Enjoy reading!  <3

~~~

TATIANA

"I-I thought he was shot?" Hindi man ako nautal, nanginginig naman habang nagsasalita.

Bipolar guy or should I say Brooke answered while staring in the motherfucking Chinese's direction. "He was surely shot. May apat na tama siya ng bala, mabuti na lang at naagapan ko pa dahil paubos na ang dugo niya no'n," he explained as he frustratingly comb his hair for the fourth time.

"Our problem is, the bullets were coated with a damn poison. I've encountered numerous poisoning cases and various kinds of poisons but this case is extremely rare. I haven't seen a poison like this, no— I don't even know if something like this exists! What kind of scoundrel would come up with this?" I can't tell if he's mad or amazed because of his actions.

Even though he explained, I couldn't stop myself from asking."Paano mo naagapan na hindi maubusan ng dugo ang Chinese?"

He stared at me for a meantime but he didn't speak. "Flame has the same blood type as his."

My mouth literally formed a circle due to amusement. What a nice coincidence! "Oh, I should say my thanks to him," I whispered to myself.

"It seems that she wants him completely dead," singit ni Flame na kakaakyat lang pala.

That bitch is getting into my nerves but I couldn't stop thinking about that scene in my hospital room. Flame must have thought the same thing as mine.

"What do we do now?" nag aalalang tanong ko.

Does this mean... we can't save him?

"By the way, I found this outside." Sabay-sabay naming nilingon si Flame dahil sa binaggit niyang nakapukol sa interes namin.

"What's that?" Tanong ko. I couldn't stop shaking, my hands were trembling as well as my knees. I took a step to get closer to the wall but I felt a warm arm around my waist as it envelopes it.

"Are you okay?" Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Bristole mula sa gilid ng tainga ko.

I took his arm off me before faking a cough. "I am. Maybe because It's too cold here."

Mukhang nakumbinsi naman siya sa sinabi ko ngunit hindi nito napigilan ang paglalaro ng mga daliri niya sa buhok kong nakalugay. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Kanina pa niya pinaglalaruan ang buhok ko. What is wrong with him?

"What?" takang tanong nito.

"Stop doing that," I said. I slightly pouted since it's one of my mannerisms.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "You stop doing that,"  he stated as he points his finger towards my pouted lips.

Inismiran ko siya at lumapit kay Flame na takang naka tingin sa amin. I rolled my eyes as I grab the box that he was holding.

I tsked when I saw him copying the way I rolled my eyes. I forgot that he's also a shithead.

They don't fail to irritate me. These three are shitheads after all.

Hindi na ako nagsayang pa ng oras at sinimulan nang buksan ang kahon na medyo may kalakihan ngunit hindi sobrang laki at liit. Nang tanggalin ko ang ribbon na nagsisilbing taga-secure ng takip nito, bumungad kaagad sa akin ang maraming litrato. Sinimulan kong inspeksiyonin isa-isa ang mga iyon at hindi ko napigilang napakunot ang noo nang makita ko ang Chinese sa litrato. Nasa labas siya ng kubo slash bahay niya at kaharap ang isang lalaki. Sa kadahilanang medyo may kalabuan at kalayuan ang kumuha ng litrato mula sa pwesto ng Chinese at nang kausap nitong lalaki, mas inilapit ko ang litrato sa akin.

Sa pangalawang litratong nakita ko, mas malapit na 'to sa Chinese at sa kausap nitong lalaki. Nakuhanan din ang bagay na mukhang ibinibigay ng Chinese sa lalaki.

"What's that? A bar of chocolate?" Takang tanong ko.

Agad na lumapit ang tatlo at nakitingin na rin. "Chocolate nga," singit ni Bristole pinaglalaruan na naman ang buhok kong nakalugay. Gusto ko siyang sawayin pero nagdadalawang isip ako dahil masarap naman sa pakiramdam at nakakatulong din na pakalmahin ako. His warm palm and fingertips are also lessening the cold breeze that touches my skin.

But because I'm Tatiana, I wouldn't let him know that his touch is calming, I glared at him. "Fuck off, shithead."

"Are they dating or something?" Takang tanong ni Bipolar guy. Hindi ko magawang tawagin siya gamit ang pangalan niya, nasanay na ata akong tawagin siyang Bipolar guy.

I've tried but I couldn't stop!

Flame took the picture from my grasp, I obliged. He stared at it as if he's trying to recall something related to it. Tinignan niya kami bago muling bumalik ang tingin niya sa litrato. Tinuro niya ang lalaking kausap ng Chinese, "He seems familiar..."

