So... this is chapter 19....i guess you'll find out whether leo's gone or not!!! haha!!

Leo's POV

I tried to get hold of myself...did this mean I succeeded!? I'd killed myself...Was it worth it? Ending my life at 19!? I almost laughed at my self pity, too late now Leonardo. Your dead! 

"Leonardo!" A voice barked, it was a demand. The voice was Japanese, with a small tint of fifteen years of living under American soil. I smiled. 

"Sensei!!" I flipped around, his snout was lowered down eyes glaring at me, I pulled back my arms behind my back so I wouldn't hug him. "Mas...ter Splinter?" I frowned. The rat shook his head, I noticed his streaks of grey fur that once ran against his snout and neck were gone.

"Why?" Was the only words his said, his figure walked towards me, it bounced with white and gold light, i glanced down at my own hands that seemed to be forming the more I had accepted my status of death. But the weak grey glow refused to change. My eyes fearfully kept themselves on my hand.

"I...I was scared." I explained, fear was weird in this world of dead, Shikai, its Japanese name, skimmed over my memory. I was scared, but where was the slamming heart and the urge to run!? My legs grounded their place. My heart knew fear wasn't the right answer to say. His ears we're lowering. "Fear Leonardo?" He asked slowly. 

"Hai." I replied, because those words seemed the fit the situation.

"What about all those other times you were 'scared?' Did that give you right to kill yourself on battle?!"

"I had a reason to fight sensei!" I protested, the words feeler drier as I continued on. 

"That reason being?" He pressed.

"My brothers,"

"And do they not matter now?" He frowned. 

"Well I don't to them, so why should they matter to me." I growled. Splinter's eyes widened, his eyes told the truth I felt. I wasn't Leonardo Hamato...I was...nothing.... The truth hit I was not better than Takashi himself.  Splinter sighed.

"You do matter." He waved his hand, light presented itself to me, growing darker to represent a room. 

"DAMMIT LEONARDO!" I heard Raph's voice scream. I noticed Donnie flinch over a pool of blood and darkened shadow. He looked down at Donnie. "Sorry D." He muttered, then shook a fist at the figure. A wave of guilt took over me. That figure was me...they... were saving me. Mikey stumbled in, carefully carrying a heart monitor. 

"Read the instructions." Donnie waved his hand weakly, then threw away blood soaked bandages.  I looked at Master Splinter, his eyes were staring at me. 

"Do not matter Leonardo?" He growled. I shook my head. 

"I..." I stuttered, he shook his head in a disappointed angry way. Giving a deep sigh I looked back.

I caught the monitor, the beep was weak, forced. Raph was shaking his head. 

"WELL YOU GOING TO HELP?!" Donnie yelled, making everyone but sensei jump. Raph looked at Donnie, a frown nudged at his cheek. He shook his head, looking slightly at Mikey. Tears were rolling down Mikey's cheek, Raph frowned and looked at Mikey. 

"Yes?" Mikey sobbed. Raph sighed. 

"Hey little brother." Raph whispered and pulled Mikey into a hug. "Leo's gonna be ok... You know why?" Raph smiled. "Because he's a Hamato..besides... Sensei's probably kicking his sorry shell right now." He said, as if he knew where I was currently. Master Splinter curled into a smile and nodded.

 Mikey looked up at Raph and giggled. "Yeah he'd get busted!!" Raph smiled, tears...I was crying? I frowned wiping the liquid off my snout. 

"You're still alive Leonardo. Once last chance Leonardo." His formed flickered to a slender man. Hamato Yoshi. "Please make it a good one, my son." I took another look at my brothers. Mikey sobbing. Donnie doing his best to save me, the older brother, the leader. 

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I took in a deep breath. Donnie jerked back. I had been moved in the lab. Mikey curled asleep on Donnie's computer chair. 

"Hullo." I said, going to sit up, before realizing the pain that spiked up in my neck.  Donnie shot me a cold look and forced me down. My stomach flipped. "Sorry." Donnie shook his head and grunted.

"The leader wakes up." Raph growled and walks over to me. "Hello fearless." He mocked. 

"I talked to sensei."I blurted out, Donnie flipped around from his computer. 

"What?" Raph jumped. 

"I talked to him...."I repeated. 

 Donnie cocked his head slightly.

"What..no I don't want to!" He snapped his head back and growled. "What did he say?" He asked. I sighed. 

"Just." 

"SHUT UP!" Donnie yelled out and  gripped his head. Raph uncrosses his arms and put them around Donnie. 

"It's not real." He whispered. Donnie nodded. 

"I know but...they just get worse when I haven't slept in a while."

"Awhile?!" I snapped, how long was I out for?

"Yes awhile! Because your a coward!" Raph yelled and poked a finger at my plastron.  Mikey moaned and scrunched up his face.  Raph stopped. 

"Raph...give me another chance!" I protested.

"To what? To betray us again?!" Betray?! What did I....I cut my thoughts short...I did..In a way, treated them like nothing. Like mistakes, in a way they were...my mistakes. As the leader, the big brother. They were put into my hands. I left Donnie to deal with depression and schizophrenia. I betrayed their trust in me.

"I didn't betray you!!" I lied...Clenching my hand tightly, rubbing it against the cold blanket underneath me. Raph rolled his eyes and waved his hand in a 'I give up' motion. I closed my eyes, who was I? ...Tears were rolling silently. My own family won't give me another chance, who will. 

Raph left with Donnie to calm him down. Mikey groaned and opened his eyes.  "Leo's awake!" He jumped. My eyes could barely see him before he'd wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"I was so scared you were gone Leo." He whispered in my ear. I nodded slowly. 

"I saw." I said quietly. Mikey frowned and looked at me. I faked a smile, about to give an explanation Mikey laughed and hugged me. "You're so weird big brother.." Confused as ever as the way was with the freckled turtle I smiled and wrapped my arm around him...maybe...just maybe I could help my team again, and eventually my family...

the end bit was bit rushed sorry if some parts dont make sense...if they dont point it out to me!! or it'll just keeping on going weird!! anyway yaaaaay leos ok!!!!!!!!!! wooo!! what you guys think? gah i almost forgot some of this was helped by my adopte little sis-

@tori0625!! follow her pleaseee!! and if any of you hurt hey she will tell me and i will kill yoi!! shes hurt enough!! i dont think you guys will..but putting the warning there!!<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

-sorry had to... hehe for you TORI!! i love you!!! but yeah i asked her cause i had writers blocka and she gave me the idea of seeing his brothers reaction..which went nicly with the transition to coming back to life.ANYWAY! wont bored you anymore...good job for scrolling all they way down

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-Ninja out