"You need to work harder, Lucas." I growled the words out at him as I stood up. He was panting and wheezing from me driving him into the mats. The moment I had woken up I had gone to the post and drug him to the gym. Pure anger rolled through me and I loomed over him with bared teeth. "Get up." He struggled to his feet and I watched him with a predatory gaze. My wolf snapped her teeth together in my head and I echoed the action with my own snap.

The gym was empty of all but Linnette and Mordecai. Willow was with Avery, they were making cards for the scavenger hunt. I had known bringing the juvenile to Avery had been a good idea. The timid shifter seemed a bit more open with her and didn't shy away from her like she did others. It was a good start. Lucas managed to get to his feet with a deep groan. He was bruised and bloody but it wasn't enough for the anger that had rolled through me since I had woken up.

I shifted my stance and narrowed my eyes at him. "Arms up." He gave me a wary look through a slightly swollen eye but slowly brought his hands up. I feigned an attack to his left and when he dodged right I delivered a harsh jab into his stomach that had him doubling over and crouching on the mats as he gasped for air.

"That was predictable, Delta. you need to watch her. Keep your eyes open." Mordecai's comment was said lightly and both my wolf and I snarled at him for the slight interference. We had to burn off the rage and him interrupting was not going to help with that. As long as the bits of memories from last night flickered through my head that rage only grew brighter.

Lucas got up once more, wheezing as he did so. My jaw clenched at the remembered just what it was that caused the bone deep anger to burn through me. I didn't give any warning as I slammed my foot into the side of Lucas's leg and drove my fist hard into his jaw. I felt the snap of his jaw bone and I let out a snarl as I twisted and drove my fist into his back, breaking the ribs I had previously fractured. He gave a hoarse cry through his broken jaw before he collapsed onto the mat once more.

"Get up." The words were spoken from between a mouthful of large and sharp teeth. The rage was nearly consuming, red and black tinted my vision, skewing it. I needed to let it out before it rotted my core. It felt unending as it flooded my body. My vision seemed to shake as my heart thudded in my ears. "Get up!" It was a roaring command and Lucas gave a pained groan as his body tried to fight to listen to my command.

"Enough, yobo. He cannot get up." Cai's voice was a low rumble that I returned with a deafening snarl. The hot rage coursing through my veins needed an outlet and I didn't care who the target was. "If you truly wish to play with me, kiska, I will allow it but do not complain when I royally spank you." Cai said nothing more as he pulled off his shirt and kicked off his boots. I rolled my head on my neck, clenching my hands into fists, ignoring the piercing pain of my claws digging into my palms.

I moved away from Lucas, my wolf snarling and snapping her agitation and anger in my head. I was holding her back with my entire strength. There was no need for her to be let loose because she would kill something. I would hurt something but she would kill to satisfy the rage that boiled under our skin. Mordecai stretched, his muscles rippling down his form as he slowly shook out his arms. My wolf and I liked that he presented a challenge.

He gave me a grin full of sharply pointed teeth. "I'll hold back, love, but do not expect me to not hurt you." I knew how Cai fought. Half power for him was just under full power for me. Vampires were half-godlings and that was a title that showed. I was taking on a fight I couldn't possibly win but I didn't care. He swayed back and forth and I averted my gaze. It wasn't just a vampire's eyes that could enthrall you. I paced back and forth, waiting for him to make his move.

He chuckled at me and I returned it with a snarl. His form flickered for a brief moment and I instantly jerked my head to the side, feeling the wind of a heavy blow brush my cheek. I shot out with a punch that hit nothing but air despite knowing he had been there a fraction of a second before. The hit that I took to my ribs made the air escape from my chest rather violently. The hit didn't fracture my bones but I knew there would be a bruise. I barely managed to dodge the next hit he threw my way.

I lifted my other arm and deflected his secondary hit before I threw a punch directly at him. He pulled his head back so that it only tapped the tip of his nose. "Have to move faster, cucciola." A deep growl resonated out of my chest at his mocking tone and I let my grip on my wolf loosen, sending her strength through my entire body. My attacks were precise and fast but I only ever managed to graze him or tap against his form at the very end of my punches.

Frustration saturated the rage that flowed through me and I snapped my teeth in agitation right before my punch managed to connect fully with the side of his face. A surprised laugh escaped him as he grinned, blood coating his teeth slightly. "I bobbed when I should have weaved, zaika. Lucky hit." I was breathing hard and jumped towards him, lashing out with my fists in a want to hurt something, anything. My heart pounded in my chest as I pushed my body to the very limits in an attempt to burn out the rage that stemmed from the memories I had witnessed last night.