Bipolar guy and Bristole stared at the photo as if they're trying to recognize the mysterious guy on the picture who puzzled us. Even though Bristole seems to be engrossed by the photograph, he didn't stop jovial ruffles with my hair.

I rolled my eyes but I couldn't conceal how the side of my lips curved slightly upward.

Kunot noo man ay nagsalita si Bristole na sinangayunan naman ni Brooke. "Parang nakita ko na siya pero hindi ko mawari kung saan at kailan."

"Baka naman kasabwat niyo siya?" Nag dududang tanong ko.

They stared at me as if I've spouted the most guff and balderdash statement. They gave me an 'are you joking? Did you smash your head or what?' and I retorted, "what? There's still a possibility—"

"Your unbelievable," putol ni Flame sa mga sasabihin ko na agad naman ginatungan ng dalawang ungas.

"I guess the rumors are right about you," parinig ni Bristole.

"Wala ka talagang tiwala samin?" Gatong naman Bipolar guy na walang pagpipigil kong sinagot.

"Sayo, wala," barumbadong sagot ko na agad nakatanggap ng masamang tingin mula sa kaniya kaya binigyan ko lang siya ng isang mabait na mura.

Nanatili siya sa kwarto ng Chinese habang ang dalawa ay napagpasiyahan na bumaba kaya sumunod na rin ako para umupo dahil nangangalay na rin ako kakatayo.

"Seriously?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko nang makita ko ang pinagkakaabalahan ng dalawa.

They gave me a what the fuck do you want, bitch look. "What's your problem?" Inosenteng tanong sa akin ni Bristole.

They're watching a yellow worm if I got it right and a red smaller worm. Ang dugyot man tignan, mukhang natutuwa naman ang dalawa sa pinapanood. I don't want to disturb them but I couldn't. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko sa Chinese. Wala akong maisip na paraan na makakatulong para sa kaniya dahil lahat nang naiisip ko ay delikado at hindi possibleng maging successful. Ang madaling paraan naman ay impossible rin dahil siguradong mapipigilan ng mga kamag-anak at kalaban ko.

"Anong gagawin natin? Hahayaan na lang ba natin na mamatay ang Chinese?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko sa dalawa na kampanteng naka-upo sa sofa.

"You choose," kaswal na sagot ni Flame dahilan para bigyan ko siya ng 'di makapaniwalang tingin.

The way they act... Parang wala man lang silang pakialam kung ano ang kalabasan at mangyayari. They seems unconcerned and uninterested. They doesn't look emphatic at all.

I looked at them with disbelief, "I can't believe how apathetic you are," inis na wika ko at padabog na umalis.

What should I do? I can't just let him die in there! He's slowly dying and should prevent that from occuring. Hindi ako pwedeng humingi ng tulong kay Butler Lee dahil alam kong hindi siya papayag at baka i-report pa niya ang mga plano at ginagawa ko sa mga magulang ko. That's the worst scenario that I shouldn't watch as it take place.

"What now?" I mumble to myself as I stood beside the utility pole.

Those guys... I can't believe them. Parang wala pa silang pakialam na may namamatay na sa bahay nila.

I may be a bitch but I couldn't put up with their actions. I couldn't stand to see someone, slowly die in front of my sight. That's just... Unbearable for me.

Agad kong kinapa ang bulsa ko ng maramadan na nag v-vibrate 'yon. I checked who the caller is and as expected, it's my motherfucking cousin; Connor. A smug smile has began to form on my lips as I answer the call.

"What do you want, scum?" I asked without greeting him. If I were talking to one of my family relatives, I would be considered as a mannerless and uneducated bitch but I'm talking to Connor, one of my closest cousins and relative. He's also one of my few trusted individuals.

"What a nice greeting from you," sarkastikong aniya kaya natawa ako nang bahagya.

"Just spill it," I replied. I sound slightly irritated but I'm actually not.

"Did you sneak out?" It sounds like he already knew the answer, I suppose.

"Bakit mo pa itinatanong kung mukhang alam mo naman na ang sagot ko?" Sarkastikong tanong ko.

He tsked but even though I can't see him, I know he has a smug look on his face. "Alam ko, there's just someone who wanted to know," he playfully said and I did my best to prevent myself from throwing my phone when I understood what he's trying to imply.

"You, scum!" Nanggigigil na sigaw ko.

He laughed. "Just kidding," he said in between his laughs. "You know that I would never wield my sword against you, couz." A proud yet contented look has flashed on my face as soon as I understood what he meant.

I rolled my eyes but my lip is somehow smiling, "Yeah, whatever."

Ibabalik ko na sana sa bulsa ng pants na suot ko ang telepono ko nang mag-ingay na naman 'yon.

From: Connor, eşcinsel.

I'll pick you up. Don't you dare leave! Isusumbong kita kay Butler Lee.

Napangiwi ako. Where's the 'I would never wield my sword against you??' What a prick.

I didn't bother to type a reply. He didn't even ask where the fuck I am right now, he knew from the beginning.

Hindi nga nagbibiro ang gago dahil ilang minuto lang ang lumipas, nasa harapan ko na ang hindi pamilyar na sasakyan niya. Hindi ko pa malalaman na siya 'yon kung hindi siya nagbukas ng bintana niya at kumaway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" nilibot niya pa saglit ang tingin sa paligid at ngumiwi, "this is so unlike you, my dearest cousin."

"None of your concern."

"Really?" Sarkastikong tanong niya nang maka-upo ako sa passenger seat. Hindi na siya nag-abalang pagbuksan ako ng pintuan dahil alam niya ang ayaw ko at gusto. He's the closest cousin to me, after all.

Sigurado akong sunod-sunod na agad ang tanong na ibabato sa akin ni Connor kaha minabuti ko nang hindi magsalita at magsimula ng away sa pagitan naming dalawa. I know him too well. He would scold me 'till my death if I were to spill everything on him because I will surely do the same if he is going to tell me ghat someone is literally dying and rather than calling for help, he asked some weird species known as shitheads for help. They literally managed every damn thing while I'm just stressing over and over again and yet I haven't done anything good, so far.

That was the most idiotic moment of my life as a living mistake of my parents aside from the hospital incident.

Buong biyahe ay walang tigil si Connor sa pagsasalita. Kung hindi siya magtatanong, magk-kwento siya. Dahil ayaw ko magsimula ng kahit ano, kung hindi irap, hindi ako sumasagot ngunit mukhang walang pakialam si Connor. We've been close since I was 10 years old and yet, I still couldn't believe that he can stand this rubbish attitude of mine. Because even me, myself, couldn't stand it. Both of them, Dalia and Connor are my staircase as I walk through the enemy's castle whom I couldn't beat all alone. I don't think I'd survive if I had them as my enemies as well.

We arrived at our mansion at exactly 3:30 am. Butler Lee welcomed me along with some maids. Butler Lee took a cardigan from one of the maids and immediately placed it on me while the other maid gave one to Connor, too.

Yumukod muna saglit sa akin si Butler Lee at kay Connor bago ako hinarap. "Where did you go, young lady?" mawawari na grabe ang pag-aalala niya dahil sa tono ng pananalita niya at sa pag-akto niya sa harapan ko.

He lost his poise. He isn't calm anymore.

"Connor called me earlier. I left so I can lend him a hand," I lied.

Connor, who's listening attentively chuckled. "I was in a hurry, I couldn't inform you about it. I'm at fault here."

Butler Lee stared at us, strictly. "You're not producing a skit here, are you, my lord? Young lady?"

I tried to stop myself from gulping. Diretso ko siyang tinignan, "do I seemed to do that, Butler Lee?"

"You don't, young lady. I suppose."

Connor placed his arm around my shoulder as he shook his head as if he can't believe what he was witnessing.
"Aren't you tired, couz? You fought with my sluts—"

"Susmak!" I hissed in Turkish which means shut up or stop talking. 

Natawa siya sa inasal ko bago tinapik-tapik ang balikat ko. He took a glance on his wrist watch and as soon as he noticed the time, numerous curses spilled out from his mouth.

"Kailangan ko ng umalis." Tumango muna siya kay Butler Lee bago bumulong sa akin, "you owe me one."

Nang maka-alis si Connor, pumasok na ako sa mansion nang 'di alintana ang mga tingin na pinupukol sa akin ng mga kasama ko. Dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko ko hinubad ang suot kong cardigan. Sinabit ko muna 'yon sa clothing rack bago ko napagpasiyahan na humiga na sa kama. As soon as I felt my comfortable and bouncy matress, every exhaust and stress that I had since the past few days immediately resigned from my body and soul.

Hindi ko alam pero pakiramdam ko ay mas pagod ako kaysa kanina. Nagsisimula nang manakit ang ulo ko. Nagsisimula na rin akong mahilo na ayaw ko. 'di kalaunan ay natapos na rin ang pananakit at pagkahilong nararamdaman ko. It's gone. The dizziness and excruciating pain was gone.

