Chapter 33 - It Was Always You

"Woke up sweating from a dream

With a different kind of feeling

All day long my heart was beating

Searching for the meaning

Hazel eyes, I was so color blind

We were just wasting time

For my whole life, we never crossed the line

Only friends in my mind

But now I realize, it was always you"

"Good practice today." James told me on a Tuesday in February when we got out of the river, after our rowing practice, when we were still on our rowing suits. "Do you need help placing your shell on the boathouse?"

I nodded in agreement. "Thanks."

James and I walked towards the boathouse in silence. We grabbed the shell and tried to place it on its respective place but the damn boat was still wet so it slipped out of our hands. Before it could do any harm, however, James grabbed it firmly at the same time he crashed into me.

"Sorry." We said at the same time. I smiled and after another try we managed to settle the boat on its place.

"Thanks." I said again, glancing up at James who was staring back at me with a serious expression on his face.

"Go on a date with me." He said, and before he finished talking his lips twisted into a smirk. If I still had the shell on my hands I would drop it right away. My eyes widened and I was pretty sure I blushed.

"W-what?"

"Go on a date with me, Kiara." He repeated and I swallowed, trying to ignore the shivers that were running through my spine and my heartbeat that was beating faster.

"Okay." I said in a hesitant voice. "Okay." I repeated again in a more confident voice.

James' smirk grew wilder.

"Great. On Saturday?"

"Sure."

My heart was bumping in my chest and my hands were sweaty and I didn't even know why.

"It'll be your first date, right?" James made a cheeky grin.

"I-I... yes." I sighed in frustration. "Damn, James, you're so annoying."

"But you like me." James pointed out.

I didn't reply.

-------------------------

"You're going on a date with James?" Lori excitedly asked me when I told her, Roxy and Ellie about the invitation James had made me, after going to the boathouse with him and returning to the river's edge.

"Yes. But it's just a friends date." I assured them.

"Hum-hum." They nodded trying to hide their smiles. I playfully rolled my eyes at them.

"Where are you going?" Roxy asked.

"I don't know. We haven't defined that yet." I answered.

Ellie hadn't told anything yet but her grin was scaring me. It was a grin as big as the Cheshire cat grin, and that was not a good thing.

"W-what?" I asked her.

"You say it's a friends date... but Saturday is Valentine's Day." She declared with an amused expression on her face.

"No... it's not." I retorted.

"Oh my God!" Lori clapped effusively. "Yes, it is."

I mentallymade the accounts and sighed. They were right. Saturday was indeed February 14th, Valentine's Day. Did James know that? Did he ask me out on that day on purpose? Would he cancel the date once he realized what day it was?

"Don't stress out." Roxy advised me, already knowing that was exactly what I'd do. "It'll be fine."

"Besides, we're all going to the carnival fair." Lori declared.

"We are?" Ellie asked.

"Yes." Lori grinned. "We have to do something special, it's Valentine's Day!"

"But neither me nor Ellie have a boyfriend. And neither does Kiara." Roxy pointed out.

"And? Valentine's Day is not only for boyfriends and girlfriends! Friends can go too. Cameron will go, and so are Dylan and Rayla. And Aiden and Tyler can come as well."

"Aiden?" Ellie's eyes widened.

"Yup. So it can be a quintuple date! Cameron and I, Roxy and Tyler, Ellie and Aiden, Dylan and Rayla and James and Kiara!" Lori clapped excitedly.

"I don't know about that. I'm not in the mood to see Tyler." Roxy crossed her arms over her chest with concern.

"Just because you friendzoned each other doesn't mean you can't try to date again." Lori replied. Roxy opted to ignore her.

"I'm not going to invite Aiden." Ellie stated vehemently. 

"Fine. Kiara can invite him then." Lori grinned, "Oh, come on, it'll be fun!" She then looked at me. "And after the fair you and James can go on that date of yours."

I shook my head.

"James' plans might clash with yours. What if he doesn't want to go to the carnival fair?"

The smile on Lori's face dropped but then her face turned into a smirk. "James!" She called out.

I hadn't even noticed James was nearby but once he heard his name, he looked our way and smirked after he saw us, making his way towards us.

Heart, please, don't beat fast, I begged, but I had a feeling my heart wasn't going to listen to me.

"I know you and Kiara have a date on Saturday, but we were planning on going to the carnival fair. You can come as well, we're all going." Lori invited.

James furrowed his eyebrows, his hands in his pockets, but then made a small smile.

"Sure, why not? As long as Kiara and I can get out sooner to go on our date."

I didn't know why, but I felt relieved that James didn't decide to do our date at the fair with the others.

At this, Ellie, Roxy and Lori grinned immensely and my cheeks heated up.

"Of course!" Roxy nodded. "It's all set then. Now, Kiara, you just have to invite Aiden and Dylan."

