I wake up in a battlefield and spit the blood out of my mouth until Glaze rushes over, a risen corpse, and out of empty eye sockets begins telling me to calm down. She announces over and over that I am here, in the present moment, and once I believe her, I see the others stir to life. This is the opposite of the Dog Days. All of them are so dull... and then I'm back here, in the present, and the air tastes like air, and my mouth still tastes like my own bitten tongue. I run it to the roof of my mouth, guiltily.

"Sorry 'bout that." I say.

"It's fine. Are you having some kind of episode?" asks Rain, prying her way in between Glaze and I with her snout. Rain's body is cold. I think I missed her, or maybe I'm just hot, but I press myself right up against her and close my eyes.

"I want to remember something. A lot of things." I tell her. "Do you have history on the Auspicia?"

Rain scoffs. "Only thousands of years worth of it. I'm afraid most of the primary documents went up in her-- your-- castle, when that exploded."

"Her," I suggest. "Can you go back to that? The castle exploded?"

"Avery was one of the only survivors." I dip my head, imagining forests growing out of the ruined landscape. It is not a question: we are going there. When, I do not know, but I need to see where she lived, and I need to know all of the trees reaching upwards towards the sun, all of the trees whose marrow run with the ashes of everyone who was in service to her.

It dawns on me that I do not want to see Gale again, in fact, I am more than a little afraid of him right now. "Let's go downstairs. Can you take me down there? Show me everything?"

Rain nods, not for the first time. "Honestly, if you give me a direct request, there's a good chance I can ignore just about any order."

"Please don't let me abuse that." I beg, but she's already giving me a look.

We go and get out half the library's books. Rain starts stacking before the sun hits our small window and the sun has passed it by the time she's finished her pile, which stacks up as far as I can fling it with telekinesis, brushing the ceiling with the uppermost leathery cover. Rain looks back to me, giddily, and I look down at my paws again, tail sweeping the ground. "So. What we have here is roughly, and I mean roughly, the full history of the Auspicia. Obviously it's Dreamland's favorite topic, given that she's been our ruler almost since the beginning, but there are also sixty-two different aspects of her to analyze. It's really fascinating, you know, since it's the closest thing we have to a full map of someone's heartlines. Of course, the Auspicia's spirit is actually radically different than most Sentients', but there's still notable similarities. Homologous traits, if you will. Anyways." Rain taps a volume on the table, shaking off dust. "What do you want to start with?"

"I'm looking for a battle." I say.

Rain lets out a barking laugh. "Any battle in particular, Rena? Otherwise we might be here for a while."

My face falls. "W-was she directly involved in a lot of battles?"
"Oh, sure. Most of the time, she was more of a passive force, but there are plenty of battles reaching back to the Heretic's Follies all the way down to the militarized takedown of several Evelscan labs where the appeared in the flesh, in full armor. If you're looking for an old-fashioned battle, you'd probably be looking for...." Rain grabs a book from the middle, and the other stories shuff down angrily, practically slamming shut like jaws. I watch the precarious pile sway before stopping, and by the time I look back over, Rain has the page open. "See, this one's low on images, but I can translate. This is all on the battles with Agatou. She was a Nyuhenge, so, Nina's species."

"She's beautiful," I whisper, putting a paw one of the sparse pictures. A Nyuhenge adorned in battle armor, her fur a glistening color akin to snow, stares back at me, furiously. Her facial features are noble and her eyes have several concentric irises, so that her face seems to be inset by beautiful jewels instead of eyes.

"She's one of the greatest villains our world has ever known," Rain says. "She and the Auspicia engaged in a great war after Agatou essentially repudiated the divine rule of Verhamera over the world. As the very first Nyuhenge, capable of shapeshifting and with nine tails... well, she was unlike anything the world had ever seen. She looked like a prophet herself, so a lot of Sentients came to her aid. The battles were fought mainly in the wilderness, between two sides who would engage each other briefly before darting back into the forest, and everything was a calamitous mess. It was easily also one of the bloodiest conflicts this world will ever know."

