My mind draws a blank. "Which part?" I ask; Zhan leans in, and searching my eyes, he presses on, "What did you say about loving me?"

Did I say it out loud!? 

Fuck! 

What should I do now? 

I look at Zhan, and he doesn't seem offended in the least. Does that mean that he likes me too? But how can I accept? What if I change back? Will he be able to look at me the same then? Even though I know it would pain me to lie, I know that's the right thing to do. Yes, it would be best if I told him that I miss spoke. Or that I meant it in a brotherly sort of way. Bracing myself for pain and suffering, I speak, "I said that I love you." I pause, trying to think of how to proceed in a way that would hurt him the least, when Zhan pulls me in an embrace. "Me too." He sighs, tightening his grip on me. My lies get stuck in my throat and die (a happy death) as I return the hug.

There is no way I can give up on him!

'Then don't; he is your true love, after all.' A strong, confident voice invades my thoughts: Weredra's voice. But for once, I am not upset. If anything, I am over the moon!

However, Zhan lets me go all too soon. "Weredra must be waiting." He reminds and helps me up. As we walk towards our quarter, I voice my other concern, "Zhan ge, you did not answer me. Are you okay with my nightly outings?"

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing, Zhan asks, "Do you have to do this alone? Can't I help? I am not happy with the state of affairs here either."

I shake my head, "Unfortunately, my success depends on anonymity, and I didn't have extras of the things that ensure it."

He purses his lips and nods. His arms around my waist tighten. "Then I will be there for you when you return. You are a good man, YiJun. I may not remember who I am, but I can tell that much about you." By the time he finishes, we are in the room.

"What happened!?" Weredra exclaims and runs to me.

"I was clumsy and hurt myself." I shrug casually, just as Zhan is helping me to bed. Weredra huffs and looks at me disapprovingly. "I will fetch dinner." with that, she leaves me alone with Zhan.

"Does she know about your double life?"

I nod, "I told her what I told you on the night we arrived here." I think he had probably guess as much, yet, I can see the confirmation hurt him. "Actually, she caught me. I did not want to tell her, but she was pretty damn persistent." I add to soften the blow.

My idea works. Zhan looks at the door and smiles, "She is a lovely child. I don't remember if I have a sister back home waiting for me, but if I do, I hope she is like her." he says fondly.

"Zhan ge, I am pretty sure you won't want that." I blurt out and regret it instantly.

His brows knit, and he tilts his head slightly. "Why?"

Damn it, YiJun. Think of something fast! 

'Tell him that you won't want to share him.' Weredra suggests, and without a second thought, I repeat the words.

"What!?" Zhan's eyes widen; his cheeks color.

What!? Why did I say that!? Damn it, Weredra, stop messing with me!

Silence.

Zhan is the first to recover. He nods and sits next to me, "I guess that makes sense. I don't want to share you with anyone either."

"You don't?" I ask stupidly, and he nods, "Absolutely." His smile widens. He leans in and caresses my cheek. Then staring deep into my eyes, he asks, "YiJun, may I k..."

"Junior gege, you really are a handful!" Weredra's disappointed voice floats over a second before the door creeks open, and she steps in.

"Mn?"

"What 'Mn'? You should be careful. What if you get caught!?" She exclaims, fringing mock worry (or maybe she really was worried about me. There is no way to tell), and bites her tongue as if she had said something she shouldn't have.

Smart, Weredra. Very smart indeed. 

I beckon her to me and wrap my arms around her tiny shoulders, "It's alright, he knows that you know about my late-night activities." When she looks at Zhan innocently, and he gives her a fond smile, "I am not upset with you."

It is then that I remember that Zhan was about to ask me something before Weredra had entered. "Zhan ge, what were you going to ask?" I enquire, but he doesn't answer.

"What is it that you have there?" He questions, pointing at the tray that Weredra had brought along with her.

Looking proud, she puts the tray down and starts pointing at the items one by one. "This is limer leaf; it will help speed up the healing process, this is Jamil leaf, it will reduce the pain by numbing the area, and this is Guril leaf, it will act as a film, protecting the area and disinfect it."