I consciously opened both of my eyes. Familiar surroundings welcomed my vision.  I have begun to roam around even though my face and head are dozing off because of confusion.

Where am I?

Everything seems familiar and yet I couldn't figure out what to do and where should I go. So, I started running across the road. I couldn't bear to look back. I want to run away from it, from confusion, desperately. I don't want this feeling, the uneasiness.

Tumigil ako sa pagtakbo nang maramdaman ko ang malamig na likido mula sa talampakan ko hanggang sa hita ko. When I looked down, I saw a crystal blue water. It's so beautiful. I stared at it as I continue to appreciate it's beauty. It's so clear and transparent which explains why I was able to clearly have a sight of what lies below.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag ngunit bigla na lang nagustohan na maramdaman ang malamig na likidong 'yon sa aking katawan. Without any thoughts, I begun to crouch down, resulting of my body, hugging the water. I lose my balance and I felt the water, sucking ny whole body as I slowly submerge towards the dark Abbys beneath me.

Hindi ko alam na malalim pala 'yon dahil kanina lamang ay hanggang binti ko lamang ang taas nito ngunit ngayon, napakalalim na ng pagkakalubog ko mula sa pinanggalingan ko kanina. The crystal clear looking water has vanished and was turned into a gloomy and dark view. Wala akong makita dahil sa sobrang dilim. It's so suffocating, I can't breathe. I couldn't hold my breathing anymore. It hurts. I don't know what to do. I'm running out of ideas, of a plan.

No. This isn't real. I'm just hallucinating, this is just part of my imagination. No! No! I don't want this! This is just a dream!

N-no...

I can't breathe. I can no longer fight. I'm starting to lose my breath. My vision is starting to lose itself. My struggles are pointless. I'm starting to lose it, I'm starting to lose to it. My mind... It's losing! These images are coming back,  no! Everything came back, those scenarios, those voices are flashing on my mind as if a cd was inserted on me.

I'm crying but my tears are just swallowed by the ocean's tricks. I lost.

Nagising ako nang maramdaman ko ang mainit na tama ng sinag ng araw sa mukha ko. Katulad kanina, wala pa rin akong malay sa nangyayari. Nilibot ko ang paningin ko sa buong paligid, nasa dalampasigan na ako.

Nakahiga ako sa isang tela na medyo may kakapalan at nakapwesto pala ako sa parte ng dalampasigan kung saan hindi ako maabutan ng mga alon.

I stood up and begun to wander around the beach. I recognized a woman in her early thirties but she disappeared from my sight when I was about to follow her. Dahil aligaga ako sa paghahanap at paglinga-linga sa paligid para mahanap ang kinaroroonan ng pamilyar na babae, hindi ko napansin ang natakbong batang babae patungo sa direksiyon ng nilalakaran ko.

Hindi ko siya kaagad napansin kaya no'ng napansin ko siya ay huli na ang lahat, nagkabungguan na kaming dalawa. I was expecting an impact between us but I felt nothing. I was so clueless, I looked down to check her and to also help her but I was only taken a back as soon as I did that. Walang bata. Nang lungunin ko ang likuran ko, nakita ko siyang tumatakbi pa rin patunga sa iisang direksyon, sa Ice cream shop.

My legs became numb as I stood up while staring at the little girl. I trembled, my whole body is trembling and a little shake would crumble my whole body.

No! No, no, no! This isn't real. This is not... No! I don't want this! I don't like this! I would never accept this! No!

Nagsimula na akong mangamba. Ang buong pagkatao ko ay puno ng takot. Katulad ng nangyari kanina, daan-daangang pamilyar na imahe at boses ang nakita at narinig ko. Pilit kong tinatakpan ang tainga ko dahil sa takot. 

I-i can't... H-hindi ko kaya...

Those images... They're too barbarous! I-i don't want them! No! Never! I want to disregard them. I want to delete them. I want to erase them. I can't accept them.

My head is hurting more than my shattered heart and mentality but despite the agonizing pain that I'm suffering, I couldn't care less about it as I saw the little girl on the ice cream shop. She's holding a big cone of ice cream with four scoops of a green thingy which I couldn't figure out, whether it's avocado or green tea.

S-she looks happy...and tranquil.

Kung kanina ay napakasakit, dumoble ang sakit nito. Ang mga boses ay mas lalong dumami at umingay kaya mas lalo kong idiniin ang mga palad ko sa tainga ko. Regardless of that, a small begun to formed on my lips that's full of bruises because of I kept on biting it. Blood begun to stream down from my lower lip down to my neck.