"I remember that." I say, poking around for pictures. The text is so dense that it looks like its own forest. "Do you have this much detail for every Auspicia?"

"Well, Inverr, eighth Auspicia, kept journals, so it's a lot easier to piece together her rationale than it is with some of the others, for example, Halcyon, who was entirely mute and spent her whole life secluded from the world, only writing books on various obscure topics unrelated to magic or anything within her reign."

"But how did she run things?" I ask.

Rain looks sadly over the pages of the document. "Perhaps not all of the Auspicias were always entirely fit for duty, even though we were always grateful for their divine share of wisdom and power. In case of emergency situations, they often had puppet governments up so that the Auspicia could spread power around without giving away any real position."

I tilt my head. "Puppet?"

"It's really intriguing, but I think we'd all be dead by the time I explained the intricacies of Dreamlandian politics to you. Furthermore, given that you're the heir, now, I'd imagine you have all of those memories, so it might also be redundant." Rain says. When I nod stiffly, certain by instinct that I have saved myself from something dreadful, she adds, "If you don't remember anything later, once we... fix things properly... I'm sure I could give you a catch-up?"

"Okay," I say, blankly looking through the pages. My face falls as I reach a page with a dark figure standing over the walls of a familiar castle, the ink silhouettes eclipsed by nine white tails running over the edge. "What happened here?"

"Agatou was slain and her tails were put over the castle walls as a sign of the Auspicia's victory." Rain says. She shuts the book before I can get a better look at it. "It was one of the hardest decisions the Auspicia ever had to make, on her own account. That, and the subsequent..." Rain trails off.

"Murder of every Nyuhenge descended from Agatou her forces could find, until the entire species was hunted back to the brink." says a voice that is not mine, from my mouth. My tongue is heavy with regret, and as soon as it is freed, I cry, "She-- she did what?"
"It's remembered as one of the greatest travesties in history." Rain says. "We'll need to pick out some lighter reading material. I'm sorry about that."

"C-can I... um, actually..." I begin, feeling my fur heat up. "Has the Auspicia ever been really, um, close to anyone? I know she's a leader and she's all distant, but, uh, um... okay, I don't want to be weird about it." I sink under the table.

"Imagine me as an entirely neutral entity. Can the book judge you, Rena? No, because it has already thought all the things it will ever be capable of. It's just an information receptacle. Ask it." Rain says, holding the book open to me. "Come on."

"You get to keep learning, don't you?" My eyes widen. "That's so horrifying."
"I'm trying to make you feel a little more at ease," Rain's ears slide back. "I didn't mean to brighten you. I assure you I'm not an emotionless automaton, if that's what you were concerned about. I can feel things just fine."

I tentatively stare over the book. "Has she ever fallen in love?"

"You just looked at one example of it, according to various historians." Rain says. "As for others, they generally don't end much better. The longest example would be her affair with Natrina, who was her immortal companion for the entirety of her reign up until now. A lot of Sentients hoped Natrina would take over the position, but that never happened, as she perished during the final fight with the Obsidians."

I close my eyes. Even the word 'Natrina' is enough to send shivers down the spine of every Auspicia, as if all of them are catching their breath in unison, and a warmth like sunlight fills me, emptying back out with an increasingly sour sense of regret. Rain's information is good, but I can already tell in my heart, pulsing with the regrets of every Auspicia, that a lot of it is wrong. I can see my old friend on the floor of a distant place, an endless hall of silvery grey, and she bleeds out, but she flickers faster.

We trapped her in the prison of her own body, pulled her away from time so we could have her all to ourselves. All because we were so afraid of being alone.

