"Stupid girl."

John's voice startles me from my sleep. Well, I guess I still am sleeping, just not in my own dreams anymore.

"So do you decide to drown yourself in a lake every day or did I just catch you at an off time?"

"Very funny." It's now that I face reality again. Oh, how dreams can erase the world you're living in and make you almost believe in something new.

"Do you hate me that much to try to drown yourself after we made our bargain? Do I disgust you that much?"

Yes, I want to say but I can't. I had not meant to do it at all. I didn't plan on not coming up for air... but the longer I was down there, the more death seemed welcoming. It seemed understanding. Maybe—

"No!" John's voice rings out. "You know I can hear what you're thinking. Don't ever think that about yourself."

"Stay out of my head!" I scream. "Is that what you want? To pick me apart and torture me with my own thoughts!" I wail into the darkness.

"I've given up everything. I've sacrificed all I've got. I don't have anything left to give..."

"Crista," he says, his voice different. "You see so little. You have no idea the strength you have. You're not aware of the love you possess."

I snort. "Yeah? And why do you care? The last time I checked you betrayed everyone who ever loved you. Do you even know anything about love?"

There is silence thicker than the night itself. I can hear my heartbeat. Not like all the other times. It's not labored but scattered. Too real.

"I do."

My heart jumps at his sudden voice and once again it laces through my thoughts without restraint.

And then there are no words, but a suggestion that floats in my mind. A feeling of certainty I cannot explain.

"It was you. The necklace. You made it glow. You're the one that brought it to me all the way across the lake."

I can feel the hesitation in the air. It constricts my limbs and makes me ache all over again. "You would not have made it in time."

"Axil was fine," I say. "He's the one who saved me," I choke out of embarrassment.

"Without you, he wouldn't have been. He would have died trapped in the lake if he hadn't seen the light."

Hearing the words spoken out loud makes tears swell in my eyes. Axil is one of the bravest people I know, but he's just as breakable as any other person.

"You guys love to fight with each other. I get it." And I swear I can hear a hint of laughter. The kind that you don't force when remembering a childhood memory.

"You and Zaria," I say, not really knowing what to say or how to say it. A part of me aches to know their story; to know what happened before the lies, before the betrayals.

"Closer than two peas in a pod," he says sadly. "But, like any children, we fought over stupid things. We both enjoyed tussling over things that didn't matter. It was a distraction... I think you know a little bit about that."

I keep my mouth shut and try not to think about anything, keeping my mind as clear as possible.

"I can feel your struggle."

"Would you please just leave me alone," I say desperately.

"Sorry. I try not to, but your thoughts are so complex."

"You listen here," I call into the pitch black. "My thoughts are not a map for you to examine and 'figure out,' I quote with my hands. "You said you had answers for me. Unless you are picking my brain apart to find the questions I want to ask, stay out."

He chuckles and I can feel the vibrations in my chest. "I have the answers you seek, but you also hold my answers. It goes both ways. That's how a bargain works, sweetie."

"I'm not your sweetie, and I want my answers now."

There is another wave of silence as I stare into the night. Whatever limbo I'm in is frighteningly peaceful in the silence. If I stand here for too long, I may get lost in my own head, or I may never be able to wake up. A chill wraps around my body like a blanket, his presence gone. I shiver just wanting to be warm again.

After what seems to be forever, I feel his warmth come back. "One."

I don't know where my head must be because instead of asking anything important, instead of trying to rack my brain for the most important question I ask, "Why can't I see you? Why are you hiding?"

I can still feel his warmth next to me but the feeling all around me shifts. It's not cunning or superior anymore, instead it's... timid?

"There are those who hide and those who are hidden."

"What's that supposed to mean?" But I can't get an answer because once more I feel myself freezing and the sensation brings me back to under the lake. Being trapped... running out of air... too cold to do anything...

My heart starts to race and it feels as though it will pound right out of my chest. The rhythm gets stuck in my head. I can hear my breath catching up to the rhythm of my heart. No, no, no, no.

"Crista."

Axil kneels over me, a look of panic in his eyes. My body is covered in a cold sweat, my palms clammy and my forehead dripping.

"Bad dream," he says laying back down next to me. "Go back to sleep."

I shouldn't want to go back to sleep in case John meets me again. I shouldn't want to ever hear his voice. I shouldn't want to know anything about him. And yet... I close my eyes.

***

I awaken to the soft glow of the last embers. I take a deep breath and feel a slight ache in my chest. As I exhale, I notice nature's silence. The kind of silence that turns the sound of life into a melody. No machines, no banging of pots, no hushed whispers behind walls, just the sound of Mother Nature.

The birds sing high in the trees a song I have never heard before. Have we traveled that far north? Where even are we? Tiny drops of dew drip off of the branches and leaves overhead making a steady pitter-patter. Chipmunks and squirrels bound up and down rustling in the new long grass and dragonflies flitter all around our camp.

