Benji had been counting down the days when Soledad would finally come and visit from London. She arrived at the beginning of July, and Benji's family welcomed her with open arms into their home for the next two weeks. It was exciting to have her there so Benji could show her where he grew up and he saw this as the opportunity to combine his new and old lives into one amalgamation of familiarity. Despite Benji being in his own hometown, something about being back felt off. In the months he'd been away, he felt he had grown so much that returning was like putting a wild bird back into its cage and clipping its wings. He couldn't wait to be back in London, and having Soledad there was a welcome presence.

They spent the first few days of Soledad's visit exploring the sights of Atlanta and doing the touristy things -- visiting the Civil Rights Museum and the various monuments devoted to the Civil Rights Movement, including the mural devoted to Martin Luther King, Jr.; the history of the city came alive in those moments, and the art devoted to Black history and liberation permeated the very air and the pavement beneath their feet. Soledad was interested in the subject matter, but also enjoyed the trips to the aquarium and the parks, as Atlanta had quite a lot of green space, similarly to London. Even though Benji didn't often go into the Downtown and Midtown areas since Creekwood was in the periphery of the city, it was good to have an excuse to go to the city so long as they stayed out of the sun, which was easier said than done. The buildings were massive enough to obstruct the sun, but they still didn't do the job well enough.

Feeling a bit out of place as well due to his fashion choices, Benji tried not to let the confused looks bother him. He wouldn't admit aloud that he was sweating in his dark long-sleeved shirt, but he didn't want to risk seeing someone he might know out in public and get questions about his scars. Luckily, Benji had confided in Soledad for the fact that he had self-harmed, but she had been the only friend he had told. No one else knew; he wanted to keep it that way. And if that meant someone was going to ask him why he was so overdressed, then he would just need to deal with it.

Soledad and Benji had been walking by Grant Park in the middle of the afternoon, the sun baking the streets and cooking anything that came in contact with it like a stovetop. His phone dinged, and Benji stopped them in their stride, plucking his phone from his pocket and glancing at the notification. It was Mia.

"Hey Benji, I heard your friend Soledad is here. Would you both be interested in a little impromptu camping trip out into the mountains this weekend? We could all get to know each other and catch up. I'll pick you up tonight 🥰"

Benji pursed his lips.

"Y'ever been camping before?" he asked Soledad, who was sipping on a peach smoothie.

"Nope."

"Would you be interested in going with my friends and I this weekend in the mountains out east of here?"

"That would be brilliant, babes" Soledad replied with a grin. "What should I bring? And who's coming along? I wanna make a good impression."

"Actually, that's a good question... Well, Mia, definitely, and then probably her boyfriend Andrew..." Benji said as he typed a quick message to Mia.

A moment later, his phone ding ed again.

"Okay, so it'll be them, Lake, Felix, and... Victor."

Soledad frowned. "I know you two aren't on bad terms anymore but... are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Well, I don't really have a choice at this point so this may as well just happen," Benji replied with a shrug, sending a message to Mia to confirm their attendance and to ask for details on the location. "You wouldn't happen to know of some heavy-duty waterproof concealer, would you?"

Rolling her eyes, Soledad dragged Benji over to the closest drug store by the wrist.

Once they finished their shopping spree, procuring some concealer for Benji so he could finally be at ease (and he kicked himself mentally for not coming up with this idea sooner because it would have been so much more comfortable to not have to wear long sleeves in the middle of the muggy Georgia summer), they returned to Benji's house in Creekwood, scrambling to pack their bags.

Mia and Andrew had agreed to pick Benji and Soledad up and take them to Mia's dad's cabin in the mountains, which they kept for special occasions such as these. Meanwhile, Victor would drive Lake and Felix, and they would all meet in the designated location.

They drove through the countryside between Atlanta and the mountains, leaving the skyscraping steel cage of the city behind them as they moved farther and farther into the wilderness. Soledad had never been this far away from a city before, where the only light visible was from the stars and the occasional telephone pole along the highway. She marveled while staring out the window, frowning when she realized that she was not going to be connecting to the internet anytime soon. A tear slipped down her face as she realized how disconnected she would be from the outside world as they disappeared into the rugged, foggy mountains. Benji couldn't help but chuckle at her theatrics.

