Chapter Three: Murder

The car stopped in front of our huge gate. Nanatili akong tahimik habang pinapakiramdaman ang kasama. Hindi rin ito kumibo at tila tulad ko, hinahayaan niyang tumakbo ang oras. It's only past lunch and even if I need to do something tonight, I have few hours to spend. It is a good thing, though, dahil pakiramdam ko, nawawala ako sa katinuan.

Lumabas si Ismael at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto. I thanked him and walked towards the gate.

"Gazelle," pagtawag niya. Lumingon ako at naabutan ang kanyang pagtitig. His hands are on the pocket of his pants, a trait of him that, according to his sister, he does when he's nervous.

"Bakit?" Tanong ko nang hindi parin siya nagsalita. I can sense that he's waiting for an invite to go inside, but I am not up to entertain a visitor. I think he knows it, though, he doesn't verbalize.

"I was just wondering if we can talk somewhere else. Maybe over a lunch? Next time?" nag-aalangan niyang tanong.

I remember the time when Vinnie made me promise to her. Alam kasi niyang hindi ko ugaling magseryoso sa mga karelasyon. To me, everything is just a game, and I knew I dominated every single match. Kaya naman nangako ako sa kaibigan na hindi ko kailanman isasali sa gulo si Ismael. Hindi ko nga lang makuha kung bakit sa mga nagdaang araw ay tila nag-iba ang pananaw ni Vinnie doon. She's more lenient and forgiving these days, but it doesn't change the fact about me.

"Okay." Sagot ko pagkatapos ng ilang segundo na ikinabigla niya.

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Bukas?" Suhestiyon ko na agad niyang tinanguan. He flashed a radiant smile. Siguro'y hindi rin inaasahan ang pagsang-ayon ko.

"Sige. Salamat sa paghatid. Pasok na 'ko." Paalam ko at agad tumalikod. The guard greeted and opened the gate for me. Agad ko ring narinig ang pag-alis ng kanyang sasakyan pagkatapos.

The silence of the mansion welcomed me. Walang sumalubong na katulong sa akin, siguro'y nasa kusina ang lahat at abala sa paghahanda. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin at dumiretso sa taas.

I laid on my back the moment I entered my room. I felt exhausted, maybe because this is my third party this week. If only I could refuse to attend, I would, but I'd rather exhaust myself somewhere than stay inside our house and get an earful of everything I'm not doing right.

I sighed. Every Friday night, my parents come home for dinner. It is more of checking on me if I'm still holding up to their standards. Being the daughter of the General and one of the district's most respected doctors, my parents demand nothing short of greatness.

At first, I wanted their approval so badly, but overtime, I realized, they wanted me to be great, not because it was for my own good, but only because they have an image to protect. Overtime, after straining myself to meet their expectations, I eventually stopped. I also think that was the time they stopped being parents to me. Umuuwi na lang sila kung may gusto silang gawin ko o may hindi ako nagawa na gusto nila. It was an endless cycle that I'm planning to escape from.

It is the very reason why I go to raves and parties every night. There, I'm not alone. I get to laugh. I get to be seen and heard and appreciated. Meredith said it is superficial and temporary, but for someone who never received it her whole life, anything is better than nothing.

Nakatulugan ko ang pag-iisip. I even think I dreamt of something. I cannot recall what it was, but it felt weird. Nagising na lang ako sa katok ng kasambahay sa pinto ng kwarto ko.

My body felt warm. I requested a thermometer from our helper. Hindi naman ito natagalan at agad bumalik dala iyon. She even stayed while I was trying to check my temperature. It came back normal, but I feel weird.

I thanked the helper and asked for a pill instead. I convinced myself that it is just the exhaustion from the party and I only need to sleep it off more. Pagod na pagod ang katawan ko kaya lang, dalawang oras na lang bago dumating ang magulang ko. According to them, I need to be present by the table before they arrive. For what? I don't know and I don't care.

