Chapter 29 - Count On Me

"If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see

I'll be the light to guide you

(...)

If you're tossing and you're turning

And you just can't fall asleep

I'll sing a song beside you

And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me

Everyday I will remind you

Oh

Find out what we're made of

When we are called to help our friends in need"

Christmas Holidays had come, and I couldn't wait to have a break from all the exams, the exhausting rowing practices and unfortunately, all the boys drama.

After Matthew confessed he was beginning to fall for me, in the weekend we had gone camping, I didn't know what to say so I just awkwardly smiled and he didn't seem to notice my discomfort. We managed to find our way back to the tents before the others returned, and because Dylan saw me and Matthew talking when he got back from practicing radical sports, he now thought Matthew was the guy I liked.

However, holding my hot chocolate mug in my hands, feeling its warmness in a local café, watching two love birds in the table next to me, it made me realize I didn't like neither of the guys. Not that they weren't attractive, because of course they were, though that didn't matter in love. And they had even showed to me a different side of them, a side that apparently I had brought up, because as they had said, I had changed them.

The problem was that I could never forget the circumstances in which it all began. Even if they were changed now and even if they were not the same players that they used to be, their initial intention was stupid and immature, and it was meant to hurt me. In my perspective, I could have never fallen for boys who wanted to hurt me in the first place, no matter how changed they could be now.

Maybe I just wasn't the forgiving type of person. But could they blame me for that?

I was sitting alone in the café because I needed to get out of my house and clear my thoughts. I couldn't stand any longer the yells from my younger cousins or the conversations between my aunts and uncles that had come to stay for Christmas, like they always did. My house was full of my younger and older relatives, but there was no one of my age so I always ended up getting bored and feeling kind of lonely.

However, Dylan's sister, Tracy, had returned from college for the Holidays too, and she was a good friend of mine, and now I was waiting for her. We had talked since she had come but she had noticed something was going on with me so she wanted to talk to me in a calmer place.

Dylan and Rayla had gone to some kind of date, he was too nervous to explain it to me. It was rather cute to seem him so nervous. Ellie was still fancying Aiden, and I felt guilty whenever he was brought to the conversation because she didn't know anything about the bet or about Aiden kissing me. It was better that way, I kept telling myself, but it was getting harder and harder to convince me of that.

"Hello, girl." Tracy entered the café, wearing a simple and pink dress and sat on the chair across from mine. Tracy was a beautiful young woman with the same dirty blonde hair as Dylan, but instead of bluish-grey eyes she had green ones. She was dressed with a simple and pink dress.

"Hi." I replied, smiling nervously at her.

"What would you like to have?" A smiley waitress asked and Tracy requested a hot chocolate mug like mine.

"So, let's get to the point. What's going on?" She questioned me once the waitress left with her request.

I smiled and brought the chocolate mug to my lips, instantly reminding Matthew's sweet kiss. I shook my head and sighed, placing the mug on the table. It was time to finally tell someone other than Dylan about this. I couldn't let this consume me any longer.

"So... let's imagine there's this two guys who made a bet about who was going to be the first to kiss and break a girl's heart." I started and Tracy narrowed her eyes but didn't speak, letting me continue. "So they start talking to her and doing whatever is possible to make her fall for them, but she's smart and determined to find what they are up to and she eventually does. So she finds out what they really want and promises herself not to fall for them but instead make them fall for her. However, she does not change her personality because that's not who she is, and also, she is not very receptive to love, so she ends up being the same sarcastic girl without doing any specific things to make the guys fall for her." 

I stopped, taking a deep breath. Tracy urged me to continue.

"But apparently, that's exactly what they like about her, so, seemingly, both of them kinda end up falling for her. And so the girl successfully achieves her plan, without falling for neither of them. The problem is, she isn't sure she did the right thing when she decided to retaliate because having both boys like her isn't all that wonderful, and she doesn't know what to do because now she finds no pleasure in having made both of them fall for her."

I finished speaking and brought the mug to my lips again. Tracy had this focused look on her face like she was thinking hard. The waitress came and placed the hot chocolate mug in front of Tracy and she woke up from her transe.

"Thank you." She said to the waitress and once she left, Tracy looked at me.

"Well, I suppose Dylan knows about this?"

"Yes, but he never approved it from the beginning."

"I wonder why." Tracy replied with a smile on her face.

"He didn't want me to get hurt." I stated as if it was obvious.