"They are coming too?" James eyes' narrowed. Wait... was Roxy testing if James got jealous? And was he getting jealous?

"Yes, but don't worry, they have dates of their own." Roxy smirked and I rolled my eyes.

James sighed in relief.

"Good." He glanced at me. "I'll see you then."

When he walked away Lori squeaked. "He's definitely into you!"

I was about to say something when James looked over his shoulder.

"And Kiara?"

"Yeah?" Jeez, heart, stop beating so fast. But it was useless.

"Wear blue."

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And I did. Not because James wanted me to, but because... fine, I'm not going to lie. This type of thing wasn't very usual of me, but I did wear blue because James asked me to. It wouldn't hurt to please him from time to time. Besides, blue was one of my favorite colors (of course James had guessed it) so it was no sacrifice to wear it. I opted for an electric blue tank top and denim shorts.

"Where are you going?" My mom asked me out of curiosity on that Valentine's Day, walking out of the living room with my father, when I was preparing to leave.

"I'm going with Dylan and some other friends to the carnival fair." I informed innocently.

My mom smiled but my father furrowed his eyebrows. They were both fully aware of what day was today.

"And those 'other friends' don't include any special boy?" My father inquired. 

"D-dad!" I felt my cheeks turning red and looked away.

"Oh! Is there really a special boy?" My mom questioned teasingly.

"N-no. And I gotta go. Dylan's waiting for me. Bye!" I said rapidly and got out of the house. I saw Dylan's car outside and quickly climbed onto it.

"You're blushing." Dylan said as a greeting.

"My parents think there's a special guy in our group of friends." I shrugged.

"And is there any?"

"Dylan!" I scolded him but he simply smiled innocently.

-------------------------

It was hard to get a spot to park on the carnival fair. There were cars and people everywhere and the sounds from the fair could be heard anywhere. We met our friends near one of the entrances. Everyone was already there.

I noticed James smiling once he saw what I was wearing.

"Where should we go first?" Roxy asked, deliberatelylooking at everyone but Tyler, who was staring intensely at her.

"We should go to the ferris wheel!" Lori answered, her hands intertwined with Cameron's.

Everyone agreed and I didn't protest. Aiden and Dylan looked at me with worried expressions on their faces, for they knew about my fear of heights, but I shrugged it off. I was more nervous than I was afraid.

James and I were the seconds to climb onto the cabins and I took a deep breath. Once we were settled in, James spoke up.

"You're wearing blue." Of course he had to point that out. 

I looked over at him. He was wearing a simple white t-shirt and some denim shorts. In a weird way, we were kinda matching.

"Don't think it was because of you."

"That never even crossed my mind." James smiled. I rolled my eyes.

"James." I called out.

"Kiara." He retorted playfully.

I smacked him on his shoulder teasingly.                     

"I'm serious. I'm a little afraid of heights. So... if I have a panick attack, I'm sorry."

James looked over at the window. "You'll never have a panic attack."

"How's that?"

He turned to me and smirked.

"You're with me."

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The ride ended up being really good. James and I had fun taking photos, talking and laughing. I didn't have a panic attack so that was cool. The last time I had one I was in a cable car with Aiden and he kissed me.

After the ferris wheel, we all went to a lot of different rides and booths. I was taking funny photos with the girls when James approached me with a big teddy bear with a heart on his hands.

"I won this." He said, handing me the cute teddy bear. "It's for you."

I ignored the girls swooning and saying 'aww' and gladly accepted the bear. 

"Thanks!" I smiled and that made James grin. We went to some more booths and I noticed how Tyler and Roxy's hands were finally intertwined and how Ellie and Aiden were getting along. They were having fun singing and making silly dances and eating each other's popcorns. 

After many hours in the fair, James and I decided to finally go to our 'date'. We said goodbye to our friends (Lori, Roxy and Ellie all winked at me and Aiden and Dylan looked suspiciously towards James) and he led me to his car. I was nervous and anxious but I was trying to hide it.

"So, where are we going?" I questioned him once I sat on the passenger seat.

"Where do you wanna go?" James replied.

"The beach." I said almost immediately. "It's where we had our first real talk."

"It's also where you watched me being dumped." James laughed and I laughed along.

"We can go somewhere else if you want." I declared while playing with my teddy bear.

"Nah, the beach is fine."

We made small talk along the way and even though it was February, it wasn't cold. There was almost no one at the beach so James and I sat alone on the dunes.

"Can I ask you something?" I questioned, playing with the sand in my hands.

"Yes." He nodded.

"When you invited me to go on a date with you... did you know today was Valentine's Day?"

James passed a hand through his hair and leaned back.

"Of course I knew. That's why I invited you."

I blushed deeply.

