Chapter 27 - Game of Hearts

"When I can't belive a word you said [what you say?]

I'm not your puppet on a string

Left aside until you want to play

You were the one who let me down,

You were the one who fool around.

Now I am your lost and found,

Don't gimme that, aha, aha, aha."

His lips remembered me of the beach, how the sand was warm at my feet, how the sun felt good in my skin and how the water was salty and fresh. It was a rough kiss but I felt it smooth. My heart felt it right but my mind kept telling me it was wrong, and as the rational person I normally am, I listened to it.

So I pushed him away, my heart bumping in my chest, my cheeks red and my breath heavy.

Aiden seemed taken aback by my sudden decision of stopping the kiss and it was the first time I saw him without knowing how to react. And neither did I, so we just stood there, looking at each other for some good minutes.

I eventually broke the eye contact, crossed my arms over my chest and looked over the window again. I didn't feel the fear of heights this time, my mind was only thinking about what had happened. What was that? How did I let him be my first kiss? I wasn't going to lie and pretend I never thought about my first kiss but never in a million years would I guess it would be in a cable car with one of the guys I hated the most.

"Kiara..." Aiden's voice woke me up from my thoughts, but my back was turned to him as I couldn't face him at that moment.

"Just don't." I cut. "This couldn't have happened, it shouldn't have happened."

"What? Why?" His voice sounded so surprised that I turned on my heels to face him with despise in my eyes.

"Why?" I asked in disbelief. I mean, it was obvious, right? He should know I didn't want to be kissed by him! "Well, maybe because a kiss is supposed to be shared by two people that love – or at least like – each other and that's certainly not our case!"My voice got stronger and steadier. "We are two different people from two different worlds who see the world in very different ways and we should never be put together. We are not meant to be and neither do I want us to be together." 

I noticed how Aiden frowned and clenched his fists at this, but I kept going.

"I am not one of your girls who'll drool if you wink at them and who'll hook up with you in a second." My voice was filled with venom that I didn't know I was holding. I pretty much knew my plan of breaking their hearts was ruined by saying these things, but wasn't it already from the very start? They were players, their hearts couldn't be broken.

And I wasn't going to change who I was just to teach them a lesson, I mean, as much as I wanted revenge, it was not in me to change myself for someone else, I'd never do such thing. But yes, I still wanted to make them fall for me just so they could taste their own medicine, but without needing to change myself. 

So in situations like this - that I didn't imagine would ever going to happen – I needed to stay true to myself and I needed to be honest, so there I was, voicing my thoughts without caring what he was going to think or how our relationship was going to be from now on or how the game of hearts was going to develop.

Aiden crossed his ams over his chest. He was rather pissed off, but at this point I didn't care. 

"Well, Kiara, maybe you're right. Maybe I really am this rude person, this player who doesn't care about anything or anyone, who plays with girls' hearts for fun, who does nothing for a living, yes, I am that person." He stared at me, and this time his eyes were the ones on fire. "And I know very damn well that you're completely different from any other girl I have ever encountered, and as I already told you, that's what I like about you."

Don't say that. Don't lie. Don't gimme that. But Aiden wasn't a mind reader, so he continued his speech.

"But what you don't seem to comprehend is that people might actually change when their eyes are opened by someone with the power to change them. You might have never wanted to change me, you might even hate me, it doesn't matter. The truth.... " He sighed, with a look of defeat on his face "... is that it's too damn late because you're changing me. You might have not wanted to, but you still did. You are the person that holds the power to change me and you did. And you don't even realize that, do you? What stuns me - and frustrates me at the same time - is that you can't see how much control you have over me and how much what you say and do is already affecting me."

I stayed quiet for a while, his words getting to me.

"You're right in one thing, Aiden. I never had the intention of changing you." I ended up saying and mentally added I had the intention of breaking your heart, but I don't know if I have the will or the power to do so.

"So Kiara, tell me, for a bad boy, how does this serve as a confession?" His tone was provocative. "How does it feel to be stuck here with me while I'm telling you the truth, while I'm revealing my true self, something that I so hardly try to hide?"

I bit my lip. I had no answer to him and I didn't know why, because I always had an answer for everything, but then again, Aiden was the piece of the puzze I couldn't seem to solve, no matter how hard I tried to.

"It was my first kiss." I muttered as some kind of lame excuse and I thought he didn't hear it but of course he did.

"Really?" I was looking at the ground but I could hear the smile in his voice. I raised my head, expecting to see his usual smirk, but he had this real and big grin on his face like a child during Christmas morning.

"Yes."

"How was it like?" He asked in the same smooth quiet voice.

"Unexpected." I couldn't think of any other answer, at least not one that I wanted to tell him. We fell into an awkward silence that was only interrupted by the cable car system that finally decided to work again, so we started to move once more.

