o9.
chapter nine
reaching for the stars

The stars above felt void of any warmth. If anything, they felt closer than before, reminding me of things out of my grasp. Or someone. 

Calem.

Ash.

Almost instinctively, my hand shot up to the skies, closing in on the silhouette of the moon. 

"The night is always noisy here." I turned over my shoulder, watching Clemont and Bonnie approach. The boy leaned against the railing beside me, continuing, "Everyone meets up every week or so. They exchange news, suggestions for the marketplace, rumors, and whatnot." 

I smiled. "Are you caught up in these brush fires too?" 

Clemont turned red and stammered out a response. "I don't like to..." 

"But he is," Bonnie answered for him, stepping up to my other side. "Are you feeling better?" 

"Yeah," I lied, despite my lungs constricting on the word. Where did I belong?

"Have you packed?" Clemont asked, suddenly concerned. Three more days, he reminded me wordlessly. I nodded, pocketing my hands in my jumpsuit. The bill receipt from before, with a doodle from Ash, burned my fingertips. 

"Almost." 

"Save your Bunny," Bonnie grinned mischievously. I couldn't help the blush. Why was I being mercilessly teased by girls younger than me for having a comfort plushie? 

"He's special to me." 

"Here." Whatever I expected, I didn't think I would get an envelope from Clemont. I shot him a questioning glance, but he only nodded, still red-faced. "O-open it. It's just a gift from us." 

Obliging, I carefully tore it open. Something white and as hard as cardboard swiped my finger when I lifted it from its enclosure. My breath caught when I turned it around—the photograph of Mom, Ash's mother, Ash, and me... back from when we were young. 

Bunny and Teddy were in each other's arms, and I ran a hand over it, a smile tugging at my lips. My vision blurred as I focused on how heedlessly Ash was holding Bunny while I looked to be nervously ecstatic holding Teddy. 

The chord broke when realization hit me like a magnitude-nine earthquake. "Oh." 

I had liked Ash all along.

The photo had us barely twelve. Yet we were grinning like naïve kids caught candid on camera. 

Only, I never wanted to fall for him.

I hugged the photo to my chest, shooting the lemon-haired siblings an appreciative smile. 

Because that meant...

"A disaster." The word left me before I could consider it. "This is a disaster." 

The siblings exchanged a look. That was all I caught before everything around me turned to a blur. My knees gave way, the ground below a welcoming support. My name rang out twice, then I was spilling everything. 

"I'm in love with him, but I know it won't work like that." 

A muffled yelp. Two pairs of arms. The world dimmed into familial warmth—one that city life never allowed time for, I realized. 

"Why would it not work?" Bonnie sobbed when we withdrew. I reached out to wipe her tears away, unable to help the softening of my gaze at the young girl. She was a sensitive child. 

"There are many in long-distance relationships, you know?" Clemont suggested, righting his glasses. He seemed embarrassed but didn’t look uncomfortable. "I'm sure it will. I can even talk to Ash!" 

"And I'ma convince him," Bonnie chimed in, pouting and flailing her arms. "To be a keeper for my sister! Nii-san, s'il vous plaît!" 

My heart swelled at the two before me, and I dabbed at my eyes with the back of my hand in an attempt to stop the flowing tears. 

"Thanks, you guys." My heart waned a beat. I knew whatever I was about to say, it would hurt. "But he admitted he doesn't love me that way." 

"What do you know about it?" 

A shiver ran down my spine at the sudden change in Clemont's voice. His eyes held a dangerous glint, as if challenging me. 

"H-he said that when I told him I can't love anyone anymore... y'know, because of... Calem. But it seems like I failed." 

"Loving someone isn't a curse," the bespectacled boy countered, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "As for his statement, it's got to be a lie." 

"Pardon?" 

"Serena, how could you not see it?" he stressed. "He's been in love with you since you were both young! He wrote you a love letter!" 

"But I didn't read it!" 

"You didn't read it because his mother didn't let him deliver it! He wasn't supposed to be crushing on someone at eleven. Or at least, that's what the people in town think," he explained, like an old man talking to a young kid. "That's just how things go here. They think dating is taboo." 

I really loved the city, man. 

"Uh, but he said a few hours ago—?" 

Clemont shrugged helplessly, seemingly out of words. "It's probably a lie." 

I bit my lip. "I don't... know." My voice turned into a whisper as I finished. 

"Why don't you tell him?" Bonnie chimed in, grabbing my hand and tugging it. 

"Yeah," Clemont agreed, righting his glasses. "You've only got two days." 

"I'm overthinking everything I never said," I sighed, dropping my head into my hands. The weight of the world felt so close under these stars. "It's going to be so hard to sleep now." 

Needless to say, Clemont and Bonnie's concerned looks reminded me of the time it was my parents instead when I heard of Calem's fate. 

I could only hope I wouldn't lose control tomorrow the way I broke down now.