As the road began to narrow and snake up the sides of the cliffs with only rocks to pave it, Soledad tilted her head to the side, admiring the view that stretched out before them. Soon they entered a wooded area with no lights, where a clearing with a lone building stood, a sentinel in the dark. Once they entered the vicinity, the lights that had been planted into the ground around the perimeter sprung to life, illuminating the area and casting an eerie glow on the stacked logs that had built the outside of the cabin, its sturdy frame fortified against any external threats. They hopped out of the car, feet crunching on the dried out leaves that populated the forest's floor, and Mia opened the door to let them all in.

When they entered, Mia coughed, waving her hand through the air as she turned on the lights. The dust within stirred, sticking to the inside of their throats. Mia trekked across the hardwood floors through the den, opening the netted windows to let in some air. The dank stillness smelled of old flesh and hair and wet wood that made Mia wrinkle her nose. She couldn't remember the last time she had been there.

Benji took his bag from the car and threw it over his shoulder, entering the familiar building and sighing. He felt his heart strain in his chest as he thought about the last time he had been there with Victor, the two of them sitting before the roaring fire wrapped in blankets, skin stuck to skin as they huddled for warmth. Sighing, he kicked off his shoes and padded through to one of the empty rooms to deposit his things, his bare feet gluing themselves to the unpolished floor. He motioned for Soledad to follow him to the room, which was at the back of the cabin, behind the kitchen that sat at the center-left area, just beyond the foyer.

He plopped back against the massive king-sized bed for a moment before rising to throw open the window, staring out the window as he listened to the sounds of toads and cicadas chirping in harmony. Luckily, he'd been able to change and cover his scars, and no one was the wiser. Closing his eyes, he stood like that for a moment before Soledad falling back onto the bed startled him from his thoughts.

"Do you think you'll be able to handle this, babes?" she asked him, eyes narrowing.

"I'm gonna have to be able to," Benji replied, returning to the bed and sitting beside her.

"Stop saying that," Soledad scolded him, getting up to turn on the lights, watching as moths circled around it as if they had spontaneously generated.

"What?"

"'I'm gonna have to be able to'. Didn't your therapist tell you that's a stupid ass response?"

"I mean, it's true, isn't it? I have to deal with it."

"But that's not what I was asking. I was asking about how you are feeling about this, whether you think you'll actually be okay with it. Dealing with and being okay with something isn't the same thing."

Running a hand through his hair, Benji eyed her, clenching his jaw. He was still getting used to this whole 'being fully honest and saying everything that's on his mind' thing. The years of putting on a filter, tiptoeing around the feelings of others, had made it second nature. She was right when she told him to cut that out.

"Fine. I don't know if I can deal with it... Like, he and I met a few weeks ago and talked, and we've talked a bit on the phone since then, too, and it's really nice, but... the last time he and I were here, we were together and we basically spent the whole time here alternating between fucking and talking. It was really... romantic. So when Mia asked if I wanted to come, I think part of me just instinctively reacted. I feel like I'm expecting something to happen but... it's way too early in the game for that. I still don't fully trust him and I haven't forgiven him yet, either," Benji explained, lying down beside her on the bed and propping himself up on his hand.

"You gay boys are so hopeless," Soledad said, clicking her tongue. She lay down, mirroring Benji and poking him in the forehead. "What did you think was gonna happen? Did you wanna fuck him again?"

"No!" Benji said, swatting her hand away. "I mean, yes. Just... not anytime soon, obviously. I haven't even told him I have scars all over me from burning myself with cigarettes because he confused the hell out of me when he sent me that email. How the hell do you just... tell someone that? It's too complicated. Also, the shitty thing about being on antidepressants is that I don't even know if I can get hard, it's kind of embarrassing."

"Girl, you and me both when it comes to the 'dick not working properly' problems... But why can't you tell him just like that? It was his fault, after all."

"I mean, maybe he contributed but he wasn't the one holding the cigarettes. I did it to myself."

"Yeah, but he was the one who dumped you and was messing with your head," Soledad retorted, raising an eyebrow.

Benji covered his face in his hand. "The whole thing here is that I need to take responsibility for my own behaviors and emotional reactions, right? He may had done some... questionable things but he apologized and he's trying to be better. But anyway, I'm done arguing with you about this. I appreciate that you're looking out for me but I need to handle this myself."

Soledad shrugged, sitting back up. "Okay, I respect that. I just don't want you getting hurt because of this fuckboy again."