I turn to my right and see Axil peacefully sleeping. Good. I can breathe a little easier knowing he's finally getting rest. I take a moment to look at his face. The dark circles around his eyes, his locked jaw, his eyes that squint even while he's sleeping. Not so peacefully, I guess...

He sleeps with his hand underneath his head.

No... no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. My heart drops as my eyes are drawn to the dark mark on his arm. The one that will seal his fate for eternity. The one that can make a kingdom fall.

How? How did this happen? When did this happen? Why? What does she want with us?

A pair of crow wings just like mine... just like Lucy's stains his skin, marking him as hers.

I get the sudden urge to shake him awake, to get to the bottom of this and put our misery to an end. But I can't. Not when he's finally asleep. Not when he is living a life outside of his reality. I know all about that.

A sudden inspiration sparks. I know all about that.

I close my eyes and don't even know if it will work, but I have to try. Calming my mind like I once did with magic I clear everything from sight. Erase the distractions... become grounded with the earth... feel yourself fall into your unconscious... "John?"

For a long moment, nothing happens. I can't shift into parallels like I once did with magic. "John?" I try again, but I feel nothing. He's nowhere to be found. But, call me crazy, I swear I feel like he knows I'm here; like he can feel my effort but something's missing. Never have I tried to reach out to him—

And there it is. Another sign. Deep inside my bag, there is a subtle hum that rings out. The necklace? Being as quiet as possible I reach inside my bag and shuffle around to find where Axil had thrown it. Folded between my clothes, I find the fragile jar of Stardust and what now remains of my necklace. How on earth is it still working?

Taking one last look at Axil I realize that if I do this, I am sealing my fate even more; damning my soul for answers to questions no one should know and as I tip a tiny amount of contents into my hand I am sure that I have to do this. I'd do it a thousand times.

The mixture feels electrifying in my hands. The tighter I hold it, the hotter it gets and the familiar feeling of falling comes back like I had never left it.

My whole body starts to thrum with an energy I have long missed. This shouldn't be happening. I don't have any magic left. But I try not to think about that. By whatever miracle is allowing this to happen, who am I to intervene?

I'm ready, I think to myself. I need answers and I need them now. Please. I plead as badly as I can trying to communicate with whoever will listen. Please... help me...

"I knew you wouldn't be long."

"John!" I scream out of excitement. "It worked! It actually worked!"

A rumble of laughter fills my core as I once again stare into the darkness. "A little magic is all you need," he says and he sounds a lot happier than he did during our last conversation. "I feel a little remorse coming from you. Are you here to apologize?"

The annoyance creeps back in and I question why I even decided to come back.

"Don't leave," he says and once again his voice is honest.

"How does the magic work if I no longer possess any?" I ask ignoring his request for an apology.

"Is that your question?"

My heart drops like a ton of bricks. "No!" I say as quickly as possible. "No, I came here to ask you something else. I... I really need your help... now."

There is tension in the air like he wants to say something but is holding back. "What can I help you with?" he asks carefully.

"It's Axil," I tell him, being very cautious. I mean, this is the man who tried to kill him. Had it not been for Maria, Axil wouldn't be here right now. "He's got the mark as well."

"Little princey caught the slave mark and now you need to rush?" he whines in a baby voice.

"Are you willing to help or not?" I huff. "Look, I know you wanted him dead but there are many of us who would die for him." I'm at a loss for words. All of our memories come back into my mind. Every Christmas and holiday, every ball and banquet, every spring and summer racing the horses, every fall and winter curling in the Day Room and telling each other stories. The thought brings tears to my eyes. I quickly wipe them away and clear my throat. "He can't die. Not him."

"What is your question?" he asks, and I have a hard time deciphering his intentions.

"Where is Eden?"

"Are you sure Eden's whereabouts are truly what you desire to know or is it just the easiest question?"

My brain stutters, catching up to what he just said. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It seems you don't have much time, and I wouldn't want to send you on a wild goose chase. I still need you to uphold your end of the bargain. She is in a place only few would be able to find her, and there is another way."

"Another way for what?" I ask, feeling all the more confused.

"Is that a second question?" he asks slyly.

I put my hands on my hips, not that he would be able to see anything... or maybe he can... "Fine," I say. "That is my first official question. But I do have one more."

"Ask away," he says as if he were lying back in a recliner. "Just know every question comes at a cost."

I think about my question... about what his question might be. The second I start to doubt, Axil and Lucy's faces both pop up in my head. I have to do this.

"I want to know what other way there is to get rid of these marks, AND," I say making my voice bolder. "I want a yes or no. Are Lucy and Zaria with Eden?"

"Ah, getting better at playing the game, are we?" My skin starts to itch like a thousand tiny spiders crawling up my arms and legs. "One at a time. I answer a question. You answer a question."

