Poppy's PoV

I felt numb. I could feel the blood being pumped round my body at an agonisingly slow pace as I walked, jelly-legged, through the hospital doors with Sam practically holding me up. He whizzed me into a private room that he'd been informed about earlier and made sure the security guards at the door prevented anyone without a hospital badge coming in. In my mind, I smiled at the identical scenario Calum had been in when he'd broken his ankle - he was in a private room with two body guards when I first met him too. Now, I sat alone in this room without three band mates and brothers keeping me company or a nurse I fancied popping in and out. As soon as Sam would leave, I'd be by myself.
I couldn't bring myself to speak to Calum this morning, despite the numerous voicemails, voice notes and messages he'd left me. I was too scared that I'd crack and end up running away from everyone and everything. There was nothing about this trip that brought the usual excitement of any other parent-to-be. The painful symptoms that caught in my throat were my reminder that this was probably only the beginning of the crap I'd have to go through.

"The midwife will put the pessary in and leave it in for twenty four hours." Sam was trying to explain the process to me but o just stared blankly back, my mind too busy worrying and whirring over everything it possibly could, even things I had no control over. "You could go into labour then, or a day later... it varies for each person."

"Mmh." I barely acknowledged anything he was saying, still staring off into the distance as I prepared myself for the worst. The moment I had this baby, they'd be taken from me to do tests, to check nothing bad from the cancer had caused any harm to my child. Then they'd test me, see what my body is like before pumping me with harsh chemicals that would try to kill off this tumour. I could lose my hair, lose my appetite, get sick, lose teeth... the possible side effects were endless. And who even knew if they would work? What if they didn't? What if I was given that terminal diagnosis? How would Calum cope?

"Poppy?" Sam interrupted my thoughts and as I blinked to look up at him I noted my eyelashes being wet. I'd even managed to make myself cry. "Talk to me. None of this hiding it away shit." The doctor side of him had gone and the friend side was now showing, he put his arm around my shoulders and gave them a squeeze. It took that tiny gesture to break the walls that were holding my emotions in. I broke down.

"I'm terrified." I said, trying to hold it together despite my chin quivering and my hands shaking. "This baby needs my full attention, love and care and I can't even listen to you talking to me. Calum's not here and I just feel lost and alone. I know you're here but just inside I still feel like I'm fighting this by myself. The birth is probably going to be the easiest part in relation to what's happening next but I just don't know if I can do it or handle it. I'm really scared." It was finally all out in the open. Every worry stored in my head over the last few months was now out and Sam took a moment to digest it all before he responded.

"Yeah, you're right it absolutely sucks." He said to my surprise, stopping my crying instantly to glance over at him in confusion. "We had a lovely plan in place but these things don't care. What you have though, no matter when things happen, is an amazing support network of friends. I know the band are abroad and Calum's family can't fly over yet but you've got Sierra, Bex and Crystal all cheering you on plus Mali-Koa. I know you two aren't the closest but after this you will be! We've gone through this terrible feeling before and come out of it stronger, I know you'll come out of this one fine too. There is not a single thing you can do to change this cancer diagnosis but you can fight it with everything you have and show it who's boss." Sam said, almost like he was giving an awards speech. I felt captivated at first but the painful reminder from my throat cut off my happiness after a second.

"Is there a possibility I could die?" The question came out of nowhere and surprised Sam just as much as myself. He jolted slightly and took a moment to adjust before he answered.

"There's a rare chance with anything Pops. I could get hit by a bus as soon as I left here, someone could die taking a paracetamol... there's a chance that this cancer is rooted too far for the chemo to make much of an effect and if the cells spread to other places, it lessens the chances of success." I closed my eyes as I nodded, taking in the painful truth of the situation. "But I know you knew that, you're a nurse by trade. So what's the real problem?" I sighed as he caught me out once again.

"I can't leave Calum and this baby alone. He'd be so heartbroken. I know he'd dedicate everything to that baby but dealing with loss too would be awful. I want someone to watch him and help him if it happens. To be a guardian of that baby. I trust him with everything but he'll need the support." Every painful second that I thought about it made my heart hurt and my chest tighten. We've overcome so much, I had to overcome this too.

Suddenly, the door swung open and a chirpy midwife glided in. She took in the saddened atmosphere as offered a comforting smile and nod to me.

"Hey there Poppy, I'm Stella and I'll be your midwife today. We're going to be inducing you today, Shall we start by monitoring the baby?" I nodded. Sam waved goodbye from the chair and stood up to leave, but my stomach tied itself into knots imagining him going.

"Please stay." I blurted out, surprising all three of us in the room. Stella looked up and over to Sam with a smile.

"She's allowed up to two visitors whilst she's in here. Ideally as little swapping as possible." Stella explained the wards rules to us in such a soft and polite way it didn't even seem like a dig.

"I'm Dr Forrester, Poppy's private consultant for her-" he stopped himself. "Have you read her file yet?" Stella shook her head.

"As soon as this monitor is on, I'll be reading it in detail. I'm to be doing one to one care with you throughout my shift regardless of what ward you're on." She began but Sam didn't look impressed. Stella continued as if she had to prove herself. "I've read the beginning of it; wife to a famous band member, cancer survivor, troubled past, nonexistent family." She summed up my life on one sentence and it sounded utterly depressing. Is that how everyone saw me?

"Good. Yes, there's a lot to read but I'll be overseeing it all to make sure it runs to plan." Sam continued, his demeanour becoming more Alpha Male as he tried to make himself sound important. Stella finished strapping me onto the monitor and smiled.

"Right, twenty minutes of that should be perfect and we can begin the most exciting thing!" She smiled happily as myself and Sam looked at each other with a fear hidden behind our smiles. This was going to be the beginning alright, but not to anything exciting for me.