Epilogue

"There's a place I go to

Where no one knows me

It's not lonely

It's a necessary thing

It's a place I made up

Find out what I'm made of

The nights are stayed up

Counting stars and fighting sleep

(...)

Everybody got their reason

Everybody got their way

We're just catching and releasing

What builds up throughout the day"

James' POV

6th of June (Kiara's Birthday)

When Kiara's parents called me to ask if I could go over to their house on her daughter's birthday, I was astonished to say the least. I didn't know if they knew what I had done to their daughter, but they certainly suspected of something as they never really saw me again, so I didn't exactly know what they wanted from me.

I didn't try to question them though, because they seemed pretty sad over the phone. So, with my heart bumping in my chest and my mind wondering what could have happened to make them so upset, I drove over to their house, finding not only Kiara's parents there but also all of her friends, Dylan, Aiden, Matthew, Ellie, Lori and Roxy, forming a circle. The only I didn't see there was the one and only Kiara, which made me fear for the worst. I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, and then walked towards them.

"What is going on?" I asked, interrupting whatever conversation they were having. All heads turned in my direction, eyes narrowing, lips pursing, fists clenching. I made my best to ignore the reaction I provoked on them. The worst reactions came from Aiden and Matthew, though I could see Dylan was pretty upset as well, but he was more reasonable and hid it better.

"She's not here." Dylan answered.

"She left these." Kiara's mother said and I looked at her hands that were grabbing several letters. My pulsation started increasing and millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Where was she? What was happening here?

"After her graduation, she came to us and told us she wanted to leave." Her father spoke up as all of our eyes widened. "She said it was nothing personal against any of us, she said she needed to fly and that this town would not allow her to do that. She asked for our permission to travel and see the world, her biggest desires, and begged us to not be mad at her. After all, as she said, she loves us all dearly, but she needed to move on and find her purpose in life."

"Just like that?" Aiden questioned, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes narrowing with distrust. "She said that and just left?"

"And where to?" Ellie interrogated. "Where did she go?"

Her parents shared a look.

"We're not sure." Her mother ended up answering. "She said she would go to Europe but didn't give us the exact country. I don't think she even knew the location herself. She'll just wander off. We fear for her safety, but this is what makes her happy, and she's been sad for so long that we just had to let her go."

I shook my head at this. The girl Kiara's mother was describing did not sound like the Kiara I knew. Yes, she was unpredictable, and yes, she was many times unreadable, but she was never crazy like this. I guess she just had too much ambitions and dreams building up inside her her entire life and one day she just got tired of waiting. Could I blame her for that? Could I blame her for finally chasing her dreams, for finally trying to find her happiness? Could I be so selfish to want her here, when she was so obviously not happy here? All I could do was try to be selfless because above it all, all I wanted her to be was happy and if being here didn't give her that, then I just had to understand.

"Will she come back?" Matthew asked in turn.

"Eventually, she will." Kiara's mother's eyes were red from crying. "To visit at least, though she has no intention to live here anymore. She wants to be free after all, and all this town has done to her was cut her wings. We understand her reasons. What she did may seem selfish at first, but it's the best for her. She wouldn't be happy here, and therefore, she wouldn't be able to make others happy either. We just wished there was something more we could have done to help her be happy. So we aren't mad at her, and we hope you won't be either. She wrote a letter for each of you. I hope you understand that this what she has always longed for, all of her life, and now that she can finally be who she's meant to be, now that she can finally go and fly, we must let her. We must let her find her happiness."

None of us said anything. We were all completely speechless. I was quite surprised that she had let a letter for me too, and I was terrified of reading what she had written. 

Besides, I didn't think Kiara would be capable of doing something like this, leaving like that. She could have at least said goodbye. I didn't expect her to say goodbye to me, but she should have said it to her friends.

But in the end she didn't have the courage to do so.

"Here are her letters." Kiara's mother went on to deliver the letters. She handed one to all of us and I glanced at the others as they held their breaths and opened up the letters.

