I shouldn't be doing this. I know that this is wrong and although I know that I've done worse things than go on a date, I've never done anything that goes against the rules of the Pantera, or against my father. I've never broken the rules of our mob or done something that is frowned upon by my peers.

Not to mention the fact that I could be getting myself killed, I'm jeopardizing this entire mission and for what? A boy? A very handsome, intriguing boy but just a boy nonetheless. Dante Berardi, to make it worse. I've been making so many mistakes lately just because of him. I blew off an entire day of work, I've wasted time hanging out with him or following him around the city like I did with Denise at Allegro. I've been distracted from the mission at hand.

As I look into the mirror in the bathroom of my apartment, I see weakness in my eyes. My father has always told me to be strong because fear is weakness but I am not afraid. Just weak because I've let this boy get to me. I've let him make me smile, I've let him get in my head. And what do I think that I will get out of this? A happy ever after? Once he figures out who I am, he'll never talk to me again. He'll probably shoot me dead himself.

If he knew who I was, he would be absolutely livid. But maybe he wouldn't. I mean, I know who he is but he is still clawing his way into my mind. I'm still saying yes to going out with him, worrying about what to wear or what I should say to him. I know that he has a monster inside of him and blood on his hands so thick that it covers him entirely. Maybe that is the biggest reason that I want to be around him, because I too know that monster well.

But no matter how terribly I am drawn to him, I need to be as strong as my father has raised me to be. No more weakness. I grab my phone from the corner of the sink and I go to Dante's number in my phone so that I can text him and tell him that dinner is off tonight. I'm feeling sick or something. I have to end this before it is something that I cannot end.

I type out the message and I read it over three times.

'Not feeling good, have to cancel dinner tonight'

But I saw him at work today, he will probably know that I am lying. That doesn't matter, he just has to know that I can't go to dinner with him. Not tonight. Not ever. It doesn't matter that our bloody hands look so similar or that our monsters are the same. I need to do what pleases Pantera before anything. It doesn't matter that I could stare into his eyes for days or that I can't stop feeling his kiss on my lips from yesterday, despite how miniscule it was.

Pantera is my family. Dante is just boy who makes me smile. Happiness isn't really all that important anyway. I'm not here to be happy, I'm here to serve my father.

And yet, I never send the message.

What my father doesn't know won't hurt him and if this relationship does end up hurting my mission, if it does get me killed, then I think that'll be okay too. I have always known that my life will be short and if I can get in one quick romance before the end, I think that I'm okay with that.

Already dressed in a t-shirt and denim shorts with some black sneakers, I am ready for Dante to pick me up because I am weak and I can't help it. He makes me weak, he drives me crazy without even realizing it. I know that he wants to go somewhere fancy but supporting the façade that I'm broke, I don't have dressy clothes so I've dressed as casual as I can just to fuck with him. I can't help it. I love annoying him because that means that at least he's thinking about me. Yeah... that sounds pathetic.

I stop looking at myself in the mirror because I'm just pissing myself off.

When I get the text from Dante that he's here, I take a deep breath and head downstairs to look for his Aston Martin. It's wrong and it's stupid that I'm doing this but maybe that's part of the reason that I'm doing it. He's waiting in his expensive car by the curb when I get downstairs so I invite myself into the passenger side and I immediately notice how dressed up he is, wearing a sports jacket and well-fitted jeans.

"You clean up well," He greets me sarcastically. "That's alright, we'll make a pit stop."

"I really don't have any nice clothes," I remind him. I know that I could have dressed better than I have but like I said, I like to get to him, to make things difficult like a petulant child. He saw me at work today in nicer clothes than this. He speeds away from my apartment building and toward wherever it is that we're going. "We really don't have to go anywhere fancy."

"I'm already dressed," He defends. "And this was the agreement. We do things my way tonight and then we'll do things your way this weekend."

"Okay, you're right," I easily concede. "But I'm getting steak."

"You can get whatever you want."

"And dessert," I add.

He shrugs. "Sure."

"I should get you something," I decide. "Not with money but I can impress you with other stuff."

