Chapter 18 - Changing is a Trap

"I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am

I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody

understands

(how I feel)"

Dylan wasn't happy about Matthew being my lift, but fortunately we didn't discuss. The next day Matthew had a huge grin on his face and I automatically linked it to me. Not that I thought I was the center of his attention, but I knew that the fact that I had let him give me a ride had boosted his confidence and had made him think he was ahead of Aiden in the bet. 

Literature class was one of my favourites, even thought I had both Aiden and Matthew in it. Fortunately, I also had Dylan and Ellie.

Literature teacher was Ms. Terry, a forty year old woman, and today she had written in gigantic letters on the board 'Romeo & Juliet'.

"Hello, class. As you can see on the board, we're going to start studying Romeo and Juliet. But before we start on this journey that is this incredibly Shakesperian play, I want to ask you something. Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Some students started looking around to meet the eyes of their beloved ones, others started giggling, but a few ones nodded affirmatively. 

Matthew raised his hand, asking permission to participate in the class.

"Yes, Matthew?" Ms. Terry allowed him to speak out.

"I believe in love at first sight, miss." He said enthusiastically. "I think... when you find the one, you just know it." I turned around to glance at Matthew, who was staring at me. 

"Is that why you hook up with so many girls? To find the one?" I heard Aiden speaking, making some of the students laugh. Matthew glared at Aiden.

"What about you, Stuart? Do you believe in love at first sight?" Matthew snapped, visibly infuriated.

"No. Those things only happen in fairytales. There's no 'happily ever after' in real life." Aiden declared in a harsh tone of voice.

"But you do realize, Aiden, that Romeo and Juliet do not have a happy ending?" Ms. Terry intervened.

"I know. It's a tragedy, after all. I guess Shakespeare wanted to cause impact. Don't all of the most famous love stories end in tragedy? That's why they're so popular, because people feel touched by them. Because, come on, Juliet was what, fourteen? That's so unrealistic!"

Aiden had a point. Ms. Terry nodded, probably both happy and surprised that Aiden decided to participate in class.

"You may be right in that, Aiden, but that doesn't mean love at first sight doesn't exist." Matthew pointed out.

"But it doesn't." 

The words came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. All heads turned to me, but I was looking straight ahead.

"Personally, I think love at first sight doesn't exist." I continued. "All you see at first sight is the exterior, the appearances, and that's not love. Of course you can feel that chemistry, the sparks flying, whatever you want to call it, but that's merely physical. It's not love. You can't love someone without knowing them. Love is way more than appearances, and appearances are all you see at first sight. Love is trust, and honesty, and freedom and respect. Don't tell me you get that at first sight, because you don't."

I finally looked around the room. The first person I noticed was Dylan, who had a smile on his lips and a proud look on his face. Ellie was smiling, no, beaming, at me too. The teacher and some other students were nodding in agreement, others were looking at me with puzzled or strange expressions, Aiden was smirking and Matthew had his lips pursed and was narrowing his eyes. 

"Well, Kiara, you really seem to have a strong opinion on that." Ms. Terry stated with a knowing smile. "By saying that, are you agreeing with Aiden and saying that the play is unrealistic?"

"Well, yeah." I responded. "As I said, I don't believe in love at first sight so I don't even believe in the way they supposedly fell in love, and also I think they were too immature and young to actually be in love. I understand that in that time people got married at a very young age, but were they in love? And I also know people say love is ageless and that age is just a number, but they're also being unrealistic. People tend to love other people of their age, or slightly older or younger because they understand them, and love is all about understanding. There's a reason why it's a crime for an adult to mantain relationships with a menor. Most of those relationships are based on sex and not on real love."

Yup, I had just said 'sex' in a class. Please, get over it.

"There's also a reason why fairytales are mainly made for children. Because even though teenagers and adults may want to believe in them, they know life is not like that. They know there's hardly a 'happily ever after' to anyone, but children tend to believe in that because that's just their innocence coming to surface. But once they grow up, they realize all the horrible things that happen, they realize how the world really works, they realize what it conceals. Once they grow up... they'll know it's a trap." I finally stopped talking, thinking that I had bored everyone to death. Surprisingly, I hadn't. People were looking curiously at me, some were even nodding in agreement.

Ms. Terry tilted her head to the side with an enigmatic smile on her face. That's why everyone loved her classes: she was a master when it came to captivate us, to create empathy with her students.

"Have you ever been in love, Kiara?"

If it was any other teacher asking me that I would consider it an invasion of privacy, but Ms. Terry was different.

I hesitated just for a second before I shook my head.

"No."

"That's a very strong and insightful opinion for someone who has never been in love." Ms. Terry declared.

"If those who have not yet died talk about death, why can't I talk about love?" I shrugged, going back to my sarcastic self.

Ms. Terry nodded once more and seemed pretty satisfied with my answer. The bell then rang, signaling the end of the class. I sighed and packed my things. Dylan and Ellie came towards me.

"I think your words really got into everyone here, Kiara." Dylan told me while we left the classroom.

