o1.
chapter one
my favourite shoujo
animes are steamy
and heart-wrenching,
yes.

In all naïvety, being eighteen didn't mean I was mentally an adult. Why, then, did it mean I had to act like one and, to quote Mom, "suck it up" to return to her hometown? 

"This is supposed to be the street," she whispered, checking her Google Maps. The damned thing had been driving us in circles around the city just to get to a single street. "Yes, Serena. This one. The right!" 

I steered the car, slowing down and easing off the gas to switch to a lower gear. The vehicle pulled up by a standalone, cream-colored house. 

"This is it—oh my!" 

I snapped to attention to find a man with crinkled brown eyes standing at the entrance. Upon spotting the car, he approached, throwing the gates open to let me park inside. 

Dad was the first to get out, immediately blending in with Mom's brother and embracing my cousins. Mom followed her husband, and I mustered up all the courage to butcher my way through greetings with the family I hadn't seen in five years. 

Turning off the ignition and gathering myself, I stepped out. 

And into Uncle Meyer's arms. 

"Look at you!" Uncle Meyer chuckled. His warmth and woodsy cologne flared in my nostrils indifferently. This was so different from the usual odor of people in Goldenrod. 

"You're all grown up!" he added when we broke apart. I stepped back, colliding against the comforting metal of the car. However, it had warmed up under the summer heat. 

"Five years does that to a teenager," I replied, feeling rather awkward. He, however, didn't seem to catch on and was grinning broadly. 

"Ah, how about my lemon pies?" 

At once, my cousins were at my side, with Clemont offering me a polite handshake. Bonnie, however, shoved me against the car after exchanging hellos with her brother. 

"You've grown so much!" she complained, going on her tiptoes, even though she barely had two inches on me. 

"I haven't grown that much," I giggled, but it came out more as a reflection of my uneasiness than polite courtesy. "In my defense, you have too. And you're only fourteen?" 

Bonnie pouted but didn't protest. Uncle Meyer invited us in, taking hold of Dad's shoulder. "Let's go! Clemont's whipped up a storm for you all!" 

The blond in question turned crimson and only grew redder when Dad clapped him on the shoulder. The two men led the way, with Bonnie bouncing between them, her energy contagious. 

The sun was almost at the horizon. The streetlight was the only source of illumination, painting the cream-colored house in a prism of scarlet and pink hues. 

Everything looks different from what I remember, I mused. Yet this feeling... this air... it's all the same. Gulping, I locked the car and drew in a much-needed breath. 

Mom gave me a sidelong glance. 

"Let yourself be free, hun," she whispered, her hand reaching for my shoulder. A soft pain rose from where she tried to reassure me. "Bonnie might help. Look at that energetic youngling." 

A smile forced its way through despite myself. I felt the knot in my stomach loosen a little. She was right. It was high time I forgot my colorless nightmares and learned to be as carefree as this little girl. 

"I'll try, Mom." 

The minute I entered the small yet tidily kept kitchen, the overwhelming sensation returned. The walls bounced the scent of Clemont's cooking while the boy stood stiffly by the counter, a mixture of nervousness and concentration. 

I knew Clemont was a perfectionist. Even though it had been so long since I had seen him, Mom constantly reminded me during meals about how he outdid everything he took part in—even when failure met him sometimes. 

"Smells great, Clemont," I reassured him, slipping into a seat Bonnie had pulled out. The boy shifted on his feet, easing a little. 

"I'd love to hear your thoughts after tasting, Serena." 

"Yeah!" Bonnie quipped, slumping down beside me. She was all smiles as she handed me a melamine plate. "Oni-san is the best when it comes to curry, and he's even got three more dishes on the table just for you!" 

The knot within me loosened a little more when I met Mom's gaze, which clearly said, Let them in.

With some healthy food piled on my plate, my thoughts wandered to my favorite mistakes in Goldenrod—fast food and Starbucks. 

Yet, one spoonful in, and I was smacking my lips happily. Clemont had really outdone himself. "This is truly amazing!" I complimented, with Dad following suit and successfully eliciting color from the boy. Mom even began asking for the recipe. 

I watched them interact, a small apprehension growing in me. It had been weeks since I had felt at ease; the tension within had finally calmed down. After that disastrous sunset with him.

"Say, Serena, are you into shoujo anime?!" Bonnie piped up before shoving a spoonful of her vegetable rice into her mouth. I offered a small nod. She swallowed heavily, even banging her chest, which elicited scolds from her father. "What's your favorite?!" 

"Mhm." I considered the question. Selecting one favorite out of countless? Easy. "What about you?" 

"It's definitely Fruits Basket, although Apothecary Diaries is a close second!" 

"I love them," I agreed, nodding. "But Your Lie in April and Horimiya beat them for me." 

"Horimiya is literally steamy and fluffy!" the younger girl exclaimed in a hushed tone. "But YLIA is literally a tearjerker. What are you high on, Cuz?!" 

I masked the pang of getting dumped with yet another tug of my lips. I was high on Olivia Rodrigo, or maybe even Benson Boone. But she didn’t need to know that. 

Even if she did, there was no way this fourteen–fifteen-year-old would understand the pain I had felt when I was younger than her. 

The ache of forgetting everything but the loss of your dearly loved one.