Right after I say it, I understand how dirty it sounded and when I look over at Dante, he's smirking because he also heard my unintentional double meaning. I stay silent, waiting for him to say something to make this even more uncomfortable but he remains silent.

"Not like that," I finally say out loud.

"Sure sounded like that," He responds.

"It wasn't," I assure him again. "But I'll think of something."

"You don't have to try to impress me," Dante tells me, glancing over at me as he's driving down the freeway.

"And why is that?" I question him.

"Because," He says. "You're already special."

"Wow," I say, pretty surprised that he just said that, and so calmly and unapologetically too. "Was that a compliment?"

"Yes," Dante confirms. "I can be nice when I want to be, it's just rare so you should really appreciate it when it happens."

"Okay, well then thank you. I appreciate it," I say slowly, still pretty surprised that he said that because it was a really sweet thing to say and I really never pegged him as a guy with a sweet side. But then again, this guy has been surprising me ever since I met him so I shouldn't be so surprised that he's still surprising me.

When we get to where we're going, I see that our destination is a boutique.

"You're really buying me an outfit?" I wonder in disbelief. He did say that this is what he was going to do but I really thought that he was being sarcastic or something.

"Where we're going, you wouldn't be let in the doors with what you're wearing," He explains to me as we both get out of the car and I follow him into the boutique. I'm grateful that we are very far west which is Berardi territory because I go to places similar to this place when I feel like feeling fancy, buying a new dress or new makeup or whatever and I know a lot of the people by name where I go.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm not telling you," He scoffs at me. Once we're in the boutique, he calls for a lady. "Jolene?"

"Coming, darling," An invisible woman coos into the front where I'm examining all of the racks and racks of dresses of all colors and styles. To the left, there's a viewing area with a few fluffy benches and a pedestal at the center. "Hello, dear, are we still doing what we discussed?"

"Yeah," Dante nods at the lady and then motions toward me. "This is Elisa. Work your magic, I'll be over here."

He doesn't give me an explanation about what was discussed at all, he just walks away to one of the benches and gets out his phone to amuse himself while I'm left with this thin and tall blonde woman.

"I'm Jolene. Come on into the back with me and we'll get you set up," The lady instructs, motioning to the door that she entered through so I just silently follow her back, deciding that I'll just see what he has planned before I start asking questions.

"Here's your dressing room. Dante wasn't sure about your size so there's a few sizes in there. Let me know if you need any help," Jolene tells me, motioning into a large room with a few dresses hanging up on the wall. They are all the same dress though so it is clear that Dante has already picked out the dress that I'm to wear tonight. That, or Jolene or somebody else picked it out but either way, it is expected that I am to wear this dress.

It's not a terrible dress. It is tight at the top with black sequins and the bottom is flowy with purple silk. It's actually a pretty cute dress but there are two problems with it. One- I don't want to be told what to wear. Two- I don't want to look cute, especially not with Dante. I want to take his breath away.

"Can I look at other dresses?" I ask Jolene politely, hoping that I don't insult her by not wanting to try on this black and purple dress that they've chosen for me.

"Why don't you just tell me what you're looking for and I'll bring you a few options," Jolene suggests kindly. She doesn't seem aggravated or anything about me rejecting the purple dress, which I appreciate.

"Something black," I decide. "And sexy. I want to drive him crazy."

This makes her smile at me. "He told me over the phone that you would want something modest."

"I want to surprise him," I explain to her. "Thank you."

After I tell her my size, she hurries off to find a more revealing dress so that maybe I can surprise him like he surprises me all of the time. My outfit at Allegro was pretty sexy, I think, so maybe I won't be completely surprising but I will at least a little bit considering he's expecting that cute purple dress.

"I think this is the right one. What do you think?" Jolene returns with a mini black dress with one long sleeve and the other side without any sleeve at all and on the side with no sleeve, there are three triangular cutouts on the side. It looks like it'll be kind of short but not too short and I think I'll look really good in it.

"This looks great," I say, taking the dress from her and step farther into the dressing room as she shuts the door between us.

"Let me know how that fits, I'll go get you a pair of shoes," Jolene says from the other side of the door as I'm stripping out of my t-shirt and shorts. There's already a strapless bra in here because they apparently thought of everything so I put that on before I put the dress on. I'm grateful that I covered up my Pantera tattoos with the cover-up I got because this dress would have exposed a little bit of the writing under my boob with the cutouts.

