek, and she reciprocated it (and squished his cheeks afterward). Then, Hoseok gave them one last look and a wave, his bag on his left shoulder. The boys returned the wave, Y/n watching him go with tears in her eyes.

"I'll see you guys soon," he said.

"We love you, Hobi," Y/n replied, him smiling at that. "Never forget that, okay? Promise me you won't forget."

"Only if you promise to know I love you too!" He did a little jump as he said it, the mansion chuckling at that.

"We won't," Namjoon said. "Take care. Don't hesitate to call and text. Text me as much as you want."

"Are you crying?" Jin asked with a snicker. Namjoon replied by giving him the middle finger, but it was true: Kim Namjoon was tearing up. Hoseok bounced over and hugged him one last time. Namjoon gave Hoseok a squeeze that caused all the air to burst out of his lungs. Y/n could see the way Hoseok went limp for a moment thanks to Namjoon's muscles. Then, he regained his composure and pulled away, skipping to the door and waving.

"Good luck! Namjoon, if you lose, I'm telling Jungkook you're available."

"I take back every nice thing I've ever said to you." Hoseok laughed, leaving. They could hear his laugh for several more seconds, the sound fading away. They stood there longer than they had to. Y/n shut and locked the door behind him, lingering on the surface as if that'd bring him back. When the situation settled in, they gained the courage to step away and return to what they were doing. Jin was helping Jen set up the complicated set for the special double elimination a few days from now, Yoongi was drinking himself into oblivion, Namjoon was reading, and Jimin was regretting his life decisions.

Y/n chose to follow Jimin up the stairs. He didn't notice. Or, if he did, he didn't comment on it. He went to his room, none of the others around except Y/n. Before he could shut the door behind him, she placed her hand on it. That had him halting, shifting his gaze to meet hers. The colorless eyes of Park Jimin stared at her. Her heart cracked because of it. She'd kill to go back to the first day of the show. The day when he flirted with her for the first time and kissed her thighs. Back then, his eyes were so bright. Where did the time go?

"Can we talk?" Y/n asked, Jimin shrugging. She took it as a yes and came in. Jimin opted to stand, her kicking the door closed and pressing her back against it. "You haven't told me anything about treatment. Any updates?"

"Treatment is like a staircase. Sometimes you go up, sometimes you go down, and sometimes you stay on the same level," he said, but his back was facing her. He was staring at the picture of his mother on his nightstand, his hand brushing by it. "I'm on the same level now. Nothing good, nothing bad."

"I guess that's alright."

"I'd rather the bad news than this bullshit waiting. It feels like I'm just sitting here, watching my body deteriorating." He paused, finally bringing his eyes to her. "It's like I'm waiting to die."

"Hey, don't worry, okay? You have great doctors and money coming in. I can't imagine how stressed you are, but you're fighting, and you'll win."

"How do you know?" The sharpness in his tone had her stiffening, her eyes expanding. He fully faced her, his lips turning up into a grimace. "You don't know anything about what I'm going through."

"You're right," she said, cautiously. "I don't. But that doesn't mean I don't want to try. Jimin, why don't I go to your appointments with you? Maybe I can learn to understand and see more of what you're going through. Plus, it's hard to be alone when you're going through stuff like this."

"I am."

She tilted her head. "What?"

"That's what you don't get, Y/n. I am alone. What do I have, exactly?"

"Six boys who love and support you. Me too. We only want the best for you. I know it must be easy to think you're alone when you're going through so much, but I promise you're not. You still have us-"

"Are you done?" At her silence, he took it as a yes. "I don't need you to lecture me about how I'm 'not alone' and I have 'six boys and you'. Let me tell you what I really have, Y/n." Jimin came closer, his frame boxing her in against the door. She gulped and peeked up at him. She saw color in his eyes again. There was a burning scarlet resting there. It wasn't love, or joy, or passion.

It was fury.

"I have no fucking family, some friends I met on a reality TV show of all places, no friends from home, and an unrequited love with the girl who might choose me, might not. I don't get to find out yet. I get to sit here and wait to find out if I get to be with the girl I love or not. I get to sit here in suspense for a few more weeks when I've been waiting for months. I have nothing."

"That's not true," she said in a whisper. It felt weak as she said it.

"All my money is gone, spent on treatment. I get poked and prodded at every week because I have a disease inside me that won't go away, but you know what? I think I figured it out. It's me. I'm the disease. I'm the one going around ruining everything I touch, right? That's why my own parents don't love me. That's why the only friends I have are here because we're filming a fake show for fake audiences who'll hate on me just for existing. They'll hate on me because I get in the way of their favorite ships. Hell, I bet they'll send me death threats for daring associate with you. I bet they'll take a clip of us out of context, maybe to spin some narrative that I'm a creep. Or a predator. Or something fucking worse. I bet they'll take a clip of me holding you and spin it to say you're uncomfortable and I'm crossing boundaries, or some bullshit like that."

"Stop," she murmured, her eyes burning with tears. He didn't let up.