I forced myself to take a shower. I then changed into a red, turtle-neck dress. I let the waves of my brown hair flow behind me after I blowdried it. Pinaresan ko ang damit ng naaangkop na alahas. I put a simple make-up and put on my black stilletos. Ilang sandali pa ay kumatok na ang isa sa mga katulong, palatandaan na dumating na ang sasakyan ng magulang.

I immediately went to the dining table. I didn't even bother checking my look in the mirror and just settled myself as fast as I could. Few seconds passed and I heard the sound of their shoes approaching. Tumayo ako at inabangan ang kanilang pagdating.

My mother dropped the conversation on her phone when she saw me. Hindi na siya nag-abalang umakyat at iniutos na lang sa kasambahay ang pagdadala ng puting roba. I gave her a quick cheek-to-cheek kiss before she silently sat on her chair.

Sunod na dumating si Papa. Naka-uniporme pa ito at hindi na rin nag-abalang magpalit ng damit. I can only imagine how they want this dinner to finish as soon as possible. Kung pwede nga lang ay huwag na naming gawin ito, but my father insisted on having a dinner at least once a week.

I gave him a bow as a recognition. He passed by and silently sat on his own chair. Sumunod ako sa pag-upo at nagsimulang maghain ang mga katulong.

Ilang sandaling namayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin at tanging mga kubyertos lang ang maririnig. Until now, I couldn't understand the point of having dinner with the three of us. Palaging ganito ang eksena tuwing gabi ng Biyernes. Kung hindi man tahimik ay inuulan naman ako ng sermon. I wonder what is it this time.

"I heard from Carlos that you went to a party with Eleazar." Pagsisimula ni Papa sa usapan. I rolled my eyes at the back of my head. How can he, the General of the Army, trust a word from someone without verifying it first?

"I went to a party, yes. Pero hindi ko kasama si Eleazar." Pagtatama ko. Tito Carlos was Eleazar's father and a good friend of my parents. Walang ibang magsasabi ng balita tungkol sa pagpunta ko kung hindi siya.

"And you came home the next day." Dugtong niya, tila hindi naniniwala sa naging paliwanag ko.

"Yes. Walang maghahatid sa akin kaya hindi ako nakauwi." Kalmado kong sagot kahit na kinakabahan. I am used to breaking the rules of my parents but after the night of Vinne's party, pakiramdam ko ay may mabigat akong kasalanan sa kanila.

"I hope you're telling the truth. Baka mamaya ay ang pagdadalang-tao mo na ang maririnig ko mula kay Carlos." aniya. I halted and looked at him, slightly shocked. He remained focused on slicing his food like he didn't accuse me of something.

"I will never do that." Pagtatama ko. Napatingin siya sa akin gamit ang walang-ekspresyon na mga mata, halatang hindi kumbinsido sa sinabi ko.

"You are your mother's daughter. Hindi na ako magtataka kung magiging puta ka rin." dagdag niya at bumalik sa pagkain na tila ba wala lang iyon.

My eyes stayed at his figure as I try to calm my nerves. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at itinuon iyon sa nanay na nagpatuloy lamang sa pagkain, tila walang narinig na pang-iinsulto mula sa kanyang asawa. My hands were shaking as I took a spoon of food into my mouth.

I will never show him satisfaction. Kahit pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ako sa galit ay hindi ko iyon ipapakita sa kanya. Paulit-ulit kong binulungan ang sarili sa isip habang kinakalma ang damdamin.

I am the best at this role— pretending. I have practiced myself to not show that I am affected, so I know I sat there, poised and elegant, like something didn't just shatter inside me.

Hindi nagtagal ay nauna siyang tumayo mula sa hapag. Hindi ko siya tinignan hanggang sa nawala ang tunog ng kanyang yapak sa pandinig ko. I focused my attention on the food and tried to eat more even though my appetite had disappeared.

Napatingin ako kay Mama at naabutan siyang umiinom ng tubig. Dahan-dahan ako sa pagnguya, hinihintay ang anumang salita mula sa kanya. But then, she wiped her lips with the towel and made her exit. I was, again, left by myself.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain na tila walang nangyari. Hell, I've been in the same situation countless times already. I have mastered to act it out until pretending feels like it is the truth.

