Chapter 24 - Let's Play a Game

"You're way too young to be broken

You're way too young to fall apart

You're way too young to play these games

But you better start

But you better start

(...)

You won't let me see this side of you

It's on the tip of my tongue

You know you're way too young to have someone lie to you"

Fifteen minutes had passed since I told Matthew to shut up and the awkward silence was killing me. I thought he would have asked to switch places with someone but actually he didn't. We were both just playing with our phones but I could still feel the tension between us. I looked over to his phone to see him struggling with a brand in Logo Quiz.

"That's Carolina Herrera, you know." I told him.

"I knew I knew this brand from somewhere, but all I could think about was Calvin Harris!" Matthew exclaimed. "Oops, sorry, you don't want me to talk."

"It's okay. I was just... with a headache." I lied. We were both doing that a lot lately. 

"Are you better now?" Matthew asked and he almost looked concerned.

"Yes, thank you." I bit my lip and looked away. "Have you ever been camping?" I asked in an attempt to change the subject. I didn't want to hear his lies but neither did I want to be immersed in an uncomfortable silence for the rest of the journey, so I needed to find something we could talk about without any kind of problems between us.

"Yes, I have." Mathew's face turned to saddnes and he hesitated. "With... my mother... when..."

Matthew didn't continue and instead kept staring at the screen of his phone. He then rose his head and faced me.

"I live with my father and my stepmother now. My mother... she passed away when I was nine."

My mouth opened and I gasped. Well done in finding a subject that would not provoke problems, Kiara.

"I... I'm so sorry... I didn't..."

"It's fine, Kiara. It's not your fault."

"So camping brings back good memories?" I questioned with a small smile.

"Yes and no. It's a bittersweet feeling, really. It's good because you remember her, but if she was still alive then you didn't have to hold onto memories like that. Because that's all they are now... memories."

This was probably the weirdest conversation to have in a school bus but everyone around us was either listening to music, taking selfies, talking loudly or playing games, so nobody was listening to us.

"I'm really sorry, Matthew. If I knew, I wouldn't..."

"My father has big expectations on me." Matthew abruptly informed me. "He has it all planned: he wants me to be a big football player, he wants me to be popular like he was. I guess that after my mom died he just got sadder, and colder, and now he wants me, he needs me to be perfect. And I never had the guts to tell him 'this is my life, so I do what I want. You can't define my future and you can't define how I'm going to act, who I am going to be.' And I guess that you, Kiara, just bring out that part of me that wants to stand up to him and tell him he can't control me. Because I know that's what you would do. You're free."

"I don't know if I'd have this independent personality if I grew up with such a controller father that is always telling me who I should be." I responded bluntly, without beating around the bush.

"That's not a good enough excuse. I could've still faced him and I didn't, I preferred to be who he wants me to be instead of who I want to be."

"So you don't want to be popular?" There we were again, but right now I needed to know if he was only popular in respect of his dad or if he did it for the benefits. 

Matthew's face twisted into a small smile.

"I believe we had a similar talk in the school's roof at the Halloween dance. Of course being popular has its perks, but other times I feel so conflicted and trapped." Matthew shrugged. "But I won't complain about it. It's what I've chosen to do. It's what I've chosen to be."

"Maybe you can be everything you want without stopping being popular. Maybe you can be popular and funny and smart and cool and everything you want to be." I stated, stunned by the sincereness in my voice as if I really wanted to help him. "If you're afraid of being what you truly are, how can you know it won't work? You only know when you try. Maybe people won't judge you that much. Maybe they'll judge you in the first moments but they'll eventually get over it. If every popular guy out there thinks like you and no one gives the first step, then we'll never know someone can be popular and real at the same time."

Matthew glanced at me and smiled.

"Maybe I'm already making the change, Kiara. Maybe just by being here I'm already trying to be who I really am. Maybe by preferring to talk to you and to sit with you instead of sitting in the back with the others talking about futile things, I'm already changing and trying to be free. Maybe you're inspiring me to be someone better."

"Maybe." I muttered, without knowing what to think about Matthew anymore. All I knew is that he was way more complex than what I thought. Maybe that was the reason. Maybe he tried so hard to be popular and to act like his father and everyone else expected him to act because deep down, on the inside, he was broken. And maybe he had no one to help him, to save him. 