"Of course that was one of the main reasons. But he didn't tell you so I have no right to do so." Tracy shrugged and I decided to let the subject go. "Well, if you want my opinion, I think the girl, I mean, you, did well. If it was me I would have done the same thing and it might be wrong to want revenge, but those guys deserved it so don't blame yourself for that. You also did well in not changing who you are just to accomplish the plan, that's something no one should do. No one should change who they are because of others. And thirdly, I think there's a part of you that never truly believed those guys would really end up falling for you."

"You're right, I never really did expect it. Of course I wanted to make them pay, but I ended being as bad as they were to me, right? All three of us were pretending in the beginning but at some point they stopped pretending and started changing and I started to see they were not just dumb immature boys and eventually I kinda stopped pretending as well. But I didn't fall, and they did."

"You don't feel nothing for neither of them?" Tracy asked.

"Not in a romantical way, no. I can't. I might be able to see them as friends, even after what they decided to do to me, but I can't like them that way." It felt good saying this, because it felt good knowing it was true.

"I understand." Tracy nodded. "Well, I can't know exactly what you're feeling, but I get why you didn't fall for them. Sometimes it's just stronger than us, and we end up falling anyway, no matter what that person did to us in the past, but that didn't happen to you. And I don't truly believe it was because you couldn't forgive them. I think it was because neither of them were the right guy for you. I'm not saying they weren't worth it, which in the beginning they actually weren't, I'm just saying none of them felt right to you, you know? It may be because you can't forgive them, or it may be because you were simply not meant to be."

"That actually makes sense... but there's more to the story. I don't like them, but now I feel kind of guilty for making them fall for me and for fooling around with them all this time. Neither of them know I found out about the bet, and I've known for a long time. I guess they're no longer thinking about that but if they find out, they might feel betrayed by me, just like I felt with them. And as if it isn't enough, one of my best friends happens to like one of the guys."

"You shouldn't feel guilty for playing with them, after all, they played with you too." She said vehemently. "They might feel guilty for that, now that they've changed, and that might be a problem for all of you in the future. My advice to you is to be honest with them. You should tell both of them how you feel and that you knew about the bet and that you're sorry for what you've done but they should also be sorry for what they've done. And about your friend... well, there's not much you can do. You can tell her about the bet as well but I don't think she will like to know you played with the guy she's keen on, even if he did hurt you first. But there's nothing you can do if the guy likes you and doesn't like her."

"He warned me, you know? Dylan." I informed Tracy. "That the game of hearts was a dangerous territory, but I didn't listen to him and now here I am, without knowing what to do."

"At least you don't have to choose between them, if you don't like them that way." Tracy noticed.

"Don't get me wrong, with time I learned to appreciate and enjoy their company, but it's just not enough, it's like something's missing. All I feel towards them is friendship, mixed with a little bit of hatred and betrayal, but friendship anyway."

"Yeah, it's missing the true meaning of love." Tracy agreed.

"Do you really think it's best if I just tell them? I've been avoiding them both since the camping trip but I won't be able to skip them in second term."

"I think so, yes. It might be hard, but honesty is the best way to feel relieved and to see things in a different perspective. Now, are you sure that the reason why you don't like none of the boys isn't simply because your heart is already set on someone else?"

I shook my head, but then shyly smiled.

"There was some moments where... I thought I had a crush on Dylan, because he's different from any other guy. But I've come to realize he's my best friend and I don't want that to change. Also, he's been hanging out with Rayla and they seem really fond of each other, and I don't mind at all. No jealousy, nothing. Now that I think about it, I was jealous when he made out with Janice, but then it passed..."

"When you started focusing on the other two boys." Tracy completed for me, and I realized it was true.

"Yes..."

"I think you should talk to Dylan first. He has some things he should tell you as well."

I frowned. "I don't know..."

"Kiara, you need to sort things out with him." Tracy spoke with a serious tone, like she knew something I didn't. "You are each other's best friend and I believe that is not going to change, because he has Rayla on his mind and all you think about is those two guys. But don't forget that those two guys were the reason why you drifted apart from Dylan, and they may have also been the reason why Dylan decided to move on from you."

-------------------------

After listening to what Tracy told me, I walked to my house again and waited for Dylan to return home from his date. I was playing with Rusty and some of my younger cousins when I saw his car parking in his garage.

I walked over to him and he waved at me, a happy smile on his face.

"How was the date?" I asked. Dylan blushed and looked away.

"It wasn't a date..." He mumbled.

"You know I'm your best friend, you can tell me." I smiled. Dylan remained silent so I continued. "I need to talk to you. Do you mind to go on a walk?"

"Sure." Dylan nodded and we started to walk together. I was aware that this probably wasn't the best of times to talk about something like this, when he had just come from a date, but I needed to do this now, otherwise I would lose my courage.