The dress is tight but comfortable and with the black stilettos that Jolene finds for me, my legs look like they go on for miles. Happy with the outfit, Jolene even brings me some makeup to finish the look. Bold dark red lipstick, a winged eyeliner and an intense eye look. I look like Vera again, not the Elisa that I've been pretending to be.

"Okay, what do you think?" I ask Dante as I'm coming into the room. Since it's only him, I don't stand on the pedestal, I just stand beside him, waiting for his reaction.

He stares at me for a moment but remains silent and his face is completely unreadable. I can't really tell what he's thinking but I think that it's a good thing because he's still looking at me.

"That's not what we had planned," He states the obvious.

"I know. It's not that I don't trust your fashion sense," I assure him. "But you don't give me enough credit here. I can fucking rock it when it comes time. Do you like it?"

He nods and that makes me smile. I like that he likes it. "You look great. Next time, I'll just let you pick your own thing from the start."

"No," I negate him. "This is the only time that you're ever doing this."

"Alright, if you want to wear this dress every time we go out, I'm perfectly okay with that," Dante assures me. He then thanks Jolene and tells her to send him the bill and then we're off again in the Aston Martin to the real destination of the night.

"You plan on taking me out a lot?" I ask him with my newly darkened eyebrows. "To fancy places where only rich people go?"

"Sure, why not?" He asks in response. "If it meant seeing you in that dress again, I'd take you just about anywhere."

"Again with the compliments," I notice with a soft laugh, really enjoying all of the sweet things that he's saying. We get back on the freeway to go closer into the heart of Vegas.

"Yeah, I can't help it," Dante tells me, glancing over at me despite the fact that he's going about 90 miles per hour down the freeway. "I'm kind of losing my mind right now."

My smile widens and I'm glad that I'm not the only one here feeling crazy. "The feeling's mutual."

His hand rests on my bare knee as he drives the rest of the way to where we're going, which is an extremely high end club on the strip which explains the need for the fancy dress. It's called Eclipse and I've been here only a few times and it's a really cool place, a good place to really let go and forget about the world's problems.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Dante asks me as we enter the club via the VIP entrance. I loop my arm around his so that we don't get separated in the crowd and I shake my head. It's not a weekend so the crowd isn't as thick as it usually is but it's still pretty busy. I'm mostly just clinging to his arm because I want to be near him.

I follow him through the crowd and then up to the second floor, which is the VIP lounge and it's very spacious and fancy. There are plush booths with large tables for groups and then smaller, more private tables for just a few people. There's a black bar that's only for the VIP guests with its own bartender and the music from downstairs is dulled from the distance so that it's easier to have conversations but still loud enough to be enjoyed.

I've never been up here but I think that it's really cool. It's decorated with fancy chandeliers and dark colors and furs. Dante takes us to a smaller table toward the side of the area. The small table is a glass circle and the booth circles the table with a little gap so that we can actually get into the booth.

The waitress dressed in a short, tight skirt and a tank top approaches us to ask us for an order. Dante orders an alcoholic drink, I order some mozzarella sticks. The waitress leaves but I notice Dante giving me a weird look.

"What?" I ask him. "I'm hungry, you said that we were going to dinner."

"Okay, sure," He says with a deep laugh.

"I like this though, it is very fancy," I assure him. "Are we going to dance later?"

"Do you want to?"

I nod. "I have some pretty great moves."

"Is that one of the ways that you're going to impress me?" He asks me with his head cocked to the side. I bite my lip and look away, knowing that he's putting a double meaning in his words.

"No," I say shortly. "Just something that I do well."

"I'll probably be impressed anyway," He says jokingly. He takes a drink from his glass and then looks around the room before looking back at me. "So do you really like this place?"

"Yeah," I confirm with a nod. "It's cool."

"Just cool?" He questions with raised eyebrows.

"Just cool," I repeat with a small laugh. "It's fun, a nice way to let go, and a good way to show off your money, I suppose. A good way for me to show off my legs, which I appreciate. But I'd rather get to know you."