I never thought she would be this selfish, but I guess she really was a box full of surprises.

-------------------------

Letters (from Kiara's POV)

"Dear Dylan,

I know what you're thinking right now. If there's anyone of you all whose thoughts I can guess, that one is you. You're my best friend, after all, the one who knows me better. And I know you're disappointed with me. You're not mad, you're not sad, you're simply disappointed because you expected better from me. Quite honestly, I did too. I disappointed myself as well but this is something I just have to do.

I don't expect you to understand though; we have always been so different when it came to that. You planned your entire life around that town and the thought of leaving never crossed your mind because you're happy there, and I'm happy that you're happy. I just wish with me it wouldn't have to be different so I wouldn't have to say goodbye in a stupid letter.

I am in no way blaming you for wanting to stay in that town, if it's what you love and want, then stay. But please don't be so selfish to the point of thinking that it's what I love and what I want as well. Please don't be so selfish to the point of wanting me there as well when I'm not finding happiness there. And please don't think I'm simply being a selfish little girl who wants to run away from everything. I don't want to run away. I want to discover myself and the only way I can do that is by letting go. Letting go of my past, my memories, the people I love.

Because I love you all so very much, I do, but I can't be there for you, not now, not when my mind is not in a good place. I want to be there for you when I'm happy and when I've figured out what to do with my life and that moment simply isn't now. I really wish it was, but I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend everything is okay, I can't pretend I'm truly happy there.

Yes, I had a good life, I can't deny that. I had a home, a family that loved me, friends that were always there for me, and I know this is incredibly selfish, but I wasn't completely satisfied. I know this is selfish when there are so many people in the world who can only dream to have what I had my entire life, but still I can't help the way I feel. I know I should be satisfied and happy with all the great things in that town, but not belonging there made everything else seem bitter.

And I need to think of myself first. Learning how to put ourselves in first place, Dylan, is not selfishness, is not pride, it's loving ourselves.

I won't leave for good though, I could never do that. I'm not that cold-hearted as to leave without having the courage to properly say goodbye and then never come back. The reason I didn't say goodbye face to face was pure cowardice, I admit. I was afraid that if I saw your faces I wouldn't have the courage, or the cowardice, to leave. I was afraid I would feel obligated to stay. So after my graduation, I went to my parents, had a serious conversation with them about what happened during this last year, about my feelings and thoughts of never fitting in, and surprisingly, they understood. I didn't expect them to, but they did. They were sad, of course, but they supported me and I'm very grateful that they did so.

I'll return one day. Maybe this summer, or maybe in two or three years, who knows? I can't know for sure, but I won't leave you for good. You won't get rid of me that easily, okay, Dylan? I'm chuckling now, Dylan, and I have tears in my eyes, but that's just how I am, a complex human being, a very contradictory one. But right now I can no longer know your thoughts: right now I can't tell if you're smiling, chuckling or crying as well, or if you're still simply disappointed.

I wrote you this letter not only to say goodbye in the only way I can, but also to give you a perspective of my mind, to tell you the reasons behind my decision. I don't know if what I told you will help you forgive me, but I truly hope it will. I have to believe it will.

I now want to take the opportunity to tell you that you may think I never truly appreciated how great of a friend you are, but Dylan, I do. I appreciate it and I love you. I'm so thankful for every single thing you did for me. You're my best friend and you will always be, because you have always been there for me and I couldn't ask for a better person to grow up with, to share my dreams, my thoughts, my fears.

I know it's selfish of me to ask you this, but please watch out for my parents. They will be vulnerable now and I know that even if they understand, they will take some time to digest everything and figure their life out from now on. I won't abandon them, of course not, but I won't be there every day. So please help them a little. They love you as if you were their son.

And finally, I wish you all the best, Dylan. I hope you and Rayla can be very happy. Tell her goodbye for me. She's a great girl, and in my honest opinion, there's no one better for you. You're both incredibly amazing; you truly deserve one another.

