The Red Balloon
This is a repost of the same short story. My friend said this way it'd be easier for her to nominate this story for The Literacy Award that's been going on Wattpad. Thank you so very much to you guys who have nominated me and my stories!💗💗 I can't express how moved I felt!💗💗
This story deals with a different subject: Asperger Syndrome. This is NOT a disability fic because people with Autism of any kind are not disabled. In fact no one with one or other impairment is. They are differently abled. We all are in our own way. That being said, my knowledge about Autism and Asperger's stems out from the limited readings I've done on the subject and my experience of spending some time with an amazing kid with the same syndrome. The flaws you'll find in the story are partly my lack of knowledge and partly the liberty I took for the sake of the plot.
I did not know there is a movie by the same title before I began to search for the cover pic. So, this story is not based on the movie. I don't even what the movie is about.
The word count is 12k. It was very difficult to beta it. I apologize for any error or typos.
Comments/votes are very much appreciated, especially when I'm not feeling well.😞
Wish you enjoy the read. I'm actually pretty nervous about this fic. *fingers crossed*
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The Red Balloon
JingYu's pace faltered and he slowed down looking at the ruckus going on in the distance. Some people were gathered around a balloon seller. He could hear a shrill female voice yelling something. And there were some school kids too. Really tiny kids. Curiosity piqued, he bee lined for the scene instead of entering his seaside bar.
His initial assumption of the balloon seller being the centre of the problem was apparently wrong as he now saw whom the yelling was directed at. It was a boy, looked sixteen-seventeen, in his pajamas, thin, shorter than JingYu but tall for his age, hair a tangled mess. But what got his attention most was that the boy had his ears covered with his hands and his face was scrunched up. JingYu found the gesture odd, but the way this lady was shrieking, it was not that of a wonder. Though, that was not all. JingYu also noticed how the boy's eyes were skittering everywhere, at the sea, on the sand but never once meeting the eye of the woman, or of anyone, in fact.
"If you don't go away immediately, I'll call other people! You're scaring the kids!" She turned to the seller, "Why aren't you telling him to go away?"
"I already did! What can I do if he doesn't listen? Hey, you, go now, na? Why are you ruining my business?"
"Balloon," the boy mumbled and pointed his finger towards the red balloon one of the kids was holding, "balloon."
The woman shrieked again and tried to swat at his hand but JingYu jumped in to stand in front of the boy.
"What's going on here? What's the problem?" He asked.
"Oh, thank god, someone came at last! Please make him leave. He is crazy, a lunatic and scaring the kids," The woman informed him. There were other two women standing behind her, who looked at him apologetically. No doubt ashamed of their companion's unnecessary melodrama.
JingYu turned to the boy who had retracted back a few steps and staring at the ground intently.
"Hey, is anything wrong? You can tell me. I promise I won't yell. Do you need anything?" JingYu asked, softening his voice considerably.
Before the young boy could respond, the kid with the red balloon chirped up, "He wants my balloon. But Miss doesn't wanna give it to him cuz she bought it for us."
"And he tried to snatch it away from her," the 'Miss' scoffed, "Retard."
"Hey, enough already. Watch your words. He didn't do anything you are accusing him of. So, go away, will you?" He barked at the rude woman and watched with satisfaction when the other two women almost dragged the spluttering woman away. What a bitch, he thought.
Now, he drove his attention to the boy behind him who was standing stiff as a surfing board. JingYu was not someone to involve in others' matters but something in the boy's face compelled him to speak up on his behalf.
"You wanted a balloon? You can have as many you like. There are so many, see?" He gestured to the balloon cart.
"He doesn't have any money on him," the balloon man told JingYu.
Oh. "Okay, no problem about that," he looked at the cart, "give me one. Do you want more or just one?" JingYu asked the boy who did not respond; neither did he change his posture.
Sighing, JingYu asked the seller to give him a green one and when he tried to hand it to the boy, he saw the boy looking at the cart with displeasure.
"What is it?"
"Red. Balloon. Red," he spoke, clearly unhappy with JingYu's choice.
JingYu chuckled lightly, "Oh, you want a red balloon? That's why you were pointing at that kid's balloon? You could have said so earlier." Seeing that there was no red balloon on the cart he asked the seller to make one.
"Stupid teacher. Ocean covers seventy percent of the surface, not fifty. Screams like a siren," the boy said with a straight face looking at the sea and JingYu tittered. Not that it was particularly funny or anything but the way the boy said them without a hint of actual malice made JingYu laugh.
"Yes, she is, isn't she? Here, hold this," he gave him the red balloon which the boy took with much eagerness, and JingYu paid the seller off.
The boy had turned to the sea entirely and held the balloon high above his head, smiling broadly. JingYu's heart gave a loud thud at the open joy that was written all over that innocent face. A smile tore through his own face too and watching for a moment longer, he headed for his bar.
This bar was his everything. Being twenty two and running a business successfully did not come easily. He had his fair share of hardships but he was happy now for getting to do what he always wanted. This three side open bar gave him a sense of freedom which was impossible to achieve while staying under his rich father's thumb. The vast ocean was in front. He could see, smell and hear it all day long.
It was early noon, lazy hour, when the customers were very few and his staffs tended to slink off for some break. He did not mind, though. They were more like his family than employees. JingYu's back was turned to the front entrance and he jumped hearing footsteps right beside him.
Seemingly, the boy had followed him here and not only that, he was now inside the empty bar, bent forward slightly to have his nose glued to the glass of the fish tank. JingYu blinked.
"Erm...Hello?"
"They are hungry," the boy spoke without any preamble, still looking at those fish with wide eyes.
JingYu debated about the right way to react. On one hand, he really wanted to talk to the kid; there was something very interesting about him. But on the other, he looked quite young and having an underage unknown kid in his bar without any adult might get him into trouble.
"No, they are fed not even half an hour ago," JingYu told him.
"Hungry."
He squinted as a thought occurred to him, "Are the fish hungry or you hungry?"
The boy did not answer which was answer enough. JingYu snorted out a laugh.
"Go, sit on the stool, I'll see what I can manage. Oh, and by the way, you haven't told me your name yet," JingYu told him and predictably, the boy did not answer. "Aren't you the friendliest person ever?" JingYu muttered amusedly.
The boy was swinging his legs sitting on one of those high, backless stools in front of the counter and lining up the salted nuts that the bar kept in a bowl. The balloon's string was tied to his wrist.
"You've made yourself at home, I see," JingYu said setting the smoothie in front of the boy who gave the container a sidelong glance. He was yet to make an eye contact with JingYu, the later noted. He also observed that the nut line did actually have a pattern; the boy was writing something with it. He waited for him to finish.
"Zho..." JingYu tilted his neck to read it, "ZhouZhou?" He frowned then comprehension dawned, "Oh! Is that your name? ZhouZhou?" He was really surprised by the way the boy decided to say his name.
But ZhouZhou did not even bother to look his way as he held the smoothie glass with both hands and sipped at it noisily. It brought a sudden laugh out of JingYu. ZhouZhou really was very interesting.
"Hmm, I'm impressed. So, ZhouZhou, are you from here? Because I haven't seen you around before."
ZhouZhou sipped on.
"How old are you? I don't like to get into trouble welcoming a minor to my bar, you see."
ZhouZhou kept on sipping and looking here and there curiously. JingYu sighed again.
"I guess I am not eligible to interact with you. Okay, I'll go away now and leave you alone," JingYu said with a make believe sadness and positioned his body in a way so that he could watch ZhouZhou with his peripheral view.
And saw that ZhouZhou was looking straight at him.
"Exploring," ZhouZhou suddenly said. "Nineteen is legal," he added after taking another sip of his smoothie.
JingYu's eyebrow went up. Nineteen? This kid is nineteen? He was astonished. Wearing pajamas, swinging legs, head a mess with cowlicks springing everywhere, holding the glass with both hands, the balloon tied to the left wrist, he was the very picture of childlike innocence.
The thunk of a glass hitting the wooden counter pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Exploring the area? Did you like it?"
Finally ZhouZhou looked at him in the eye and it felt like an achievement.
"Yes," ZhouZhou said with extreme confidence.
JingYu chuckled softly. Uncle Han, one of his staffs came back from his break.
The middle aged man looked at ZhouZhou, blinked at the floating balloon, looked at JingYu questioningly who refused to say anything, shrugged and went for the back of the bar.
"Are you out alone or your parents are with you?" JingYu enquired because he had a suspicion that ZhouZhou came here alone. It was confirmed when the boy did not answer and averted his eyes.
"I guessed as much," JingYu said to himself. "Let's go, I'll drop you off," he told the young boy who looked at him owlishly.
"Can go home. Alone," he informed.
"I know. But I'm not gonna let you go alone. Let's go. Get up."
It was so unlike him to get this much worried for a complete stranger. I'm not worried; I'm just killing my time, nothing else, he told himself tersely. Yeah, right, his inner self mocked back.
ZhouZhou chose to sit in the passenger's seat when JingYu asked him where did he want to sit. Holding the balloon in his lap, he rested his forehead against the window after giving his address to JingYu.
JingYu looked at his slumped form and again asked himself why was he taking so much interest in him. He still did not get any definitive answer.
ZhouZhou's house was roughly at fifteen minutes walking distance from JingYu's bar. So, by car he was there in no time. The car had barely stopped and ZhouZhou was out of it like a shot and pressing on the doorbell nonstop. JingYu hesitated about getting out. There was no need, per say. He dropped him off as he wanted to and should be gone but something made him get out. When he was just about to cross the tiny wrought iron gate of the small yet beautiful house, the door opened to reveal a frantic looking woman.
"ZhouZhou! Oh my God! Oh God! Where did you go? Why didn't you tell us anything? Do you have any idea how....Oh dear," the woman, most probably ZhouZhou's mother, clasped one hand over her mouth and hugged the boy with the other.
"I was okay! I was 'xploring! Balloon, see?" ZhouZhou said as an explanation, as if having a balloon with himself was proof enough of his wellbeing.
JingYu mentally shook his head and straightened up when the lady finally looked at him around his son.
"Oh, did you bring him home?" She asked, letting go of his son.
"Uh, yes. I'm- I did. I found him wandering about the beach. I have a bar there," he gestured towards the direction of the sea with his thumb, "It's called Da Hai's. So.....I thought of giving him a lift and..." he trailed of, uncertain what more should he say or if he did the right thing.
"Oh dear, thank you so much," she climbed down the two steps from the foyer and came to stand in front of him. "Really can't thank you enough for your kindness. He is always like that. Disappearing without telling us anything. I wouldn't have been so worried if it was our old place." When JingYu looked at her questioningly, she added, "We have just moved here last evening. We don't know anything about this place."
So, this was what ZhouZhou meant by exploring? Disappearing without telling and giving his parents a heart attack? He glared at the boy who blinked at him innocently.
"Did you buy him that balloon? Did he demand for it? Normally he is not a nagging kid but-"
"No no," JingYu cut her off before she could distress herself more, "He didn't ask for it. I bought it by myself because I thought he liked it."
"Oh, he does. He loves balloons and the ocean. Oh, see how rude of me, please come inside," she asked him but he politely refused the offer stating work.
"But please do come when you are free. We are new here, don't know anyone else. His father would have been happy to meet you but he has gone looking for him. This house is so near to the sea and ZhouZhou doesn't know how to swim." She looked over her shoulder to his son, "Did you hear that? Your dad is looking for you everywhere because you thought it would be fun to go out without telling us. You are grounded for the entire month."
"Nooooooo!" Came ZhouZhou's aggrieved cry, "That's not fair! You said I could- I could go out. When we come here! It has sea! It has the sea just there!" And with that he stormed into the house, slamming the door behind him.
JingYu was quite taken aback by this explosion. Who barely talked the entire time they were together and not much coherently either, this sudden outburst was unexpected. But then again, he was a stranger to the boy, what did he expect?
"I- I should be going now, thank you for the invite, though, and please come to my bar any day" he told the woman who extended her invitation to foreseeable future and JingYu finally excused himself.
He felt oddly disappointed for not getting to say goodbye to ZhouZhou. They may not meet soon again. And what if you don't meet him again at all? He isn't anyone. It doesn't matter, his rational side chided him.
When he was getting inside the car his eyes went to the first floor window of the house and there stood ZhouZhou, looking at him. The moment their eyes met, the boy partially hid himself behind the curtains.
Why he felt so happy by the simple gesture, he did not know.
XOXOXOX
Two days later, JingYu found himself with ZhouZhou again.
It was almost evening, a busy time for his bar. There were regular customers, some tourists, a few friends- in short, JingYu was quite busy, chatting and serving. Suddenly, Uncle Han elbowed him and gestured outside. JingYu followed his sight and at first he could not see what Han meant for him but then he saw it. A familiar awkward thin figure, standing at a distance, fingers bunching up his tee shirt on both sides, surreptitiously glancing at the bar then averting his eyes quickly, looking here and there, pacing a bit.
JingYu felt a weird kind of feeling inside him. It was happiness, definitely happiness for seeing him again, but there was something else too. Something achy. The way ZhouZhou stood there alone and looking vulnerable and awkward and small sent a paining fondness across JingYu's heart. He excused himself, much to his female customers' dismay, and went to him.
"Hey!" JingYu greeted him once near but was disappointed when ZhouZhou neither said anything nor looked at him. After seeing him so talkative with his parents, he kind of hoped for at least a 'hi' in return. "Soooo, how are you?"
"The ocean water glows at night because of bioluminescent phytoplankton called Lingulodinium polyedrum."
Lifting both eyebrows JingYu blinked in rapid succession, huh? "Umm, o-kay."
"And it can be seen in many depth or levels but most commonly it is observed at the surface," ZhouZhou spoke as if reciting a memorized verse, looking at the evening sea, face taut in concentration.
Then it hit JingYu that the boy was trying to make conversation! It was his way to talk to JingYu, his way of chatting. It was clear to him since their first meeting that ZhouZhou had problems taking social cues, or making small talk in general. He had his own way of communicating. All he needed was a little bit patience and understanding from the person he was talking to. And seeing this side of him, this passionate, knowledgeable side was another pleasant surprise for JingYu.
"You like the ocean, don't you?" Stupid question? Well, he was not a genius like ZhouZhou. And ZhouZhou did not mind either because he nodded enthusiastically after a pause.
"Why don't we sit down here?" JingYu suggested but when, with a moment's hesitation, ZhouZhou turned and began to walk away, he thought he might have made some mistake and offended the boy.
Until ZhouZhou suddenly stopped a few steps away and turned. He quickly looked away when their eyes locked but he just stood there, rubbing his hand on the sides of his pajama bottoms, they had tiny balloons printed on them, JingYu noted absently.
Another understanding came upon him when JingYu realized that ZhouZhou wanted him to follow. He hurried and stood beside the boy and they walked together from there.
ZhouZhou chose a comparatively quiet place, at the edge of the sea. It was dark now. Dark, quiet and serene. They sat down on the warm sand side by side but not touching. JingYu had observed that ZhouZhou avoided any sort of physical contact if he could help it.
"You like quiet places? Or this particular place?" JingYu asked. He felt lazy and relaxed. The cool breeze and wide open sky lulling him to a worriless, futureless, timeless moment.
"Loud noise hurts," ZhouZhou replied after a moment.
JingYu nodded comprehensively, and said with a short laugh, "You have balloons in your pajamas."
"Balloons are good. They can fly. I want to fly."
JingYu looked at the side of ZhouZhou's face. He always had this guileless expression on him and it made JingYu more and more curious about the boy. And protective too.
"Do you always wear pajamas? 'Cause you were wearing one the other day too."
"Easy when I have to pee."
JingYu burst out in laughter. The honesty of that statement hitting home.
"You are adorable," he said and lied down on the ground.
ZhouZhou looked at him, not at his face of course but in his direction. And when JingYu patted the empty spot beside him, ZhouZhou lied down too and muttered, "Sand will be in my hair and Mummy will make me shampoo."
"I'll brush it off for you," JingYu promised lazily but honestly, and closed his eyes.
ZhouZhou talked about something called 'Quantum Physics'. JingYu was just happy to listen to his soothing voice, strangely eloquent sentences and abrupt silence.
That night JingYu walked him home and as expected, ZhouZhou did not say anything before going into the house. But what JingYu did not expect was for ZhouZhou to come outside right after, toddling to where he was standing outside the gate and saying a hushed up, shy good night before running into the house again. And he said it looking into JingYu's eyes.
JingYu did not go back to the bar for the night; instead lay there where they sat moments ago.
XOXOXOX
ZhouZhou became a fixture of JingYu's life for the next couple of weeks. He came every day, gradually opened up more to JingYu, laughing with him and sometimes at him, talking more, annoying the hell out of JingYu sometimes. And JingYu loved every second of it. ZhouZhou had become a part of his day, his life. He eagerly waited for the boy to appear. Surprisingly, ZhouZhou even eased up around the other staffs of the bar too. Not that he talked to them all the time or sat near them or made eye contacts but he looked comfortable around them and responded to their questions or suggestions in his own way. And they adored ZhouZhou. Especially, Luna, who, despite in her early twenties, had a natural maternal streak and always sneaked ZhouZhou roasted nuts and fried shrimps behind JingYu's back. Or so she thought. Because JingYu always had an eye on ZhouZhou, always. He had grown more and more protective of the boy. It was like he was even worried if there were mosquitoes biting ZhouZhou. Tom, another staff with a gross sense of humour and cheeky attitude never once forgot to wink at him whenever JingYu did something for ZhouZhou.
JingYu used to get annoyed because of it but now....well, not so much. It was not like he had any sort of romantic feeling towards the boy. Absolutely not. ZhouZhou was more like a kid to him, but if he was to be honest with himself, there was something that went beyond friendly affection. But he never actively thought about it. Ever. He could not.
Today, ZhouZhou was having an off day, meaning he was snappish, grumpy, quieter than usual and extremely difficult to convince.
"No, ZhouZhou, you can't go to the sea. You can't swim," JingYu said for the umpteenth time. The boy wanted to go for a swim and JingYu had been placating him for the last half an hour.
"I know! I can! Swim. I can," ZhouZhou cried out. He was getting jittery, making JingYu worried in turn.
"No, you can't. Don't lie to me, Zho-"
"Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie! Not lying! You're lying! Lie! Don't lie! I wanna go! I'll go! Don't lie to me! No you can't!"
His sudden screaming scared some of the people sitting at the bar and they left promptly with their drinks, whispering and eyeing ZhouZhou.
But ZhouZhou kept screaming and thumping his fists on the wooden table.
JingYu was already at his wit's end and after watching those customers looking at ZhouZhou as if he was some kind of a rabid animal pushed him off the edge completely.
"Will you please stop for a fucking second, you fucking stubborn idiot?!" He screamed back and sucked in a sharp breath when he realized what did he just call him. He knew for a fact that ZhouZhou had to endure a lot of teasing and name calling every damn day. And JingYu just did exactly the same.
And now ZhouZhou was looking at him with shocked silence and those wide, doe eyes looked so scared. Scared of JingYu. He looked so fragile.
"ZhouZhou, I'm-"
But ZhouZhou got up and before JingYu could move, he ran.
"Shit, shit shit shit."
And JingYu ran behind him.
"ZhouZhou, wait. Please. Listen to me. I'm sorry. I didn't- ZhouZhou!"
Soon the boy reached the main road but did not stop or slow down. JingYu mind began to numb down as he saw ZhouZhou running past the speeding vehicles. And it went completely blank when a running car came right in front of him.
JingYu did not hear the screeching sound with which the car came to a halt, did not see the other cars that stopped around the scene. His eyes were only for ZhouZhou who stood there frozen with shock and not looking at the car which was in front of him but at JingYu. He must have turned the last moment to look at JingYu when he though the car was going to hit him.
As if trudging through a swamp, JingYu scrambled like a drowning man to the boy and hugged him with all his might.
People were yelling at them, cars were honking, a traffic sergeant had also appeared from somewhere and shouting at them something but JingYu could only hear some garbled sound, meaningless, shapeless. All his senses were zoomed onto the stiff body in his arms. He needed to get them off the road, to a safe place and immediately because he could feel the beginning of a fine tremor in ZhouZhou's body. When JingYu tried to move him to walk, he did not move.
JingYu lifted him up and held him to his chest. And began to walk towards ZhouZhou's house. And he let him go only after putting him down on ZhouZhou's bed.
He almost collapsed after that; his own shock setting in finally. ZhouZhou's parents asked many questions which he was not sure if he answered at all or not, and refused when ZhouZhou's dad asked him to stay and offered him a ride back.
"Just....just take care of him and...tell him that I'm sorry."
And he was out of the house.
It was more than a week before he saw ZhouZhou again.
XOXOXOX
After that almost accident, ZhouZhou stopped coming to the beach, to him and JingYu waited every day with a hopeless hope. Logically, he knew he should not expect the boy to visit him again. But he still wanted to see ZhouZhou. He even contemplated going to his house but aborted that plan before it could take root. He called his house, though, because not knowing how ZhouZhou was, was killing him. His dad again asked him what happened. JingYu answered this time and waited to be yelled at but his dad assured him instead by saying that he did not do anything wrong. That, ZhouZhou was indeed very stubborn and difficult to manage at times, and needed a hard minding. While it made JingYu feel a bit better but not much because ZhouZhou did not come.
On the ninth day, when JingYu returned to the bar after spending all day and evening doing some chores, Luna told him that there was something for him in the back room. He went there, not really interested as it probably was something from his friends or his business dealers, and he stood still, staring at the object that sat on one corner of the long desk.
It was an old Pikachu plush toy with one ear almost chewed off. The plushie had all the marks that came from years of being a beloved object. And JingYu knew exactly whose beloved was it. With a long exhale which he had been holding for the last week he took the toy and caressed it before burying his nose into it.
Yes, it had ZhouZhou's smell.
That meant....
"Luna? Luna! Luna?"
The girl came running hearing his urgent voice.
"Did ZouZhou come? Was he here? It's his, isn't it?"
Luna looked at him funnily then said, "Yes, he did, a couple of hours ago. Was looking for you."
"Did he say anything? Told you anything?"
He was given a 'are you serious?' expression, "Does he ever?"
Not in the mood of roundabout conversation, he snapped at her, to which the girl said, "Woah! You need to chill, all right? No, he didn't say anything. He was loitering outside, looking sad. Came in when we asked him to and went straight for the fish tank. Then he was glued to that thing, feeding the fishes sometimes, muttering "hungry" a few times. I asked him if he wanted to tell you something, but he just shoved that thing," she gestured at the Pikachu, "and left."
JingYu closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. An image of a hungry ZhouZhou sitting in front of the fish tank, feeding the fish and wanting JingYu, looking for JingYu to feed him something flooded his mind and his heart broke. ZhouZhou never told anyone what he wanted, needed. Either he would try to grab it by himself or just stand there awkwardly. Apart from his parents, it was only JingYu to whom he expressed his needs aloud. And today he came here, gave JingYu his most favourite toy as a peace offering and went home hungry because JingYu could not even fucking manage to be at the bar when he needed to be here the most. Fucking hell.
"Hey, boss, you all right?" Luna's concerned voice forced him to stop cursing at himself.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm all right. Umm, Luna, is there any food left?"
An hour later, JingYu found himself knocking at ZhouZhou's door, with boxes full of sea foods, sandwiches and whatnot.
Thankfully, instead of freaking out, Mr and Mrs Xu were very touched by the gesture and asked him to come inside. Aware of his timing being off the decency line by miles, he shamelessly accepted their request and entered the house even though it was pretty late.
The idle chit chat began and once again the parents thanked him for looking after ZhouZhou. When he tried to apologize for yelling at the young boy the other day, ZhouZhou's Mum waved his apology away.
"Oh, no, don't fret about it. You did the right thing. He can be so difficult sometimes. When he decides something, there's no way you can talk sense into him. But it's not his fault, you know," she looked at him eagerly in hope of being understood, "It's a common trait in kids like him; kids who fall under the Autism spectrum."
It was obvious that ZhouZhou was not like the other nineteen year olds but he did not really know what it was. "He has Autism?"
"Asperger's to be specific, yes. And for it he needs some special care as he cannot handle situations like other kids of his age," Mr. Xu answered his question. "He cannot make friends that easily. In fact....he does not have a friend except you. And we are actually very surprised how quickly he has taken with you. He got into your car the very first day, didn't he?" When JingYu nodded, he said, "That never happened before. He takes a considerable time to get comfortable with strangers."
JingYu did not know how to react to that. What he actually wanted to do- jumping up and down and whooping- would not be appropriate. So, he smiled at them awkwardly and said that, "I feel really lucky to have a friend like ZhouZhou."
After that their talk winded down and when it was time to leave finally, he could not help but kept sneaking glances at the stairs that led to the first floor.
"He is sleeping, dear. He looked tired after getting back and fell asleep earlier than his usual bed time."
Being caught red handed, JingYu's face felt hot with blushing, "Oh, umm, yeah, okay. Umm, please tell him that I came."
"Oh, of course, we will. And thank you for everything you are doing for our son. It really means a lot for us."
JingYu thanked them in return and left. Once outside, he looked at the darkened windows where ZhouZhou was standing the other day but tonight no silhouette was there to light his way back to his own home.
XOXOXOX
"I'll take you to swimming," JingYu told ZhouZhou who kept stuffing his mouth with grapes without giving any sign that he heard JingYu.
ZhouZhou had come back the next day and acted usual as if nothing happened, to JingYu's utter delight.
"Hey, slow down or you'll choke," JingYu warned and when ZhouZhou did not even glance his way, he took the bowl away from him.
ZhouZhou looked up and blinked at JingYu innocently then blew a grape out of his mouth at JingYu. It hit JingYu's chin.
"Did you just-"
Another grape hit him. This one actually stuck to his shirt as it was half eaten.
"You cheeky brat," JingYu mock yelled and squeezed ZhouZhou's bulging cheek.
The said boy immediately spat everything he had in his mouth at JingYu, making a mess of his shirt, table and everything. JingYu was appalled, to say the least. He grimaced at the pulp and juices that ran down his shirt. Strangely enough, it was not because of what ZhouZhou did; he just remembered that he did not have any spare shirt with him at the moment.
"Damn, look at the mess you've ma- ZhouZhou?"
His rant got disrupted noticing that the boy was sat covering his face, head bowed.
Fuck, "Hey, it's okay. I didn't mind." When he still refused to look up, JingYu asked, "Did I do something wrong? I swear I didn't mind." Damnit, I touched him without asking, didn't I?
When JingYu was busy bashing himself, ZhouZhou peeked through his fingers and broke into giggles.
Momentarily stunned by the sudden laughter, JingYu quickly figured out what was going on.
"You sneaky git. You almost gave me a heart attack! Being mischievous, aren't we?" JingYu tried for stern voice which got lost in his own giggles. He leaned forward on the table and wiggled his eyebrows.
"JingYu is a dick," ZhouZhou exclaimed and clapped his hands.
Jaw dropped, JingYu gaped, "What did you say?"
"JingYu is a dick," ZhouZhou repeated, thinking that JingYu really did not hear him the first time.
Someone sniggered behind him and JingYu turned to see Luna trying to stifle her glee. She held up her hands in and said, "I didn't do anything."
"I didn't do anything," ZhouZhou mirrored, involuntarily ratting out on the person who taught him that.
JingYu squinted at the boy in repressed amusement and said, "You wait here till I get back, then I will show you who is the dick."
He needed to get a spare shirt and if he was going to take ZhouZhou for the swim, he needed a towel too, which also meant..."ZhouZhou, did you bring any spare clothes? For swimming, I mean."
"Swimming builds cardiovascular fitness," ZhouZhou answer him with a nod and went to eat a half eaten grape that was plopped on the table.
"ZhouZhou, no!" JingYu promptly snatched it away from him and threw it away. "Never eat from the table or the floor. How gross can you be?!"
ZhouZhou scrunched up his nose adorably looking at JingYu and said, "Gross."
JingYu huffed exasperatedly, told him to wait there and began to walk towards his flat.
And of course ZhouZhou toddled after him.
"Oh, look who's following me. A kitten, probably?" JingYu teased.
ZhouZhou eyes widened and he looked around him, searching for a kitten.
"Where's kitten?" He asked after not finding it anywhere.
JingYu booped his nose and said, "Right here."
XOXOXOX
JingYu's flat was a spacious affair. It was huge, especially for someone who lived alone. Well, it was a gift from his rich father, after all.
ZhouZhou hesitated outside the door. Twisting, untwisting his backpack strap, eyes fleeting everywhere.
"Come on in, come."
ZhouZhou tentatively entered, wide eyes cataloguing everything.
"This is where I live, my home. So, you are free here. Make yourself comfortable, okay?"
Saying this he went to his bedroom for the change of clothes. There was a shuffling of feet behind him after a moment, then the sound grew into quickened steps and ZhouZhou flung himself to his bed all of a sudden.
"Kiki!"
JingYu kept the Pikachu in his bedroom, beside his pillow. He slept hugging it last night and felt grateful at the moment for ZhouZhou's oblivious nature for not noticing such things. The boy was currently hugging the toy like it was his lost pet.
Or maybe it really was. Not all connection had to be rationalized.
"Kiki. Kiki. Kiki," ZhouZhou repeated the name again and again, feathering the toy with kisses.
The scene unfolding in front of him swept JingYu over with a tide of affection and fondness. ZhouZhou in his home, on his bed, playing with his favourite plushie, looking happy. JingYu was just twenty two, never particularly liked kids, was impatient as hell and yet, here he was, guarding ZhouZhou, protecting him and ready to give him the world if the boy asked for it.
And it scared JingYu. He forcefully shoved the thought away from his head and looked through his dresser. A spare set for himself. But what about ZhouZhou? Nothing of JingYu's would fit in that thin frame. After much thinking he took a pair of shorts and a button down shirt that was one size too small for him.
ZhouZhou was lying on the bed, head turned sideways, Kiki's one ear in his mouth.
JingYu went and took it out of his mouth and said, "Wear these shorts with your tee."
ZhouZhou looked at the clothes for a while, then got up, took the shorts and began to put it over his pajamas. JingYu literally face palmed.
"Not over your pajamas! Remove them first, and then put the pair on," he instructed. JingYu had been reading on Asperger's Syndrome elaborately in his off time. And while he did not understand most of them, but some he could relate with ZhouZhou, and was trying to act accordingly. It was said that people with Asperger's often took words literally, not getting the unsaid or subtextual meaning.
ZhouZhou began to undress in front of him. He pulled down his pajama bottoms, revealing two very white, smooth looking thighs and calves. JingYu's eyes had already gotten the size of the tennis balls, now he almost choked when ZhouZhou began to pull down his underwear.
"Umm, Z-ZhouZhou, wait!"
The boy straightened up and stood there with hands hooked into the pants, looking at JingYu normally, as if he did not just made JingYu's heartbeats go haywire.
"You change here, I'll be- I'll be in the bathroom, all right? Holler if you need anything...umm....yeah."
And he dashed off to the bathroom.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? He's ZhouZhou! Why the fuck am I blushing?!"
XOXOXOX
JingYu took ZhouZhou to a relatively secluded corner of the beach. There was a rocky cove behind which they could have their dipping without any wandering eyes.
ZhouZhou was extremely excited until it was time to actually go into the water.
"Come on, ZhouZhou. You were so eager just a moment ago, what happened? Come now," JingYu encouraged him.
ZhouZhou was staring at JingYu's stretched hand, then his eyes moved to the waves. He looked back at the hand again.
JingYu moved closer to him, "I'll be with you all along. I won't let you fall. And if you do, I'll catch you. Can I hold you for a moment?" JingYu asked. Though he had noticed that ZhouZhou did not mind his little touches that he gave without thinking consciously, a pat here, a ruffle there, but considering they were going to have more physical contact for what they were about to do, JingYu thought it better to ask.
ZhouZhou did not answer but he grabbed his hand with both of his own.
JingYu slowly brought him to the edge, wrapped his free left arm around the slim waist and put him down in the water. ZhouZhou swayed immediately and JingYu tightened his hold.
"Easy, easy. That's right. I'm here. Hold onto me, I won't let you fall."
"C-can't stand," ZhouZhou said in a small voice.
"It'll be okay once you get a grip. Let me- no no, I'm not going anywhere, just behind you, see?"
JingYu stood behind the boy without dislodging their hands. ZhouZhou's hold on his hand was verging on being painful but JingYu did not say anything and let the boy get the hang of it.
A big wave came and JingYu lifted ZhouZhou slightly so that he would not fall. After several minutes ZhouZhou began to laugh heartily.
It was abrupt, immensely soulful and filled with childlike wonder.
ZhouZhou turned and tilted his head back to look at JingYu in the eye, face red and bright with happiness. When JingYu smiled back and lifted his chin questioningly, ZhouZhou looked at the ocean in front of them and laughed again and again and again.
The sound felt like rivulets of water sliding down all over JingYu's heated skin.
ZhouZhou insisted of removing his t-shirt, "They swim naked, I have seen it." When asked where he saw it, he replied proudly, "On the TV." Therefore, JingYu had to help him remove his shirt and he removed his own too.
ZhouZhou's bare upper body gave JingYu a pause. It was the body of a kid. Smooth, pale, soft, without any chest hair or muscle tone, nor was there any whit of fat. It was lean, too lean. And the sight of it brought back that fierce protectiveness that JingYu often felt about the boy.
ZhouZhou's movements were clumsy. He could not move very fast and had problems following physical instructions. As promised, JingYu held him all the time and when he brought them into deeper water, ZhouZhou wrapped both of his legs around JingYu's waist, arms around JingYu's neck and hung like an overgrown koala. JingYu did not mind the least. He held him back by the thighs with equal clinginess and squatted down to give them a full body dip. ZhouZhou spluttered, coughed and laughed his head off.
And JingYu? Well, he got lost into a boy named ZhouZhou.
XOXOXOX
Da Hai's held a party night every month. It used to be twice a month in the beginning but later JingYu curtailed it to once. It was mainly a night for him having fun with his friends, friends of friends and whoever liked to tag along.
JingYu was planning for the night, which was the next day, with Tom and Luna while Uncle Han dozed in a chair, not interested in the party at all. And ZhouZhou was sitting in his fixed seat on that high stool and reading attentively a book on stars that JingYu had bought for him.
"ZhouZhou?" JingYu called but the boy did not look up from the book. It was normal. He took time from getting out of something that captured his interest.
Patting his hand lightly, JingYu called again, "ZhouZhou?"
ZhouZhou looked at the hand then followed it to JingYu's face.
"Will you be coming in the afternoon tomorrow or in the morning?" He could not make himself stop ZhouZhou from coming tomorrow, but he would have to make sure ZhouZhou did not come in between the party. It would be loud and crowded and crazy. In short, not ZhouZhou friendly at all. When ZhouZhou did not answer, JingYu explained that his bar was going to be closed in the evening so, if he wanted to come, he should in the morning.
Thinking for a moment, the younger boy nodded and went back to his reading. JingYu exhaled in relief.
That day when JingYu walked him home he subtly reminded him again to come in the morning. ZhouZou did not answer.
XOXOXOX
ZhouZhou came in the morning but did not stay much longer. Worried, when JingYu asked him the reason, ZhouZhou informed him that he had plans.
JingYu did not think about it till he saw ZhouZhou looking small and scared, standing a few feet away from where the party was going on.
So, this was your plan? Oh God!
He almost ran to the boy whose face relaxed considerably seeing JingYu.
"What are you doing here? This is- this is not good for you!" JingYu exclaimed in anxiously. In the middle of the party, he would not be able to keep an eye on him and he could not leave him alone in a group of drunks.
"I planned," ZhouZhou explained with such a proud face that instead of berating the boy for doing something like this, JingYu melted on the spot.
"Yes, I can see that. You are being naughty again, aren't you?"
ZhouZhou nodded seriously. And JingYu took time to look at him thoroughly.
He was wearing a Prussian blue full sleeve button down with a pair of Khaki cargo. His hair was combed for once and he looked neat. JingYu's heart gave a loud thump without warning.
"You look very good tonight," said JingYu, eyes mapping the innocence in front of him.
ZhouZhou suddenly grinned at him unexpectedly, surprising JingYu pleasantly and said, "All the stars are made of the same stuff."
XOXOXOX
JingYu had set ZhouZhou in a corner inside the bar after telling him time and again to call for him if he needed anything or felt uncomfortable, instructing Tom and Luna to watch over as well. He surreptitiously lowered the volume of the music a bit and told Tom not to play any quick and loud number. ZhouZhou was very sensitive to those upbeat music.
JingYu looked at the boy who was standing in a corner with a coca cola in hand, eyes skittering everywhere, not meeting anyone's and chewing the lower lip vigorously. JingYu worried that he might bite the lip off completely.
I should have made sure he did not come. I should not have arranged the party at all. He debated mentally. Rationally speaking, he had a life outside ZhouZhou too. This once a month gathering was his time to be reckless. But now as he watched ZhouZhou, he really regretted his decision.
With a worried sigh he went outside, where his friends were dancing and chatting and yelling for him to join in.
XOXOXOX
Two arms circled his waist and a face came into view. Jun.
JingYu and Jun had dated for some time a few years back. It did not work. She was too ambitious for his choice and he was not interested in his father's piles of money which irked Jun to no end. Eventually they broke up and JingYu never really regretted it. Though Jun still made a pass or two on him, he never reciprocated. But they remained friends, somehow.
"Hey handsome," she greeted him with that sultry tone that she used to pull guys for the night, and moved her body in the tune of the song.
JingYu untangled her arms from his waist and ended up being held by the neck.
"Still playing hard to get? How long, JingYu? Why don't we start anew?" She asked bringing their faces a bit too close.
"There's no 'we' anymore, Jun and you know it," he replied, trying to push the girl by her shoulder and failing. She was like a limpet, pressing herself more snugly to him. She moved her hips suggestively.
"You're no fun," she pouted in a way that once could have made JingYu hard but now, she only looked ridiculous to him. "You look sexy tonight. I can hardly keep my hands off you," she added with a leering grin.
And dropped a peck on his lips before JingYu pushed her off completely.
"The fuck, Jun? What the fuck are you trying to do?" JingYu barked, wiping his lips by the back of his left hand.
She giggled, winked at him and strutted away.
But neither of them saw another pair of curious eyes observing their brief interaction minutely.
XOXOXOX
Choking on his beer, JingYu wiped the tears off his eyes. Mike was telling those gross jokes of his which was almost a custom of these parties and they were cursing him yet laughing their arses off. Suddenly few of his friends stopped and one gestured behind JingYu with his chin. JingYu turned to see ZhouZhou was standing there, fingers knotted in the shirt ends, looking at the general direction of JingYu's chest.
"Hey," JingYu sobered up immediately, "Is everything all right? Do you wanna go home?"
Looking for a moment, he shook his head and said, "Come," and immediately turned to go.
Chugging down the rest of his beer, JingYu jogged after him. ZhouZhou stopped at the slightly darker corner where the party was being held and faced him with an eager face.
JingYu frowned a little, "What is it, ZhouZhou?"
"Dance with me."
Thrown totally off guard, JingYu opened and closed his mouth without saying anything and finally asked, "You- you want to dance? With me?"
ZhouZhou was different than usual tonight, JingYu had already noticed that but he never expected him to act this bold. And he was ecstatic to see ZhouZhou like this.
When the younger boy just looked at him with a tiny frown, JingYu said, "I would love to dance with you," and smiled hugely.
Frown dissolving, ZhouZhou began to shift from one foot to another rigidly, eyes pinning JingYu to the spot, looking relaxed and happy.
JingYu mimicked his shifting too. Fuck them if anyone dared to judge. He was dancing with his ZhouZhou.
And then, came another surprise.
ZhouZhou extended his hands and grabbed JingYu's waist by holding the shirt, not stopping his dancing. Quickly recovering from the surprised of the gesture- because this was the first time ZhouZhou initiated any kind of physical intimacy- JingYu held ZhouZhou's shoulders.
"The sweetest devotion
Hitting me like explosion
All of my life I've been frozen
The sweetest devotion I've known..."
The song was playing. The smell of the sea wrapping around them. Cool breeze tousling ZhouZhou's hair who was looking at him with a kind of attention that pushed JingYu's heart on the edge of falling.
And ZhouZhou kissed him. A clumsy brush of two dry, chapped lips.
Nothing romantic or sensual and yet JingYu's could feel his world tilting sideways. ZhouZhou kissed him. He danced with him. He held him and now.....
Then, understanding hit him like a freight train and he reeled.
All of these acts mirrored someone else's. ZhouZhou was mirroring Jun. And with this thought came another realization.
JingYu inhaled and exhaled deeply and looked into those expectant eyes that stared at him. JingYu renewed his hold on those shoulders again.
"You did this because you saw me and Jun, didn't you?"
ZhouZhou did not say anything; JunYu did not expect him to.
"But you didn't have to do this, ZhouZhou. I don't like her. She is not my friend the way you are. ZhouZhou is very special to me. He doesn't need to do anything. I love him anyway," JingYu said and meant every word of it.
ZhouZhou stared at him, then, looking down at his chest thumped it with his fist softly.
"Special too," he then put the fist in his chest, "Special me," back to JingYu's chest again, "Special you. Special too."
In all his twenty two years, JingYu never felt so special before.
"Can I hug you, ZhouZhou? Just for once?" He asked in a quiet voice, afraid that if he were to be loud, this moment would break.
After a pause, ZhouZhou said, "Hug me."
JingYu enveloped him into himself.
XOXOXOX
Feeling euphoric, JingYu roamed through the party. He had asked ZhouZhou if he should drop him home but the boy insisted on staying. JingYu was too happy to refuse him anything and he himself felt better when ZhouZhou was near. He was all right this long, a few more hours would not hurt, JingYu told his worried self and went over the group that were sitting slightly away from the bar.
He was in the middle of a conversation with one of the guys who were interested in opening up a fishery business when the scream reached him.
It came again, piercing through the music, through the waves, through the night. Then it stopped abruptly.
JingYu bolted.
Five guys and two girls, one of them was Jun, standing around where ZhouZhou was seated. Drunk to their bones; they were jeering at ZhouZhou, cursing him, mocking him and one guy was kneeling beside the thrashing boy, trying to shove a bottle of Vodka in his mouth. And ZhouZhou....
Oh God.....ZhouZhou...
The kick slammed to the bastard's chest and he tumbled over to the floor, hitting his head with a table stand. If JingYu was in his right mind, he could have heard some of those ribs breaking too. He punched another one, hit and kicked at some, shoved the lot of them and would have choked Jun to death when she tried to stop him if not for Luna's slap in his face. That sting on his cheek brought him back and he ran for ZhouZhou.
He was curled on the floor, covering both of his ears, crying and screaming. His voice was breaking from the strain and exhaustion.
"ZhouZhou!" He sat in front of him. His eyes were burning from the sweat that dripped down from his hair. "ZhouZhou?" JingYu called with a scared voice that sounded alien to his own ears. With eyes screwed tight ZhouZhou kept crying.
"It's me, ZhouZhou. Me, JingYu," he let him know with a hushed up voice. Thankfully someone had turned the music down.
Several minutes later, ZhouZhou's crying winded down to sobs and whimpers.
"You are safe now. You are okay now. They won't hurt you again, ZhouZhou. I'm here now," JingYu tried to assure him.
After a long moment, very slowly, ZhouZhou lifted his head slightly and peeked at him with puffy eyes.
There were scratch marks on his cheeks where he was squeezed.
JingYu clenched his jaw and punched the floor. ZhouZhou screamed again.
"ZhouZhou, no! I didn't- I am not angry with you. I'm not gonna hurt you. You know me. I will never hurt you. ZhouZhou, I'm-" JingYu stretched his hand and ZhouZhou half crawled, half hobbled to the corner. Covering his eyes immediately, he began to wail profusely and rocked back and forth.
With both palms against the floor, JingYu barely managed to bang his own head. It would only make ZhouZhou scared again. Gritting his teeth, he told no one in particular to leave the place that instant, without a second's delay. When sounds of many shuffling feet could be heard, he took out his phone and dialled ZhouZhou's home number.