A strong fist clipped my face. The hit was a strong one and the placement was a showing of play rather than of an actual fight. My wolf's snarl vibrated my throat as I whirled around and aimed a kick at Cai. He dodged out of the way with a broad grin. "Feet, cucciola?" Without warning he shot out with his own leg and slammed his foot against my sternum, sending me flying across the room as my rib cage buckled and cracked under the force of it.

I gasped for air as white hot pain lanced through me, wrapping me up to the point where I couldn't breathe. It felt like there was static in my brain muffling the world but I forced myself to stand regardless. My body protested and my wolf whined in pain. It was a shock to our system, the rage immediately being replaced with pain. I held my fists up as I gasped in air and tried to shake the static from my brain. My vision felt skewed and my brain felt off kilter as I staggered towards Cai.

Memories flashed inside of my head, bringing the rage up just enough to drown out the pain of my fractured ribs. My suffering didn't amount to a fraction of Maggie's. Tears burned my eyes and I once again forced myself to engage. I just wanted to drown it all out. My rib cage screamed at me as the muscles tugged on the cracked bones with my movements. I could tell I was sluggish, my movements almost stuttered and Cai tsked at me right before he backhanded me hard across the face. I staggered as my vision exploded in bright lights of pain and I nearly hit the ground.

He let out a small sigh that I could barely hear over the ringing in my ears before he once again kicked me. His foot connected with my stomach and I was once again sent flying. The force of his kick sent a sharp and searing pain through me, it felt deep and internal as if he had damaged something deep within me. I rolled to a stop, my head cracking against the thin floor mat. I gasped for air in a body that was wracked with pain. I tried to roll over but the air my body needed came first as I tried to desperately inhale with lungs that seemed to have forgotten how to work. Black spots danced in my vision and unwilling tears blurred my eyes.

I felt my vision dim as I was rolled over. Voices were muffled and I let my eyes close. It was comforting in my pain. When the pain was there the memories weren't. I hid among it, unwilling to let it go because my twin's reality created a different sort of ache in my body that made me shudder and gag. There were words that sounded whispered around me but my brain refused to comprehend them, stuck in the static of the pain.

The burning of Elissa-May's hands on my skin made me want to snarl. My wolf whimpered, unsure of herself. It wasn't often she was beaten but she and I both knew the fight was simply for a fight and nothing else. We needed that fight to drown out the memories, to drown out Maggie's unbearable suffering in our minds. My wolf and Maggie were just as connected as I had been to Maggie. We were twins, the animal connection was just as strong as the human one.

Consciousness flickered in and out as the pain rolled over me in continuous waves. I embraced the pain because when I was lost in it, the memories were dulled and pushed from my mind. I couldn't think on them, they weren't there and I so wanted them to not be there. My back arched and I let out a pained shout as my ribs fused together underneath Elissa-May's hands.

It felt like I was boiling from the inside out. I had never experienced a healer before. I had known they had their uses but I had never experienced it personally. I ground my teeth together as large hands grasped my shoulder and pushed me back onto the surface I was lying on. My muscles felt like they were tensing violently and then releasing rapidly underneath my skin. It was a painful feeling that had me forcing out puffs of air from between clenched teeth to stop from crying out.

The burning moved to my stomach and I gasped before I choked, feeling something being forced up my throat. I had my head turned and I coughed out the coppery tasting liquid, spitting and gagging as my body expelled whatever it was that been inside of me. The burning felt more intense around my stomach and I couldn't help the croaking shout I gave at it, trying to move away as the hands held me down tightly.

It felt like it was unending as it rolled through me and despite how much I hated it, I knew it was better than reality. I knew the pain was better than what was inside of my head waiting for me to focus. I gagged again, more of the thick liquid coming up. "What is that?" There was frantic note to the rumbling voice and there was a soft shushing sound that my mind clung too. The voice was nice.

"You ruptured her liver with the blow. The blood inside of her abdominal cavity needed to go somewhere. Up or down and I figured she would prefer throwing it up to the alternative." Elissa-May's voice was soft and soothing. It settled the pain, made it easier to bear.

"Vita mia, I am so sorry." The words were whispered into my ear and I was vaguely aware of someone brushing strands of my hair from my face as the burning finally stopped. My mind felt hazy from the relief of the pain subsiding to a dull ache.

"Apologize all you wish, dark one, but she is not going to respond." The healer's voice was still that soothing sound that my brain clung too. I liked its soft tones. No wonder everyone enjoyed her presence. She had a wonderful bedside manner, soft and soothing.

The large hands holding me down turned to rubbing, fingers digging into my sore muscles to massage away the aches. "Dark one... Classic usage, moonworker." If I had the capabilities I would have groaned as another set of hands started to massage my legs.

"Does the term offend you, vampire?" Elissa-May sounded curious and her fingers digging into my muscles were efficient.

