As soon as the would-be assassins were dealt with, Luo Binghe rushed back to his Shizun's quarters to see his memories at long last.

Seconds after he shut the door behind him, the Emperor heard Meng Mo's voice in his mind, "He is still in deep sleep, the deepest he has been in since you have had me looking for a way into his head, you will be able to view his memories with ease. This one must warn you, you will not like what you will find."

"Did you look?" Luo Binghe asked, his anger starting to stir

"This one did not, but I did catch a glance by accident while keeping him asleep." Meng Mo immediately defended

"Leave me then, I will look in his mind alone. Just keep him asleep while this lord looks." The Heavenly Demon ordered

Luo Binghe sat on the edge of the bed, taking Shen Qingqiu's porcelain hand in his own, closing his eyes as he began to search his mind.

***

As soon as he entered Shen Qingqiu's memories, Luo Binghe knew that it was different than his viewing of Yue Qingyuan's memories: this time he was not an invisible bystander, but instead he was looking through his Shizun's eyes.

He watched as Shen Qingqiu -or rather, Shen Jiu- dug through the trash behind a large home, looking for anything edible to fill his achingly empty belly.

There was nothing but animal bones and rotten fish, leaking juices onto everything else, but Shen Jiu found a half-moldy radish and started to shove it into the pocket of his tattered robe.

Just as he was beginning to leave, Shen Jiu was noticed by servants who tried throwing the contents of waste basins at him but he managed to dodge it and ran off.

Shen Jiu ran through the maze-like streets of the city, until eventually he turned into a tiny ally where nine other children were waiting: the oldest being Yue Qi.

"Did you find anything, Jiu-ge?" The youngest looking of the group asked

He nodded and pulled the half-moldy radish from his pocket.

"Today is a good day then, we all found something." Yue Qi said, trying to cheer everyone up

One of the children produced a broken knife to cut off the rotten part of the radish and the ten street rats began to eat together and talk about where they had found food and who to avoid.

While the streetrats ate, Luo Binghe occasionally heard them say each other's names: Wang Yi, Zhao Er, Chen San, He Si, Gao Wu, Xu Liu, Huang Ba, and Yang Shi.

And when added with Shen Jiu and Yue Qi, it painted a very dark picture for the Emperor; the group of children did not have names, they had surnames and numbers.

It did not look like that they were numbered by age, as Yue Qi was the oldest of the bunch and was numbered 'seven' while the youngest looking had been 'eight', so it had to be in order of when they had been enslaved prior to being streetrats.

Time seemed to fast forward as the group of ten began to age and one by one all the children died from starvation, sickness, being beaten, or other tragic accidents or were otherwise sold until the only ones left were Shen Jiu and Yue Qi.

Before long, Luo Binghe witnessed the scene he had already seen from Yue Qi's perspective, seeing when Qiu Jianluo dragged Shen Jiu away and the world went black.

***

When Luo Binghe was able to see again, he was watching still through Shen Jiu's eyes as a violet-clad man he knew was Qiu Jianluo looked at him with a sadistic expression, their surroundings being a lavish manor.

Suddenly, he slapped Shen Jiu in the face, and then again.

But Shen Jiu did not retaliate, did not spit or curse, just hung his face and let himself be slapped over and over again until Qiu Jianluo was bored of it and his face was all red.

Qiu Jianluo gripped Shen Jiu by the chin, looking over the bruises already starting to blossom, "Tell my sister you fell down the stairs if she asks."

Shen Jiu nodded and said nothing.

Luo Binghe was in a state of utter shock, he had never seen his Shizun seem this defeated and browbeaten.

Qiu Jianluo then dropped Shen Jiu's face and pushed him onto the floor, starting to kick at his sides while laughing about it.

Groans of pain escaped Shen Jiu's lips but he did not scream or cry, like he had grown numb to it a long time ago.

A wicked glint appeared in Qiu Jianluo's eye and he grabbed Shen Jiu by the hair and tossed him onto a table, hiking up his robes and ripping off his undergarments to expose his most intimate area.

Luo Binghe had no choice but watch through Shen Jiu's eyes, his vision blurred by tears, as he was violated by this monster.

To his added horror, he noticed the background shift and change, that Qiu Jianluo's clothing and hairstyles changed, showing that his shizun had been violated by this creature dozens of times.

Time sped up and on one occasion of the monster in human skin that was Qiu Jianluo was raping Shen Jiu and mentioned saying he wanted to father a child on him was what finally made Shen Jiu snap.

