Chapter 30 - And the Reason is You

"I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so, I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you"

It was December 27th, and my big family was starting to go back to their homes. Christmas had been good, with all the family reunited around a big table filled with delicious plates of food, I couldn't complain. I received some pretty awesome presents as well, clothes, money, some of my favourite books and movies.

I had called both Matthew and Aiden to meet me in a nearby park, the same park where I had met Aiden when he gave me a ride to Lia's party. That event had only been a couple of months ago but it seemed as if had ocurred centuries ago. That's just how much things had changed.

I was pacing back and forth in the park, fully aware it was a really bad idea to tell them the truth at the same time, but I didn't know if I was able to tell the same thing twice. It would be better if I faced them both, I tried to convince myself.

After a while of waiting, I saw Aiden's motorbike being parked and he made his way towards me, a little more hesitant than his usually confident walking. I hadn't talked to him since our kiss in the cable car, not counting when I called him to meet me here.

"Hey." He greeted.

"Hi." I greeted back nervously.

"So what do you wan—"

Aiden was interrupted by another familiar voice.

"What is he doing here?" Matthew walked towards us, staring at Aiden. I took a deep breath and placed myself between both of them to prevent an eventual fight.

"I called you both because there's something I need to tell you."

They both crossed their arms over their chests, looking defiantly to one another, but they listened to me  anyway. This is it, I thought, the moment when they're going to start hating me. But this had to end, I knew it. This game of hearts we were all playing, this game where we had gotten ourselves into, it couldn't continue. We had all suffered too much with this already. 

"And what is that?" Aiden asked. I sat at the head of a picnic table, and sighing they both did the same, sitting across from each other.

"You both remember Lia's party, right?" I started, not really knowing where to begin.

"In October?" Matthew questioned in a perplexed tone.

"Yes... well, it happens I was suspicious about your sudden interest on me at that time." I saw Matthew and Aiden exchange quick glances, their attention then returning to me. "As you know, I'm not dumb, and I knew you had to be up to something if you had suddenly noticed my presence in this world. So at that party, I decided to discover the truth by getting you drunk, and I successfully managed to get Aiden drunk."

I noticed both of their eyes widening.

"W-what?" Aiden yelled.

"Calm down." I requested. "So you told me, Aiden, even if you don't remember, you told me how you both had made a bet with me as the victim. I've known since that day that from the very beginning all you guys wanted was to break my heart."

My voice was shaky much to my displeasure. I wanted to be strong and authoritative, but I couldn't.

"How... that's not... Kiara, it's not like that..." They tried to say something but they were both taken aback and didn't know how to react.

"Don't try to apologize, guys, I know your intentions in the beginning weren't good, that all you wanted was to play with me. So I decided to get even and play with you instead, making you fall for me. That's why I continued talking to you everytime you came to me, otherwise I would have simply ignored you..." I noticed how they gasped, and how their eyes widened even more, and how their fists clenched, and how disappointed they looked. "... And even though we were all playing at first, I don't think we are playing anymore."

"You knew..." Matthew was the first one to compose himself. "And you still decided to face us and talk to us like we had done nothing..."

"Don't get me wrong, I was pissed off at you guys at first, but now that you're changed, I—"

"That's not the point!" Matthew shouted, but then reconsidered it. "Well... we were dumb and didn't know what we were doing but at a certain point I guess we just weren't thinking about the bet anymore, we just really enjoyed your company. I know I did."

"So did I." Aiden agreed.

"That's why I'm telling you this, guys, because now I see how you're changed, and now I know I can't continue with this game anymore. And I'm sorry if I retaliated, but I was angry and wanted to make you pay, and can you really blame me for that when you guys started it all?"

"But you didn't have to pretend all this time!" Aiden declared and it was probably the first time I saw them both agreeing with each other.

"Oh, because you could pretend and I couldn't?" Now I was the one getting irritated with them. What made them think they could play with me but I couldn't play with them?

"You couldn't because you're better than us! Or at least I thought so..." Matthew muttered in a accusatory tone. "If you were really more mature than us you would have done everything but to play with us, don't you think? You could have told us right from the beginning that you wanted nothing with us, that you knew what we were up to, but you didn't."

"I was mad, okay! I'm not perfect, I make mistakes as well! And I regret trying to get even, I really do!" I defended myself. "But you had no right to play with me and I wanted you to feel the pain you had inflicted in so many girls before me!"

My cheeks were completely red and my hands were shaking but I needed to let this all out.

"And I regret that too! I regret that because you, Kiara, opened my eyes and made me understand what a crappy person I was!" Matthew roared.

Aiden seemed more collected, but his fists were still clenched.

"I regret it too, you know." He finally spoke. "You may not believe me, but I haven't been with a girl since... this all started. And if in the beginning it was only to have you, now it is because I don't feel like being that player anymore." Aiden stated. "And the few times that I was actually with a girl during this all thing was simply to make you jealous, Kiara."

"I understand that, guys. I just needed to be honest with you, so I need you to be honest with me too. When did you stop pretending? When did you stop thinking about the bet and just enjoyed my company for real?"

