When I got an invitation to go to dinner at Eleanor's house, I wondered if Casey was behind it. I wasn't sure if he'd accepted my explanation for not wanting to reconnect, so I was nervous. But still, I agreed and dressed up in a nice sweater and jeans, did my hair, and drove to Eleanor's house the next weekend.

I was nervous to see Casey again after our talk during the week, but we'd probably see each other again anyway due to the article, so I decided to just get it over with sooner rather than later. Avoidance was one of my coping mechanisms, I learned that in my years of therapy, so I was working on improving that.

My research on the Silas article was going well, the DNA test that Shiloh and Eleanor took would have results any time now. I still had heaps of work to do before I even began writing the article, but I was just relieved that nothing had fallen apart yet.

I didn't realize when I agreed to dinner that it was going to be a full house, but once Eleanor answered the door and welcomed me inside, Micah and his dad were working on dinner in the kitchen while his mom played with Auden in the living room.

"Casey will be here soon, they're just running a little bit late," Eleanor explained to me. "Such a shame that your dad couldn't make it."

"Yeah, he has his own social life now, but he says hi," I informed her. She did invite my dad but by the time I called to invite him, he already had plans with Diana.

"Do you remember Micah's parents?"

I didn't, but I nodded anyway and waved politely to his mother. "It's nice to see you again."

"I saw your new article on the Kripke site today," Eleanor said as she handed me a small glass of red wine. I didn't like red wine, but also didn't want to be rude, so I took a drink anyway and forced the dry liquid down my throat. I hated that the more you drank, the thirstier you got. It was so bad at its job at being a beverage. "That story was insane."

"I know, I'm just bummed that I only got to cover the court hearing and not the entire case," I responded. "The whole thing was fascinating, but in a really devastating way. I'm hoping that my editor will start giving me more responsibility, but that might be a pipe dream."

"Once you publish this article about Silas, surely she'd have to give you whatever stories you wanted, right?" she wondered optimistically.

I shrugged and said, "That's what I'm hoping. There's a lot of politics at the office though, it's kind of complicated."

"Sounds like Micah's firm. Everything is so political, so much schmoozing and butt kissing, it's crazy," she commented, just as the front door began to open again. I looked through the foyer to see a young woman walking through the door. For a moment, I thought maybe Eleanor invited a friend to dinner as well, until I saw Casey follow her inside.

"It smells so good in here," he said with a wide smile.

"Finally," Eleanor responded. "We were almost going to start without you."

"Cazzy!" Auden squealed enthusiastically before barreling her tiny body toward Casey until he wrapped her in his arms, throwing her into the air before catching the toddler on his hip.

"Hey, kiddo. What'd you make for dinner?" he asked her as we all walked into the dining room.

"Ummm, farts!" she said with a loud giggle.

As Eleanor gently scolded her daughter for using 'potty language' at the dinner table, Micah and his dad joined us through the kitchen archway with a sheet pan of garlic bread and a casserole dish gushing with cheesy lasagna, steaming and begging to be shoved into my mouth.

"Oh I almost forgot. Bec, this is who I've been telling you about, my friend, Josie," Casey said to the woman, who I felt it was pretty obvious was his girlfriend. He didn't mention having a girlfriend, but we'd only had two conversations and I mostly kept those conversations about work, so it made sense that I didn't know about her.

Thinking back to the Casey I knew in high school and how awkward and terrible at flirting he was, it was almost amusing to think about him getting a girlfriend. Then again, most high schoolers are awkward and terrible at flirting, so it made sense that he grew out of it in his twenties. And even in that awkward state, he still managed to hook me without even meaning to, so maybe I was stupid to underestimate him at all.

"And Josie, this is my fiancee, Rebecca," he added after a moment while we all took our seats. I found myself across from Casey, sandwiched between Micah's mom and Eleanor.

"Oh wow, fiancee?" I repeated dumbly without even processing my own words. "Congratulations."

Rebecca looked at Casey with her narrow brows raised and then said, "You didn't tell her that we're engaged?"

"We've really only been talking about work," I said quickly, in fear of causing upset with my uncontrolled shock at hearing that Casey had a fiancee. "We haven't really caught up that much on real life."

"Auden is going through a noodle phase, so we're getting as creative as we can with how many noodle recipes we can find. If I have one more mac and cheese dinner, I'm going to be the one throwing a tantrum," Eleanor did us all a favor to move the conversation along as my face began burning a light pink.

I didn't know why it surprised me so much that he'd be engaged. Maybe I thought Eleanor might have mentioned it in our conversations or it would have come up by then? She never mentioned a proposal on her social media or anything.

"You should try zucchini noodles," I suggested, eager to change the subject after the fiance debacle. Rebecca still looked miffed, only looking down at her red nails to pick at her cuticles while Casey slapped a piece of lasagna on her plate. "I've made them a couple of times with my dad, and they're kind of good."