The fifteen year old slave, in a burst of instinctive spiritual energy -demonic energy, Luo Binghe noted-, slashed his nails along Qiu Jianluo's neck like a tiger's claws; blood burst forth like a waterfall and death came quickly.

Still incensed, Shen Jiu took Qiu Jianluo's sword and killed every man -noble, servant and slave alike- and left only the women behind before setting the manor ablaze.

***

Shortly after escaping the blaze of Qiu Manor, mere steps outside, Shen Jiu was found by Wu Yanzi.

Luo Binghe watched as Wu Yanzi could sense Shen Qingqiu's inheitant skill with demonic cultivation and decided to take him as a disciple.

For a year, Wu Yanzi taught Shen Jiu demonic cultivation, assassination, and how to craft cursed talismans.

But, within a few days of taking Shen Jiu in, the rogue cultivator made it known that his teachings were not free.

The price for this knowledge was simple yet extreme: his lifelong obedience.

If Wu Yanzi said jump, Shen Jiu had to jump; if Wu Yanzi said to kill someone, then Shen Jiu killed them.

And for that entire year, that was exactly how it worked.

Together, the master and disciple pair killed, tricked, scam and stole whatever Wu Yanzi pleased.

It ended with Yue Qi and Shen Jiu's reunion that Luo Binghe had seen before, where Shen Jiu had betrayed his master to save Yue Qi's life.

***

Decades went by quickly, of how Shen Jiu joined the sect, quickly became head disciple and was given the name Shen Qingqiu and ultimately became Peak Lord

And one day, all of the Peak Lords gathered to choose new disciples from the submitted lot, and Luo Binghe saw his younger self among them.

Ning Yingying was with Shizun, holding his hand and telling him that she wanted a new Shidi or Shimei like a spoiled daughter requesting a new sibling.

Shen Qingqiu let go of her hands and told her to go play while he picked one out, and naturally she obeyed him and went to collect flowers nearby.

And because he was seeing through his Shizun's eyes, he could tell that Shen Qingqiu originally had his eye on taking Liu Mingyan -partially to spite Liu Qingge, partially because he found girls to be better students- but Qi Qingqi quickly claimed her first.

Shen Qingqiu looked at the rest of the potential disciples, looking for the most tolerable one as only boys remained, when Liu Qingge arrived.

"Excellent timing, Liu-shidi." Yue Qingyuan greeted with a smile, "Why not take a look and see who's best?"

Liu Qingge glanced to the group of potential disciples who were all furiously digging holes, pointing at the one holding Lou Binghe "Talent-wise, him."

"Does Liu-shidi want him?" Yue Qingyuan asked

"Those who wish to come to me will come themselves." The Bai Zhan Peak Lord replied

Shen Qingqiu said, snapping his fan open with one fluid movement, "Good talent doesn't guarantee success."

Liu Qingge quickly shot ack with the hints of a smirk, "But certainly more success than a nobody who only began proper cultivation at age sixteen."

That was a low blow, Luo Binghe immediately noted, and it made him want to strangle the man for speaking so about his Shizun but alas he had been dead over a decade.

"Liu-shidi." Yue Qingyuan sighed, his tone stern

Liu Qingge turned to leave, "I'm going to practice."

"Liu-shidi isn't good with words." Yue Qingyuan apologized in a resigned tone, "You've always known this, so you must not mind him."

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes and was about to make a sarcastic comment when Ning Yingying returned to him, flowers tied into her hair.

"Shizun, Shizun," She giggled, hugging her arms tight around Shen Qingqiu's waist, "Will Yingying get a shimei or a shidi?"

When Shen Qingqiu looked at her, his face relaxed the way it always did when he saw her, "Would Ying-er like a shidi?"

Ning Yingying nodded several times, so Shen Qingqiu looked to the hole Luo Binghe was digging, "I want that child."

Yue Qingyuan was initially shocked but quickly allowed it and Ning Yingying giggled and rushed over to the hole to collect her new shidi.

Luo Binghe watched as his past self followed Ning Yingying until they arrived at Qing Jing Peak's Bamboo House, knowing what was to come, watching as Shen Qingqiu sat at the seat where he had always had his tea.

Shizun quickly sent Ning Yingying away with an excuse and Ming Fan quickly arrived and stood beside him, saying, "Starting from today, you will stay on Qing Jing Peak."

The past Luo Binghe's face was flushed red with joy, kneeling to bow, and cheerfully saying, "Disciple Luo Binghe greets Shizun!"