"I talked to Tracy today. About Matthew and Aiden." I said bluntly, going straight to the point. 

"Did you tell her you like Matthew?" There he was, thinking I liked Matthew.

"I told her I don't like neither of them because it's the truth."

Dylan stopped and stared at me. "Really?"

"Yes. I can't believe I'm saying this, but, yes, they're cool, yet they're just not the right guy."

"Then who is?" Dylan questioned me curiously.

"No one." I answered. "But I wanted to talk to you because Tracy made me realize you might still be mad at me for not listening to you and instead going after Matthew and Aiden.

"I'm not mad, not anymore, at least." Dylan declared. "I have to be honest with you and tell you I was disappointed at first, but I also understand the reasons why you decided to get even. After all, I wanted to go after them too, just in a more violent way. In the end, I guess I was just afraid of you getting hurt and more importantly of me losing you."

"You know I would never stop hanging out with you just because of them." I pointed out, slightly hurt that Dylan thought otherwise. He knew me: he should know I'd never switch my friends for a guy.

"But you could have fallen for them."

"But--"

"Just like I had fallen for you." Dylan interrupted me and I stopped walking, completely taken aback. Dylan used to like me? Was that what Rayla and Tracy had been trying to tell me? If it was true, how could I have been so oblivious?

"W-what?" I managed to say in an almost non audible whisper.

"I did like you, Kiara. That's why I went out with Janice, because I wanted to make you jealous. I know it was immature, but I didn't know what else to do. And the main reason why I didn't want you to get involved with Aiden or Matthew was because I was afraid you might end up falling for one of them, or even for both. Thank God that didn't happen, but seeing you hanging out more and more with them just made me... I don't know, drift away from what I felt for you. And then Rayla came, and she's... awesome."

"I did have a crush on you too." I told him. "Or at least I thought so. But as you said, I started hanging out with them and now I don't even feel jealous for you and Rayla. I'm just sorry that I disappointed you."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this either, but maybe it was for the best. We would probably ruin our friendship if we tried to be more than friends, because if we so easily let go of our romantical feelings for each other, it means they weren't as strong as we thought. Maybe it was love mixed with a very strong friendship, and right now all I feel for you is friendship. I know some times I overreact and act all protective but it's because I really care for you, and if in the past it was in a romantical way, now it's not. I loved you romantically, Kiara. But now I love you the way I should love you and I'm thankful for that."

I smiled, and relief filled me, a weight leaving my shoulders. We were good. Dylan liked Rayla, I could see that by the way he talked about her. He probably liked her more than he would ever like me in a romantical way. And I was happy with being Dylan's best friend, just like I always had been.

"Sometimes when we're young we mix our feelings and think things are one way when in reality they are another." I told him. "And I want you to know I'm really happy about you and Rayla."

Dylan blushed but the corner of his lips lifted into a smile.

"We're not dating... yet. I want to take things slow, and it's not like I'm a specialist when it comes to these things."

"But it feels right when you're with her, doesn't it?"

Dylan's smile grew wilder, and I could see the happiness and the excitement in his eyes, which made me crave for love more than I had ever craved. Would I ever have that look of happiness because of someone else?

"Yes, it does. It feels righter than anything else, because I'm myself when I'm with her, because she makes me smile and jeez, I sound so lame."

"It's love." I smiled. 

"It's love." Dylan agreed.

"Tracy advised me to tell Aiden and Matthew the truth... about how I've known about the bet for long and how I don't feel the same way about them as they feel about me. Do you think I should tell them?" I questioned.

"I think that is up to you. You're the one living the situation, you're the only one with access to your own feelings, but if you want my opinion, yes, I think you should be honest with them. It's not going to be easy though, they'll probably be mad at you, but it's for the best. And besides, you have all the right to be mad at them as well, I mean, they were the ones betting to break your heart in the first place."

I sighed.

"You're right, I need to tell them."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"No." I smiled a little but frowned at the same time. "Thanks, Dylan, but I need to do this alone."

Dylan nodded. "I understand. But no matter what happens, Kiara, if there's anything you need, I want you to know I'm here for you. You can certainly, and always, count on me."

I smiled, grateful for having such a good friend by my side.

"I know, Dylan. And be aware you can definitely count on me too."

"You'll always have my shoulder when you cry

I'll never let go, never say goodbye

You know you can count on me like one, two, three

I'll be there

And I know when I need it I can count on you like

Four, three, two

And you'll be there

Cause that's what friends are supposed to do

Oh yeah

Wooh, wooh

You can count on me cause I can count on you."

The picture is Tracy, played by the beautiful Dianna Agron! Music is "Count On Me" by the one and only Bruno Mars (: