Kaikeyi-The After

It felt unreal as she stared at the ceiling. Gold, pearly white marble, chandeliers and hanging jewels, but GOD! So much gold. Gold that her son couldn't have at that very moment. He wasn't lying on a cushioned bed, fanned by servants, staring at a gold ceiling leisurely with nothing else to do. Kaushalya truly wondered what he was doing on Kaikeyi's birthday, the very woman who had ensured his exile.

Was he acting normally? Had he perhaps forgotten? Or was he celebrating like he normally would have in the palace? Was he spitting on the ground bitterly-no, no. Ram was not like that. He was forgiving sometimes when even she was not. She was normally proud of that complex, but she cursed it, not being able to imagine him laughing and celebrating on Kaikeyi's birthday. Her thirteenth birthday into Ram's exile.

Kaushalya reached up towards the ceiling, her eyes clouded with tears, but she heard footsteps coming, and quickly dropped her arm limply to her side, sitting up and wiping away the last of her tears. The King may be dead, and his firstborn exiled, and his kingdom in sullen misery, but she was the chief queen of Ayodhya, and she would step into the pyre of her husband freely instead of appearing undignified and very much the queen.

Thank goodness, however, it was Bharat that had stepped in, Bharat with his slightly slumped shoulders and light hair, longer than all of his brothers', and his wary smile and light, tentative steps. She looked right past him, where Mandavi stood as well, a silent pillar of support right behind him. "Maa..." he whispered, swallowing hard. Kaushalya closed her eyes. Person after person had come that afternoon, asking why she wouldn't wake up on Kaikeyi's birthday, why she wouldn't wish Kaikeyi, what her gift was to Kaikeyi. Kaikeyi, Kaikeyi, Kaikeyi! Was that all they could think of? She didn't quite recall them being nearly so happy when it was her birthday. "It has been many hours since dawn broke. We miss your prayers."

It was these words that convinced Kaushalya, and she nodded, sniffling hard. Bharat walked in, looking around solemnly at the bleak room. The windows were closed, the curtains around the bed drawn, and only Kaushalya sat on the edge, her graying hair tucked elegantly behind her ears. Bharat closed the door shut behind him and stepped near her feet. "Maa..." he hissed again. "Maa Kaikeyi wants to meet with you."

Kaushalya looked down at him, at his low head. He called that woman mother, not queen as he had insisted upon for years. He sensed her eyes, and looked up. "I have forgiven her." He spoke confidently, before his entire face broke down. "I have forgiven her! Maa! I can't help not forgiving her! I remember those days so clearly, when she used to dance around the halls, and Papa used to laugh, and we all gathered to grumpily say hello in the dawns of the mornings..." he trailed off as Kaushalya stroked his hair without emotion.

"Now she just walks down the halls sullenly, silently, bleakly. On her birthday, Maa! On her birthday! We don't celebrate paupers' birthdays so solemnly and sadly as we do hers! Maa, she is plagued with the same guilt as I am-" he thought for a second. "As I was." he looked up at her, lip quivering. "She is my birth mother, mother of my womb! I can't help but forgive the woman who raised me! Who mollycoddled me! Please, I beg of you, do what you couldn't do ages ago! End our misery this one day!"

Kaushalya looked down at him, then up in horror as Kaikeyi stood at the door. She wore black, heavy, droopy, baggy clothes, her eyes, filled with tears, had dark circles, and her hands were wrung around each other as she stared down at her son without anything visible on her face. Her normally radiant, golden skin seemed dark and patched and bruised. Her hair was not white, and there was not even a single wrinkle on her face, and yet all of a sudden, she looked so old. So completely old.

"Oh Kaikeyi!" cried Kaushalya, stepping up and running forward. "What have you done?" She grabbed the queen's shoulders and shook them over and over and over again, as if it would help. "What have you done to yourself, your beautiful self? You were our pride, the royal family's pride, our young queen, for so long! What have you done to yourself, Kaikeyi?" Without thinking, kaushalya pulled the young queen close to herself, giving her a tight squeeze and mumbling incoherent words.