"What do you mean?" Dante looks confused.

"I just mean that there has to be more to you than your money. Something more than this lifestyle that you have that you for some reason think that I crave. Something that you like to do in your free time other than eating salad like a bunny on the roof. I'd rather you take me there, I want to get to know you, not your money. That's why I'm here with you in the first place."

"Most of the time when people want to go out with me, it's because they want into places like this," Dante explains to me, slowly taking another swig of his drink.

"Okay, well I'm not in it for places like this. I'm in it because no matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about you. I'd like to stop but I guess that it's just not in the stars. I'm here because I have this unfathomable desire to know who you are."

"I'm not that great to know," Dante says.

"I'll be the judge of that," I decide but I know what he means. If he was getting to know the real me, I wouldn't be expecting a third date any time soon. I'm a disaster. So is he, I think, but we are the same kind of disaster and so I'm not running away. I wish that I could tell him that. "I think that I want a drink now."

He waves over the waitress and says, "Order whatever you want."

I get a fruity margarita to go with my mozzarella sticks and when they come, I lean back and look up at Dante. "So what's your favorite movie?"

"I don't have time for movies," Dante shakes his head at me.

"You have time for places like this and dates in the middle of the week but you don't have time to watch movies?" I ask him with raised eyebrows. "Not even one?"

"No, not really. I guess I could make time for it, it's just not my thing," He explains with a small shrug. "I mean, I've watched movies before, I've just never really had one stick out to where I feel like I should declare it my favorite of the movies."

"I have a favorite," I tell him even though he didn't ask. "Grease."

"Grease?"

"Yeah. Grease. You know? 1950s, musical, betrayal, Danny Zuko... Grease."

"I've heard of it, why is that your favorite movie?"

"It's my mom's favorite," I tell him and I use present tense because although yes, that was my mother's favorite movie, Elisa's mother is still alive. I'd decided that a while back because if this is the girl that I want to be, I want this girl to have a mother. A mother just like my mother, whose favorite movie was Grease the Musical. "When I was little, we would dance around the house to it. In the duets, I would sing Sandy's parts and my mom would sing Danny's. Even though her voice was really high so she had to go up an octave and it sounded ridiculous."

"So you only like the movie for nostalgic purposes, it's not because of the quality of the movie."

"No, I also love it because it's a bomb ass movie and also a classic," I defend my decision. "The nostalgia just adds to it."

He takes one of my mozzarella sticks and my instincts are to break his nose because it's my food but then I remember that he's the one paying and so I just give him a dirty look and start eating faster so that he doesn't have as much time to steal my food. He notices my quicker pace and it makes him laugh a little bit.

"You're into 80s movies?" Dante remains on the subject.

"Not particularly. I like romantic movies, I guess," I decide. He's going to ask me why but the real answer isn't something I can share with him. I can't say that it's because I see so much violence and blood in the real world that I need the reminder every now and then that not everything is so bloody and about death. There is beauty in the world and even though I can't see it with my own eyes, I can see it on TV sometimes. "I guess I'm just a softy at heart."

There's a small lull in conversation but it's not uncomfortable. I'm listening to the music, enjoying my mozzarella sticks, and occasionally glancing over at Dante or analyzing the VIP atmosphere a little closer.

After a while of comfortable silence between us, Dante makes his move.

As he goes for his drink again, his knuckles brush against my bare knee. He does it very quickly to where it almost might look like an accident but I don't think that it was. I decide that I won't let him control the pace of our subtle flirting and so I do him one better and as I'm taking a drink of my margarita, I move my hand over to his leg and instead of a fleeting touch, I leave my hand there on his jean-clad thigh.

"I can play too," I whisper to him.

The corners of his mouth start to turn up into a smile. His hand starts venturing back toward me but I've decided that I really want him to want me. I want to see it in his eyes, I want to feel it when we kiss again. I want to drive him crazy. And to do that, I can't let him get to me first.

"Let's go dancing," I suggest before he can make another move. I take the last gulp of my drink and scoot as gracefully as possible out of the booth, hoping that Dante will follow me instead of just staying here or reaches over and touches me because if he does, I worry that I will be the one going crazy and not him.