Luo Binghe could feel the corner of Shen Qingqiu's mouth twitch, and he lowered the teacup from his lips, asking, "Tell me, why did you come to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect?"

The past Luo Binghe nervously replied with his practised answer, "This disciple has always admired the many immortal masters on the mountain, their persons and demeanors both. If he can enter the sect and find success in his learning, this disciple's mother in heaven will be able to find peace."

Shen Qingqiu knew this was an polished and perfected answer that Luo Binghe had devised, so he asked, "You had a mother? What was your mother like?"

The young Luo Binghe smiled brightly, his eyes full of happiness tinged with grief, "Mother was the kindest person in all the world to me."

Luo Binghe wanted to kick his past self for that answer after all he had seen, and he could feel the envy seeping off his Shizun like waves.

But that was not it, there was something else in the undercurrents of his envy, something that Shen Qingqiu clearly did not even notice in his memories: his own natural demonic cultivation picked up on Luo Binghe's locked-away demonic nature and was naturally aggravated by it.

Simply put, just being in Luo Binghe's presence was unconsciously activating his worst emotions.

Luo Binghe did not know whether to laugh or cry, he had finally found it.

Why he did not have a kind Shizun of his own growing up: it was his own fault.

Somehow that pathetic Luo Binghe he had met in the other world and fought and lost to somehow had not triggered the latent demonic energy in Shizun's core like he had.

Shen Qingqiu stiffened and his tone was cold, "Indeed, you're at the best age for cultivating."

Shizun stood and walked over to Luo Binghe, his steps measured and he tossed the lukewarm tea in his hand, cup and lid and all, onto his new disciple and turned and walked away without a second glance.

***

Time fast forwarded after that, the days monotonous as daily life occurred.

And Luo Binghe saw when Shizun had gone into seclusion in the caves.

He mediated for years, and as he came out of it he quickly found he was not alone and was attacked by Liu Qingge who was in the midst of a qi deviation.

Liu Qingge was incensed, little more than a feral animal, and Shen Qingqiu had no choice but to defend himself.

And as he weilded his blade in self-defnse, one unlucky slash was too deep and Liu Qingge bled out before Shen Qingqiu could fully comprehend what had happened.

This was not a cold blooded calculated murder like Liu Mingyan always claimed it was, but a frantic act of self-protection against a man who was called a 'War God'.

***

Time skipped again, and Luo Binghe found himself watching as Shzun laid on the floor of his cell in the Water Prison.

With his remaining eye, Shen Qingqiu stared at the cell's entrance, staring at it for an unknown number of days until Luo Binghe finally returned.

Luo Binghe watched as the past version of himself stepped over the hardened, blackened bloodstains on the ground, charmingly informing his Shizun, "Sect Leader Yue kept the appointment, as expected. I am truly grateful to that tactful yet sorrowful letter of blood Shizun wrote. Otherwise this disciple could never have succeeded so easily. Originally, this disciple wanted to bring Sect Leader Yue's body back to show Shizun, but the arrows had been drenched in a rare poison. When he got close and touched them, even slightly, Sect Leader Yue just...alas, I could only retrieve his sword; let's call it a memento for Shizun."

"Luo Binghe was lying. Luo Binghe was a shameless, treacherous little liar who spoke only falsehoods. His flagrant lies were uncountable. So this time, too, he had to be conniving away with some plot or scheme with which to deceive others." Shen Qingqiu thought, hearing his own heart beat racing in his head

The not-so distant past Luo Binghe sat down on a chair off to the side, scraping at the leaves drifting within his steaming cup of tea and commented, "Heroes and famed swords come in pairs. Xuan Su is indeed an excellent blade, worthy of Sect Leader Yue. However, there's something even more wondrous about that sword. Sect Leader Yue's cultivation has truly opened my eyes. While Shizan is enjoying his remaining days here, if you're bored with nothing to do, you can thoroughly ponder it. It is truly very interesting."

Shen Qingqiu did not understand; in their last meeting with each other, he had done his utmost to be callous, cruel, and sarcastic.

He had been uncertain if that letter of blood would call him here as no normal, sane person would step into such a blatant, undisguised trap.

"I thought you weren't coming." Shen Qingqiu thought

The past version of Luo Binghe smiled brightly, "Ah, right. Though Shizun's letter of blood was awfully heart-wrenching, it was a bit sloppy and half-hearted. After all, it had been perfunctorily written for this disciple while under great duress. This disciple understands. Therefore, in order to express your sincerity, I had two other things specially sent with it."

Shen Qingqiu understood: the beast had sent his two severed legs.