Kaikeyi was in a state of disbelief, only able to stare incredulously at Bharat, who was resting at the foot of the bed, and looked away from her into the mirror. Then, with trembling hands, she too wrapped her arms around Kaushalya and opened her mouth to speak. "I thought you hated me. I thought you really, truly hated me. I thought that you wouldn't care if I was happy or not, and that you hated my birthday and everything to do with me and-"

Kaushalya shook her head. "I did. I confess, I did. I did for a long time. But Kaikeyi, people can be forgiven. And people should be forgiven. I will never forget or forgive Manthara, but I will you! You are akin to my sister, a victim of a trap most heinously imposed and-" she cut herself off. "I wasn't quite sure how to say it. How to say that I too was sorry, for ignoring you for all these years." A hush fell atop the group. "Years that we shall never get back."

----O----

Happy Birthday Sita!

It was unheard of. Completely fully and totally unheard of. But, as Ram stood, leaning on the weight of the old banyan tree, he was witnessing it right there with his very own eyes. The Yuvrani of Kosala was cursed to celebrate her birthday, again, in this hut. Thirteen years, she had done so. Thirteen years! And this was the last! Ram was sure that the next time her birthday came upon them, that she would be right back home where she should be.

Ram closed his eyes, and there he saw a rejoicing Ayodhya. Lights strung up everywhere and diyas and lanterns lit and whatnot, all to celebrate the first birthday of their Queen, back in her home. Back in Ayodhya. He could just see it, it was like the preparations of his coronation. And there, on the throne he would be sitting, he would be holding a necklace made of gold and precious jewels for her birthday, not something cheap like one of mirrors.

Ram chuckled. He would be anxious and insecure, wondering if it was enough to make her happy. Indeed, she was the most loyal wife on Earth, she had followed him into the depths of the jungle itself! He would be pacing in front of the throne, before Sita would pounce on the necklace from the shadows and run away with it! Yes, she would be that happy with his gift that she would run away. And he would reach out and try to chase her.

HIs eyes snapped open, and he turned back to his present for her. And found emptiness. Ram groaned. He had been away for five entire hours (FIVE?!) and he still had not managed to come up with a present. It was getting harder and harder to lie to those large, doe-like eyes, soft brown, and bright, large smile and hands wrung together excitedly, and ears believing every word he spoke, that he actually did have a present in mind.

"Hey bhaiyya!" cried Lakshman, waving frantically. Ram turned around without hesitation, eager for any single excuse that may stop him from having to give anything to Sita. "Bhaiyya, can you come here, please?" There was silence, and Ram rushed over, skidding to a stop in front of Lakshman, who was teetering from foot to foot. "Bhaiyya?" he asked softly. "Do you think this is good?"

He lifted the cloth off of one structure to reveal a small step stool that was made from the stump of a tree, cut off from the ground. Before Ram could speak, however, Lakshman began to. "I know it's not great, but Sita bhabhi always has so much trouble getting things off of the top of the cabinet, and she always asks for a stool, and we never have one, and so..." He trailed off a bit sheepishly as Ram stared.

Now even his own brother had gotten his wife a better gift than he! What could he do now? "Bhaiyya?" asked Lakshman, waving a hand in front of Ram's face cautiously, eyebrows raised in alarm. "Bhaiyya, are you alright?" Ram seemed lost in an Earth that no one knew of, and Lakshman removed his hand hesitatingly. "Bhaiyya, what gift did you give to Sita bhabhi? She said that she's been waiting for some time."

Ram shook Lakshman's shoulders, eyes wide. "WHAT DO I DO?" he cried out loud, drumming his fingers on the tree. Lakshman looked at him confusedly, before his eyes too widened, and his face palmed. "Oh my goodness, what do I do? I wish my exile was only for thirteen years long, Lakshman, then I wouldn't have to do this! Help me!" Ram clutched his hair and ran around in circles, but Lakshman quickly grabbed his arm, and pulled him back.

"RAM!" cried Sita, walking out of the hut, holding a plate full of steaming hot food and a cup of water, no doubt meant for her husband. "Ram? Where are you?" she looked around in concern, setting down the food on the front porch and brushing her hands off on her sari before making to walk out and search for Ram. Ram put his head in his hands in helplessness as Lakshman winced.

