❝Heavy words are hard to take
Under pressure precious things can break
And how we feel is hard to fake
So let's not give the game away.❞

Chapter Eleven:
A Partnership Proposal
(cont'd)

Too caught up in my mood of resentment, it took me a while to notice that the outside surroundings were nowhere near the outlook of my neighborhood. For one, there wasn't any traffic. The car was rolling along smoothly on a quiet, more tranquil road with more than enough space to accommodate for its passengers. My eyes widened as I made out the reason. We were on an interstate road.

"What the hell?" I whirled around, my hair whipping back against the seat. I felt Hans' hand immediately come to rest on my thigh, stilling me. That didn't calm my nerves one bit, it only fired them up. "I asked you to take me home. Where the hell are-" My voice died out in my throat as I looked past Hans and out the glass. Multicolored lights reflected off the still, clear waters of the vast river. I could make out the sound of laughter and excited whispers, of families and children. Turning around, my mouth nearly fell open at the sight.

We were at National Harbor, one of the great attractions I had been pinning my hopes on visiting since the day I'd started planning my move to Washington. It was a trip I had been hoping to make with Helena on one of our days off from work. I guess it hadn't come soon enough as Hans had beat me here. I would have been a little more curious on why the hell he'd brought me to National Harbor of all places, but I was too enraptured in my fascination to even question him as he got out the car and swiftly walked over to my side to open my door for me.

Words were exchanged between Hans and his trusty driver. My ears tuned them out as I stared openly at the sight in front of me. Families and couples flocked the area which was populated with restaurants and booths. There seemed to be some kind of event going on tonight and I placed it for a culinary fair, judging by the banners and the aromatic spices that waded through the air.

To my left was the waterfront, and the marina that Tim had told me so much about over one particular lunch. He was saving up to get his own boat one day to dock it in the area, and although I hadn't been paying attention to the amount of extravagant detail he had gone into, I could see why he so badly loved it here. It was magical. But the best part about all this wasn't the serenity of the Potomac River, the buzz of life from its visitors who swamped the restaurants and various facilities, and not even the carousel I could make out that lit up several colors in the peaceful night. It was the Capital Wheel.

We were close enough to make out the astounding view of the giant Ferris wheel on the pier not too far away. Hundreds upon hundreds of LED lights flickered in the night sky, casting dancing illuminations along the still waters of the Potomac River which the pier extended into.

"Wow."

I felt Hans' presence behind me, and sure enough, he gently took hold of my elbow to steer me closer to him as he bent low and whispered in my ear, "I take it this is your first time."

I should be mad. I should have kicked him, clawed at him, screamed the world's worst profanities in his face and stormed away. It would have been the right thing to do, though not the most decent but I couldn't bring myself to lash out my fury at him anymore. Perhaps, it was this place that had cast a spell on me. Its serenity was like a piece of what I'd been searching for a long time. I needed a break which is exactly why I had planned to come here myself one day. Although I couldn't recall ever mentioning my plans to Hans, I take it he had his own agenda in mind as he took the lead, directing me further into the gentle, swaying crowds and farther away from where I should be.

"Are you hungry?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

I shook my head again.

Hans sighed and grabbed my hand. I found myself holding on tighter than I should and I stared, somewhat in anger and self-revulsion at the way my fingers sought his, slipping into the cracks of his own. Yes, I had missed this and I hated that I had. There was nothing to miss about a lying, deceitful excuse of a relationship.

Firm and crisp, I met Hans' questioning gaze head on with a direct question of my own. "What are we doing here?" I stopped walking, my heels skidding loudly against the tarmac which earned a few looks from the passers. We must have looked like quite the pair, him in his suit meant for business and I in my fairly rumpled office wear. It was obvious that we didn't belong here, not tonight anyway but as most people go on with their own lives, not one pair of eyes dared to linger longer on us before continuing on to whatever fun they had planned. I could only wish I could be that carefree as I stared up at Hans, feeling uneasy knowing I was still unable to let go of his hand.

"Why have you brought me here? I don't get it. One second, you're kidnapping me from an evening away with my best friend, throwing me into your car and yelling at me and the next we're at National Harbor, pretending there's nothing wrong." His hand clenched tightly on mine as if Hans could make out the fact that I wanted to run away. I wasn't even angry anymore. I was just emotionally exhausted.