Para akong binusan ng napakalamig na tubig at agad na nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko nang makitang hablutin nang isang lalaki ang batang babae na masayang kumakain ng ice cream niya. Kahit trumiple ang sakit sa ulo at tainga ko, nag-atubili agad akong sundan sila.

My head is hurting so bad, the pain isn't tolerable anymore. I couldn't contain my small groans anymore. Napaiyak ako dahil sa sobrang sakit.

Mas lalo akong naiyak nang makita ko kung paano umiyak ang bata habang nakatingin sa ice cream shop, kung saan nakahandusay ang serbetes na kanina lamang ay masayang kinakain niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita kong muli ang pamilyar na babae. She opened the van's door for the guy who grabbed the little girl earlier at the ice cream shop. Gustong-gusto kong tumakbo at tulungan ang bata ngunit hindi ko kaya. Pakiramdam ko ay napako ang mga paa ko sa sahig kasabay nang lalong pagsakit ng ulo ko. Ang mga boses ay mas lalong lumakas, nakakabingi na. Hindi ko na kaya pang magtiis. Hindj ko na kaya, wala na akong lakas.

I've tried so hard to move my feet off from the ground but my body won't let me. The girl is trying to resist but she's too small and feeble to fight back. She's being taken away. Kailangan kong bilisan. Kailangan niya ako. She needs me. I need to help him, I must help her. I gotta move. I need to hurry.

"Hayir...!" No...!

"Lütfen, don't..." Please, don't...

"Please, no... Lütfen..."

Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses akong nagmaka-aawa. Kung ilang beses kong pinagdikit at mga palad at kinuskos ang mga 'yon. Kung paano ako lumuhod. 

They're taking her away.

I shouted. I screamed out of my lungs, tears wouldn't stop from getting out of my swollen eyes. My nails are full of dirt because of how I clenched my fist on the ground as I face the pain. The most painful of all pain that I've felt. I've pleaded. I pleaded for them not to take her but I was like a wind for them. A wind who doesn't whisper but a wind who pleads, not for forgiveness but for someone's freedom.

Nakakalayo na sila, napakalayo. Hindi na abot ng paningin ko ang kamay ng batang pilit na humihingi ng tulong. Hindi na abot ng tainga ko ang pag-iyak at pagsigaw ng bata, ang paghingi nito ng tulong... sa akin.

Nanghina ako. Hindi ko na naramdaman ang pagkahulog ko sa sahig mula sa pagkakaluhod. Ang hina ko... Ilang metro lang ang layo niya sa akin kanina ngunit 'di ko man lang siya natulungan. Napakahina ko. Napakawalang kwenta ko.

"I'm so weak... I'm poweless... Wala akong kwenta..."

Hindi ko mabilang kung ilang beses ko sinuntok at sinampal ang dalawang hita kong nanginginig pa rin.

They didn't move! They didn't move when I want them to! They are weak! Kung malakas lang ako... Kung nay lakas lang ako ng loob...

Everything are still refreshing in my mind as if it's trying to remind me about it. Hindi! Ayoko nito! Ayaw ko! No! Hindi ko 'to matatanggap! I hate it!

I've always hated it.

This is not real. I'm just hallucinating. This is just a dream. I'm just dreaming. This is not true. This can't be real. This can't be...

I shouted in agony as I felt the excruciating pain again. It felt like I was being tortured to death, then tortured after death. It hurts! I can taste my own blood in my mouth but the truth is... there's no blood in there. Horrible and terrifying images and scenarios have begun to play in my head as I shouted because of the intolerable pain.

Nakita ko kung paano nagsimulang dumating ang mga pulis sa buong lugar, kung paano umiyak ang isang pamilyar na babae sa bisig ng pamilyar na lalaki. They're crying for help. Their daughter is gone. She was taken away from them... and it was my fault.

I can't take this anymore. I can't endure this anymore. I never wanted this. I didn't want this. I hate this. I don't want to believe this.

I don't want the truth. I refuse... to know the truth.

I can't accept the fact that the kid who has the same face as me when I was a kid was taken away from her own parents... while I was just watching as a cowardly and lily-livered bystander.

I smiled as I felt the familiar pain. "I'm not ready for this... H-hindi pa ako handa, hindi ko pa kaya." I wiped my tears with my trembling hands. "I can't accept this."

Kailangan ko maging malakas, maging handa. I need to learn to accept it, the truth that I never wanted to know and to accept.

The truth that lies beneath the crystal clear water, under the dark abyss.

~~~

Sorry for the typos and grammatical errors, hehe.