"She won't eat it if it's green," Micah said.

"She'll pick out the lime Skittles," his mom agreed with a short laugh. "And why haven't we heard any news about the wedding yet?"

"We haven't really started the planning process," Casey answered her. "We're just enjoying the engagement for now."

"Yeah, they've only been engaged for a couple of months. Let them enjoy it," Eleanor defended her brother before stuffing a bite of lasagna into her mouth.

The last time I talked to Casey, I was sure that we'd keep things on a professional basis and only talk about the article. However, that was obviously difficult if I was going to be hanging around Eleanor more. The obvious impossibility to separate Eleanor and her brother was the reason that my relationship with her fizzled in the first place, because it was impossible to be around her without seeing Casey once he moved back home.

So I was realizing that it was foolish to think we could keep that much distance if I wanted to be around Eleanor. And seeing how much of her life I missed in the year that we hadn't talked, seeing Auden double in age and learn to talk, I realized that I did really miss being around their family. So I would be cordial with Casey, but we didn't have to really hang out or try to rekindle any sort of friendship.

"How'd you two meet?" I asked in an attempt to be a part of the conversation and attempt the beginning of that cordial relationship.

"We had microbiology together sophomore year of college," Rebecca answered. "I needed help studying and Casey was obviously the smartest guy in the room. It took him a little bit too long, but he eventually asked me out."

"Wow," I responded with an amused laugh that escaped my lips before I could stop it. It amazed me that I was able to go through twenty-four years of life without ever being able to develop a filter between my lips and my brain.

"Why is that funny?" she cocked her head to the side, looking confused at my out of place laughter.

"Oh, it's just..." I began floundering for something to say with everybody looking at me for an explanation. "I mean, just that the Casey I knew in school wasn't the kind of guy to make the first move. Or any move. He literally peed his pants the one time he tried."

"Thank you for bringing up that traumatic memory, yes I do remember that," Casey winced, but laughed at his own bad memory. I felt bad for bringing it up, although it was a funny story, but the word vomit was uncontrollable. Besides, I was the only one who saw his pee pants after the incident, so the embarrassment could definitely have been way worse. "It only happened one time."

"I still feel like that's already above the normal amount of times to pee your pants," I responded with a quiet laugh of my own.

"I can assure you I didn't pee my pants this time."

"I think you did a little," Rebecca responded teasingly.

"Whatever, it still worked," he shot back, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

I watched Auden begin eating her cut up lasagna, not with the plastic fork Micah provided, but with her pale little hands. The noodles hanging between her fingers before getting gleefully smashed into her face. Whenever Eleanor tried to assist in the usage of a fork, those efforts were quickly denied.

"I still think it's so cool that you are writing for such a big journal," Eleanor said as she picked the fork up from the ground in defeat, and sat it on the table in front of her. "Are you working on anything other than the big project?"

"I have a couple of stories in progress right now," I confirmed before glancing back over at the toddler, who was practically bathing in tomato sauce. "It's all true crime stuff though, not sure that's dinner table conversation."

"I read the article that was just posted about a robbery in Georgetown that you reported on," Casey informed me. "It was really interesting."

"Thanks." I attacked a piece of garlic bread like a hungry shark on a surfer, thinking about Casey reading my articles and not really knowing for sure how I felt about that. "I'm pretty bored of the robberies, breaking and entering, things like that. It's all kind of repetitive."

"Casey was interviewed by a writer at Kripke like five months ago," Micah said, glancing over at Casey before adding, "I'm surprised you didn't mention that yet."

"It was no big deal," he said with a shrug.

"Don't be silly, it was a huge deal," Rebecca insisted. I remembered how modest Casey was to the point where he'd get embarrassed when other people talked about his amazing accomplishments and hide his face in his arms. I remembered how I would downplay everything and I would get horrific looks from other people.

They would say 'Casey, I cannot believe your thesis paper on bioluminescence, it was remarkable!' and he would get so uncomfortable, so I would say something like 'actually, I read that paper, and it wasn't that great. Could have used more pizzazz' and it made me look like a terrible friend to outsiders, but Casey and I would laugh and he would be grateful that I didn't put his brain on a pedestal like everybody else. Even though he knew I knew he was a genius worthy of the high pedestal he was placed on.

This time, he didn't hide, but he did look uncomfortable as Rebecca continued. "One of the youngest people to ever get your doctorate in biochemistry and environmental sciences. Working at one of the best green tech labs in the country."

"I'm surprised I didn't see the article. Although I don't really spend that much time reading the science and technology section, but the guys that run it are really nice," I tried to steer the conversation away from Casey in an attempt to ease his tension. If we were still close, I would say that actually, there is a record of people getting their doctorates as young as thirteen or fifteen years old, so twenty-three really isn't that cool. But we weren't that close anymore and it would come off as more like an insult than it would a friend comforting another friend.