ZhouZhou kept crying and rocking back and forth.
XOXOXOX
"He said he was invited," Mr. Xu said in bafflement, after putting ZhouZhou in the backseat with his mother.
JingYu shook his head without looking; he could not face this man who trusted him with his son's safety. They had came rushing within minutes after the call.
He had no right to but JingYu's heart broke watching ZhouZhou flinging himself to his father and hugging him for dear life. He wanted to be that safe embrace for ZhouZhou.
"I didn't know why he did that. He doesn't lie. We actually thought he was incapable of lying, but..." the old man frowned, then said, "Look, JingYu, you are like a son to me and in these past few months you have always kept ZhouZhou safe, so I am not blaming you. But you should have sent him home right away after he showed up here. I don't know how much this trauma will affect him, and while I am not blaming you, I can't promise not to press any charges against your friends." Thus saying, he entered the car and it drove past. Taking ZhouZhou away.
Leaving JingYu alone with his self loathing and emptiness and emotional exhaustion.
He could not even say to Mr. Xu that those were not his friends....ZhouZhou was.
XOXOXOX
After the sixth day, with sweating palms, JingYu dialled ZhouZhou's home phone. No one picked it up.
On the eleventh day, when desperation got the better of him, he opened the iron gate of ZhouZhou's house only to see that there was no one in.
His life went on but nothing was the same. Nothing ever would be.
ZhouZhou was gone from his life.
Only Kiki was left with him with one of its ear chewed.
XOXOXOX
On the twenty second day, his call went through finally. Yes, he had been calling every day.
ZhouZhou's father picked it up.
"Hello, Sir, this is- this is JingYu," he said tentatively, not sure if his questions would be answered at all.
With a brief pause, Mr. Xu spoke, "Ah, yes, JingYu, yes, um, how is everything? How are-"
"How is he?" JingYu cut him off because he could not wait any longer. He had been waiting for almost a month now.
"He's...he's all right. Better than before. We went to Beijing for his check up and things are much better now."
"Can I- can I see him for once, please, sir?" He begged, not caring how pathetic that made him sound.
Mr. Xu hesitated and JingYu held his breath, mentally praying to any God that was listening.
"Look, JingYu, I'll be honest with you. That accident had shaken ZhouZhou pretty badly. He had his fair share of bullying all his life and I can't deny that there were once or twice physical violence involved too, but those were years ago when he was just a kid. We made sure that he never had to face them again. But this not only brought those memories back but also added up to the pile. We have consulted with his doctor thoroughly and she thinks that...." he paused.
"What? What does she think?"
"That you are a bad influence for ZhouZhou. It will harm him further if he continues to get involved with you. Look, I know how this may sound to you and trust me when I say that we believe you are a good kid, but if you think from ZhouZhou's side, for him-"
"What do I need to do?" JingYu asked in a dead tone, as if all the life was sucked out of him.
"Erm...it's...if he goes to your bar again, though we will try to stop him as best we can but he is already asking for it, so, um, if he seeks you out, tell him not to come anymore. Make sure that he does not go back to you."
"I understand."
He disconnected the call. The world around him began to collapse.
XOXOXOX
Another five days and ZhouZhou came.
JingYu had instructed everyone to not let ZhouZhou in. Everyone balked at his words but when he explained everything they agreed with various degrees of cursing the doctor and the parents.
"JingYu, he's here."
The ice bucket almost fell from his hand. Thankfully, being in the backroom gave him the scope to compose himself not to do something foolish like running to the boy or crying. He peeked his head out and saw ZhouZhou standing in front of the bar, twisting his fingers. He looked thinner.
JingYu wanted to fly to him, to wrap him with his arms, to tell him that he was sorry, that he missed him. But what he actually did was to tell Luna to make ZhouZhou leave. JingYu did not leave the backroom for hours after Luna told him that the boy was gone.
XOXOXOX
ZhouZhou came again the next day.
JingYu asked Tom to make him leave because others refused to do it. He also asked told Tom to buy ZhouZhou a red balloon before he sent him home.
Later Tom informed him that ZhouZhou did not take it.
XOXOXOX
The next day ZhouZhou came again.
JingYu was out and no one asked him to leave. He sat in his usual stool and ate sandwiches that Uncle Han made him.
After retuning, when JingYu asked him why did he do that, the old man glared at him and said, "Because I am not a fool like you."
XOXOXOX
JingYu was talking to one of his food dealers when ZhouZhou came the next day.
The boy paused at the distance seeing him, then hurried towards him in his clumsy way. JingYu bit his lip hard to stop himself from reaching out.
JingYu did not talk to him. ZhouZhou did not either. He just sat in his place and watched JingYu for hours before JingYu finally left, unable to take this torture anymore.
XOXOXOX
The next day ZhouZhou came by his usual time, entered the bar and stopped short seeing that there was a man sitting in his stool.
JingYu watched him and did not avert his eyes when their eyes met.
ZhouZhou looked at him, then at the back of the man, then at the table, then back at JingYu.
JingYu knew what he was trying to say but he refused to comply. If he had to be the bad guy, he would be a monster. So that ZhouZhou hated him always. For the rest of his life.
"My seat," ZouZhou mumbled, looking at the floor.
The man did not hear him.
"My seat," he said again after keeping quiet for long.
The man turned his head to look at ZhouZhou and the boy shrunk back.
"Excuse me?" The man asked.
"My seat," came a small voice.
JingYu could not take it anymore. He came out, took ZhouZhou's wrist and brought him outside the bar.
"ZhouZhou, you cannot come here anymore," he looked him in the eyes and said it with a tone that was meant to be rough.
"My seat," ZhouZhou replied looking back.
"No, that's not your seat. There is nothing here that is yours." JingYu wished his tongue would rot away.
"My seat," ZhouZhou said again. His voice was beginning to tremble.
"Do not come here anymore, you hear me?"
"My seat," he was not looking at JingYu anymore but at his chest.
"ZhouZhou, listen to me-"
"My seat," ZhouZhou thumped his fist over JingYu's chest.
"Look at me-"
"My seat," tears began to roll down his cheek and JingYu died a little more.
"My seat," thump, "My seat," thump, "My seat," thump.
"ZhouZhou-" JingYu's voice broke.
"My seat," he was sobbing now, "My seat," and thumping, "My JingYu."
JingYu was sobbing too.
"My JingYu. My JingYu. My JingYu. My JingYu. My JingYu. My JingYu. My JingYu."
He kept chanting the name even after JingYu hugged him to himself.
"ZhouZhou, my ZhouZhou, please listen to me, please?"
"My JingYu."
"Don't come here anymore. It's not safe for you."
"My JingYu."
"I'm not safe for you. I'll hurt you even more. You'll have a better future without me."
"My JingYu."
"You're so smart. You'll make new friends."
"My JingYu."
JingYu's heart broke into million pieces and he held ZhouZhou's face into his hand.
"ZhouZhou, I know you can understand me and I want you to never come here again. I don't want you here. JingYu has new friends now. He does not want ZhouZhou anymore."
ZhouZhou looked at his face with eyes filled with water and whispered, "My JingYu."
Then he shoved JingYu away and ran.
JingYu ran behind him. Not to make him come back but to see if he reached home.
And then he wandered around the street aimlessly the entire night.
XOXOXOX
It's been two months since ZhouZhou disappeared from his life. He never came back after that day. Nor JingYu made any contact. That chapter of his life was closed forever. He never talked about it to anyone. No one knew that he still hugged Kiki to sleep. Still tried to find ZhouZhou's smell in that toy.