"And what's that in the bowl?" Zhan demands, to which Weredra chuckles, "Gege, you are so silly sometimes! It's chicken soup." Her face falls a bit, "However, I could only sneak out one bowl. I think junior gege should have it since he is hurt."

Right in the feels! 

Hoping that her act was genuine, I ruffle her head, "I won't be able to digest it if I were to have it all by myself. Let us share." I suggest, and Zhan nods, "I agree, but I am not in the mood for soup. How about you share it with Weredra?"

Not understanding what Zhan was playing at, Weredra nods before I can stop her, "Alright!" she chirps and starts feeding me soup. I sip a few mouthfuls and then take the bowl from her. I have a few more before passing it to her, "All yours."

She hums appreciatively and gulps down the entire thing, after which we proceed to have dinner together like we had been doing every day.

"YiJun, I don't think you should venture out tonight." Zhan suggests; Weredra nods, "Yes, you shouldn't.'

 Looking like I was considering their suggestion, I think as loud as I can, 'But what about the child!? I couldn't save her last night.' hoping that Weredra was tuned in. Luckily, she was.

'I have a feeling that you did enough damage the other day. Things will be hot in the inner city. It won't hurt to let the wound heal.' She replies.

After dinner, Weredra spins a story about how she is good at healing spells and crushing the earlier mentioned leaves together, applies it over the wound. Closing her eyes, she chants something under her breath, and when she opens them, I find that the throbbing pain from the cut is gone.

Looking satisfied, she leaves the room again to return the now empty dishes to the kitchen.

"YiJun, why don't you sleep on the bed with Weredra tonight?" Zhan asks as soon as we are alone.

"Why?"

"I don't think it's appropriate."

"Why?" I ask again, feeling clueless and a little heartbroken for some reason. "Do you think I will take advantage of you?" I want to add 'like I did last night' but refrain from it, for I had told him that I had no recollection of it.

"No!" He exclaims and holds my hand. "I have been feeling like this for a while now... about you, I mean. I am afraid that with you so close, I won't..."

I lean in; wrapping my arms around his neck, I claim his lips. To say that he had not expected me to behave so shamelessly would be an understatement. He goes still for a few seconds as I pepper his face with kisses. I guess all that 'holding myself back' had gotten to me.

"YiJun," He calls, cupping my face, he leans away, "If you don't stop, I will lose control."

I look at his flushed face and hear his erratic heartbeat, "I am pretty sure you won't. You are the most patient and understanding man I have ever come across."

He smirks. It's a rare, seductive sight. "I may be patient, but I am not a saint, Didi." He breaths in my ear, making things hard to the point that it was painful.

Fuck!

I may have boldly done inappropriate things, but I couldn't discount the fact that I was still not prepared for anything. Moreover, we were both men. How would it even work! This realization somewhat calms me, and I let go of him and lean away, "Sorry. You are right." I nod.

Zhan lets go of me. "I will accept your apology so long as you do as told."

I nod, eager to please him. He beams, and after giving me a forehead kiss, squats on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I demand, trying to move, but he throws his hand out, stopping me. "I will sleep here tonight. YiJun, I won't get a lick of sleep if you disagree. Don't argue, alright?" Though the words sound like a request, the tone suggests that it is a command. It's hot. I feel my face heat up again and avert my eyes, "Okay, gege." I agree and lie down.

Barely moments later, Weredra returns. "Why are you in my place?" She asks innocently.

"I don't want to hurt YiJun accidentally. You are smaller and need lesser space, so I thought it would be best if we swapped places tonight." Zhan explains; Weredra agrees, and joining me on the bed, she closes her eyes.

Though there is no pain in the wound, and I am tired as hell, sleep eludes me. Finally, not understanding what to do, I turn. I peak at Zhan, who is deep asleep, and look at Weredra's sweet resting face. Expecting her to be asleep, I take her small soft hands in mine. "Thank you for the herbs....and everything else," I whisper, trying to pour my heart into my words. But no sooner do I do that than Weredra's eyes fly open, and she smiles, "It was my pleasure, junior gege."

She reaches out and wipes my cheek, "I won't leave your side till everything is as it should be." She reassures and strokes my hair, "Now sleep, gege. You have a long day ahead."

I feel my eyes grow heavy, and soon, I fall asleep.

{Word count: 1783}