I can only hope for you to fulfill every single thing you desire, because you deserve the world and more, Dylan. I know you deserved a better friend then I was, then I am, and you deserved a better goodbye, but I'm afraid this is all I have to offer to you.

Maybe one day you'll be able to forgive me, and maybe one day in the future I'll be able to make it up to you.

Kiara" 

-------------------------

"Dear Matthew,

God, I never thought I'd be writing a letter to the popular football player, uh? If last year someone had told me I'd be doing this, I would have sent them to a psychiatric hospital, yet here I am, writing to you, and here you are, reading it (hopefully). Maybe you aren't and you just threw the letter away. But if you've read until here, please keep going.

You're probably mad at me right now, so mad your fists are clenched and your teeth are gritted, because after all the trouble you had to go through to become my friend, I'm saying goodbye. And I completely understand if you're angry. I honestly don't expect anything else.

We have gone through so many things this year, things I never thought I would go through. And even though many of them hurt, many of them were lies, and betrayals, and pain, I don't want you to think I will remember you that way. No.

I'll remember you as Matthew, not the popular football player who apparently only cared about girls, but the kind and sweet one I came to know this year. The kind guy that helped me a lot, to discover and learn things about myself, the kind guy I've grown so fond of during this year.

Those philosophical talks we had through the year didn't just help you, Matthew. They helped me as well. I realized I had no right to judge people, that when I did I was simply acting the same way the society I so despise was. And we really shouldn't judge a person if we don't know their reasons, what lies beneath their actions.

And my reasons for what I'm doing right now are these ones. I was always an outsider, someone who thought outside of the box. I was never like you, Matthew, someone who fit in and belonged, who was loved and cherished. I was always that girl with big and stupid dreams, dreams they told me I would never achieve. I was always the loner and the sarcastic person who never acted like everyone else, who never went to parties, who didn't have social networks, who completely hated makeup, expensive clothes and jewels.

And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being different, I like being different. But this town doesn't. This town isn't okay with that. Maybe you're thinking I'm hallucinating and that the town doesn't judge, but I know the people in it. And yes, I know my group of friends won't judge me, but everyone else will, just like they always have.

So I have to go. I have to leave and find a place where I'm not judged for being different, when I will fit in because I stand out. And that place, unfortunately, simply isn't that town.

Maybe I'm just being selfish, Matthew, and you don't have to understand that. But you, better than anyone else, know what it's like to be pressured into being someone you're not. You, better than everyone, know what it's like to always have to do and say the right thing in order to fit in. And I'm sick of trying to fit in. I got sick of it a long time ago, but now I can finally fly. Before, I was trapped in that town, but now I'm free, and to shamelessly quote one of my favourite movies, there are no strings on me.

And despite how everything may have started between us, Matthew, I'm so glad I had the chance to meet the real you. The one who is there for me and makes me laugh, the one who helped me study for Maths (remember?), the one who helped me find my way back to the tents during that camping last year. In the end, you helped me find my way back to a new me.

I'm grateful for all the good moments we shared, Matthew, because I truly care about you, and I wish you all the best for you in the future. I know I'll see you in the TV some day, playing a big football game. And I know you'll find an amazing person to share your life with, someone as awesome as you. But don't let anyone tell you what to do, what to think, how to act. You are the only one with the right to do that. Be in charge of your own life. No one controls you, Matthew. Be who you want to be, and don't hide it, because inside you're such a brilliant and fascinating person. Show it to the world.

I certainly am ready to show myself to the world now.

Kiara"

-------------------------

"Dear Aiden,

Many things happened between the good girl and the bad boy since that first day in History class when we passed through the door at the same time, uh? I remember you called me princess and I called you that in reply as well. I remember how much I used to loathe you back then, the infamous bad boy who thought he was above every single rule, above every single person.

And you're so different from that, aren't you? Just like I'm no princess, you're not really a bad guy. One of the things I enjoyed the most this year was discovering your true self, a part of you you did not let many people see. But you let me see, and I'm so grateful for that. I had the pleasure to meet the real you – the slightly sarcastic and slightly rude person - but with a kind heart underneath it all.

You, just like me, built a wall around you so that no one could hurt you, so that no one would break you, and you hid inside those walls. You hid your true self and instead chose to let the world see a reckless and rebel boy. And you really are that, after all, only a mad man would drive that crazy bike of yours, but you're so much more. You're deep and clever, and strangely funny too.

And I care about you so much. I may not show it a lot, but you understand, don't you? We don't show, but we feel, sometimes even with more intensity than the people who expose their feelings. We love and we get hurt, we break and we mend. And we get up and move on, Aiden. I will never forget you, and neither do I want you to forget me, but I want you to move on. You'll love more people throughout your life, you just have to reveal your true self to them and they'll fall madly in love with you in a heartbeat. You may not believe it now, but I assure you, Aiden, I am not the only good girl in the world. You have plenty to tease and to throw witty comebacks at.

And I know I may seem selfish to wish you won't forget me, but the thought of you forgetting me breaks my heart because how can I forget you?

You were my first kiss after all. That damn kiss in that damn cable car. I don't think I ever admitted to you, but it was a good kiss. Oh, don't get so cocky. 

But be aware, a girl never forgets their first kiss, especially if it was in a cable car held high in the sky, with a bad boy like you, with such a devilish yet undeniably handsome face. Then again, don't get cocky. But sincerely, thanks, Aiden. You definitely gave me a good first kiss memory to remember.

In a more serious tone, I don't know if you understand why I'm leaving. I know you feel the same way as I do in some aspects. We both have been outcasts for our entire lives, different in actions and in thoughts. Good girls like me and bad boys like you don't really fit in this society, and that's fine.

But I want to travel and see other places, meet other societies. I want to find more differences and outcasts, and discover new ways of thinking and living. Is that so bad? I know I shouldn't be saying goodbye over a letter, but it's the only way I have to not back down from this. And I know I might be selfish, but you understand, don't you? We gotta put ourselves in first place. Only when we're happy with us can we be happy with the people around us. And me being there with you guys, unhappy, I wasn't going to help you in anything. I wasn't going to be a good friend for you when I didn't feel happy there. So I prefer to leave and let you go, rather then stay and be a bad friend, for you don't deserve it, Aiden, none of you do. You deserve a good friend to be there for you and support you and the unhappy Kiara wouldn't be able to give you that.

So I need to go and find the happy Kiara in order to be a good friend and be there for you.

I'm hoping you will achieve all of your dreams, uh? You have the strength and the intelligence within you to do so. Don't think you're not worth it, because you fucking are. Yes, I cursed. Please, get over yourself, Aiden.

And please, be happy.

Kiara"

-------------------------

"Dear Ellie,

Ultimately this goodbye had to come, right? Sooner or later, we would have to go our separate ways because your home is on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. And I know I own you a more proper goodbye, I know you deserve it. But unfortunately, I can't offer you that now.

I love you a lot, Ellie. Since that first day in rowing when you came to me and said "Hello, I'm new here" I knew we were bond to be friends, but I didn't quite expect for us to become best friends. You're such a wonderful person. You're cheerful and bright and you give your heart to the world in every single thing you do. You can light up an entire room as soon as you walk into it. I just hope in the future you'll be able to realize that as well.

If everyone in England is as great as you, then I certainly believe it's a fantastic place to live in.

I have a feeling you're crying right now, but please don't, Ellie. I don't know if you're crying out of rage towards me or simply because you'll miss me and I'm rooting for this second option. But I had to do this.

I had to go and see the world with my own eyes, just like you did. And I know I should have said goodbye face to face, but how would I be able to leave you, if you would be crying like you most certainly are now?

It's easier this way and yes, I shouldn't have chosen the easiest way, but sometimes you just have to. And contrary to what some people may think, I'm far from perfect. I make mistakes as well, and maybe what I'm doing right now is one of them. Maybe leaving will be a mistake, but I'll only know if I do it, right? And maybe it will turn out to be a beautiful one. A beautiful mistake.

I know we're different in a lot of things, but that's what I love about us. We complement each other. You're bubbly and cheerful and I'm more serious and bitter. You have your head on the clouds and my feet are firmly planted on earth. But you're always there for me, and you always know the right thing to say, even if I don't acknowledge it in the moment, even if it's not what I think I need to hear.

I'm really grateful to have a friend like you. I also want to tell your brother, Cameron, that he's awesome as well (I mean, have you heard that sexy accent of him? ;)) and that if he ever breaks Lori's heart, I will hunt him down no matter what part in the globe I'm in.

And I know I said it before, but the right guy will come one day for you and he'll make you feel like you're the only girl in this world. He'll give you the world because you deserve it, Ellie. Besides, I heard British guys can be really cute.

But don't let a guy affect you too much. Love is beautiful, but it hurts sometimes, and that's okay. But most important of it all, be the main character of your story, Ellie, and don't let anyone else write it for you.

Kiara"

-------------------------

"Dear Lori,

Every person has that confident friend who is always crazy and ready to conquer the world. You are that friend for me. I've known you since we were twelve, and we saw each other grow up from awkward children to beautiful young ladies. We have been there for each other when our parents decided to give us the so dreadful "talks". I was there for you when you had your first crush and then your first heartbreak, and you were there for me when I went through those things as well, a few years later though.

And because I love you dearly, Lori, I beg you not to cry. I don't want you to waste that expensive makeup on me. I don't want you to be sad with me, though you do have every right to be. You're a wonderful person, and an amazing friend, because you always say what you have to say. You're always honest and straightforward and even though what you say sometimes hurts, we thank you because you're real and true. And that's something so rare these days. When falsehood is everywhere, you're kinda like a breath of fresh air with your truthfulness.

So I'm going to repay you and be sincere with you as well. The truth is I did this because of me. I did this thinking about me. And I realize I sound completely selfish, but I can't lie to one of my oldest and dearest friends.

Don't think this is a last minute decision, because it's not. I put a lot of thinking into this. I've been dreaming about this since forever, honestly, I just never had the chance to accomplish it, but now I can. I'm just sorry that it has to be this way, that I have to leave like this. I should have the courage to go to you all and say goodbye, but I don't. I know if it was you, you would have, but I don't. I rather leave now then face your tears and requests for me to stay because I know that's what I would do. I can't bear to see you sad, any of you. I know this may come to you as a surprise, but underneath this cold façade of mine, I'm kind of a vulnerable girl. I wanna love and be loved as much as you all, I simply don't show it and hide it within me.

I appear to be this tough girl who doesn't care about anything, but deep down I do. Deep down I feel and I care so deeply about my friends. I wish I had your bravery though, Lori, the bravery to always be so transparent, to show it all and hide nothing because there's nothing to hide. But as I said, I am nothing like that.

And it's exactly due to that that I am doing this. It's exactly because I'm tired of hiding and pretending that I'm leaving. I want to find a place where I don't have to hide. Maybe it's not even about a place itself, maybe it's just about me reaching a state of mind where I'll be able to show who I really am, to show my true feelings without having to wear a mask, without these walls around me.

And it's not going to be that town that will help me get to that state of mind, and that will consequently allow me to be myself at last, with no more pretending, no more lies, no more games.

And if getting away from that town is what will help me achieve that, then I'll leave. As you're reading, you know I already have. But I won't be gone forever. I really want to come back someday.

I hope that day will be the day of yours and Cameron's wedding.

Kiara"

-------------------------

"Dear Roxy,

Befriending you when we were twelve was one of the best things that have ever happened to me in my entire life. You're chuckling right now and thinking I'm probably lying, right? I'm not. I may not have told you enough times, but you really are one of my best friends, and your friendship gave me the chance to be myself without being judged. You have always understood my introversion and respected my space, and I'm so thankful you did. When anyone else told me I should be more outgoing or talk more about how I felt, you were the one who smiled kindly at me and told me you understood, that it was okay to be like this. You were kinda like a shelter to me, the one person I could confide in about what I truly thought and felt. And even if you may not recognize it, that was really important for me to define myself.

We are so alike in some things, sometimes I feel like we're long lost sisters. I remember that sometimes when people told us we were shy we would look at each other and say "we're not shy, we just carefully choose the people we want to talk to", and leave the person who told us that dumbfounded.

I'm definitely going to miss those times, Roxy. But it's time for me to move on. I think you will understand. You may not exactly get why I'm leaving so quickly, or why I so want to go out and explore the world, but I think you understand the fact that I need to be myself, and in order to do that, I need to do what makes me happy, which is travel and discover new things, something I couldn't do for the past eighteen years. I don't think you will see me as selfish in this. You're just too kind and too understandable to do so. But it's okay if you see me as selfish as well. You have the right to, you're human after all. And so am I. I know this seems like a rushed decision, and it may turn out bad, but I need to try. Only then will I know whether this was the best decision I've made, or the worse.

I'm not looking for your support in this. You've supported me more times than the ones I can count throughout these years and I thank you so much for that. You don't have to bear with me on this particular one. I understand, and it's fine.

But I do ask you one other thing though. Look out for the others. You and Dylan are the most responsible ones out of you all and the ones I trust the most in these kind of things. I know I have no right to be asking you something like this, but I would be so much more relieved if you did so. If you would just be there for them and bring them back to reality when they're being unreasonable.

I don't even know why I'm asking you this, I know that you will always be there for them no matter if I'm asking or not, but I guess I just wanted, I just needed to make sure.

And take care of yourself as well, Roxy. You're always there for everyone else, your shoulder is always the one everyone cries on, but for once, put yourself in first place like I'm doing right now. I'm not telling you to be as selfish as I am, of course not, but think of you first. Don't let your world fall while you're holding everyone else's worlds.

I bet you'll be a fantastic rower who will even make into the Olympics one day. Coach will be so proud, and so will I. I hope that when you're holding your golden medal you'll remember me, the long lost friend from rowing who flew away.I know I'll definitely be standing up, clapping you with a proud look and a smile on my face.

Never give up on your dreams.

Kiara

-------------------------

"Dear James

Love is such a strong word, isn't it? It can make you feel everything. Happiness, sadness, enthusiasm, loss. I know you know you were my first love. I know you also know you were the first guy to break my heart.

But I don't think you know this and neither did I until I started writing this letter. I forgive you. I didn't think I would, but now there's no denying. I can't help it; my feelings are stronger than me. I don't want to forgive you, but I do. I want to hate you, but I can't.

Not when I still love you so much.

And we haven't even said those three words to one another, have we? But it doesn't matter now. I know that you love me as well. Despite what you made, I know you love me too, because it was just too damn real to be otherwise. And people told me you were sorry, and that your feelings for me were real, and I didn't want to believe them but now I do. I didn't want to believe them, I wanted to fight the feelings, but I couldn't, I still can't. I wanted to resist the urge to know that you love me as well, but maybe it's true. Maybe you do.

But now I'm saying goodbye because maybe we are not meant to be. Maybe we never were meant to be.

I want you to know that the good times we spent together will not be stained by what happened after, by what made it end it all. I will hold the memories I have of you dearly, with no regrets and no bitterness. I've moved on from that. And even if I haven't moved on from loving you, I've moved on from hating you, that's for sure. And I hate that I love you and at the same time I love that I can't hate you. Because it makes me a good person.

I've forgiven, something I wouldn't have done before. I'm the kind of person who holds grudges and has a hard time forgiving people, which is exactly why I was quite astonished to realize I forgave you so soon. But I did it, which proves I'm a better person now.

But don't be a fool, James, I've forgiven, but I have not forgotten. I don't think I ever will.

And you, James, were the best and the worst thing that happened to me. This will sound profoundly cliché, but it is cliché because it's an universal truth, and the thing is I love you so much it hurts sometimes. The memories hurt. The wanting hurts. The longing for your lips on mine, and your touch on my skin, it hurts as hell.

But I'll get through it. And I really hope you will as well.

And James? Out of all of you, you're the one I expect the most to understand why I did this. We've talked so much about this, after all. You're a free spirit like me. You have the same desires, the same will to leave and see the world. Maybe you never expected me to leave so abruptly, but you always knew one day or another I would.

And I want you to know that the fact that I'm leaving now has nothing to do with you. Yes, you hurt me, but as I said, I've moved on. The reason why I'm doing this is completely different, is completely based on me.

I needed to do this for myself. And I know I didn't have to write a letter to you, but I just felt like I should. I needed to let you know that I love you and that I forgive you. I needed to get that weight off my shoulders.

And most importantly, I needed to let you know that even if I've moved on, maybe, just maybe, deep down, there's still hope.

Kiara"

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James' POV

The words I just read rang in my mind over and over again and I couldn't shake them even if I wanted to. She said that she loved me. Kiara Raven admitted that she loved me and that she forgave me. And what about that last sentence? What did she mean by that? Hope? Hope for what? Us? Was she implying something? Was she implying that there may be a tiny little chance of me being able to get her back?

It couldn't be, I couldn't allow myself to have my hopes high based on what she had said. But I couldn't help it. It was stronger than me to have hope. My feelings for her were stronger than anything else. The only thing keeping me away from her was herself and if she had said, or at least implied, that she wanted me back as well, nothing would stop me now. I loved her as well after all, and my biggest regret was that I had never told her that myself.

I looked around to watch the others. They were all finishing reading their letters as well, some shocked, others sad, some disappointed, others angry.

"At least now she's happy." Roxy was the one to break the silence which surprised me, because she wasn't much of a talker. Her features were sad but she was trying to hide it, trying to be strong for her friends.

"Yeah." Dylan agreed. His face had sadness and disappointment written all over and his hands grasped the letter harshly. "But still it hurts so much."

"We deserved better." Lori said. She was mad and she had no intention of hiding it. "I know she apologized and tried to justify herself but she should have... she should have said goodbye. And she should have told us where she went to. We as her friends have the right to know. We deserved better than a letter."

I glanced at Aiden and Matthew who were having a rough time dealing with this, and didn't mind showing it. They were staring at each other, but not with hatred, more like compassion towards one another, which was a new to me. Aiden had his arms crossed over his chest, his hand clutching the letter into a paper ball, and Matthew had his jaw tensed and his fists clenched, his letter a paper ball too.

"You're right." Ellie said, and she tried to smile, though it came out dull. She was trying to bring light into all of us, trying to be strong. "She should have told us. But she did what she thought was best for her and that's how Kiara is. She does what she thinks is right and doesn't care about what other people have to tell her, or about what other people may think or feel about her actions. And even though that may seem selfish, we love her just like that. We love her for who she is."

We all slowly nodded. Kiara's mother started crying and her father excused them and led her into the house.

"I know this may sound stupid, but I'm quite intrigued with this letter in bold she put in my letter at the beginning." Roxy said. "Do you have that as well?"

Slowly, each one of us looked down to our letters, Matthew and Aiden unfolding their paper balls, and nodded.

"Is that such an important thing? Letters in bold?" Aiden sarcastically asked.

"This is Kiara we're talking about." Dylan went into Roxy's defense. "She's a complex person who doesn't do things just because; everything she does has a reason behind it. This has to be more than just a style preference."

I looked over to the letters of the others, but their letters only had that one first letter after the "Dear and name" in bold. I was the only one with another word in bold. 

Hope.

And then I knew. I fished my phone out of my pocket and opened the notepad of it.

"Guys." I called and they all turned their attentions to me, some more reluctantly than others. "What are your letters in bold?"

"Uh?" Matthew narrowed his eyes at me, but Roxy told me her letter was a B.

I pointed B in the notepad. Dylan gave me a I, Ellie a U, then Lori spoke out a E, Matthew said G, and finally Aiden grudgingly gave me the letter M, and I added the L from my letter.

B. l. U. E. G. M. L.

Hope.

And then what she said suddenly made sense. There was hope because after all she left it. She left us the location of where she went to.

B.E.L.G.I.U.M.

Belgium.

And there was hope because she made me know that I was welcomed there. That she would not mind if I visited her. And she gave me the final clue. But I wasn't going to be selfish and keep it to myself.

So I shared it with the others.

"Belgium." I declared, making their eyes widen and their mouths open. "It's the word that the letters that she put in bold at the beginning of our letters form. Belgium. It's where she is."

Automatically, a smile formed in my face, and it slowly but surely appeared in the other's faces as realization also dawned on them.

"She did not leave us behind after all." Matthew pointed out. "She just wanted to create a little mystery."

"That's what she is, what she always has been." Aiden added. "A beautiful mystery."

"She isn't so selfish after all." Lori admitted. "At least she had the decency to inform us to where she would go."

"The question is," Dylan looked up at the sky as if to find answers, as if to solve the mystery that Kiara Raven was "will we go there? All the way to Belgium?"

The smile I had on my face turned into a grin.

"I don't know about you guys." I started, and before they could protest about me probably being the only one with no right to go after her, after everything I put her through, the word hope appeared in my mind again. And her words. I want to hate you, but I can't. Not when I still love you so much.

"But I certainly will travel across the world if I need to, just so that I can see her, even if it is just one more time. I don't care about what you think, and you can try to stop me, but I won't allow you to. I love her. And I'm not going to let her slip through my fingers again, not this time. Kiara Raven was my first love. And if it is up to me, she will be my last."

"It gets into your body

And it flows right through your blood

We can tell each other secrets

And remember how to love

(...)

So let it wash over me

I'm ready to lose my feet

Take me on to the place where one reveals life's mystery

Steady on down the line

Lose every sense of time

Take it all in and wake up that small part of me

Day to day I'm blind to see

And find how far

To go."

A/N: This is it, guys, the end of this book, and what an incredible journey it has been since Chapter 1! I'm truly grateful to every single one of you, readers, who took the time to click on "Start Reading". I'm truly thankful for every single read, vote and comment. I hope you have enjoyed this book, but if you're not happy about how this story went, feel free to tell me, but please be polite and give me constructive criticism.

I truly hope you have enjoyed reading this story, and I apologize if it didn't meet your expectations. I did try my best. I tried to create the best story possible and even though many times things didn't work out as I expected or as I wanted, I'm happy with the final result.

I didn't want another cliché story. I didn't want this story to be only about a popular guy and a bad boy trying to win an innocent girl's heart, because there are plenty of stories like that here on Wattpad. I wanted a strong protagonist, someone who knows how to stand up for themselves and who doesn't drool over the "hot guys". And I also wanted depth in this book, so I tried to give the characters reasons and motives for being who they are, to show you why they act the way they do.

Most of all, I wanted a story with a moral, with a message I could pass on to you, readers. With life lessons that may help you during the course of your lives. Throughout the entire book I tried to pass on to you guys some things I deeply believe in, things such as be who you are, stand up for what you believe in, follow your dreams, don't judge at first sight, see beyond appearances. They're cliché things, but in this society it's so hard to be ourselves that I just felt the need to write a book where I could show my own way of thinking and maybe inspire other people. I genuinely hope I have.

Also, please understand that this is my first story ever here on Wattpad and also the first story I've ever written in English. Don't expect me to not make mistakes, I'm not professional, my first language is not English, it is as simple as that. I do try my best though.  

And last but certainly not least, I can not stop thanking you enough for what you have done for this book, guys. I love you so much for supporting me and for all the reads, votes and comments. When I first started this story I never thought it would go this far, and you're the responsible ones for that, so that's why this epilogue is dedicated to no one in particular. It's dedicated to all of you.

I love you all so very much.