The sound of guttural crying pulled her from her own nightmare. Wanda sat up slowly, the wetness on her face not enough to distract her from the sound coming from down the hall. Sliding out from her covers, she shivered as she opened the door, walking quietly but quickly, before halting in front of Bucky's door.

He's positively wailing.

"Please, no, no."

Wanda bit the inside of her cheek, hands on her side, unsure of what to do. He hadn't been this bad in a while. Mostly it was just screams or crying, but he rarely spoke, especially this clearly. A part of her wondered if someone was in his room, hurting him, and the fear choked her so hard that without hesitation she grabbed the nob, and turned.

His room was dark, except for the streak of moonlight that streamed through his blinds. Wanda walked slowly, on high alert in an unfamiliar area.

"Stop, please, don't..."

She saw him then, and her heart relaxed a little. He was on his side facing her, arms tucked under his pillow, but she couldn't take in his expression in the darkness.

"Wanda...please, no. Take me instead."

Her stomach dropped at the sound of her name, and she took another hesitant step forward.

Bucky whimpered, knees pulled up, metal arm whirring with every shaky inhale. "NO!" he screamed suddenly, his eyes scrunched shut. "Stop!"

Wanda lurched forward, grabbing ahold of his shoulders, shaking him lightly. "Hey hey, you're alright. It's okay, it's not real."

It wasn't enough. Bucky sobbed again, the sound shaking her core, and his neck thrashed. "Not Wanda, please."

She wondered if the rate in which her heart was beating was safe.

"It's alright, shh, shh..." She reached up, placing a shaky palm on his face. "Wake up, James. It's just a nightmare."

Falling on her knees beside his bed, her fingers traced along the lines of his face. Her mother used to track her index fingers along her children's nose and cheeks whenever they were scared, soothing wanda easily. She hoped it could do the same for him.

"No...no, no." Bucky whispered, but his grip on the pillow loosened just a bit.

Wanda tracked her thumb across his cheek lightly, and he leaned into her touch. She shut her eyes as an easy warmth spread through her chest, the want to be closer to him was excruciating. She knew she had to stop it, to stuff those feelings down, to make herself understand that none of this would end well.

Bucky sighed, his expression appearing calmer, and Wanda reluctantly retracted her hand. He exhaled deeply, rolling so that he laid on his back, arm outstretched, and she so badly wanted to crawl beside him, wrap her arms around his middle and never let him go.

She smiled at his sleeping expression. He looked so different like this, with his guard down. He looked young. Maybe that was how he would always look if he didn't have so much weight on his shoulders.

Wanda stood up and rubbed her palms together. It was time to go, to stay while he was peaceful would be crossing a line she wasn't sure how to pull back from. But as she turned, she heard him shuffle again.

"Stop, just take me," he muttered, and with her arms pulled around her, Wanda turned back to him, leaning slightly. Suddenly Bucky shot up, a scream tearing from his throat. "Just take me!"

Wanda jumped, grabbing both his shoulders and giving him a hard shake. "Bucky, wake up!"

His eyes found hers but it wasn't him, not really. His face cracked, tears slipping down his skin. "Don't hurt Wanda," he begged and she'd never heard a sound so broken. "Please don't hurt her."

"It's just a dream, Bucky," Wanda said firmly, giving him another shake.

He blinked, another tear falling, and then he jerked, eyes snapping open. Wanda stepped back quickly, unsure of what he would do and didn't want to be in the way of any violent outburst. He was breathing hard, forehead damp as he looked around. His eyes fell on her, and his shoulders immediately sagged.

"I..." he trailed off before taking a breath.

"It's okay," she cut in, her voice strained. "You were dreaming. I was just waking you up."

"Oh." He sounded embarrassed, wiping the beads of sweat on his forehead.

Wanda paused, her arms locked tightly around her torso, giving him a moment to collect himself. "Are you okay?"

Bucky nodded, but his eyes avoided hers. "Yeah. Just a dream."

Wanda swilled thickly, a weight shifting onto her chest. He had been dreaming about her, about someone hurting her. She had never realized how much she affected him. Sure, they were a team, maybe even friends, but this? He was willing to trade places with her, and it terrified him to see her hurt, apparently. He already had so much on his plate, and all she was doing was unknowingly adding to it. He didn't need that. She couldn't do that to him. He needed a clean slate, they both did. Yelena would understand, right? Maybe she'd be a bit stubborn at first but...she'd get it. She would have to.

