Calum's PoV

I didn't want to be here. As much as I appreciated my brothers trying to cheer me up, I just wanted to help out as much as I could before we went back on tour. As much as Poppy was handling this so well, like a fighter, I really wasn't. Seeing her sick; running to the bathroom every day to throw up, not eating as much, having to shave her head because her hair fell out... it was all weighing heavily on me. Ashton had told the guys I needed some stress relief and they thought it was a good idea to bring me out with them to a club. Before I'd left, I'd seen Mali and all the girls head over to Poppy and they seemed so happy to have some girl time yet I desperately wanted to stay and crash the party. There was something about leaving her that was so daunting and I knew it was partially guilt related because soon I would be back touring.

"Cal?" Michael pressed, bringing me back to the room. I blinked up, looking over at the three guys staring back at me waiting for a response.  I had no idea what they had been talking about.

"Huh?" I heard one of them sigh as I looked back down at my hands, clasped together as I worried.

"Cal you're out to try and forget about your stresses for a day." Luke said softly, his face showing sympathy as he spoke.

"I don't want to forget. And I can't. This isn't just that I've lost my car keys or something." I snapped, irritated that i didn't have anyone who fully understood what I was going through.

"We get that, but..." Michael glanced over to Ashton for support.

"Poppy wanted us to get you out. She thought you were too upset and needed some cheering up." Ashton added.

"Plus management said it's starting to show on pap photos. They're already silencing the speculations that something bad is happening."  Michael continued and Luke nodded. So this was what it was about? I was too sad looking? I huffed in irritation.

"You're joking right?" I snapped, the guys straightening in their chairs as the music thumped behind us. "I'm too sad for photos?" The guys exchanged glances, awkwardly sipping their drinks to hold off being the one who had to answer me.

"It's complicated." Ashton sighed. "We're with you, we know what you and Poppy are going through and we've been going through it with you. But management are barking at us constantly. They're trying to stop Poppy's illness being in the limelight again." Ashton ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "Otherwise they're going to be the ones having the conversation with you." I clenched my hands into fists and slammed them on the table.

"Well fucking let them!" I shouted, unable to believe we were even having this conversation. "You're saying you're going through it with me? No you're not. If any one of you had your partner as sick as Poppy is, You wouldn't be telling me this shit. I've got enough to worry about without pap photos being the main focus." I swigged my beer angrily and smacked it back down on the table.

"Cal... we know this isn't the time or place but management aren't giving us much room for manoeuvre here." Luke shrugged. He went to place his hand on my arm but I pulled away. He retracted it quickly, looking broken at my gesture.

"I. Don't. Care." I said, my body heating up as I got more and more angry. "If they wanna play, let them. They'll lose." The guys looked worriedly between each other.

"Look man, if there's anything we can do to help. Please let us know. Poppy is really worried about you and we are too. With tour coming up next week, we haven't got much time with everyone before we're off for months." Months. The pang of guilt hit me and caused my chest to tighten. Look at how hard it had been for the few weeks I was here, now I was going to leave her to do it by herself? Surely I couldn't. We wouldn't know how good or bad anything was. I needed to know she was okay. What if she took a bad turn and I was an eleven hour flight away? I'd never make it back in time. I'd miss her last moments. She'd be sick knowing I wasn't with her. With my breathing erratic, I stood up abruptly, the chair sliding back as I threw my phone in my pocket and began to storm out, the guys quickly following me out of the club and into the fresh air. I headed round the back of the club, away from prying eyes as I leant against the wall and tried to steady my breathing. I couldn't do it. I can't leave her.
A roar of frustration left my body as I seemingly crumbled, my hands and arms covering my head as I slid down to the floor with my emotions uncontrollable.

"Shit. This is bad." Luke breathed out quietly, hoping only the two beside him would hear. "We can't tour with him like this." I kept my head down, angry sobs escaping as I thought back to my dream and just how ill she had looked. I needed to be with her.

"Management will murder us if we even suggest rescheduling the tour." Michael whispered back, though I still heard him.

"They must understand. Look at him." Ashton said, sighing heavily. "He won't handle the guilt either. He'd be checking up on her every hour." I lifted my head, attracting their attention for a moment.

"You're going to ask them to reschedule the tour. And so help me, if they don't, I'll leave the band." I said lowly, my face screwed up in annoyance at just how unfeeling everyone seemed to be.

"Calum!" Luke snapped. The others gasped.

"What?" I retorted as I stood up, brushing my clothes down. "You think I'm going to be flying to all these places, far away from Poppy? No way."

"I get that but don't just throw threats like that around. You can't quit the band." Michael said, shocked at my outburst. Ashton stayed quiet, looking down at his shoes as we continued to talk.

"What part of this aren't you knuckleheads getting?" It was the final straw. "My wife is dying!" The silence hit instantly, my words echoing off the walls behind the club. They all looked at me in shock. "I'm not flying away from her. I'm not going to leave her to get weak alone. I'm not going to miss her final moments. If she gets better, amazing, but if she doesn't I am not going to be on the other side of the world."