He gets out of the booth and follows me, which I'm very relieved about, and then we walk back downstairs to the dance floor. The music is hip hop with a thumping bass and an electric beat that has everybody on the dance floor, waving their arms over their heads and smiling, dancing like nobody is watching.

I don't dance like nobody is watching, I dance like Dante is the only one there, watching me shake my ass. I see him standing tall right beside me, his dark eyes watching me as I move to the music in my short dress and long legs. I watch him watch me because I'm starting to see the fire in his eyes that I've been craving. For the most part, he stands so tall and confident, like he just doesn't care that much about anything. And I understand why he is so cold, because I am also that cold when I'm being myself. It's so much easier to be somebody else though, when you're given a different name.

Vera and Elisa are very different people.

But Dante doesn't have that luxury and he must be cold because the monster inside of him doesn't let him feel very much. At least, that's how it is with me. And the fact that I make him feel something and that I can see it on his face, that makes me very happy. Because whether he can tell or not, he makes me feel something too. And he does it so easily.

After one song, he steps even closer to me and puts his hands on my hips so that we are dancing with our bodies pressed against each other.

It gets to the point that we're practically dry humping on the dance floor because, like I had planned, I'm igniting a wonderful fire inside of him. I'm making him feel something. But I had not planned for him to ignite the same fire in me. And I'm not talking about horniness even though we've apparently ignited that in each other too, but it's emotional.

We're not dancing so closely just because we want to see each other naked, I'm pushing myself into him because I just want to be close to him. I want to be as close to him as possible. I want to feel his skin, I want his arms wrapped around me because they make me feel warm. I just want him to be around me, I want to be so close to him.

I think that I can see it in his eyes that he wants to be close to me too. Or maybe I'm just imagining that, only seeing what I want to see. He may only be dancing with me like this because he wants to fuck me. Considering how much I am risking just to be with him right now on this date, dancing with him, I want to believe that I'm doing it for a reason though. I want to believe that the risk is worth it because whatever I feel pulling me to him, Dante feels me pulling him to me as well.

After a while of dancing, I'm out of breath and hungry again so we go back up to our table upstairs. I order another margarita and a hamburger, much to Dante's amusement.

"You can laugh all you want but I suggest that next time, you look up what 'dinner' means because there is usually food involved," I defend myself.

"Next time?" He repeats as a question. "How many more next times do you think there'll be?"

I shrug at him. "I don't know, a few, I take it. I don't think that this will last very long, do you?"

"I'm not sure, I've tried not thinking about it too hard," He admits. "Why don't you think it'll last?"

I turn to look at him, knowing that I'll be fully honest with him right now. Well, as honest as I can be in these circumstances. "I think that this is a terrible idea. I think that I'm making a really big fucking mistake by being with you and every time I see you, I think that the mistake just keeps growing. And I think that it's dangerous, being with you, and I know that the longer I'm with you, the more dangerous it is. So I don't think that this will last because the mistake keeps getting bigger, the danger keeps getting worse, and it'll all come crashing down."

"What a ball of sunshine you are," Dante says jokingly but he doesn't laugh. "You must be really fun at parties."

"Oh, I think that I just proved how fun I can be," I respond. "But that doesn't mean that I'm oblivious to reality."

"Okay, well if we're destined for failure, we might as well make the best of right now then, right?" Dante decides and I'm glad that he doesn't start asking why I think that we will crash and burn because I'm not so sure how I would respond to that. I didn't think that far ahead in my little honesty hour.

"Yeah," I say with a small smile spreading on my lips. "We should do that."

In the booth with the waitress gone, nobody can really see us in our small little enclosed booth so when he leans over and kisses me (I guess that's what he meant by making the most of this), nobody can see it. Which is why I kiss him back and why, when he puts his tongue in my mouth, I let him.

Until the waitress returns with my burger only about a minute after we started kissing. Dante orders another drink before she leaves and I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to make it to work in the morning.

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Bonus chapter for getting a lot of survey responses about minorities! If you haven't filled it out yet and still want your voice heard, the link is still available on my profile. Thanks to everybody who did fill it out, you rock!