"I was only being honest with myself and with my opinions." I pointed out. 

"I know." Dylan nodded but his eyes then got cloudy. "Aiden seemed pretty satisfied that you agreed with him and on the other hand Matthew seemed pretty disappointed."

Before I could answer him, Aiden headed towards us.

"Can I talk to you, Kiara?"

"You already are." I couldn't help but reply.

"In private." He made sure.

I sighed but nodded. Dylan stared worriedly at me while Ellie just smiled and they walked down the hall while me and Aiden stood by the lockers.

"Thank you for supporting me there, love." He started.

"You know I didn't do it for you, Aiden." I retorted, ignoring what he had just called me.

Aiden shrugged.

"I guess it's just the confirmation that you and I have more in common than what you think."

I was about to reply to him when I heard Matthew call my name. He hadn't seen Aiden but once he did his face hardened.

"You're talking with him?" 

"I'm thanking her for supporting my cause." Aiden answered before I had the chance to. I rolled my eyes.

"You might be all happy about having the same opinion as her in that matter, but I was the one who drove her yesterday." Matthew couldn't help but provoke Aiden, which irritated me.

Aiden's eyebrows raised up and he locked his eyes with mine.

"Drove you where?"

"It doesn't matter." I stated, because I knew that the amount of testosterone around us would soon blow up in a fight.

"Yes, it does." Aiden crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes never leaving mine as if we were the only ones there. "Are you friends with him now? I thought you didn't like popular guys!"

"She wasn't her friend yet you still drove her to Lia's party." Matthew remembered.

"That was different." Aiden snapped.

"Why? Because it was you driving her?" Matthew replied in the same harsh voice that they both could master so well, as if they were not simply angry with each other, but with the world. 

Aiden's eyes finally glanced up at Matthew and he took a step closer to him in a challenging way.

"Yes."

"Seriously, dude, that bad boy facade is getting way too old and used." Matthew didn't step back, he just stared at Aiden in the same way. "You are not more than any other person, okay?"

"Says the popular guy who thinks he is above everyone." Aiden answered back in a sharp tone.

"Guys, stop it. You are both acting like immature kids." I said in a firm tone but none of the guys stepped back.

"No, Kiara, it's time that Mr. Bad Boy here learns a lesson." 

"Oh, I think it's time for you to learn, Golden Boy."  

People were starting to notice the tension between them two and started approaching us. Seriously, if this was going to turn into a fight shouldn't they be stepping back and not forward?

"Oh yeah?" Matthew incited, raising one eyebrow. "Show me."

Their voices were burning with hatred towards the other. At this point I wasn't quite sure if it was all because of the bet. And I didn't know what to do, because this situation could be every other girl's dream, but it sure as hell wasn't mine. And this wasn't even because of me, it was because of the bet they had going on, the bet they had created.

"Guys!" I said once again.

"This is between Matthew and I, Kiara." Aiden declared.

"You guys are so frustrating!" I exhaled. "You're acting so immature and--"

"I kissed Kiara." Matthew interrupted me and then Aiden's fist was on his face.

-------------------------

Matthew's sentence had pissed me off so much not only because he was using me to initiate the fight with Aiden but also because he knew how Aiden would react and Matthew wanted Aiden to be the first to act violently. Not to mention the fact that his sentence made it look like he had kissed me in the lips when all he did was giving me a peck on the cheek. 

Matthew probably thought I was going to blame Aiden for starting the fight, but I was really mad at both of them. The fight between them had lasted until Dylan and some of the popular guys separated them.

When Matthew and Aiden finally stopped fighting, they were both in bad conditions. Aiden had his lip cut and Matthew was bleeding of his nose.

Their clothes were messed up and their eyes were filled with so much loathing and fury towards the other that I knew that if they weren't being held so tightly by the other guys they would start punching each other again.

Finally, perhaps realizing what they had just done, they both turned their faces to me. At that moment all I could feel was disgust and rage towards them. Yet deep down I was feeling something else, something I couldn't quite define. It almost seemed like... disappointment. However I had no reason to be disappointed because I knew that was how popular guys like Matthew and bad boys like Aiden solve their things out: with violence. So instead of being disappointed, I should be expecting it.

Yet no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake the disappointment feeling from forming inside myself, so when both of their eyes met mine, I just shook my head, turned around, and walked away.

See? This is why I didn't want to grow up. This is why growing up is a trap. Because if you could still see the world like a child, with innocence blinding you... you'd be able to stop the feelings you didn't even know you would feel from crushing you. You'd be able to ignore the disappointment, the scariness, the exhaustion. You'd be able to ignore what's starting to happen, what you never wanted to go through. But you can't. You can't ignore the changes, no matter how hard you try to fight them.

You're changing.

And there's nothing you can do.

"I try to hold this under control

They can't help me 'cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes

God, I feel so frustrated lately

When I get suffocated, save me

Now I'm going through changes, changes."

Music of this chapter is "Changes" by 3 Doors Down! :)