"Quick!" he hissed. "Hide me!" He thinned himself out as Lakshman suddenly straightened up from his slouching position, and tried to make himself look even taller than he actually was. "HIDE ME!"

"Ah, bhabhi!" Lakshman cried, plastering on a fake smile. Sita moved one way, but Lakshman quickly blocked her way and Ram went along with him. She went to the other, and Lakshman lunged at the other as well. Ram suddenly felt a tickle in his nose, and widened his eyes comically. He went to move away, but couldn't stop the sneeze that escaped his mouth.

"ACHOOO!" he sneezed.

"What was that?" Sita asked, but Lakshman quickly interrupted.

"ACHOO-ally, I mean actually, excuse my accent, got it from Urmila of course. Very weird accent she has....Anyways, what was I talking about? Ah! I'm very executed-I mean excited! Excited to give you my present! Bhaiyya-he's..." Lakshman trailed off confusedly. "Bhaiyya....He's gone! Yep! Gone! Gone! Gone! He's gone to find you some, some, some- some FLOWERS!" Ram noted it down. "And a nice GIFT!" He cleared his throat loudly as Ram quickly ran off. "I'm not hiding him-I mean-I mean, hiding my present, from you-argh, what is my life anymore! I mean, of course, what would be my life anymore without making you a present, right?" Lakshman cleared his throat once more. "WE'LL BE HERE! All the time. I mean, why move? Chitrakoot is nice enough, no? Nice flowers, nice trees, nice animals, nice firewood, nice Ram not being able to find a present-I mean, Ram not currently being present of course. Ha, ha, ha. " he scratched the back of his head.

Ram breathed a sigh of relief as he continued to walk. Presents, presents, presents. He clutched his temple, rubbing it so tightly, and winced. How had his endless line of creativity suddenly burned out? Suddenly, his foot caught on a pebble. Ram tripped with a shout, and reached down and grabbed the pebble with a frown. It was small, white, pristine and unspeckled, and smooth. WIth a burst of anger, he threw it at a tree.

To his surprise, it broke apart. It broke apart into two pieces, two shards. Ram caught each in one hand, and peered down at him curiously. To his surprise, inside each of the two halves, were a small cluster of crystals.

Flashback

"Rocks, rocks, rocks." Lakshman grumbled as he and Ram walked down the path, each holding onto their birth mother's hand. "Rocks, rocks, rocks! They give me a solemn bore. A good rock is but a lore. This is such a trying chore! Now my feet are all sore. But all my mother wants is to walk more and more and more!" He put a hand on his forehead where Sumitra smacked him.

"Laksh, don't say such a thing," Ram admonished. "Besides, your rhyming is so good. Normally, you just speak blunt, violent, torturous words, and when you finally start speaking poetically, it's just complaining. I'm sure rocks are wonderful." They walked in silence, before Ram turned towards Kaushalya confusedly. "Aren't they?"

Kaushalya wanted to speak, but she didn't know what to say, so instead, Sumitra spoke. "Yes, they are! There are rocks with shining minerals, smooth, sharp, jagged, and you know? There are something called geodes! They are normal looking rocks, very very normal, but if you crack them, they have crystals hidden inside them." she looked dreamily off. "When I was in Kashi, still a little princess, I found one."

"You were never a little princess," Lakshman grumbled. "You were always a grown-up."

Present

Ram walked back to the hut with a large beam on his face, holding two pieces of a rock.

A/N-I loved writing this chapter. I wrote it very recently, so I am very eager to share it with you. Asdfghjkl, I promised against self-hate, and I am following it stoutly. But it was very hard with this chapter! My goodness! I didn not like this chapter, but I still wrote it! It took me 3 days to write because I just stared at the screen, jaw-dropped, faced with a big fat glob of writer's block.

But I have! I HAVE PASSED IT! Now I am confused. What do I do? How do I surpass this? DO I just go on, or some more chapters in this era? Frankly, I am leaning towards the former. So, don't be too surprised if the next chapter is a bit weird. It would be a product of all of my indecision. Or it may be a masterpiece. I'm still trying to decide. I tried my best to include some humor in Lakshman's rambles.