"JingYu, someone's looking for you," Uncle Han told him.
"Yeah coming," Jingyu came out and stopped in his way when he saw who was it.
ZhouZhou's father.
"Uh, hello. I hope you didn't forget me."
When JingYu did not say anything, the man added, "I'm ZhouZhou's-"
"Yes, I- I remember you. Of course. Please, have a seat. Would you like to have a drink?" JingYu said professionally. He had grown up a lot in these past months.
"No no, that's okay. Please, don't bother about me. If you can spare me some time, it would be enough. I have something to tell you."
What more do you want? I have let him go, didn't I? Do you want the memories too? "All right, tell me how can I help you?"
The man licked his lips, and rubbed his hands, clearly nervous.
"ZhouZhou needs you."
JingYu sat down opposite him and managed to make it look like a casual move, whereas in truth, his knees gave out.
"Needs me? How?" He also managed to keep away the tremor that was rising from his core.
"He is not well," he began, "After he stopped coming here, he stopped everything altogether. Going out, reading, watching TV, talking and even eating if it wasn't forced."
JingYu swallowed thickly but did not respond.
"He was getting so weak physically, almost flesh and bone. His condition was deteriorating, his speech pattern changed, began to slur and stammer again. We were scared. So much. We thought this time we would lose him for sure. And it was happening so fast, you know?"
No, I don't. You made sure that I didn't know anything about ZhouZhou. He nodded at the man.
"So, we took him to Beijing again for treatment. After much therapy and counselling sessions, the doctors concluded that he was suffering from severe depression. And we must do something immediately that could help him. You must think very ill of us. Pushing you away then coming here and asking for help again. And I am truly sorry for doing this to you. But he is our child. There is nothing we cannot do for his wellbeing. What I did, am doing now, it's all for keeping him safe and happy. We know, he will never have a life which we call 'normal' or 'mainstream', but he tries. He tries so hard to fit in and it beaks our heart every time he comes home with a sad face because someone bullied him, didn't talk to him or laughed at him. But after coming here, this was the first time we have seen him so happy, relaxed. And he had been improving too. We didn't know what ZhouZhou told his therapist, but he asked us to get you to talk to him. I'm begging you, please, help my son."
The air was too thin and too little. Jingyu felt his head getting lighter.
"And what would I talk to him about? I don't think he wants anything to do with me after what I've done."
"He is depressed because he misses you, JingYu."
JingYu closed his eyes.
XOXOXOX
They had arranged to meet at another part of the beach. JingYu did not talk to ZhouZhou personally. He did not want their first conversation in months to be over a phone call. He had told his father the place and time and spent the whole night sitting beside his window, looking for the day to come. And cursed himself for choosing the afternoon instead of dawn, because this waiting ate away at his heart. He had been waiting for too long to endure it anymore.
He did not know what he was going to say or how he was going to fix it. He was going to see his ZhouZhou and it was enough for him as the first step towards recovery.
For both of them.
In his anxiety and trepidation, JingYu arrived twenty minutes early. This side of the beach was mainly for elderly people. There were benches, railings, tea stalls and so forth. He went for the specific bench where he asked Mr. Xu to take ZhouZhou and his steps wavered seeing a lone figure already sitting there. Hands clutching the end of his t-shirt, eyes staring ahead, ZhouZhou sat there. Afternoon Sun painting him with an ethereal aura.
And he was thin, so very thin, and pale. His skin looked papery, cheeks had sunk. Eyes, those beautiful, pure eyes had lost their light. He looked like a shell.
JingYu sucked in a shallow breath to keep the lump of pain in his chest away.
He closed the distance and sat beside him. ZhouZhou's shoulder tensed up and his eyes casted down immediately but he did not react otherwise.
JingYu held the red balloon to him. ZhouZhou looked at it from the corner of his eye then moved his face away.
"Won't you take it?" JingYu asked.
ZhouZhou did not answer, nor did he turn his face.
"I brought it only for you. Because you love red balloons, don't you?"
No response.
"Do you remember how we met?"
Except for the retightening of the clenched fists that still held the seam of the shirt, ZhouZhou did not say anything.
JingYu wanted to touch him, make him face this way. But he could not.
"I'm sorry, ZhouZhou. I was told that it would keep you safe and happy if I make you go away," JingYu looked at the back of that turned head pleadingly, "I was hurting too. You are my best friend. And I missed you."
ZhouZhou slowly turned to him but did not meet his eyes.
"Y-you don' wan' me b'cause I'm ret- retarded."
What?
JingYu first grabbed his wrist, "No, don't say that. That's not true. Not true. You hear me? Who told you that? They lied to you. You are amazing! The most amazing and wonderful and beautiful person I've ever met." Then he cupped the side of ZhouZhou's face, "Never say that...oh God...never think that. Look at me," he coaxed him, "ZhouZhou, please look at me."
"Ev'ry one thinks that' I'm s-s-stupid, bu' I'm not. I'm smar'. I know things," ZhouZhou said, still refusing any eye contact, "I can' dance, I can' drink, I can' swim. 'M ugly. JingYu doesn' wan- wan' me."
"ZhouZhou, no, that's not true. I want you. I want you so much that it physically pains me to be away from you. Please believe me-"
"New friends. Don' wan' me anymore."
ZhouZhou was sobbing now, so was JingYu.
"I lied. I have no friend except you. I lied to you because I thought you'd be happy. You were hurt and I was afraid of hurting you more. There's no one else except you. Only you. ZhouZhou, it's only you."
ZhouZhou pushed at him and sat back, crying inconsolably.
Sniffling and swallowing down his tears, JingYu rested his palm over ZhouZhou's heart.
"Special you."
Over his own heart.
"Special me."
Then, took ZhouZhou's hand into his own.
"Special too."
ZhouZhou stared at their joined hands, tears still rolling down his pink cheeks, and finally met his eyes.
"S-special too."
A watery laugh left JingYu and he wiped ZhouZhou's wet cheeks.
"Will you take it now?" He held the balloon again after both of them were feeling a bit better, "Or should I, maybe, give it to someone else?"
ZhouZhou slowly blinked at him, then, hurriedly grabbed the string.
"My balloon."
JingYu brushed his thumb over ZhouZhou's cheek before retracting his hand. ZhouZhou had begun to squirm. He was not comfortable with prolonged physical contact. But JingYu was perfectly fine with it. As long as he could have ZhouZhou with him, in any way, everything was fine.
"My ZhouZhou," he murmured and kissed ZhouZhou's cheek softly, quickly.
Then he also sat back, feeling whole for the first time in months. He had his eyes closed, storing the memories of the day in his heart.
A brush of two soft lips on his cheek and a mumbled, "My JingYu."
A wide smile broke through from his heart and spilled all over JingYu's face. He glanced at ZhouZhou to see he was tying the balloon to his left wrist with absolute concentration.
"Special too," JingYu whispered to this magical moment.
XOXOXOX
The next day, JingYu took ZhouZhou for a long drive.
He borrowed one of his friends' open hooded jeep, picked ZhouZhou up from his house, bought him a balloon, tied it to his left wrist and took them in a deserted highway.
"Fly, ZhouZhou," he said as he sped up the car.
ZhouZhou spread his arms wide above his head and laughed out in pure happiness, eyes glinting like the stars.
The road ahead was not going to be a smooth one but they would fly together.
"Special too."
As the car drove towards the future unknown, a red balloon danced in the air, heralding a new beginning.
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A/N:
Song used- 'Sweetest Devotion' by Adele.
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