"I still don't know how he did it," she continued on. "I mean, I'm working on getting my doctorate, I know how hard it is and it still blows me away that you graduated so quickly."

"Feels kind of intimidating, sitting at a table with doctors, a lawyer, a famous writer, a politician," I commented with an awkward laugh. Micah's father was a senator from the west coast, Eleanor had many books published, and Micah was a successful lawyer. I actually wasn't sure what his mom did, but she was a really nice lady and being nice could be so hard sometimes, so I felt like she was just as intimidating as the others.

"Well you're a crime solving journalist," Casey reminded me.

"I've never solved a crime."

"Not yet," Eleanor stated optimistically. The rest of our dinner conversation was easy and mostly centered around watching Auden do cute things.

I didn't know Rebecca that well by the end of dinner, but I still felt somewhat surprised that Casey would be engaged to somebody like her. With her tight brown pony tail, professional dress, poised makeup, quiet and sophisticated look, she reminded me a lot of Kim. The thought of Casey being with somebody like Kim didn't make any sense to me, but I had to remind myself that I didn't know Rebecca at all. And honestly, I didn't even know Casey anymore either.

Once dinner was over, Micah's parents left and he took Auden upstairs for TV time before bed while Eleanor poured us all some more wine.

"Case, you have to show Josie the graduation album we made you when you finished your bachelor's. I think it's in Micah's office," Eleanor urged him as I slowly sipped on the red wine. I tried to deny the second pour as I barely was able to swallow the first one, but she was too fast.

"Sure, I guess I could pull that out," he agreed, standing from the couch to walk down the hallway. When he noticed Rebecca not standing up as well, he asked, "Are you coming, Bec?"

"No, you go ahead. I've seen it a thousand times," she assured him, looking down at her phone.

I didn't want to see his album of photos and I didn't want to be alone in a room with him, but I didn't know how to say no without looking rude or making things awkward. So I just followed Casey by myself, wine in hand, down the hall into a small room with a desk in the center and a long bookshelf along one wall.

"Auden is so cute. I know she's adopted, but I still think she kind of looks like Eleanor," I said as an attempt to create small talk to avoid talking about anything else. Just keep it to small talk, get in and get out.

"She is," he agreed with me. "And she knows it, and uses it to get away with everything. I feel like I spoil her more than her parents do sometimes. Ah, here it is," he said as he grabbed a book from the shelf and handed it to me.

"So these are pictures from college?" I placed the glass of wine on a side table and opened the thin hard cover book to the first page, where there were pictures laid out of Casey looking how I remembered him when we were eighteen. Shorter, acne ridden forehead and chin, and super skinny.

"Yep. I didn't really take any pictures of myself, but Eleanor did, when I got awards or things like that," he answered me. "And then there's more after I met Rebecca, she takes a lot of pictures of us together. This book would be like two pages without her."

Just as he described, the first few pages are only pictures of Casey holding award plaques and medals and then Rebecca started fading in, taking selfies with Casey on campus, at sporting events wearing matching Harvard hoodies. They looked really happy in the pictures.

"You don't have any pictures of the engagement?" I wondered curiously after flipping through most of the pictures. It felt weird looking through the first few years of Casey's college career, because all I could feel was sad that I didn't get to be a part of his life during those years. In high school, I had imagined that our college years would be the best of our lives and we'd make so many memories together. Seeing the pictures of him doing all of those things that I wanted to do with him just stung more than I was prepared for.

"I didn't propose until after I graduated," he answered quickly. "But I'm sure Ellie's planning on printing out another book with all of the engagement and wedding stuff in it too."

"Looks like you had fun," I muttered softly, quickly flipping through the last few pages so that I could shut the book and hand it back to Casey. The last photos were of Casey graduating with his class at Harvard, probably a couple of years younger than the rest of the people graduating. I had to rapid-blink some tears away before they could surface.

"I spent most of the time studying," he shrugged, seemingly oblivious to my distress. "But Rebecca was good at pulling me away sometimes to actually experience college."

"Good," I said in a quiet voice. I could feel myself getting more upset than I expected. It hit me in a really soft spot to see him so happy and living his best life while I sat, waiting by the phone. Wondering where he was, why he wasn't calling me or texting back, asking myself what did I do to make him so upset? Well, he didn't seem upset in those pictures, he just seemed... normal. He went back to normal after our friendship ended, but it devastated me and I spent years trying to find my normal again. "We should get back out there."

"Did I say something wrong?" Casey asked as he noticed the sour look that must have been so obvious on my face. I felt stupid for getting this upset about something that happened years ago, but maybe I was realizing that those wounds were still easy to open because I never got closure.

