Calum's PoV

"What?" I could barely get any words out. How on earth did she come to that? Why would I want to leave her? She was everything to me - couldn't she see that was why I was so upset? That dream haunted me, I panicked every day and night, every time she got up and wobbled slightly or ate only one forkful of food. I was watching the woman I love disappear into this shell, the joy taken away by cancer and chemo. I couldn't bare to see her this way knowing there was nothing I could do to help... that was the issue.

"I know you're struggling. I know it sucks being with me right now. I don't mind if you want to go..." I let out a shaky breath as I sat up, looking over to her and just taking her in for a moment. Despite her hair now being short and her eyes looking dark with tiredness, she was still my Poppy, the one I'd learned to love over these years. Our meeting was pure coincidence yet here we were, married and with a child. Nothing made me happier.

"No." I said quickly, her gaze shooting up to me in an instant.

"Huh?" I knew she'd heard me but she wanted to double check. I sighed as she sat up beside me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I'm here through it all, Pops. Sickness, health, crazy ex's, stalkers, paps, arguments, love, kids, families... whatever it is, I'll always be beside you." I could hear her sniffling as I spoke and it pulled at my heartstrings even more. "I'm sorry that I'm not handling this very well. I know the doctors told us about the counselling but I felt like I shouldn't be using it, you know? Why do I need that when you're the one going through it all? But truthfully I think you've accepted it a lot better than me. I don't know whether to be happy you're here or scared in case you're not in the future." The words finally left my mouth and I felt guilty for saying them. As much as I wanted to think Poppy was coming out of this completely unharmed, I knew there was a chance that wouldn't be the case. She wiped at her eyes before she spoke, her voice hoarse and low.

"I know. I think it too. Part of me wants to be ticking off my bucket list; jumping out of planes and adopting kids that live in poverty, to donate money to charity and showcase my skills and see if I can eat a sink full of ice cream. But the other part of me wants to crawl up into the bed and never get out. I hate that I'm ill and I hate that I can't look after Kai like I want to and be a good wife for you. You shouldn't have to be worrying about me when you're touring." She moved once again so she was resting up against the headboard. She ran her hand across her short hair.

"None of that matters now. What matters are the three of us in this house. I'm refusing to tour and that's my decision, I want to be here for you and for the results after the chemo. I want to help Kai and watch him grow. I can't do that if I'm half way around the world." It was my turn to hate how I was and how I'd handled this. Of course, I'd been sad, but this was another level. I was mad at everything and everyone, wondering what in the hell of hells we did to deserve such an unending pile of shit that caused us problems. I hated that everyone wasn't being sympathetic twenty four seven but also mad when someone expressed their sadness to me directly. I wondered why people could send a text but didn't turn up to try and help. What the fuck is a text going to do to help us? Sure we felt warm and fuzzy for a few seconds but it's not actually helping us. I'd stopped talking to my mum because she knew me too well; every phone call was about Poppy and Kai and how we were coping, how I was coping - but I could never tell her the truth.

"I love you Cal." She said softly, her voice barely a whisper as her eyes closed, tiredness taking over and knocking her out.

"I love you too baby." I said as I kissed her softly, moving her so she was resting peacefully on the bed. She felt light - too light - and once again my heart sped up in a panic. Had I not noticed she was losing too much weight? She hadn't been eating but I didn't think it was that bad? I looked over at Poppy once again, her baggy clothes indicating one of the many reasons I wouldn't have noticed. Of course she'd be covering it up. She knew I was handling it badly enough already. I left the room before I could think of anything else to do and grabbed my phone, putting it to my ear as it rung out. It felt like forever before it clicked over to the voicemail service.

"Hey you've reached Sam. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now but please leave your name and number and a quick message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!" Dr Forrester's voice sounded back to me. I held my breath as I waited for the beep. Should I really be doing this? Was she going to kill me for going behind her back again?

"Hey Sam, it's Cal. Sorry to disturb you, Man, but I just need some advice. Poppy, she's- well, she's not eating. She's lost weight. A lot of it. I'm just panicking but I'd really appreciate if you could give me some tips? Sorry I'm rambling. I hope to speak to you soon. Bye." I hung up and threw the phone back in my pocket, worrying that I'd done the wrong thing again. Suddenly my phone pinged a couple of times and I yanked it back out, my face screwing up with confusion when i saw the messages and who they were from. On Instagram?

SingatWill: Hey I'm just gonna come out with it and save awkward small talk. We both know we aren't gonna be besties ever. I've heard Poppy's sick. Like badly. Is that true?

My fingers flew over the keyboard.

Calumhood: what the hell? who told you that?

SingatWill: it's true then? Shit.

Calumhood: who fucking told you?

SingatWill: your management team 😬😕