Chuckling, Benji eyed her. "Thank you for looking out for me, but I know what I'm doing. And if I mess it up, it's on me."

Opening her mouth to retort, Soledad froze when the front door burst open as Victor, Felix and Lake entered, surveying the cabin.

"Ooo, can't wait for us all to get murdered in our sleep," Lake said as she flew through the interior to the only remaining free room and tossed her things aside before running to the room next to hers to give Mia a sweaty hug.

Immediately, the formerly quiet house became full of life and chatter and laughter. Andrew returned from outside, entering from the fenced-in backyard where he had started a campfire in the fire pit, as the air quickly began to smell of smoke and burning wood.

"Don't worry, you'll be the first one we sacrifice when a serial killer shows up," Andrew said with a grin as he shut the door behind him.

Rising from the bed, Benji made his way from the room to den, greeting the new arrivals and introducing Soledad to those who hadn't met her, which at this point was only Felix and Lake.

As soon as Lake referenced her love for celebrity gossip, Soledad made it her business to pick her brain as much as she could. The two women retreated outside to sit by the fire, soon joined by Mia. Their laughter filtered through the warm night air.

Victor hung back, examining the rooms which had, for the most part, been claimed by couples. He grimaced as he placed his bag down on the couch. Suddenly, he felt out of place within the modest and cozy abode. Felix and Andrew greeted him, inviting him outside before disappearing to join their girlfriends by the fire. And so Benji and Victor were left alone.

Benji strode over to the den, where Victor awkwardly rummaged through his things as he stared at the fireplace, overwhelmed with memories. Those same memories played in Benji's mind's eye, becoming more pronounced and sharper with each step he took. He knew those were all simply wisps of the past, a snap in time that, once gone, surrendered to the tumult of Cronos, eaten like his young.

Pursing his lips as he thought, Benji weighed his options. They had discussed physical boundaries, coming to the conclusion that they would keep things mostly platonic, with the limits on affection as occasional hand-holding and hugging. Benji didn't see how sleeping in the same bed wouldn't be platonic, and while he knew Victor was trying, he still didn't fully trust him. If he had to build a barrier of pillows between them, he would. But there was something pitiful about Victor being there on his own, shoulders sagging and hunched over like a kitten that had been shoved away from its mother's teat by its more voracious siblings.

"Hey, Victor," Benji said softly, leaning against the couch.

Jumping, Victor clutched at his chest, heart racing. "Hey. Jesus, Benji, you scared me."

"My bad," Benji said with a small smile. "Look, I still gotta ask Soledad, but I wouldn't be opposed to you sleeping in our bed. I mean, it's massive, and it'll be loads more comfortable than sleeping on the couch."

"Are you sure?" He asked. Tipping his head to the side, Victor studied Benji's face. His lips held the ghost of a smile as he remembered. "I'm getting deja vu."

While he wanted to bring up their shared time there, he also didn't think it would be appropriate at this stage.

"Me, too. But this time, kissing is a hard limit. Although technically, it was a hard limit back then, too. You were just too horny," Benji replied, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, I've learned my lesson. I'll behave. And I know Soledad would strangle me, anyway if I even thought about anything else. But I just want to show you that you can trust me again," Victor said, holding up his hand. "Scout's honor."

"Okay, good. I wanna be able to trust you again, too. And that means no cuddling, either. Got it?"

"Yessir. As long as you're absolutely positive." Victor nodded, picking up his bag. He stared at Benji, eyes wide.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Thank you."

Benji watched Victor's back as he went to bring his things into the room he and Soledad had chosen, eyes trailing across the muscled shoulders that lay exposed by the other man's tank top, then down his back, head unconsciously tipping to the side as he examined the curve of his ass in his tight shorts. That would normally be enough to get him in the mood, but all Benji got was frustration for more than one reason. It didn't help that he hadn't had sex in over half a year, and it was starting to take a toll.

But he was glad about that, too, because while he knew that setting boundaries and limits would be beneficial to him in the long-run, he was also becoming more aware of the behaviors he'd given into too easily before. The clarity and structure put his mind at ease.