Oh the utter irony; once, he had waited days and nights for Qi-ge, and he had not come, and now, when he had never thought that he would, he just had to.

Shizun began to smile coldly, "Ha. Ha ha. Yue Qingyuan, ah, Yue Qingyuan."

Luo Binghe watched as his past self became angry, "What are you smiling about?"

Shen Qingqiu ignored him but continued to laugh.

"Shen Qingqiu, do you think that pretending to be insane will work on me?" The past Luo Binghe hissed

"Luo Bin-g-he," Shen Qingqiu mocked, enunciating every syllable, "you're a bastard, you know that?"

The room became silent as the master and disciple pair looked at one another.

The past Luo Binghe's lips twitched and his right hand caressed Shen Qingqiu's left shoulder.

In utter horror, Luo Binghe watched as in Shizun's vision, his past self turned into Qiu Jianluo.

'Qiu Jianluo' squeezed hard and blood sprayed from the would left behimd from ripping off Shen Qinggiu's left arm.

Shen Qingqiu screamed and laughed, his breaths shuddered, "Luo Binghe, ha ha ha ha... Luo Binghe, you.."

Luo Binghe just watched as his past self, as 'Qiu Jianluo' as Shizun saw it, kicked him down to the floor as he had done so many countless times before.

Shizun's vision blurred, the world around them turned white with his agony, but 'Qiu Jianluo' remained.

Despite what his mind saw, Shen Qingqiu logically knew it was Luo Binghe torturing him, and he suddenly stopped laughing and screaming as he said, "Luo Binghe, everything you have today you owe to taking me as your master, so shouldn't you thank me? Instead, you're wholly unable to tell what's good for yourself. As expected, you're an ungrateful bastard, ha ha ha ha..."

'Qiu Jianluo' smiled sinisterly, softly replying, "Do you want to die? How can something like death come so cheaply? Shizun, you've committed many evils in your life. You hurt those with whom you had grievances and also those against whom you bore no grudges. Even when half in your grave, you managed to drag down a sect leader. If your death isn't drawn out, if you don't simultaneously endure everyone's else's suffering at least once, how can you do right by them?"

After saying that, "Qiu Jianluo' dropped Xuan Su's fragments onto the ground.

When Shen Qingqiu instantly got silent at the sound of the metal clattering on the floor, his remaining eye widening and his breathing growing shallower as he saw it; he then shakily dragged himself forward with his one remaining arm towards those broken sword fragments.

There was nothing after that, Luo Binghe knew that this was the moment that had broken his Shizun's mind.

And no further torture, not even his remaining arm being ripped off moments later, had done anything to a mind that had already run away.

***

Luo Binghe found himself kicked from his Shizun's mind after that, looking down at his own hands in shock.

He had seen himself through Shen Qingqiu's mind, seen how monstrous his Shizun thought him to be; Luo Binghe never wanted to see himself through Shizun's eyes again.

The Emperor knew that there was more to see, that he could see his Shizun's newest memories of what had happened since he had had amnesia, but he also knew that after seeing Qiu Jianluo take his place in some memories that his stomach could take no more.

The knowledge that at the end his Shizun saw him as no different than a rapist, sadistic, cruel monster was enough to make him want to plunge Xin Mo into his own chest.

Looking down at Shen Qingqiu's still sleeping form, Luo Binghe reaffirmed his belief that he had to make everything right and undo all the damage he had done.

Though one thing had become blatantly clear to Luo Binghe after seeing all of those memories: every single person in his life had failed Shen Qingqiu in some way and had brushed him off as nothing more than scum because of his pickly personality that he used to shield himself from further harm.

Yue Qingyuan failed to return for him when he was needed and had needlessly come when he was not needed, never telling him why he had not come and just uselessly apologizing again and again; Qiu Haitang had failed -had refused- to see beyond the rose-tinted glass and see her brother was a monster who tortured everyone that was not her and tormented someone she claimed to love; Wu Yanzi had failed to see Shen Jiu as anything more than a pawn when he was a traumatized teenager who desperately needed help; the former Qing Jing Peak Lord also failed to see the pain his head student was clearly showing and thought of him as just mean; Shizun's contemporaries either antogonized or ignored him; Ning Yingying was his beloved daughter by every measure but blood and despite her constant attempts to cheer him up, she had not spoken up for him when it mattered most.

And Luo Binghe himself...he had been so blinded by his own hatred, by his own self-pity, by his own jealousy, that he had not seen that his Shizun could not be what he had needed.

How could he expect kindness and love from a teacher who had never experienced it himself?