"I hurt a lot of Sentients, don't I?" I ask. Memories flash back. Natrina, little more than a pup, sauntering alongside me. A thousand skies alight with fire. Natrina, standing by the throne in times of crisis. Natrina at my back, close to my face, Natrina, at my throat on the darkest evening on the longest day in any of our lives... Natrina, over and over, watching, waiting, as I slip past her out of time:

the old willow, beckoning us back. The two of us standing there on a dark night, and her mouth moves, but she's not saying anything. My entire body shakes with the weight of memory, heavier than the crown, and the way her eyes glisten with starlight even when she's not looking at the stars--when she stares straight through me like I am the world.

Because you made her that.

"But we did it. The eye thing. You look at someone and you just know." I argue. "I couldn't let her go."

"What eye thing? Rena, are you having a fit again?" Rain asks, concerned.

"No, I'm just working something out." How do you need someone who is gone? What kind of avail are you supposed to find when they can never again reach you, hold you like you've held them, and a part of you is still lodged in their heart, deep under the earth?

(But she'll never get to taste the earth of her homeland, because you took that from her, too.)

Gale. I catch perky ears around the corner and almost dive for him, just to find I'm almost on top of Avery, instead. I couldn't quite bowl her over, so we're in an odd position right now where she's almost on her side and one of my paws is in her chest, and when she looks up at me with her deep green eyes I stare down at her fur and realize that they're stained by my tears.

"How long did you all know for?" I choke out.

"Don't do anything rash just because you're upset, Rena. It won't end well." insists Avery.

"For me?" I ask.

"For us." Avery appears overhead, and I flinch. Her eyes are kind, but her body language is far sterner, her shoulders squared and her jaw tight. "I understand you're upset, but Rain and I do need to show you the rest of this. Rain, can you finish up, here?"

"You want me to show her the rest?" Rain asks, dipping her head to Avery.

"I want you to show her what she needs to see." Avery says softly. She fixes the pages with that far-away Avery expression, so full of light and sadness both that it wants to break your heart.

"How much of that is true?" I ask.

"Enough." Avery responds with a flick of her ears. "What is written down is what ends up having the real power. That's where the true virtue of words lie. Whoever makes the stories? They end up shaping the future, regardless of what events actually occurred."

"But I can see--" I begin, lifting my head as if to glimpse a truth beyond anything put to the paper. "I know things. So they happened, even if someone writes something different."

"Our heads are more unreliable than any page, Rena. None of us live forever." Rain resolutely adds, "Except you. Which is why we're going to need to continue this." Avery draws down a book, and Rain begins to flip through pages, every one of them constricting my heart even though they've done little more than crinkle paper.

"Please don't show me anymore." I beg, closing my eyes to shield myself.

"Why?"

"I'm bad," I say. "I did bad things."

"You lived a very long time. You did all kinds of things. How we judge them in modern context... is a little reductionist, honestly. What's important is that we need that strong presence again. Can't you see things have fallen apart without you?" asks Rain. Her voice is a long, deft stroke against my side, and I try to shut her out but I can't close my ears.

"But I don't have what you want me to have. If I were really the Auspicia, wouldn't I just... wouldn't things just.. work? But they don't. Everything in my head is a mess of light and noise."

"That's what I need to show you." Rain opens to a new page. "Do you remember what this is?"

"It's a tooth," I say, looking at the knife awkwardly gripped in a long-horned Sentient's paw. The simplistic art style allows one to bypass all the complications of using our flimsy dew claws to actually hold an implement, let alone that most Canii would merely levitate it.

"In a manner of speaking, yes. It is a tooth rumored to have come from the Ophaboros, ancient gods as powerful as Verhamera. However, Ophaboros teeth also have the ability to split the spirits of seraph, like the Auspicia. She was a vessel for near-infinite magical energy, directly streamed from Verhamera. Someone managed to plant a spy at one of the highest levels of security, and one night, they used such a tooth to end the Auspicia's life. When her power split apart, it was like no other death of hers. Supposedly, the Ophaboros tooth would fracture all of that energy, spilling it out across the land..."

"But it's not everywhere? Is it?"
"The Plague was set off not long after." Rain says. "We have no idea if those two events were interconnected in any way. Leading theory says that the Plague victims might be that power, but your reactions to them, magically, don't line up. After watching you run a few missions, we reported the data to associates, and they told us that there was another possibility."