"I'm begging you now; just take me home, and please, please leave me alone."

Something passed over in his eyes. I couldn't place what it was. Regret? Hurt? Guilt? But whatever that fleeting emotion had been, it wasn't enough to convince him as all Hans did was take a step closer and grab both my hands in his now, squeezing them in a silent plea.

"You have every right in the world to hate me, okay? I know that." He paused, tongue swiping out to lick his lower lip. Hans did that when he was nervous. "But please, Tris. All I'm asking for is one chance. I don't deserve it, but if you would just give me tonight to...to redeem myself, I promise you won't regret it."

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Those bitter words lined the tip of my tongue but I bit them back and found myself giving Hans the slightest nod, going against every bit of my better judgment. Relief rushed into his eyes and I felt him visibly relax, the muscles in his hands loosening.

"Thank you," he whispered, and with one small grateful smile, the first one I'd seen in ages, he turned around and whisked me away in the direction of the pier.

It was all a rush. I wasn't sure what to focus on - the situation at hand (literally, with the way Hans and I walked among the crowd, we could easily have been mistaken as a couple), or the surrounding life of National Harbor. A part of me was glad that I had rejected the last round of shots that Helena had offered me for I would certainly have not been sober enough to soak myself in the setting if I had. Restaurants and shops popped up in my vision; children with cotton candy and mothers racing after their little boys who skipped away too far; couples fine-dining along the waterfront with glasses of sparkling champagne. It was like being part of the wrong dream. I hadn't seen myself in a picture of joy and folly such as this one, but rather dank, gray gloom.

The words "where are you taking me" were on my lips when my eyes looked straight ahead and found the answer in all its glory. The Capital Wheel was much more magnificent up close than it was from a distance. It towered over the pier and the river, its slow rotations in the sky dazzling the world below it with its spectrum of colors and celebration. I noticed a queue of waiting passengers and thought we were to join them but in a flash, Hans walked past the line, all the way to the front where a short, pixie-haired teenager stood behind a counter.

"Mister..." she paused, staring down at her notepad in concentration. "Castellan? Mister Castellan, did I get that right? Weird name dude."

Hans rolled his eyes, muttering something about teenagers these days before saying impatiently, "I reserved the VIP gondola." Prim, proper, and short, his reply merited an exaggerated gasp from the black-haired girl. Looking rather flustered with a blush racing into her round cheeks, she stuttered, "This way please," and proceeded to take us past the line of people to the front.

"Your gondola will be down in about five minutes. It's almost done with its rotation," she spoke carefully, choosing her words as if she were talking to royalty. "Would you like anything else Sir?"

"Nothing at all...Mabel." He smiled at the girl who beamed, her finger tracing her name tag which Hans had taken notice before scuttling away like a smitten cat. Unable to hold back, I sighed. "What?" Hans asked, looking down at me. "Do you have a fear of heights?"

"No," I replied and let go of his hand, crossing my arms over my chest. We stood by side in silence and I didn't fail to notice Hans' occasional long, side glances my way.

"How long have you been planning this?" I asked in a small voice. Despite my eyes being fixed on the groups of people entering the wheel ahead of us, Hans heard me and responded with a small grin.

"A while." I turned to look at him and saw that he was staring down at me, his lips pulled into an innocent smile. "I was actually planning on bringing you here before but.." his smile slipped off his face, accompanied by an awkward cough where he broke our gaze and found a newfound love for the floor.

"But I found out about your ugly little lie?" is what I wanted to say. I chose to remain quiet, containing my anger below the layers of excitement that grew bigger when I saw Mabel making her way over to us, her eyes fixed on the next gondola making its way down. It was slightly bigger than the rest and even from a distance, I could make out the inside was fancier - with what looked like a mini-bar and snacks in the corner, perhaps prepared at Hans' special request. What exactly was he playing at?

"This way please!" she squeaked happily, beckoning us over. Hans nudged me forward, placing a hand on my lower back to guide me. When we set step into the gondola, I couldn't help but make out the whispers and daggers of envy some people shot over at us. It didn't help with Mabel practically fawning over us like our personal maid, making sure we had everything we needed before shutting the door with a wide, perky smile. "Enjoy your ride Mr. and Mrs. Castellan!"

Huh? I looked between Hans and Mabel, both of whom were smiling a little too much. Had she mistaken us for a married couple, because that's exactly what it sounded like. I would have corrected her, if not for our gondola starting its slow ascent up into the sky the very next second.

"Remind me to tip her well." The laughter in Hans' voice was unmistakable. I shot him a nasty glare to let him know I was not the least bit amused before stalking over to the other side of the gondola with my arms still crossed tightly over my chest. Hans followed me but didn't say or do much more but lean forward against the railing by my side. Seconds passed, which then turned to minutes. All the while, a silence had been established between us that was neither empty nor awkward. The higher up we went, the more my breath started to catch in my throat.

I had visited the Space Needle back in Seattle a multiple number of times with Jacob. A wonderful creation of architecture, I can't deny even now despite how awry things turned out with Jacob that our visits there had been remarkable. That's why when he ended up getting us a place only a couple blocks away from the beautiful sight, I had been ecstatic. Granted, I was head over heels in love with the man but thinking back to those times, I would do nothing to go back to them, but at the same time, nothing to erase them. They still counted for good memories and I knew, standing here in the slowly inching capsule that one day in the future, tonight would count too.

The Capital Wheel wasn't as tall as the Space Needle, but the view was still as breathtaking if not more. Soaring above the Potomac River, as the capsule we were in drew its way to the top, it wasn't just the sight of the life below us or the hidden diamonds shimmering and winking below the waters. I could make out some of the most notable attractions of the country; the White House and Capitol glimmering in all their national glory. I could also see the Washington Monument, and the lush green parklands of Maryland kissed by silver moonlight. It was awe-inspiring, the kind of sight meant to be memorized and recounted for inspiration by artists seeking their muse.

My hands pressed flat against the cool glass asI released a breathless, "Wow", for the second time tonight, trying to absorbeach and every detail with my eyes. The city glowed beneath me with the clearnight sky acting as a perfect companion to the peaceful world beneath it. It'smoments like these where my worries just seem to slip away in the beauty ofMother Nature. And I damn well may have let go entirely if not for the voice that broke the silence, and ended the brief reverie I had entered.

_____

Song: Please Don't Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin

Vote goal: 90

IMPORTANT A/N:

There's been a bit of confusion over the past few chapters on why Tris is mad at Hans. I just want to clarify this now to avoid further confusion. If you guys have any more questions, comment in this line and I'll respond directly.

Jacob's betrayal to Tris took a huge chunk out of her, to the extent that she became ashamed of who she used to be. When she came to Innovus, it was a fresh start albeit not in the way she had been expecting. But it gave her a chance to start over again, and be someone without anyone knowing about her past and judging her for it.

For Tris, that past was the one thing she had that was her secret, one of the skeletons in her closet. So when she realized that Hans not only knew her back then, for the person she used to be and is so ashamed of but also never told her about it, she feels that same slap of betrayal she'd gone through with Jacob. And she runs away.

Some of you think she was overreacting - and you're right. A part of her was - and that's what I'm aiming at. I'm not trying to make logical, perfectly balanced, and emotionally structured characters. I'm trying to make characters that are human. She ran away instead of facing the problem head-on. That's because she's flawed, just like you and I.

Anyone who wants to bash on Tris, why don't you remember Hans as well? Both of them are equally conflicted characters, and Hans (objectively speaking) is a huge asshole. He hasn't been the best. He lies to her from the start, a woman he's already blackmailing into taking up a job at his father's company. He ran away from her before and locked her out too without saying a word or giving her a reason, just as she thought they were becoming closer. Why isn't anyone bashing on him as much?

So if you're going to question Tris's overreaction, do keep in mind that Hans too did the same. Why? Because they're both complicated, flawed human beings and those are the kind I write.

But unlike Jacob, Hans comes after her as he did in this chapter. Likewise, she reached out for Hans too (during his birthday -the silver jubilee - if y'all remember). Beyond the tears, the ugly fights and the lies, they don't give up on each other. That's what relationships are about.

Not about being perfectly happy but imperfectly so.