"Kiara?" He asked, interrupting my confused thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Let's play a game. So we can know each other better. Like each one ask a question to the other."

"Okay." I nodded. "You start."

-------------------------

The next hour flew by as we played games. With the first game I learned that Matthew was an only child, that is favourite colour was blue, that he loved mint ice cream and was afraid of snakes. I, on the other hand, told him things such as my favourite color being green, told him more about rowing and how I was afraid of heights.

Then we played Icebreaker Questions and Never Have I Ever and we actually had fun so before I knew the trip had come to an end and we had reached the road that led us onto the forest and onto the nature reserve.

Matthew and I walked out of the bus and I noticed the first bus had already arrived as well, and the third one was parking. My legs were a little bit wobbly from being sat on a seat for so long so I stretched them, and I noticed Matthew curiously eyeing them. A smirk spread onto my lips. My legs were toned from rowing.

I went to the trunk of the bus to get my bags and before I could knock my head on the roof of the trunk Matthew grabbed my arms, making me lower myself, and pulled me to him, preventing me from getting hurt.

"Thanks." I said, struggling to put my backpack onto my shoulders.

"No problem." He said and he helped me adjusting my backpack. "It's really heavy, do you want me to carry it?"

"There's no need, thank you." I spotted Dylan and Ellie stepping out of their bus. "I'll see you around." I told Matthew and went to meet my friends.

"Hey, guys!" I greeted.

"You're very happy for someone who probably spent two hours with some stranger in that bus." Dylan frowned. So perceptive. I shrugged.

"He wasn't a stranger."

"He?" Dylan's frown got even more pronounced.

"Matthew." I answered him. "And before you start complaining we played some games but that was it. What about you?"

"Same." Ellie smiled but Dylan didn't seem very happy. I kept talking to them until the remaining bus arrived and people organized themselves. I noticed Matthew kept giving me glances even when he was surrounded by other students and I couldn't help but correspond to them.

Finally we were organized into groups of twenty people (fortunately this time I was with Dylan and Ellie) and each group had two teachers that would lookout for us. We started walking through the woods and the view was magnific, with amazing trees, the sound of the wind and simply the nature surrounding us.

We took a lot of pictures and selfies and all that until we reached a very large glade that was definitely bigger than a football field. There were the wooden houses Mr. Jones had told us about, with bathrooms and kitchens we could use. The houses were aligned in a circle all around the glade, creating a large open space in the middle of them where we were going to set up the tents.

We were permitted to explore the forest but only in daylight, in groups of three or more and we couldn't go very far away. To sum up, someone would probably get lost.

There were workers of the nature reserve with us, so they could solve any problem that may appear and so they could guide us through the forest if needed.

Each tent would have five people in it so Ellie and I shared a tent with three other girls that didn't seem as mean as most of the people from my school.

Together, we set up the tent and fortunately one of the girls Ellie and I shared the tent with, Rayla, was an expert on camping so it was pretty quick setting it up. The other groups took longer and soon enough the sun was setting and the night came. A forest at night was pretty scary but everyone was talking loudly and I felt safe with so many people around me, even if it was people I couldn't trust.

Ellie and I met Dylan near one of the camping fires and for dinner we ate hot dogs and for dessert roasted marshmallows while listening other people telling horror stories.

Then someone started singing and soon enough everyone was tagging along, clapping their hands, laughing and some students even stood up in order to do some dance moves.

I was singing and excitingly talking with Ellie and Dylan and some other people when I remembered about Matthew and about what he must have been feeling for going camping again. It was probably hard for him and even if he could have stayed home he still decided to come because he wasn't going to let his past ruin his present and his future.

And then I was also wondering if the reason why he wanted to please his father so much to the point of hiding his true self was only because he felt the need to fill the void that his mother had left.

If so, it meant he was broken. If so, it meant all he ever needed was to be saved.

If so, then it might have meant that I wasn't the one wanting to hurt him, but the one who could, the one who should, try to help him. The person who might just be able to save him.

"I'm not the one

I'm not the one

Who wants to hurt you

I'm not the one

I'm not the one

Who wants to hurt you

You better find somebody else

Who can get a hold of yourself

I'm not the one

Who wants to hurt you."

Picture is a cover for this story made by @BookParlor, thanks :)

Music is "I'm Not The One" by 3OH!3. Love it!