"I don't even know... it was something that happened gradually. One day I just... found myself not thinking about the bet anymore." Matthew stated.

"I think it was in the Halloween dance that I realized I wasn't thinking about you like I thought about all the other girls." Aiden informed me. "And Kiara, I really am sorry for playing with you in the beginning, but I just want you to know I haven't been playing with you for a long time. And... not only did you change me but you made me fall for you as well."

I closed my eyes for a brief second, taking in what he had said.

"I fell for you too." Matthew told me. "I guess now we are the ones being fooled and played with. It seems to me that you don't like us the way we both like you."

I stared at the table.

"Unbelievable." Matthew murmured. "How is it even possible? Don't you feel something for us too? When we kissed..."

Aiden's jaw tensed once he heard what Matthew said.

"I... it felt good with both of you, I admit..." I messily commented. "But it's just not love, it's like something is missing... and maybe it's not your problem, guys, but my own..."

"Just cut the bullshit, Kiara! I never expected this from you." Matthew shouted but then his voice got lower.

"I'm sorry for not being the mature girl you thought I was, okay, Matthew?" I yelled in the same tone of voice. "I was angry and I wanted revenge, blame me for all you want! But the truth is that you have no right to blame me when you did the same."

"Don't you get it? It's different!" Matthew replied with exasperation. "Of course I'm sorry for playing with you, but at least I didn't make you fall for me, even if I wanted to! But you made me fall for you and that's what I'm blaming you for! That was your plan and congrats, you achieved it!"

"Matthew." Aiden spoke, making me raise my head. His voice was uncharacteristically calm. "It's not her fault that we fell for her. Yes, we played with her, and yes, she played with us too, and even though it may have been Kiara's intention to make us fall for her, as much as we know, she didn't change who she was to achieve that. At least we fell for someone real. If Kiara had fallen for us, she would have fallen for lies, because we have always been hiding behind jokes and smirks, at least until we let our true selves reveal to her. And it had been even worse if she didn't know about the bet, because then right now she would have no idea about how stupid we were at first."

"But she doesn't care about us like we do!" Matthew retorted, his face red with anger. 

"That's not true." I spoke in a soft voice, trying to calm him down. I never expected Aiden to react so serenely and Matthew so furiously. I always thought Aiden would be the most difficult to deal with. "I care for you both, but just as friends. I forgive you for what you've done to me and I hope someday you can forgive me for what I've done to you too. I want to see beyond this, let it go. I want to be friends with you and move on from the bet-situation, because now I see you're both worth to have as friends. But that's all I see you as, and I'm not going to apologize for that because I have no obligation to love you in a romantical way. You may want me as more than friends, but I want to make clear that that is all we're going to be."

Matthew shook his head.

"I don't think we can be friends. Not while I see you as more than just friends, not while I can't go through the pain it is to know you have been playing with us too."

"I disagree." Aiden said. "Maybe I'm more forgiving and more understandable than Matthew is, or maybe I just care too much about you to let go of your friendship. If your friendship is all you have to give and if being friends with you is all I will ever have, than I accept it. I want to be your friend, Kiara, for real, with no masks, no bets, no games. I care a lot about you and if I can't be your boyfriend, at least I want to be your friend. And the world goes on and one day I might see you the way you see me, just as friends, and then I'll appreciate all the good moments I had with you while going through that process."

I smiled a bit. Never did I think Aiden would be the one reacting like this, but maybe he really was more mature than he let it show.

Matthew suddenly got up.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't. I can't be friends with you while I see you as more than that. I can't face you when all I want to do is kiss you. Maybe I'm selfish but I don't care. I hurt you and you hurt me, and Kiara... us... I thought we could have been something but right now we can't even be friends."

He turned on his heels and walked off the park. He ignored me calling him, a lump on my throat. I was relieved for being honest, and relieved for still having Aiden as a friend, but I didn't want to see Matthew like this. I could see in his eyes how hurt he was with me, but I couldn't help it. I truly wanted to be friends with him but he didn't want, and that was his decision.

"He'll get over it, Kiara." Aiden tried to reassure me. "Right now he needs time to think and reorganize his ideas, but he'll eventually get over it. I guess we all have different ways of reacting to situations, and while I understand what you did, he doesn't. But he will one day, so there's still hope for you as friends."

"And you don't mind? That one day I might be friends with Matthew?"

Aiden shrugged.

"No, I don't, as long as your friends with me too. I'm actually surprised at myself. At first all I wanted to do was punch him and I wanted to yell at you too, but I came to realize everyone makes mistakes and I am in no position to judge you."

"Thanks, Aiden. For real." I smiled and he got up from the picnic table. I got up as well and he hugged me.

"Don't let this get to you, Kiara. You're the reason why we both changed, and you know that. You opened up our eyes and made us better people, and you have to be proud of that. And remember what people use to say. That in the end everything will be alright and if it's not alright than it's not the end."

I sadly smiled, trying to believe what he was telling me. "I hope so."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear  

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you."

Music is "The Reason" by Hoobastank. Wonderful, brilliant music!