Cai gave a small sort of chuckle. "Is someone truly offended by the truth?"

"Truth... That it is." The healer seemed content with his response and their hands slowly smoothed away the aches that came with the healing. I felt lulled towards unconsciousness. My body was too exhausted to let me actually move around and interact and there was still that haze in my mind that made hearing almost difficult but I forced myself to listen because the conversation, the voices, distracted me from the memories in the darkness.

"What do you sense when you look at me, moonworker." Cai's voice pulled at me and I focused on the rumbling tones that carried his words. I didn't want to think of anything. The memories that lingered on the edge of the darkness taunted me with their unbearable cruelty.

"I do not sense you. You and your kind are the darkness around the moon. We can see you but you aren't truly there. You are like smoke, like the shadows the moon brings. Not truly tangible." She was right, Mordecai wasn't truly there. He was of the shadows, it was his nature.

He made a soft sound of acknowledgement as he rubbed at my scalp gently as he took out my braid. "And you are the sharpened edge of her sword tempered by her love, are you not?"

"Apt description. I have met those who are sharp like her sword and I have met those who are as soft as her moon flowers. Both are powerful, and if used right, both can kill." She gave a faint chuckle as her fingers dug into a particularly sore spot that had my body shaking with the pain that rolled over me. Aftershocks or new pain I wasn't sure as it made me shake and whimper along side my exhausted and panting wolf. "A dull sword might not kill you fast but given enough time and it will still destroy life."

Cai made a faint sound as his hands stilled on me. "A warning perhaps?" His tone was slightly contemplative.

"Idle conversation." It was Elissa-May's turn to sound slightly amused. "It is not often I get to see a vampire. A rarity you are."

"We do not think of ourselves that way. We prefer limited edition." Mordecai's familiar smugness was coming back and the healer stilled her massaging for a brief moment before she gave a small chuckle.

"And your egos precede you." Understatement of century. "I think we should let Alpha rest up. This was difficult for her." Their hands slowly left me and I whimpered internally. I didn't want to go back to the darkness and relive Maggie's violation. Just having her feelings, with bits and pieces made my stomach churn. I didn't want to be stuck there, to feel what she felt during that moment. The utter violation she had endured at the hands of the male who had taken her.

My breathing hitched as I felt them move away. Without the distractions I knew the darkness would pull me under. I didn't want them to go. I wanted to plead with them to stay but my voice had abandoned me and my body refused me any movement. The darkness slowly crept up on me, engulfing me in its embrace.
It was hard to scream when you couldn't breathe anything but the darkness. Now I knew how Maggie felt lost in the tomb of darkness that not even the moon's light could reach.

******

I woke up with a sobbing gasp in my throat. The anger was gone, the burning rage I felt was gone, all that was left was hysteria. So many terrible secrets the darkness had held, so many of them I hadn't wanted to see. Tears burned my eyes and another sob escaped while a thousand more pushed against me, demanding to be released.

"Oh a chuisle mo chroí." Cai's voice was a faint whisper and I pinched my lips together to prevent the hysterical sounds from escaping me. I turned my head, my eyes opening to look for him through my tears. I spotted him in the furthest corner of the room, his head bowed and his shoulders slumped with an edge of bashful apology. "I am sorry." I didn't care about the fight. I didn't care about the injuries received. The darkness and Maggie's memories had harmed me more than anything else could have.

"Cai." It came out twisted with a sob as I reached for him, my composure cracking and finally breaking as the hysterical sobs tore themselves from my very being. My soul screamed for Maggie when her's could do nothing but remain silent underneath a willing body. I was wrapped up in Cai's arms and he shushed me softly, pulling me close as he got onto the cot with me.

"Its okay, drágám. It's okay." He murmured the words into my ear and I shook my head as the heaving sobs seemed to be torn from deep within my body. It wouldn't be okay. Not with the knowledge that my twin had endured the feeling of that utter violation and betrayal of her body. Her mind screaming no over and over again but her body always saying yes to a touch of a male that bound her to him forcefully, to the male that harmed her, that had tormented her and made her suffer.

I gagged on the unrelenting sobs as I clutched at Cai. How could I ever go to sleep again with what was essentially the rape of my twin sister lingering in my mind? How could I ever sink into the darkness knowing that those memories could be waiting to taunt me? How could I remain sane with that in my head, seeing it, feeling it but never being able to stop it? Were the memories a punishment for me? A cruel reminder that if I hadn't begged my sister to stay that she wouldn't have endured what she did? I couldn't envision a more cruel punishment than the one I was enduring.