Nang natapos ako sa pagkain ay muli akong bumalik sa silid. Nagpalit ako ng damit-pantulog at binuksan ang radyo. I just ate but my body says different. Pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako kahit na wala namang naging trabaho buong maghapon.

Kinumbinsi ko ang sarili na dahil ito sa nakaraang gabi ng pagpupuyat ngunit alam kong higit pa roon ang dahilan. Iniling ko ang ulo upang matigil sa kakaisip. I won't let it affect me again.

I sent Meredith a dot. Binagsak ko ang katawan sa kama habang patuloy na nakikinig sa musika. In between listening to the song and hearing the silence from the outside, my ears picked up the sound of the departing vehicles from our yard.

Napabuntong-hininga ako. I didn't even notice I'm holding my breath until they left. Gusto kong magwala, o hindi kaya'y isigaw ang mga naipon kong hinanakit sa mundo. Kahit ilang ulit kong sabihin na sanay na ako sa ganoong eksena ay parati pa rin akong sinusuntok. Gustong-gusto kong magalit sa kahit sino para sana'y maibsan ang sariling galit sa sarili pero hindi ko magawa. Bagkus ay nanatili akong nagpapatuloy lang kahit 'di ko naman alam kung bakit. I've even wished for death already but even death itself doesn't want me.

Ilang sandali lang ay tumunog ang aking telepono. I answered it without checking the caller's name.

"Is it your Mom or your Dad?" Bungad niya sa akin. Napailing ako kahit na hindi niya nakikita.

"Nasa party na ba kayo?" Tanong ko. I shouldn't expect something good will come up everytime the dinner happens. Sa susunod talaga ay hindi na ako sisipot.

"Party is cancelled. Hindi man lang sinabi ng Papa mo?" Tanong niya pabalik. Umirap ako. Calling him Papa makes me want to threw up.

"May natagpuang patay malapit sa labasan. Warak daw 'yong katawan." Balita niya. Agad napakunot ang noo ko at napatayo sa pagkakahiga.

"Kailan daw namatay?" Tanong ko pabalik. Tuluyang nawala sa isip ko ang naganap sa hapag-kainan. Something creeped inside of me. It's been years since the same incident happened. Why now?

"Hindi ko alam. Iyon lang ang sinabi ni Roman. Na-cancel 'yong party dahil nagpatupad ng bagong curfew." Sagot niya. Napabuga ako ng hangin. Hindi pa yata ako makakalabas para uminom ngayon.

"Alam ko ang takbo ng utak mo. I'm telling you now, Gazelle. Huwag." Ani Meredith. Bahagya akong natawa at napailing.

"I don't need to go out. I got stocks." Ani ko at naglakad palapit sa mini-fridge. Binuksan ko iyon at nakita ang tatlong bote na nandoon.

"Whatever. Suit yourself." Aniya at bahagyang natawa. I heard her sigh at the other end of the line after.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a more serious tone.

I smiled to myself. I'm not, but I will never admit that. As long as I can carry this on my own, I will never burden anyone, even my friends although they mean well. I carry it well, so it doesn't matter.

"I am. That was nothing," I answered. It took her few more convincing before I ended the call and threw my phone on the bed. Nagbukas ako ng isang bote at agad din iyong ininom.

The bitter-sweet taste filled my mouth. I stopped the radio and decided to go out on my room's balcony to get some fresh air.

Truly, the cold night's breeze welcomed me as I stepped outside. Agad akong napayakap sa sarili upang protektahan ang braso mula sa lamig. Ipinatong ko ang bote ng alak sa lamesa at naglakad pang muli hanggang sa dulo ng balkonahe.

The view from my spot is breathtaking. I was never a fan of darkness but there's something about the night that entices me. Siguro'y dahil nasanay na rin akong tumatakas kaya't pakiramdam ko ay masaya ang gabi kapag ganoon.

