Poppy's PoV

Calum left the room physically shaking. I knew he wouldn't have been able to handle the news that I'd been preparing myself for over the last month or so. I knew it was coming, sadly, as I noticed the symptoms remaining - if not getting worse - and the doctors refusing to change the plan in any other way than to try to make me less sick. I'd lost my appetite, hair, confidence, self esteem and now I was losing the battle.
I sighed heavily as I lay myself back down on the bed, my head nestling into the plush pillow.

"Six months, huh." I said to Sam, who I could tell wanted to leave this conversation well and truly alone. "Guess I'd better speak to some people, plan my funeral and all..." Sam slumped down, closing his eyes for a second as he took a deep breath in and out.

"I'm so sorry Poppy..." he said emotionally. "I want to give you other news, I prayed that this wouldn't be it. If there's anything I can do, please let me know." He sat at the edge of my bed, grabbing a hand in mine whether I wanted it or not. Truth was, I didn't really know how to think or feel right now.

"Yeah, there is actually." My eyes were on him in a second. "I want to be at home, for as long as I can be. Preferably the whole time. Can someone visit to give me the painkillers? Hell, I'll do it myself. I just want to be at home with my family." Sam ran his hands through his hair.

"I- I think I can arrange that." Then the doctor demeanour broke and a sob escaped him. "Fuck. I can't believe it. If there was one person I was rooting for, it was you. Life fucking sucks." He furiously wiped at his eyes before any tears escaped. This was how everyone was going to react and I'm really not sure how I'm going to cope with that. As if the news wasn't bad enough, I have to go through the sadness of everyone finding out.

"Thanks for everything Sam. I hope you'll still visit before... you know." I offered him a half smile and he nodded, determined.

"Always. And I'll stay and help Calum. Don't worry, Poppy, you can still rely on me." He patted my shoulder with his large hand before he stood, offering me one final, sad look before he left the room and left me to my thoughts. Calum still hadn't returned and I'd assumed that was because he was having a meltdown with someone on the phone. That or he'd run away. I couldn't blame him. I want to run away too.
It was weird, the whole feeling. Part of me was sad, upset that I was going to miss out on most of Kai's growth and the different stages he'd go through, I'd miss growing old with Calum and watch as he toured the world for years on end, performing songs that they'd written a year or so before. I'd miss big birthdays and parties. Yet, a part of me felt content. For the next six or so months I was going to be pain free, without appointments at the hospital littering my calendar. I could just be me, Poppy Hood, without the cancer stuff looming over me. No longer would I care.
I felt like I needed to right some wrongs, let everyone know what was happening to give them a chance to digest the information that was hurting us all right now.
Without a second thought, my phone was in my hand.

"H-hello?" Will's voice rang out. "Poppy?"

"Hey Will." I responded, my voice so downtrodden it'd be obvious that something was wrong.

"I'm about to go for practice so if it's not important-" he began, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of taking over my phone call.

"I'm dying." I spat out, interrupting him.

"Wh-what? Dying?" His confident and cocky demeanour sank instantly.

"Yeah. Cancer came back, they've given me six months. I just wanted you to know before I posted it on social media. Take care and good luck in everything." I went to hang up.

"Wait! This isn't over. I don't understand. This is all a shock. Can I speak to you later?" He asked, a hint of sadness lacing his words.

"Sure. I've got to call mum and dad now. Talk later."

The same phone call came and went with 'mum and dad'. Once again, the argumentative tone shifted as soon as I mentioned it. They even seemed upset, regretting how our last conversation had happened. They wanted to speak again soon. Funny how things change as soon as you're dying.

Finally, my fingers flew over my phone keyboard as I typed out a note to post to all my socials. Tears filled my eyes as I wrote it, finally having the information sink in for the first time. Everyone would know this was my ending, my final chapters looming as the six month diagnosis had begun ticking down. Would I even reach it? Would I surpass it? No one would know until the time was there.

To my wonderful, beautiful and incredibly talented fans,
I write this with a heavy heart, more for others than for myself.
As you know, or may have guessed, my cancer came back. My surgery had removed most of it but a small bit remained, one that grew aggressively and made me ill.
Management had to unfortunately postpone the tour because I was really unwell with my chemo and Calum was like my knight in shining armour, somehow looking after our child as well as me throughout that time. I couldn't have got through that tough time without the guys or girls, who kept our spirits up and helped with our lives as we muddled through. They know just how much I love them.
However, we've just been told that the treatment didn't work. I have now been given a mere six months left to live and as shocking as this is, I want to make the most of it.
Please give us space as we adapt to this, it may take us a while but you can appreciate we want to make the most of what we have.
To my fans, I thank you for everything. I may not be as talkative or active online but know you all mean the world to me.
To 5sos and their partners and babies, I will love you forever and always. Our memories will stay with me and keep me happy even in my darkest times.
To my family, thank you for teaching me everything I know.
And to Calum and Kai, you two are the brightest lights in a grey world, you've changed my life for the better and there will not be a moment where I'm not fighting for longer to be with you. Calum, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and no words can express how I feel about you. Thank you for always supporting me, helping me and holding me together. I love you. And Kai, those few months I'll have with you I'll cherish forever. Mummy loves you.