"I bet they'll do the same to you, won't they? They'll body shame you for not having the perfect nose or the longest lashes in the world. They'll bully you and call you the same names they call me: a pig, a disgusting, worthless person who's getting in the way of the people they really want to see, because-"

"Stop," she said, louder, gripping his shirt and pulling on it. "Jimin, this isn't healthy. I get what you're saying, but-"

"I'm not done," he whispered, Y/n shutting her mouth. "Every single little thing I do seems to fuck something up. I already grew up surrounded by bullies who hated me, including my family. Now I get to see those comments when the show airs. Now I get to get recognized in public as the man who got in the way of you and Namjoon, or Taehyung and you, or Jungkook and you, or whatever fucking ship is the most popular. I know I signed up for this, but I'm already tired. It feels like every day a new punch comes, and I'm hit with the reality that no matter what I do and say, people are going to hate me for it. Just because I'm alive, I'm hated for it. I've changed my entire personality dozens of times. I tore myself apart to please others, but it still wasn't enough. And now I don't know who I am. I don't recognize myself."

"I don't recognize you either," she said, fearing the response she'd receive. He peered at her with those eyes she once loved, but all that was inside her was terror. Terror that Jimin was slipping away from her forever. The man she loved was before her, but not at the same time. That was what caused her to tremble, her lower lip quivering.

"Good," was his answer, his eyes never parting from hers. "You should leave me too."

"What?"

"Leave before I hurt you too. I told you, Y/n. I don't have a disease. I am the disease. You should go before I infect you too."

He pushed himself away from her and backed up, tugging on his weak hair until strands of it attached themselves to his skin. Jimin laughed, no joy behind it as he turned to her to show off the locks. His eye smile was haunting, his form lingering by the bed while Y/n remained by the door, her hand on the knob.

"I'm dying, Y/n!" he said in a shout, Y/n flinching at the sudden change in pitch. "Every time I look in the mirror, I see my skin and hair falling apart. I see me falling apart. I'm watching myself die! Everyone always says life is hard, but why does it have to be?! Why does life have to be beating after beating, and if we complain, we get called weak?!"

"Jimin," she mumbled, her voice cracking over the single word as a tear rolled down her face.

"So yeah, Y/n. You should really go. Just leave my life. You're not doing much good by being here."

"I just want to help."

"Yeah," he said, chuckling before glaring at her. "Some fucking help you've been."

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want me to say, huh? You're a walking reminder of everything I want but can't have. You need to leave me alone and not come back. Get out of my life."

"I-I don't want to do that," she said, cursing at herself for stuttering.

"Well that's not your decision!" She saw the way he sobbed, her desiring nothing more than to hold him, but she was frozen. "You're destroying me! You're making everything worse! I wish you'd just fucking leave! I wish I never met you!"

She stared at him with her eyes bulging. "Jimin," she said, her tone steady and gentle.

Jimin sucked in deep breaths, peering at her with his teary eyes. There was color there. The color was full of suffering, but it was color nonetheless. And just like that, Jimin went to his knees and sobbed, holding a hand over his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut. Taking it as permission, she went over, sitting on his bed by his side and placing a hand on his back.

He cried without speaking for a minute, Y/n silently comforting him as he let it out. She figured him suppressing his emotions would lead to this, but her heart was in agony from it. Although she knew it was just the anger and pent up emotions talking, his words still hurt. She had certainly blown up at her friends and family before and not meant it, but that didn't change how hurtful it was.

"I'm sorry," he said in a whimper, hugging her leg as if that'd display his remorse. "I didn't mean any of that. I swear, I didn't. I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry." He broke off with a crack, pressing his forehead against her knee and coming closer. She allowed him to come as close as he'd like, but she didn't speak.

She continued to rub his back, moving her hand up to his hair and petting the locks that were there. She hoped it would calm him, but he only shook more, his hands grabbing at anything they could.

"Y/n, please," he said, his voice raspy from the sobs he was letting out between syllables. "I love you. I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean any of it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She stared at his broken form, observing each crack in his gorgeous skin. That was when she realized he was right: he was dying. His skin was pale, dented, crevassed. The old Jimin was gone, and what replaced him was a shell of what could have been. "Please," he murmured, continuing to bawl against her leg. She willed herself to speak, but not before wiping the tears she didn't realize she shed.

"I know."

~~~

A/N: I try to give the most realistic depictions of how people act in these situations, and if Jimin didn't have a meltdown from suppressing his emotions for so long, I doubt I'd accomplish my goals. So as sad as this scene is, I hope you still enjoyed it and won't hate me for it. I just want to give the most realistic depictions of trauma and emotional suppression as possible. I know it can be hard to read, but this is a mature story and I don't want to shy away from the mature reality that is life. Especially since I feel emotions and breakdowns such as these aren't addressed enough in media (and ESPECIALLY with men). Anyway, I'm rambling. Thank you for reading, and I hope I see you in the next chapter.