"No, it's fine," I leaned against the wall near the door. "Just weird."

There was a silence in the room as Casey took a second to really understand what I meant. Then, he looked up at me and said, "Fuck. You really hate me."

"I don't hate you," I told him, my voice quiet and weak. "I just don't want to do this."

"Do what?" he urged me on, even though he had to know what I was talking about without me saying it.

"I want to be in Eleanor's life, and I'll be civil and cordial with you when I need to be, but we do not need to do any more than that. I don't need to look at your photo albums of how happy you were without me. I don't need to pretend like we're anything more than strangers." I blamed the wine on my aggressive response and refused to take any responsibility for it myself.

I could tell that I hurt his feelings by the way his head dipped down and his brow furrowed like somebody just spit on his puppy. I felt an ache inside of me when I saw him hurt like that because I was always the one there to cheer him up when something hurt him, but that wasn't my job anymore.

"Josie, I'm really sorry about how things happened," he said after a very tense silence, eventually lifting his eyes to meet my gaze. "You were right, what you said back at the courthouse, I was the only one that drifted. I fucked it up."

"Casey, we don't have to-"

"We do have to," he interrupted me. "Because I hurt you and I... I can't stand that. I was just under so much pressure. I wasn't prepared for Harvard but I was petrified of failing and it got to me. I wish I had a better explanation."

I took another slow sip of my dry red wine, clutching the stem of the clear glass in my cold fingers. I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't say anything at all.

"I don't think I knew how to reach out because I felt embarrassed and guilty about how I basically abandoned you. I'm really sorry about not working harder to fight for our friendship back then, and I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to apologize and I should have reached out sooner. I was afraid. I wasn't willing to admit that to myself, but I was."

I still didn't know how to respond, despite the fact that I had a couple of days to prepare for this conversation. I knew it was probably going to come up, but it made me nervous to think about, so I just didn't think about it at all. Now I looked like a complete idiot, just sitting there with the wine glass pressed against my bottom lip as I stared silently at him, my brain malfunctioning between wanting to say something or just finish the glass of wine.

"Um," I finally found my voice, lowering the glass. "Thanks, I guess."

I could tell that he didn't know how to respond to my useless reply and it left him looking unsure and awkward before he glanced down at the floor and back to me, saying, "You're welcome. I know you have every reason to be cautious and upset, but I do still really care about you. The second I saw you at the Korean restaurant, it felt like old times. Like not even a day has passed. I really want to be friends again."

He made me so fucking weak. If this was any other guy, I'd throw my drink in his face and say 'how dare you make me feel this way after all that you did' but it was Casey. He was so soft and comfortable and Casey. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, I felt the same way, like looking at him made it seem like not a day has passed.

"You wanted out," I reminded him with my last bit of resolve. He made me weak, but I had to fight that and remember how much hurt he caused. I couldn't give him that power over me again. "So it's best that we keep it that way."

Even though he looked hurt, I had a hard time believing that he really wanted to be friends again when he never tried to reach out, and was only trying now because I popped into his life again. If Shiloh never approached me, would he ever have talked to me again?

"Okay," he sighed. "I understand that I missed my chance. I just wanted to apologize, clear the air, and let you know where I was at."

In all of the fantasies that I'd drawn up in my head over the years, I would never forgive Casey for disappearing from my life. In my day dreams, I cussed him out and told him off for hurting me so badly. I would have walked away from him, leaving him in my dust and I'd never look back. But those fantasies were unrealistic, because I really did miss Casey in my life.

Sure, that was High School Casey, and I had to remember that this was Adult Casey. They were two different people, just like High School Josie and Adult Josie were different as well. But if there was a chance that we could have the same kind of friendship that we had when we were in high school, was that a chance worth taking? Most of the time, I felt like it wasn't, because he'd proven to be a flight risk already. I didn't want to be put in a position where he could hurt me like that again. But when I stood in front of him and I was reminded how much I cared about him back then, I thought maybe it could be worth that risk.

"Maybe I need some time to think," I finally said when my thoughts began to spiral into chaos and I couldn't figure out what else to say. The strength from earlier was slowly dwindling.

"That's fine," he promised me. "I guess we really should get out there before Eleanor starts dessert without us."

I agreed, and we walked together out of the office and back to where Eleanor and Rebecca were talking about wedding ideas at the dining room table. Neither one of them really acknowledged our arrival, which I appreciated because that meant that nobody could notice the crazy expression on my face as I began to unpack everything that happened in that office and everything that was said. My mind was racing, working itself in circles.

I had no idea what to do, but I was used to the feeling.

Song: I Spend Too Much Time in my Room - The Band Camino

What do you think of Rebecca? 

Thanks so much for Reading! Plz plz vote and comment <3