A large hand smoothed down my hair as I buried my face into Cai's chest, trying to muffle the wounded sounds that were escaping me. "It tears at me to see you like this, my Zoi." His voice rumbled through his chest and into me and I shuddered in his arms as I tried to quell the sounds that were escaping me.

They felt nearly animalistic and raw. Something torn from my very soul in its utter grief in my sister's devastation. This was not a soft sigh of sadness, this was a typhoon of raw hatred, hurt, grief, and hopelessness. It tore through me, savaging my chest and throat with it's brutal sounds. The storm seemed unending in its utter raw chaos. Something that would not stop until I was nothing more than a faint memory in the minds of those around me.

The reality of what I had done was a harsher burden for me than anything else. All of Maggie's suffering was my fault. If I hadn't begged her to stay with me, to stay with the family instead of going to Altia she would have been alive. She wouldn't have had to endure the violation she suffered, the abuse she had been delivered. She wouldn't have died. Perhaps this was the punishment I deserved for what happened to Maggie.

I pressed my face closer to Cai, trying to muffle the sobs that were rolling from me, shaking my entire body with their intensity. The cruelties that Maggie endured were horrible but that memory that lingered in my head was the worst of them. She had been stuck in a body that never said what her mind wanted. She was stuck screaming in her head in protest while her body only ever accepted the male's touch. It was no wonder she fell onto the side of madness. No one could stay sane with that.

The sobs seemed endless and Cai was continuous in his soft comfort, letting me ride out the storm that had consumed me. After what felt like hours they seemed to taper off. my throat felt raw and my chest hurt. I coughed, my body shuddering in Cai's arms. "She was screaming, in her mind, that she didn't want it, want him but her body betrayed her." The words were croaked out and another round of burning tears filled my eyes. "She wanted so badly to say no but she couldn't." The ultimate betrayal for her. Her body not listening to what she wished, it was at the whims of a male and the bond that had been forced onto it.

Cai shushed me softly, running his hands through my hair as I coughed again, my breathing stuttered as I tried to hold back the sobs. "He raped her soul, her spirit, even if her body said yes." I choked on the words. They tasted so vile and bitter on my tongue. I closed my eyes tightly as the tears cascaded from my eyes. "This is my punishment, isn't it?" My throat felt raw and worn and Cai rubbed at my cheeks, wiping away the tears.

"I do not think this is a punishment because there is nothing you need to be punished for." His words were soft and I shook my head.

"I begged her to stay. Every time she wanted to go to Altia I begged her to stay with me. I couldn't be without her and in the end my selfishness killed her. The reason she suffered is because I selfishly begged her to stay." A hot feeling of self-loathing filled my chest. All that Magdalene had suffered, had endured, was my fault. If I had just let her go, if I had just thought about her wants and needs rather than my own, then she would be alive in Altia.

"In every lifetime I have witnessed, there are regrets that follow you through to the end. Perhaps if you hadn't told her to stay she would be alive but perhaps not. Perhaps this was the path that she had to walk in her life and nothing you said or did could have changed it." Cai brushed his lips across my temple and held me just a fraction tighter. "We all live with regrets but we cannot let them control us. The what ifs of our lives can crush us under their weight. We cannot let that happen. We cannot linger in the past." While I knew the words were rational, the wounds felt too deep to simply shrug over, to say I couldn't linger in them. Maggie was half of my soul and in my selfishness I hadn't protected her like I should have.

It burned me deep in my soul, the torn edges where Maggie used to rest against me pulsed with pain. I was the reason for her destruction and the reason for my own. That wasn't something I could truly ever get passed. When one is the reason the person they loved most in this world was no longer within it, that left a gaping hole in who they were, left a lasting scar that never faded.

"I just want to say I'm sorry." My chin trembled and a new wave of tears filled my eyes. I just wanted to hug her one last time and say I was sorry. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and take in her scent and just hold her. The night the pack was wiped out, I hadn't even said goodbye, I hadn't hugged her. I just snuck out of the window while she watched, wanting to escape the fractured and grieving pack for a night. I just left her there and in the end I had come back to my world burned to ashes and the gore of my family torn to shreds.

"You will get your chance, moya golubushka." He held me closer, pressing my face to his chest as he rubbed my arms to comfort me. "Mene is a fickle goddess but she is not cruel. You will be reunited with Magdalene when your life has come to it end. You will embrace her once more and whisper your apologies and your sister will wipe away your tears and smile because she has been wishing for you just as you wish for her now." I burst into tears once more pressing my face into his chest to hide from the world. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt like he was holding me together so I wouldn't fall apart into a million pieces.

I clung to him tighter, unwilling to let him go and lose him too. I don't know what would happen if I lost Cai. If I lost another person I loved. I just hoped my punishment was something that would only affect me and that the goddess didn't see fit to take those I loved away from me once more.