"You've been watching me this whole time?" I ask. "Testing me?"

"We test everyone for performance. We were just looking for something different with you." Avery assures me. "I'm sorry we've had to keep you in the dark for so long, but you know now that Rain's here with your past and I'm here with your presence. Now that you know, we can come clean of everything."

I nod, even though my heart is prickling with a flurry of mixed emotions. My throat is hot as I manage to choke out, "What's the other option?"

"We'd have to assume all of that energy went into something." asks Rain. "We're going to have to acquire a knife akin to the Ophaboros tooth. The nearest one is stored in Sukoma City."

"Are you going to split me open?"

"No," Avery says. "We'll have to look for the culprit, who, according to those calculations, should be back as well. It'll be a long process, but in the mean time, all you have to do is stay safe. Is that clear?"

I nod, but as I do so, in my mind a dusky Canis saunters towards the sun. She has my coloration, my horns, but lither muscles and only a single set of wings, unghosted. She is heading towards a final battle and afterwards, to the trees where they will lay her down. I shudder to imagine being put into the earth, but all the same, part of me longs for the embrace of the earth, and the kindness of a world that is well aware I went down protecting it. I nod again, head stiff, and Avery watches me, trying to peer through my eyes into my head.

"I'll go," I say, and my voice, once again, never fails to surprise me. I pad past the two of them-- I think Avery calls after me, but her voice is a swarm of bees-- and out into the clamor of the day, where the other Sentients emerge from the basement, rolling with muscle and scars. Glaze bandages wounds and makes small talk with Ignis and Fyera, while Gale darts between them, taking a long swig of a drink that definitely isn't water while holding it up with a shadow claw. He licks the foam from his mouth, ears tilting at my approach, and I feel my whole face warm.

It is like stepping out of a long, fitful dream.

"Where've you been, lazybones? The rest of us almost died today." Gale says. "Worse, I had to deal with Indy."

"I was busy getting my history from Rain." I say.

"Oh?"
"I asked!" I clarify. "I mean, I asked first. Then she sat me down and Avery came in and they were really serious about it, so I couldn't exactly leave, but..." I shake. "I'm scared, Gale. Of myself. Of this. Of whatever they want from me. I'll do it. I love them. I only wish it were anyone else."

Gale drops the brew. His eyes fix mine, warm as honey, and then the rest of the room, full of bright fury. "What have they been telling you?" he asks, his voice a warm cloak with a blade drawn underneath.

"The truth, mainly." I say.

"Maybe it's all exaggerated. They're trying to throw you off guard. That's the only... Rena? Are you crying?" he asks. He puts his face back even with mine, so our muzzles are almost touching.

"It is exaggerated," I sniff. "They exaggerate how good of a leader I was. All of my memories are awful."

"Yeah, well, power sucks." Gale says. "All it does is ruin your life, really. No one who has any degree of power just ends up being awful, so I bet it wasn't even you--really."

"We're pretty powerful."

"Rules have exceptions. Well, some exceptions... if you end up getting all haughty on me, I might have to ditch you, Rena."

"So I shouldn't let it go to my head?" I ask.

"No." Gale says. "Or I'll disown you."

I pause, a high whine building in my throat.

"Joking," he says. "Totally joking."

I meet him in the middle and I fall into his fur, beaming with all the light of the sun I miss so dearly. It is on his pelt--I can scent it. I smell the forests and rivers on him, as well as the more sinister scent of blood, but all of it screams, I am alive, and I hold onto it desperately, breathing in until my lungs are filled with him. It's all I can do to ignore the scrapes that are his instead of the enemy's, and worse, the eyes around us, the creeping sense that we are in the jaws of a greater being that knows our every motion.

I asked to play this game, I remind myself, but seeing the long scars across his back, the way they stroke his frame, I wish for a humbler role so desperately that it sends my memories back into a deep, lonely darkness.