The wind blew on my face once again, making my hair dance with it.

Ilang linggo na lang. Bulong ko sa sarili. I have planned on how to get out of this shithole already. Pagkatapos ng graduation ball ay kukuha ako ng pagsusulit upang makapasok sa kolehiyo sa ibang distrito. I am eyeing for Winston since their district is known for good education. Hindi ko pa nga lang sigurado kung paano ako mabubuhay na mag-isa. I have been sheltered all my life that I don't even know how to cook my own meal nor wash my own clothes. It will be a total culture shock once I move out but I'd trade this royal life... anything for freedom.

Nang lumalim ang gabi ay nagpasya akong pumasok na sa silid. Naubos ko na rin ang isang bote at kahit gusto kong dagdagan iyon ay kinontrol ko na lang ang sarili. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung anong oras na ako nakatulog. Nagising na lang ako nang tumunog ang teleponong nasa ilalim pa ng unan ko.

"Fawn Gazelle Aurovio, is this true?" Bungad ni Vinnie. I glanced at the bedside and saw the clock. It's almost ten in the morning and I'm still in bed.

"What?" Tanong ko at bumalik sa pagpikit.

"You and my brother are going out for lunch?" Diretsahan niyang tanong. I grunted. Bakit ba wala siyang tiwala sa sarili niyang kapatid? I knew Ismael won't lie to her sister anyway.

"Whatever he said, it's true." Sagot ko at pinilit ang sariling bumangon. I put my phone on speaker. Nag-unat ako bago inayos ang higaan. I may be an alcoholic but I'm the good kind. The last thing I want is dirt and mess on my last safe spot.

"At hindi niyo ako aanyayahan?" Hindi makapaniwala niyang tanong. "What kind of friend are you?" Bintang niya pa sa 'kin. Halos mapairap ako sa narinig.

"Sabihin mo sa kapatid mo. If he wants you to come, you're welcome to join us." Suhestiyon ko.

She breathed an annoyed puff. "Ewan ko sa inyo. Let's just meet after for the gown fitting. Enjoy my brother. He farts a lot." Pabulong niyang sabi. I heard Ismael on the background, cursing her, before the line went dead. Maya-maya pa ay magkasunod na mensahe ang natanggap ko.

Ismael:
It's not true.

Vinne:
May oras ka pa para umurong.

I replied See you. to Ismael before entering the shower. I took a bubble bath for a good twenty minutes before going to my walk-in closet.

I chose a white, skater skirt paired with a black, wedge heels. I blow dried my hair and let it flow behind my back. Nagsuot din ako ng kwintas at relo na babagay sa aking damit. I applied a slight make-up for the finishing touch.

Muling tumunog ang aking telepono. I saw Ismael's name, telling that he's already outside. I grabbed my silver sling bag and put my wallet inside before leaving.

Ismael was leaning on the hood of his white car when I saw him. Hindi ko maiwasang punahin na ibang sasakyan ulit ito kumpara sa ginamit namin kahapon. I grinned at how rich he is! Ibang klase!

Napatayo ito nang makita akong lumabas sa gate. He's in a dark blue, polo shirt and gray pants which made him look stunning. Of course, I won't drool over him for that matter. Isa pa, he doesn't need to know.

Pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto bago pumunta sa kanya.

"I reserved a seat for us at the Bistro." aniya at pinaandar ang sasakyan. I had to scan the interior of the car first, before nodding to his statement. I am no professional when it comes to wheels and rides, but this one looks expensive and elegant!

"Nasaan si Vinne?" Tanong ko na lang. I saw his lips tugged downward. Lihim akong napangisi dahil doon. Hindi pa yata tapos ang iringan nila.

"I dropped her at the bookstore." Sagot niya habang nakatutok sa daan ang mata. He adjusted something on the dashboard and the roof of the car slid over, welcoming fresh air inside.

"Bakit hindi mo hinayaang sumama?" tanong ko. Umiling lang siya bilang sagot at nanatiling tahimik. Something's bothering him, I can sense it. I've been friends with him for years, so I know, but I also know for a fact that he calculates everything he says and does. He will never ask it this early.