When Victor returned to the den, eyeing Benji in a way he couldn't quite read, Benji found himself returning the gaze, as if challenging Victor. The taller man stood just at the edge of his boundary of personal space, which had shrunk significantly since he'd moved to London, the expectation of more space a rare commodity in a city of thirteen million plus. They stood there staring at each other for a moment, wordlessly, Victor's eyes raking down Benji's face to his lips, lingering for a moment before returning to where they had started as he grinned. Benji couldn't stop his lip from curling up, too, and all they could do was stand there smiling at each other like a pair of fools, but they didn't mind.

"What are you two idiots doing?" Lake's voice cut through the air, snapping them back into the cabin from the plane the two of them alone had inhabited a moment before.

"Just figuring out sleeping arrangements," Victor said quickly.

"Well, don't decide for too long or you'll miss out on the s'mores," Lake responded, rummaging through one of the baskets on the kitchen table and withdrawing the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers she had packed for them.

Victor's eyes lit up as soon as Lake said the word 's'mores' and he balled his fist with a quiet "yessss" under his breath as he followed her to the campfire.

"I'll be right out, lemme just grab my guitar," Benji replied, running over to his room and then sliding into his shoes before going out into the yard to be with his friends, waving as he approached.

He bit his lip as he saw the open space beside Victor on the bench, with Soledad and Lake settled on the bench next to them, Mia opposite on her own seat, and Andrew and Felix on the bench across from Soledad and Lake. Benji glanced up at the starry sky with a smirk as if to ask, " Seriously?" of the universe. He was a bit disappointed when it didn't respond.

Sidling down beside Victor and leaving a few inches between them, Benji set his guitar down as Felix offered him one of the sticks he had found and shaved so that it was pointed on one end. Mia scolded them for looking for sticks when they had perfectly good ones designed specifically for roasting marshmallows, but in typical Felix style, it had to be whimsical .

They chatted to each other with their marshmallows perched above the tongues of fire from the pit. Victor was trying his best not to shove the marshmallows into the flames like he normally would, but somehow his still managed to light up, earning a chuckle from Benji. Removing the marshmallows from the fire and blowing them out, Victor cringed at their charred black appearance. He could never get the hang of the proper technique for making s'mores, but still happily ate his after he assembled it, burnt marshmallow and all, the chocolate mixing with the oozing marshmallow filling and dripping down his chin.

With a shake of his head and a roll of his eyes, Benji instinctively reached out to wipe Victor's face with his thumb, earning a stare and a raised eyebrow from the other.

"What? Friends can wipe each other's faces when they get s'mores all over themselves," Benji retorted, glad that the darkness hid the pinkness that spread across his cheeks.

"If you say so," Victor replied with a wide grin.

But when Benji bit into his s'more and the inevitable marshmallow explosion occurred, Victor offered him a napkin, motioning to his own chin to illustrate his point and saying: "You got a lil' somethin' right... there ."

Wiping his face as he glanced at Victor through the corner of his eye, Benji noted the faint shadow of a smirk resting on the other's lips. He seemed pleased with the fact that Benji was setting the pace, not seeming to be in any rush. This reaction took the pressure off Benji's back; he was thankful for that, and honestly, a bit startled by Victor's patience and restraint. The sensation of waiting that Benji was used to feeling had vanished into thin air and hadn't returned.

Once Benji finished eating his s'more, he cleaned his hands and picked up his guitar to take requests for some songs. Soledad suggested "Bohemian Rhapsody" and led them in a rendition, her low contralto echoing through the forest, overshadowing the voices of her new friends, who were still having fun nonetheless. Benji was the only one aside from Soledad who could carry a tune and save the harmony a bit. They broke into a fit of laughter as they finished the song, before Felix asked if he could try his hand at playing "Wonderwall", much to everyone's dismay, but Benji allowed it with a chuckle. He had to admit that Felix wasn't terrible.

By the time they finished their sing-along around the fire, all that was left was a small pile of charred kindling with tiny orange and red ribbons that occasionally showed themselves from below, like fingers clawing from within the mantle. They had lost track of time, high on the smell of smoke and summer. A lull fell across them soon enough, and upon checking her phone for the time, Mia gasped. It was after 3 AM. She wasn't superstitious, but she did not want to be out there at that hour just in case something that should have stayed dead decided to show up. Leaving the fire to put itself out, she ushered them all inside. There were still two days left for them to catch up.

Yawning, Benji shuffled into the room he and Soledad were meant to share, pausing in the doorway as she bumped into him face-first with a soft, half-asleep "ow".