"Why'd you ask?"

I shrugged. "I guess I just wanted to know."

"Can I ask you a question now?" James leaned forward this time, gazing intensely at me.

"Sure."

"Did you accept the invitation only so you wouldn't disrespect me?"

"No! Why'd you ask?"

James smiled.

"I guess I just wanted to know too."

We stayed in silent for some time, but it wasn't an uncomfortable and awkward kind of silence. The sun was setting and everything was peaceful. The waves rolling in the sand, the wind whispering against our faces, all of that, along with James' presence, just made me feel free.

"What do you want to do when you're older? James suddenly asked me.

I shrugged.

"I want to be a lawyer."

James smiled. "I wasn't asking in terms of jobs. What do you want to do. Plans. Dreams. That kind of things."

I stared at the sea.

"Honestly? I guess the thing I want the most is to feel free. Sometimes I feel like this town is holding me back, trapping me within it, and I feel like I'll never escape it. So I want to travel and I want to see places, I want to meet new people and discover extraordinary things. But most of all what I want..." I stared at him, and I couldn't believe what I was about to say. "... Is to fall in love. What about you?"

That was my deepest desire, one I didn't know I had since... since being with James, one that he had helped me discover. I used to make fun of love, but I mocked it only to hide my bitterness. And I was bitter because I had never felt it, and I desperately wanted to.

"Well, I want to be a professional rower." He smirked, making fun of my first response to his question. "But apart from that... I share the same dreams. I wanna live life to its maximum. I wanna sing at the top of my lungs and not giving a shit about what anyone says. Actually... I'll think I do that right now."

"What?" I questioned with a doubtful look on my face. However, James didn't respond and instead got up and started singing 'It Was Always You' by Maroon 5, slightly changing the lyrics from 'Only friends in my mind' to 'Only enemies in my mind' in order to fit in our history.

Our history? What the hell are you thinking about, Kiara?

James was doing all these crazy dance moves and I laughed and started to sing along so he pulled me out of the sand, making me get up, and I bumped into him, staring at his grey eyes. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, his other hand on mine. We started dancing an imaginary slow song and I rested my head on his shoulder.

With him I didn't have to think about my actions, they just came out naturally. I didn't have to analyse every single thing I did or said, I just went with my instinct. 

"Do you hear this?" He asked.

"What?" I frowned, only hearing the sound of the waves crashing onto the sand. 

"Our heartbeats." He informed. "Beating rapidly in sync."

I noticed how he was right, how our hearts were beating at the same pace, fast and furious.

"Yes." I nodded.

"That's the sound of falling in love." He whispered into my hair and it felt as everything in my body was melting at the sound of his voice and at the meaning of his words.

"It's a good sound then." I responded.

"It's not a good sound." James retorted and I looked up to meet his eyes questioningly. "It's an hideous one. It just shows how much control one person has over us, how much a person can affect us. But nonetheless, despite being uncontrollable, it's a beautiful sound."

"James?" I asked and he looked down to me, his silver eyes locking with my hazel ones.

"Yes, Kiara?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked in a murmur, but still he managed to hear me.

He narrowed his eyes.

"Doing what?"

"Making me blush. Making my heart beat so fast it looks like it's running a marathon. Making me stutter when I'm trying to explain to our friends and to my parents that we're only friends."

"Your parents?" James chuckled in my ear.

"They asked me if there was a special guy in the group of friends I was going to hang out with. I said no."

"Well, were you saying the truth?" For a second his voice trembled. Was he insecure about this? But then again, what was this? 

I sighed, giving up on my cheeks that were probably as red as a tomato. I could always hide them in James' chest though.

"No. Which leads us back to my question. Why are you doing this to me?"

"You think I'm the only one affecting you? You think you're not affecting me as well? Kiara, I was so freaking nervous for this date that I had to change my shirt three times before deciding to go with this one. And honestly, I don't know why this happens. I don't know why a human being is supposed to make another feel like this, all giggly and insecure. But I guess that's where the meaning of life lies." James shrugged. "We're supposed to fall in love."

"And what if I'm afraid of falling?" I whispered into his shoulder. Because I certainly am.

"You don't have to be." He assured me.

"Why?"

"Because I'll be there. And I'll catch you when you fall."

I stared at him, getting lost in his beautiful wolf eyes.

"For real?"

James made the most genuine smile I had ever seen.

"For real."

"Can't believe I could not see it all this time

All this time

It was always you

Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied

It was always you, you

No more guessing who

Looking back now I know it was always you, 

Always you."

There's a slideshow of pictures from this chapter (Kiara's outfit, the carnival fair and the teddy bear James offered to Kiara).

The song is "It Was Always You" by Maroon 5, which is the song that James sings to Kiara on the beach! Pay attention to the lyrics! *-*