I sighed of relief when we reached the other side of the mountain and I climbed out of the cable car. I had spent the rest of the ride looking out of the window and I was relieved that Aiden hadn't tried talking to me again. 

I went to sit on a fallen tree trunk, trying to be alone and organize my ideas. People were talking loudly around me about the fail in the cable car system but I wasn't paying attention. The kiss didn't seem to want to leave my thoughts and I didn't know how to react. I had my hands on my face when someone touched my shoulder lightly. I raised my head and saw Dylan sitting next to me, a smile of concern on his face.

"Hey." He greeted smoothly.

"Have you ever liked anyone?" I blurted out, my question surprising not only him but myself as well. He straightened his eyes but finally nodded.

"Yeah."

"How is it like? I need to know... because, well, I'm pretty inexperienced in that matter and I need someone to tell me how it feels like because I can't understand it." And because I can't possibly like Aiden, and because a kiss can't feel so right if I don't like him.

"Well, I guess... it's different from person to person but at the same time everyone feels it powerfully. Some people try to deny their feelings, doing stupid things because they think they can't like that person and others... well, they just try to move on with their lifes fearing they might ruin a good friendship."

He stopped, hoping for me to say something so I questioned "How does it feel like?"

"It's nerve-racking. It's kinda frustrating because you know no one should have that much control over you yet there's nothing you can do stop them from having it, because that's just how it is, that's how much they affect you. And you're always thinking about that one person and what they might think about what you say or do and you're always imagining if you're ever going to be with that person and it's confusing and maddening, but I guess in the end it's also wonderful and worth it."

"Worth it? How is it worth it if such feeling put so much nerves and confused thoughts in your head?"

"It's worth it if the person loves you back, it might even be worth if they don't, because no matter what, that person is worth it. They're worth the nerves and the pain because they make you feel like the happiest and luckiest person on Earth. And you just know you might as well do anything and everything for them." Dylan replied softly and I wondered who was the person that had inspired him to say such things, who was the person he liked.

I stayed in silence. I was kind of relieved because that was not what I felt about Aiden, I sure as hell wouldn't do everything for him.

"It's about them, isn't it?" Dylan asked. "About Aiden and Matthew. And about your little game of the bet retaliation. I warned you, Kiara, the game of hearts never ends up well. You wanted to make them fall for you and now you're the one who's falling. The remaining question is for which one of them."

I shook my head.

"The little game as you call it, Dylan, taught me more than you can imagine and more than I would ever expect. It taught me that I have no right to judge others just like they have no right to judge me and it taught me that even though I thought I wasn't, actualy, I am a pretty judgmental person. It taught me that I hide behind sarcasm because I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of having weaknesses and I don't want to give anyone the power to harm me, and because I think people are not worth it. But dammit, you are worth it. And so is Ellie, and Roxy, and Lori and Cameron. You are my real friends and I'm not afraid of being with you guys, so my question is, why am I not afraid of friendship but instead I'm afraid of romantical love?"

"Kiara, I think you're the person that knows me better in this world and vice versa, but sometimes neither I can fully understand you. Some people are just more receptive to love than others, but I know if you don't give it a chance, then you'll never know, and if you don't give love a chance you have no right to judge it. The same goes to people. If you don't give them a chance, what gives you the right to judge them?"

I sighed.

"Nothing. Nothing gives me that right and now I realize it, but with this I also realize I've been a bitch to some people just because they're popular or act like they don't care."

Dylan raised his eyebrows at this. I continued.

"I've learned that many people have a mask on, and that what lies underneath that mask is what can be judged, not the appearances, not what's on the surface. I have a mask myself and I understand now that people may judge me wrongly by saying I'm cold hearted when in fact what I am is afraid. And those popular and apparently indifferent people may as well be afraid. They may even care and have brains, but they're just too damn afraid to show it. Because we act in fear, and we fear acting any other way. And we shouldn't be afraid."

Dylan nodded in agreement.

"In the end, I'm just as afraid as they are of what other people will think, I just have a different way to hide it, and to show it. In the end I'm no better, none of us are. The truth is that we shouldn't judge so much and we shouldn't be so afraid. That's what I learned with this game of hearts, Dylan. And just for realizing that – I can't lie and say I'm not grateful it happened, because I kinda am. Of course I don't like the circumstances this all started with, but in the end it was worth it because it showed me what I needed to understand and realize in order to become a better person. And I am grateful for that."

I couldn't believe I was saying that I found the whole bet situation worth it because it meant I also found meeting Matthew and Aiden worth it, but I wasn't going to lie and pretend anymore, I was sick of that. In the end it was worth it because it showed me the truth and it opened up my eyes.

Now I just needed to figure out my feelings, because even though the game of hearts was worth it, it was only worth it for my self realization and not because I accidentally discovered love.

I was 99% sure of that, but still that 1% was bothering me, so I needed to find out.

Music is "Don't Gimme That" by Aloha From Hell! Amazing song!