Wanda turned on her heel, cheeks burning as she made her way to the door, determined to pack her into life in under ten minutes and be gone within an hour. It was the only way. She was nearly out of the door before cool fingers wrapped around her elbow.

"What did I do?" he asked, eyes rimmed red and she couldn't look at him for long.

Wanda shook her head, pulled her arm from his grasp. "You didn't do anything, James." She said coolly, turning away before he could respond.

"Back to James?" he questioned, and Wanda ignored the pang in her chest. She trudged into her room, the sounds of his footsteps hot on her heels. "I heard you call me Bucky. What're you doing?"

"I'm leaving," Wanda replied, feeling Bucky's eyes on her from the doorway.

"I don't...did I hurt you?"

Wanda shook her head furiously, standing straight. He looked so downcast at the thought that he'd caused her harm that she strengthened her voice. "No, no of course not. I just...I'm a burden to you, James."

He paused as he watched her toss clothes into a duffle bag, reaching for the minimal amount of items that could hold. She turned to reach into her drawer and nearly slammed into him. She hadn't heard him move, the proximity startling her.

"Why're you doing this?" he said quietly, his eyes watching her expression carefully and she tried to control her face. Bucky seemed to be grappling for words in her silence, and he clicked his teeth, fits clenched by his side. "Wanda, I...Yelena found your list."

She paused, unable to keep her face straight, and she dove for her drawer, yanking it open. Her heart sank as she pushed pencils and hair ties around, looking for the slip of fragile paper that was nowhere to be found.

"She was putting stuff back, some hair crap you lent her, and she found and..." Bucky rambled, shaking his head in disbelief. "I know it scares you that me or Yelena will get hurt but...tough shit!"

Wanda looked up at him from her crouched position, her chest raising and falling rapidly.

He trudged on, hardening his brows. "We care about you, and nothing you do can ever make me stop worrying if you're okay."

"That's the problem!" Wanda shot back, standing and shoving at his chest. He didn't move, and it only angered her more. "I can't do this again! I should've left the moment I came back from that snap."

"Yeah, that would've been amazing," Bucky scoffed, shaking his head. "You would've been alone and isolated. At risk of anyone or anything that wants the abilities you have. You still would be the same girl that couldn't step outside without breaking down at the memories."

"Who cares?" Wanda shot back, racking her hands through her hair.

"I do!"

"You can't!" Wanda screamed, squeezing her eyes shut. "At least when I'm alone it won't matter if something happens. No one will avenge me, no one will risk themselves for me. And that's just...safer."

It was a mantra that she'd told herself time and time again. It helped keep the guards up, it solidified the walls around her. She hated him for trying to break them down, hated that she had already allowed him this much of herself.

Bucky's jaw tightened. "So that's it? You're afraid of my reaction if something happened to you?"

Wanda shuffled uncomfortably, her throat aching from the shouting. "Maybe, sure. You just, you always try to do what's right. You took a damn bullet for me, and I...I don't want that."

"Too bad," Bucky huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Besides, it's just a flesh wound."

Wanda rolled her eyes, looking away. "That's not my point and you know it. This is already hard enough, having these...thoughts about you. You can't have them for me, either." She cringed at her words, busying herself by grabbing more clothes. Stalking into the bathroom, she grabbed her toothbrush and placed it into the duffle.

Bucky seemed to be frozen for a moment before throwing up his hands. "Well it's too late, Wanda. So cut it out, you're not leaving."

Wanda let out a humorous laugh, giving him a glare. "And who would stop me? You? I'd like to see you try."

Bucky sighed, and his furious expression turned to a softer one, a small smile dancing across his face. "I could. Because I know you would never hurt me."

Wanda sucked in a breath, turning away again, avoiding his face. She just couldn't look at him. Not when he was staring at her like that. "I'm trying to do us both a favor, okay?" she said, her voice small. "One less person to care about, because caring gets you hurt, or worse."

"I don't want that, I can't want that," Bucky replied, taking a step forward and grabbing her forearm. "I know you're scared, and I'll be honest, so am I. But you can't push me away. I pushed Steve away for years and he never gave up on me. So I'm never giving up on you."

The desperation in his voice threw her, and she shook her head, anger boiling at the fact that her eyes were misting. "That's exactly why I have to leave." She pulled her arm back, zipping up the duffle.