"Hey, is it okay if Victor shares the bed with us? I kinda... suggested it before but forgot to ask you," Benji said, scratching the back of his head.

Soledad narrowed her eyes, glancing past him to see Victor leaning against the couch, eyes drooping, as he examined his phone. Chewing on her lip, Soledad returned her gaze to Benji with a sigh.

"I'm still pissed at him," she said, lowering her voice. "You sure you're not moving too fast?"

"Okay, I know you're still pissed at him, and I'm still kinda in the process of building trust up again, but... he's definitely trying. And we won't do anything. I told you that the boundary is no physical stuff beyond like, hand holding and hugging. It's like we're in middle school," Benji replied, turning on the lights in the room.

Nodding, Soledad let her eyes fall closed. "Fine. But if you two do anything else... I swear to god I will--"

"Strangle him, I know. You say that every time he comes up," Benji mused, stepping out of the doorway so Soledad could enter. "But please don't, I really do love him."

Rolling her eyes, Soledad shut the door behind her.

Victor looked up from his phone, sliding it into his pocket as Benji approached. "So Soledad is cool with you sharing the bed with us. We've already been over what not to do and all that, but if you want me to reiterate..."

"No, I remember," Victor said with a soft smile, covering his mouth with the back of his hand as he yawned. "Oh wait. What's the rule for sleepwear? You know I don't wear a lot to bed in the summer..."

Benji bit his lip, eyes wide. He hadn't thought that far ahead. But he knew that if he woke up to Victor shirtless beside him, he would probably lose his mind. He swallowed. "I mean, I can't tell you what to wear but... I'll probably just wear a tank top unless it gets really hot at night... But also, I wanna be honest, it's gonna be hard for me to stick to the boundaries with you so close to me in a state of undress... Not to slut-shame you, of course."

Chuckling, Victor knocked Benji in the shoulder playfully. "Don't worry, I get it. I'm actually glad you suggested us like, not being completely butt-ass naked. That would have been hella rude."

Clapping his palm against his forehead as he laughed, Benji led them to the room, knocking on the door and awaiting the response from Soledad before opening it and entering. Soledad had already gotten into her pajamas and was in the process of wrapping her hair for the night. She gave Victor a curt nod as he stumbled in.

As they prepared for bed, Victor and Benji faced away from each other as they changed, and Soledad silently shook her head at them. She'd never understood men and probably never would. These stupid-ass children...

When they were ready, both clad in their tank tops and underwear, thankful for the cool breeze that wafted in through the window, Benji took one of his valium pills before he plopped down in the middle of the bed, leaving room for Victor beside him. Victor shut off the lights, knocking into the side of the bed hard and dropping a loud " fuck" as he tried to make his way over to the other side of the bed.

He lowered himself slowly onto the mattress, fumbling as he slid under the thin sheet. Luckily the bed was large enough that he didn't have to worry about rolling off the side and onto the hardwood floor. He patted Benji's side of the bed, ensuring there was enough space between them.

"Do ya'll have enough room?" Victor asked, inching just a bit closer to Benji in the dark.

"Mhm," Benji and Soledad replied in unison.

They lay there in silence, and Victor found himself unable to drift off as he lay on his side, his eyes wide open and staring straight ahead in Benji's direction. He shifted in his spot, straightening his legs a bit.

"Hey," came a whisper from beside him.

"Hm? What's up?"

"Can't sleep. Meds didn't work yet."

Victor clicked his tongue. "Anything I can do to help?"

There was a pause, and Victor could hear the hesitation.

"... Can we hold hands?"

"Sure."

Biting his lip as he smiled, Victor held out his hand, letting it rest on the sheets before him. Benji did the same, feeling around, hand traversing the rippled terrain of the mattress before connecting with Victor's. He intertwined their fingers, knowing that even if their wrists started hurting after a few minutes, it would have all been worth it.

"Are you two serious right now?!" Soledad groaned.

"We're literally just holding hands, please calm down," Victor replied with a sigh.

Chuckling, Benji closed his eyes, waiting for his drugs to finally kick in. Victor felt himself relax, the warm weight of Benji's soft yet calloused hands against his own reminding him that Benji was real, he was whole, and he was human.

By some miracle, they stayed like that until the morning, when the sun kissed their cheeks because they couldn't yet do so themselves.