o7.
chapter seven
rekindling just friendship

The room felt smaller, but I was putting on the city-girl composure. Straight back, tight smile, and, most of all, fighting back a yawn.

Ash sent me a pointed look, sipping his juice. It had probably been ten minutes since he started on the glass. Miraculously, it hadn't been depleted.

"That actually sounds interesting," I piped in, setting the table napkin on the seat beside me. Ash was quick to grab my hand the minute I placed the cloth on the cushion. "Where will you pursue your master's?"

The girl before me hummed thoughtfully. Her eyes flitted to the boy beside me for the briefest of seconds before she exchanged a look with her boyfriend.

"Probably Alola. The region is well known for its vast water bodies," she answered.

"That's good."

"I didn't technically expect you to set foot here again," Gary remarked, done with his meal. Ash, who had wiped his plate clean, tugged at my hand as if willing me to drag him with me like he did the last time.

"Surprise," I retorted, squeezing Ash's hand back. "I didn't either."

"So." The mahogany-haired boy was turning cautious. I had a suspicion it wasn't because of my reply. "Why are we here? We've been dining in a boring talk of normal chit-chat."

I tilted my head at him. Here goes.

"I want to help Ash rekindle his friendship."

The boy beside me groaned. But I didn't deter. I didn't wish to let him be alone after I was gone.

"I understand you guys ended on bad terms, but," I trailed off, eyes darting between the two. Misty already seemed convinced, while Gary was brooding. "Please give him another chance?"

"Se—"

"Please, Ash."

"Wait," Misty intervened, pointing at me. She looked like I had sprouted three heads. "What Ash?"

I blinked, her bafflement creeping into my system. It took a gentle push from Ash for the clogs to turn in my brain. "Oh," I mumbled, sounding foolish. "That's my nickname for him."

Misty sat back, her posture relaxing, smiling softly. "That's awesome. As far as I was concerned, he never did nicknames. Not even from Gary."

I turned to the boy in question, giving him a you owe me an explanation look. But he only turned sheepish and avoided my gaze. I couldn't press further when Misty spoke up again.

"I really wish to be on good terms with you, Satoshi. I understand it was my fault and my miscommunication," the girl said, her eyes holding the guilty plea that Ash apparently refused to see. "My offer will always be open."

"Mine too."

Now I was surprised. Gary had effortlessly poked in as if he hadn't just been slumping against the sofa like he owned the place a few seconds ago.

I found Ash's eyes boring into me and only gave him a reassuring smile. He must have gotten the message, for he sighed and nodded.

"Thanks, guys."

The message that I wholly trusted him and wanted the best for him.

Down.

Down.

Down.

Until...

Course road, yay!

"Would you please warn me next time?!" I exclaimed once my chest stopped hurting from all the rocky terrain we rode down.

"Sorry."

But there was no hint of an apology attached to his voice. The town was getting loud. I looped my arms around his midriff, ignoring how my heart was pounding against my ribs.

Maybe it was just the adrenaline rush of riding down.

"Can we pause?"

Ash jerked a little, his movement sending a shiver through me. Then the wind stopped hitting my hair haywire, and the cycle followed the law of inertia perfectly.

"Mhm?" He looked at me over his shoulder, and I pouted.

"I understand you're mad about that impromptu meeting, but, Ash, you should not be alone. You don't have to be alone. Yeah?"

"Serena, not this again." The boy's shoulders sagged. "I have you."

My heart clenched, and bile rose to my throat. How do I tell him that I won't be in his life for more than a few days? Where do we go after the grace period?

"I can't love you, Ash." I withdrew, bracing myself for his faltering expression. "You... I can't see you... I mean, I can't—can't—if I could, I would change every feeling, but I can't, really—"

"Hey," he cut in, dismounting the cycle. I followed his lead and watched as he parked it to the side, then grabbed my shoulders. "You're overthinking it."

I tried protesting, but words refused to work in my mind. So I fell silent, slumping. "I had this amazing... this amazing person in my life as my boyfriend."

I couldn't bear to look up at him, so I let my fingers fiddle with my crossbody bag. "I loved him, truly, and he was awesome, but we had a little misunderstanding... he thought another girl was me and approached her, and I saw that, and I felt so mad, and—"

My breath caught in my throat, my mind futile in producing images. No smiles, no emotions, only harsh words I had uttered rang in my ears like a broken record.

"And I walked out. The next thing I knew the following morning..." A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard, forcing myself to continue. "That he was... he was... gone."

I couldn't stop them. The damned tears from my eyes, like the world had chosen to go against me. Dabbing at my face furiously, I willed myself to stop crying.

But it seemed impossible.

"An accident took him," I choked out, blinking at my sneakers rapidly. My entire body felt on fire, like I would throw up at any moment. Ash's touch only came like a foreign intrusion, but somehow, his embrace spread warmth.

"I don't think I can ever love again." My voice broke against his shoulder, tears wetting the shirt my fingers trembled on. He held my head in place, not letting it slip from his embrace. Somehow, the way he whispered sweet nothings filled my chest with tranquility. Like I was molded to be there.

"I don't know the full story, but..." His grip tightened, almost possessively. "I know that it was no fault of your own, Serena."

"But he's gone because of me." My whisper left the rustling leaves filling the silence.

"Serena."

"It happened because I walked away! If I hadn't—if I had just stayed, he would have been alive now. With his parents, at the very least."

Ash pulled back, just enough to look me in the eye. His brown gaze held warmth, but it ultimately fell short of clearing my vision.

"You can't keep blaming yourself for things that are out of your control." I made to interrupt him, but his hand cupped my cheek, and I found myself leaning into his sentences. "Life is cruel. What if you had stayed?"

It wasn't even a statement—just a fragile what-if. "Maybe he would have been alive."

"Maybe not." My throat constricted. "I know that it will be hard to move on. I can't comprehend that, but I'll be here for you without you having to be scared of not loving me."

I dabbed at my eyes, withdrawing enough so that his hands fell limp at my sides. All the warmth fled when his comforting expression faltered. A tinge of fear crept through as he smiled.

"Because I don't see you that way anymore, Bunny."