Bucky groaned, ran a hand through his hair. "Please, just slow down. Take a second and think about it. I'm sorry I scared you, okay?"

"You didn't scare me, I scared me!" Wanda cried, and finally, the first tear slipped past her lashes. He looked at her carefully, reaching out but she swatted him away, shaking her head, calming her voice. "You have to let me leave, James."

"It's Bucky," he whispered, a mixture of heartbreak and hardness in his eyes. "And no, I can't do that."

Wanda sighed, slinging the bag on her shoulder. "Please, James..."

"No." Bucky took a breath, shut his eyes before exhaling. "I won't lose you, too."

Wanda brushed the back of her hand on her cheek, hating that she was technically the second person to abandon him. But she was doing it for his own good. He would understand that, eventually.

"And I can't lose you, either. Don't you get it?" she whispered, wishing the lump in her throat would dissolve. "That's why I have to do this."

Bucky gazed down at her, shaking his head definitely. "If you walk out that door it doesn't change a damn thing. It won't stop me from tracking you down, it won't stop me from loving you."

Wanda's eyes grew wide and her heart thrummed painfully in her chest. "Stop it," she muttered, glaring at him. "Just stop."

"I love you," he blurted, his cheeks instantly reddening.

She knew it was probably incredibly hard for him to say that, and somewhere inside she wanted to say it back, but she bit her tongue, turning away from him, wrapping her arms around her torso, attempting to hold herself together.

"Is that what you want to hear?" he whispered, and she heard his footsteps behind her. His hands grazed her hips lightly, moving up to her arms and she couldn't help the tears. "I love you."

"Bucky, stop. you...you can't, no." she responded, grief streaming through her limbs.

Bucky pulled her into his arms, her back pressed to his chest and his chin atop her head. She covered her face, cried into her hands. "I don't care." His thumbs rubbed soothing shapes into her skin. "Push me away all you want, but nothing can change that."

Her chest ached, all the anger and fear finally breaking as he held her, and she turned in his arms, pressed her face to his chest. His hands moved to her back, holding her to him, the warmth of his skin soaking through her shirt.

"I know you've lost so much and it scares you. I'm terrified, if I'm honest," he said before pressing his lips to her forehead. "I know that list cripples you, and maybe you're right. Maybe it'd be easier if we'd never met, if I didn't give a damn about you. I know you've had so much grief from it. But I also think that our lists keep us fighting, keep us trying."

Wanda took a shaky breath, pressing herself closer to him, already addicted to his warmth. She wanted to tell him she loved him, too, that the thought of never seeing him again gutted her, that he was cared for by so many, that everything that had happened to him wasn't his fault.

They were silent for a moment before she rubbed her nose, looking up at him through her tear-stained face. He placed his flesh hand lightly on her neck, his thumb on her jaw and her eyes fluttered shut in contentedness
.
"What is grief, if not love persevering?" she whispered, and he gave her a soft look. She sniffed again, blinked away the residual tears. "It's something Vision had told me once."

"Guess you should listen to him," Bucky replied softly, thumb caressing her skin. "He was one of the smartest people to ever exist." Wanda gave him a watery smile, nodding slowly. "If you really want to leave, I know I can't stop you." He sighed, and his face looked pained. "But you have people that care for you, Wanda. Don't walk away from us."

"Bucky..." Wanda whispered, placing her hands on his chest, fisting the material of his shirt between her fingers. She opened her mouth, tried to find the words she so desperately needed to tell him. He shook his head, placed his thumb over her lips.

"It's okay, doll, I know," he murmured. "Tell me later. Tell me when you're ready."

Wanda nodded as he pulled her to him again, hugging her as he tucked his face against the crook of her neck. She could feel his face pulling into a smile against her skin, fingers splaying across her back.

"I'll stay," she mumbled into his shoulder, turning her head to press a light kiss to his cheek.

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging but he didnt let her go, just held her tighter, the warmth of his skin spreading throughout her own.

She wasn't sure she'd ever felt this kind of peace. The doubt and fear that were normally screaming at the back of her head were silent, the only sound in the room was the beating of their hearts, pressed close together.

This would all probably end horribly. Wanda was still terrified that this new found love would be her undoing; she wasn't sure she could survive another heartbreak. But as she held him to her, breathing in his scent and feeling him against her, she figured it just might be worth it.