Nakarating kami sa Bistro pagkatapos ng sampung minuto. Muli niya akong pinagbuksan ng pinto at hinayaang mauna sa paglalakad.

The Bistro is a well-known dining establishment in Lacuston. Bukod sa mga club at bar, kilala rin ang distrito dahil sa mga magagandang kainan. Bistro was one of them. Aside from the food, the vibe of the diner is also the reason why people like us keep coming back.

We were greeted by the staff as we entered. Ismael led the way to our table. Agad na inilapag ang inumin ko nang maupo ako doon.

"What do you want?" Tanong ni Ismael habang nakatingin sa akin. I've been to Bistro several times with Vinnie and Meredith. Namukhaan pa yata ako ng isa sa mga tagapag-silbi kanina dahil nagtagal ang tingin niya sa akin. For all I know, he's judging me inside his head. Iba kasi ang kasama ko noong nakaraan, at ngayon, iba ulit.

"The usual. For Gazelle." Sagot ko kay Ismael. His eyebrow shot up before nodding. Hinayaan ko siyang makipag-usap sa babae at napatingin sa paligid.

I scanned the surroundings. The same paintings are on the walls. Some paper quills and fairylights are hung from the ceiling which can illuminate the place if switched on. May ilan na kumakain, karamihan ay mga estudyanteng hindi ko namumukhaan. There's a guy who even greeted Ismael a while back. Sa tansya ko'y kaedaran niya lang o 'di kaya'y kakilala noon.

Ismael faked a cough. Nabaling sa kanya ang atensyon ko at naabutan ang pagtitig niya sa akin.

"You're beautiful." Komento niya. Napaayos ako ng upo, hindi inaasahan ang biglaan niyang papuri. I've been praised by many but when it comes to him, I am always taken away.

Ismael is gorgeous compared to the boys our age. He has a deep set of expressive eyes and he moves mature than his age. I remember back how the girls in my batch drool about him when we were still in the same school. Marami na ring pangalan ng babae ang nadikit sa kanya pero wala siyang nakukumpirmang kasintahan kay Vinnie.

"What? Can't get over me after all these years?" patuya kong sagot pagkaraan ng ilang segundo.

He was about to spoke when the radio from the counter turned to full volume. Hindi ko pa maintindihan noong una ngunit pagkaraan ng ilang sandali ay naging mas malinaw iyon.

The next thing I knew, Ismael left a cold cash in our table. We hurriedly went back to the car as I tried to dial Vinnie's number. Ang pag-iyak niya ang bumungad sa akin nang sagutin niya iyon.

"Please, please, pick me up!" Pakiusap niya. Mas lalong binilisan ni Ismael ang pagpapatakbo nang marinig ang kapatid.

"We're on our way. We'll pick you up." Paninigurado ko sa kaibigan. Ismael started calling their security to meet him at the area while I dialed Meredith's number.

Ilang minuto lang ang lumipas ay dumating kami sa lugar. Kailangan pa naming tumigil mula sa kalayuan dahil hindi na makapasok ang sasakyan doon. The scene is chaotic as some broken glass are scattered in the place. I shivered when I saw fresh blood, too. May kumpulan ng tao ang nandoon, pinapalibutan ang kung ano ngunit mas inuna kong hinanap si Vinnie.

I ended the call when I saw her in the corner. Nakatulala ito sa kawalan at nakabalot ang puting tuwalya sa katawan.

Ismael immediately went to the police car. I called Vinnie's name and she immediately stood up. The police even blocked her which irritated me.

"She's with me! She's with me!" sigaw ko sa pulis bago niya hinayaang makalapit si Vinne sa amin. I immediately hugged her and she sobbed on my shoulder.

"It's okay. It's okay," pang-aalu ko sa kaibigan. "You're safe now, Vinnie. Let's go home." dagdag ko bago siya inakay papasok sa sasakyan.