Poppy's PoV
A/N: ahh I don't want to write it 😩

We walked into the hospital with fear lacing our bodies. For some reason, it felt worse this time and knowing Calum was here to hear it didn't make anything better. I cradled the bump, attempting to soothe myself as the baby playfully kicked back at my hand oblivious to the situation going on outside the womb.
Calum glanced over and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he saw me looking down at our baby. The one solid piece of good news that had kept me sane throughout this rocky time. Sam walked slightly ahead, waving over at a receptionist as we bypassed the long queue and went straight into a consultation room where Dr Patel was waiting.

"Sam, Poppy, great to see you again." He  smiled softly. It hadn't felt like any time had passed between seeing him for the scans and biopsies and this. Those few days had gone by in a blur and here we were. "And this must be Calum. I've heard so much about you." He offered a hand out to Calum which he shook, trying to smile back.

"All good things I hope." Calum said and Dr Patel let out a hearty laugh as he nodded and pointed us to the two seats opposite him. The sudden smiles on all our faces fell as soon as our bums hit the chairs.

"Thanks for seeing us so quickly Dr Patel." I started, knowing no matter how much we tried to put it off we would need to find out the information sooner rather than later. Dr Patel rustled together a few papers and handed them to Sam as he began to speak to us. I watched Sam's face, how his eyes skimmed the information. He went forward a page, then back again before his face fell. That was all I needed to know. This was bad news.

"Sam hasn't read the reports so I'm letting him see whilst I tell you the results." Dr Patel began as my leg began to twitch. Calum noticed this and sunk into his chair a little more. He knew my instincts were near on always correct. I'd been a nurse for a really long time. He grabbed my hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles this time as my other hand held my stomach, hoping to somehow soften the blow. "The scans to be honest we're slightly indeterminate. It was really hard to spot on the scans what we wanted to see. We were looking into that shadowed area that we've been monitoring since the first treatment but it looked roughly the same. There seemed to be little change to it from the surface." Dr Patel said, saying something half good before getting to the bad news. I knew it was coming. Sam was even preparing himself for me to hear it too. "However the biopsies told a much more detailed story." Dr Patel looked between me and Calum before lacing his hands together. A classic sign of sympathy from doctors about to tell someone bad news. "Unfortunately the cancer is back." I merely let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding, my leg still twitching as I waited for him to continue.

"So what do we do? Surgery again?" Calum asked innocently but I knew it wasn't that simple. The way both these doctors had been looking at each other, the papers and us made me know it was worse than that. Calum glanced over to me and smiled, the same way he had when we'd first waited for the cancer diagnosis at the hospital. I already knew what they were due to say whilst Calum was clueless to the bad news. This was a similar situation.

"I'm afraid I don't think surgery will help this time." Dr Patel said regrettably. "It appears to have grown further into the neck and rooted in there, so to speak." He showed me the scan result. "As I said, it's not easy to see but it's grown this way." He pointed from the thyroid down into the neck. "Surgery would be much too risky." Calum let go of my hand as it dropped to his side, like his worst nightmares were coming true.

"But what about the baby?" I asked quickly, my mind a mess of thoughts I couldn't piece together.

"Well, this cancer is still relatively small. I reckon we could wait on it until after birth and then hit it hard with some treatment." Dr Patel continued, receiving a strong nod from Sam in approval. Calum seemed to sigh in relief, as If glad they'd come up with a plan for me.

"That's what I was going to suggest." Sam added, offering us a comforting smile.

"Is leaving it alone for months the best way to go?" Calum questioned again. Once again, I couldn't compute half the information given to me. It was just like one slap in the face after another and I didn't have the reactions to move out of the way. I just sat there and took it all.

"With the baby, absolutely. No treatments we have for this would be good to do with the baby there. We don't need to risk everything by forcing the baby out early. We can just let nature take it's course with that and then fight hard afterwards." Sam said, giving Dr Patel a break from our interrogation.

"What type of treatment?" Calum was asking everything for me, knowing I wasn't handling this as well as I'd hoped. He kept glancing over to me but I kept my gaze straight forward, past Dr Patel and out the window beside his head where I saw people going about their daily lives, laughing and enjoying their time. Not like I was now.

"The Atkin Trial." Dr Patel said confidently.

"Which is?" Calum pressed. Dr Patel handed us both a leaflet with some smiling people on the front. This was a habit of leaflets that I always despised. Who'd be that happy when they were finding out they had cancer? finding out what daunting treatment they were going to have?

"Very new." Sam began again. "It's targeted chemo with a combination of drugs." Calum brought his hands to his face as he let out a shaky breath.

"Chemo?" I repeated. They both nodded. Well, this was going to be harder to cover up. "That means everyone's going to know. The fans, the general public, your friends." I looked over to Calum who looked straight back at me with his brows knitted together in confusion. "Without Naomi, no one would have known last time. It was just surgery and done. This time I'm going to look sick. I'm going to have a baby and then look sick. They'll ask questions. They'll quiz you in interviews." Calum shook his head.

"Pops, none of that matters. What matters is that you get better. I can't do this without you. I need you with me. We need to fight this together."