I sigh. Why did I think this was going to be easy? "Deal."

"There is only one other way to get rid of the mark besides giving her what she wants."

"And what is that?"

"The only other possible way to remove that mark," I can feel a slight brush against my arm where the tattoo is. I swat at his invisible hand and surprisingly hear a smack. "You've got quite the attitude."

I roll my eyes. "I don't like being tricked."

"What part have I tricked you on? Seems a bit unfair, really. I've been honest."

"Why can't I see you?" I ask for the second time. "Clearly you can see me. You can hear my thoughts and you can somehow connect with me even outside of... whatever this is." I cross my arms over my chest. "So yes, I do think that's a bit unfair."

"Crista, you are frustrated."

"You don't have to read my thoughts to know that much."

"No, I don't. The tone of your voice has more bite than a saber tooth tiger."

I can't help but chuckle a bit at that. "What's it to you? I'm not any happier about this than you are."

He doesn't answer and it gets awkwardly quiet. I hate to do it, but I need his help so I force myself to say, "I'm sorry."

"You tell half-truths."

"It's better than not saying it at all. Take my half apology or leave it."

He sighs. "The only other way to break your death is to indeed knock on Death's door."

My stomach twists into knots as the reality hits. Death is coming. And the only other way to get rid of it is to die. "How is that helpful?" I ask, annoyed. "We can't pay Eden, we die, and the only other way to break the bond is through death."

"You only hear, Crista. You do not listen." He swooshes around me to the other side like some weird ghost. "I did not say that you would have to die. You have to knock on death's door?"

My tongue is tied before I remember something that would now be hard for me to forget. "But I did. Or I was until Axil saved me. Did I not knock on death's door? Almost drowning myself was not good enough?"

"Death considers more than choice. It's the intention that matters most."

"My intention wasn't good enough for death?"

"Not death. Death, with a capital D."

"You talk about death as if it were a person."

"Death is everything. He is in everything that we do, everything we create, every choice we make. Death is there."

"Okay...?" I say uninterested.

"Funny," he says dryly. "I thought you would be more curious."

"And I thought you would be more helpful. So, we're both disappointed."

"You must have the right intention," he continues giving up. "It will only work if Death is pleased."

"How do you know so much about death?" I ask, and the second I do I wish I didn't. "I'm sorry," I say and this time I mean it.

"Death does not favor all."

So, I wasn't favored. How comforting.

"You misunderstand. It's more complex than that," he says. "I apologize as well. Your thoughts are sometimes hard to block out."

I shake my head just wanting this to be over.

"Although you can break the bond on the cusp of death. I do not recommend this route."

"Because of being favored?"

He takes a deep breath. "There is so much that can go through one's mind when faced with the possibility of never returning. To crush someone's soul by asking for death, you will never be favored. Do it yourself and there is no way to ever come back. You'll have no backbone to pull you out."

I'm silent, my heart beating very heavy in my chest. All of a sudden, my feet are feeling a lot heavier than usual.

"Do this only if it is needed or if it is too late." And the way he says it sounds like he's not just talking about our bargain.

"And Zaria and Lucy... they are not with Eden. They are safe."

"You didn't ask your question," I say without thinking. I seem to be doing that a lot.

"What?"

I shiver. "Your question. A question for a question, right? You can ask two."

He chuckles and I feel a little warmer. "I have definitely answered more than two questions for you, but two is all I require. For now, anyway."

"And?"

I can hear him take a deep breath and the space between us feels awkward again.

"Crista," he says my name and I can't help but feel like he's not a monster. "Do you believe in second chances?"

My heavy heart now seems weightless. In fact, it pauses for so long I don't even know where it is. "Um..."

I know what he's asking. I know that how I answer this will set the tone for the rest of our meetings. I know what he wants to hear... and I also know that I won't lie to him even though it goes against everything my mind is screaming at me.

"Yes. I believe in second chances."

He is quiet. Dead quiet. I don't know if it is just my imagination but out of the corner of my eye, I swear I saw a glimpse of a butterfly. A soft glow paired with the delicate wings of the most beautiful insect. The second I blink, it's gone.

"Do you believe that truths have more than one story?"

"What's with all the philosophical questions?"

He has a habit of keeping quiet when he doesn't want to answer. I sigh, rolling my shoulders. "Yes. I believe there are many truths to a story."

He lets the silence fall over us again, but this time it doesn't feel as awkward, like a weight has been lifted. The darkness doesn't seem as black and the air doesn't feel as pressuring.

"One more thing."

I purse my lips. "What is it?"

"You said you had nothing more to give. That is a lie."

My voice catches in my throat, unable to say anything in return. He didn't say it in a bad way. I just wish I knew why he said it at all.

"Do you?" I ask into the shadows. "Do you believe what you asked?"

"Iwish I did," hewhispers in my ear before pulling back the curtain of darkness and I open myeyes to the embers of a fire.