It was New Years Eve when they awakened. They went on a hike that morning to Arthur's Seat--the highest point in all of Edinburgh--but it wasn't like Benji was trying to put something off or anything. When he told Victor that he wanted tonight to be special, even if in the grand scheme of things it was an arbitrary marker of the passage of time, Victor appeased him.

Benji had woken up before Victor for once, slithering out from his spot on Victor's chest so as to not wake him, because he knows how easy it is to wake him, remembering one time when he had been sick and had breathed just a bit too loudly, causing Victor to awaken immediately in a cold sweat, thinking he was dying.

Covering his mouth to suppress a chuckle, Benji had done what he could to move around pots and pans so they wouldn't bang against each other, peering over to Victor's sleeping form every so often and exhaling when he saw that nothing had changed. He didn't know why he was so compelled to show his own competence, but when he thought of the voice and the expressions Victor reserved solely for him, it made it all worth it.

Eventually, the smell of fresh pancakes was strong enough to wake Victor from his slumber and so when Benji stacked a few on a plate and brought them to Victor, watching as he rubbed sleep from his eyes, he could feel his face warm up as he kissed the top of Victor's head when he wrapped his arms around his middle. He was thankful that he hadn't gotten a chance to put anymore pancakes onto the pan, because he was happy to stay in Victor's embrace for a long while, even as the plate of food Benji had brought over cooled atop the blanket beside them.

Victor's stomach rumbled and he sighed upon releasing Benji in order to tend to his own needs. Benji ruffled Victor's hair before running back to the kitchen, ensuring the stove was shut off as he removed his apron, before returning to bed with his own meal. They ate while chatting idly and giggling over their own silly inside jokes, reminiscing about what they'd seen over the course of their stay.

When they finished, taking their time, they made their way southeast toward Holyrood Park, spotting the magnificent hunk of earth resembling a giant green and brown lion reclining in the middle of this frozen savannah that took up a large portion of the skyline, and which, at this hour, was deserted, just as they liked it.

The ascent proved brisk but devoid of any real effort given their youth and stamina. And the entire time, Victor insisted on holding Benji's hand, even as their fingers grew numb from the cold. But Benji promised him he wouldn't let go as he slid their linked appendages inside his scarf, hoping to return some vigor to them.

And even as they reached greater heights and Benji asked Victor if he was fine with continuing onward, Victor would always say yes, gritting his teeth and squeezing Benji's hand, but still wanting to prove more than anything to himself that he could brave his fears. The weight of Benji beside him reminded him that he wasn't alone, even as he spent the duration of their climb looking at his own feet, as if raising his eyes would cause him to topple off the side of the cliffs immediately.

Once they reached the summit, they couldn't help but gasp at the view overlooking the sea and the entirety of Edinburgh--the pointed church spires like a forest of needles, the castle on the hill and the city below resembling a patchwork of blocks built by children. They could even see the red bridge off in the distance that connected the land across the estuary and led up to the Highlands.

At this point, Victor unclamped his grip from Benji's, and Benji allowed it. Victor took a deep breath before approaching the edge of the uneven surface of the mountain, staring down at the ground below and taking in the sight for the first time. Benji stood at a short distance from him--watching and curious but knowing Victor would come back--before returning his gaze to the cityscape. He snapped a few photos with his camera of the panorama, before Victor, eyes shining, asked him to take a few of him with the city in the backdrop, marveling at the view with irises alight over finally taking the risk and finding the view more than worth it.

When Victor smiled, the fear sloughing off him for the first time, Benji realized he had been wrong to tell Victor not to look down. Benji exhaled, raising his palm to Victor's cheek and tilting his face toward him, pressing their wind-chapped lips together and feeling more solid and certain of himself than he had in a long time. When Victor's arms engulfed his back, he forgot about the freezing air around them.

Upon their descent, Victor's hands, which had dragged like solid iron, relaxed like vapor in Benji's own. Victor fixed his irises on their surroundings instead of on his own boots and the pieces of gravel tumbling around underneath them. Benji watched Victor quietly for a moment, before kissing the back of Victor's hand where they joined and storing their tangled limbs atop his heart where they belonged.

They returned to the flat after eating in a local cafe. As soon as they shed their outer clothes and started a fire in the fireplace, they retreated into bed again with the intent to not go outside until the New Year.

"I'm glad we took this trip, Vic," Benji said, staring up at the ceiling as he played with Victor's hair absently while the other rested his head on Benji's stomach.

"Me, too," Victor said, lip curling up as he turned to face Benji. "And I'm glad I was able to come with my favorite person," he added, running his knuckles along Benji's jaw, flesh kissing where his own lips wouldn't reach.

Benji rolled his eyes, mouth scrunching to the side and transforming into a grin as he craned his face down, expression evaporating as soon as it had grown. "I did a lot of thinking today when we were out on our hike. And it helped me put a lot of things into perspective," he said.

"Oh? Like what?" Victor asked, brows knitting into one as he rose from his position and settled beside Benji, their shoulders joining beneath the sheets.

"Well... I guess I used to be afraid of a lot of things and seeing how many things you've managed to push through even though you were scared, just by willpower alone... It was kinda inspiring."

Victor chuckled, shaking his head. "It wasn't exactly just willpower, B. I think it's more... not only trusting myself, but being able to finally trust that the people I surround myself with and care about--you--won't let me fall."

Pursing his lips, Benji took Victor's hand in his own. "That makes a lot of sense. But my point still stands. I've been battling with myself a lot but... I think I'm ready for us to try having sex again. For real this time."

"You're definitely sure? We don't have to."

"Yeah. I'm over pretending and not saying what I mean. So just listen to my words. I want us to have sex. Right now. And I'm 100% certain about that, so you don't have to make sure that I am."

"I'm 100% down for that," Victor said with a grin.

"Maybe we should warm up first?" Benji asked, gaze hovering over Victor's lips and then returning to his eyes after a moment.

"Good idea... Y'know what's a fun way for us to warm up?" Victor said, shooting Benji a mischievous grin.

"What?"

"Well... We have this fancy bath tub that's just begging to be used... And some nice-smelling oils, which I know you really like. So what do you say? Then we can... do the deed, so to speak."

"When you say it like that it sounds so clinical," Benji said with a pout. "But sure. That'd be super nice, actually."

"Cool... I'll be right back, then," Victor said, kissing Benji on the forehead quickly before leaping out of bed and running into the bathroom.

Victor drew the bath for them, humming as he poured in some lavender and thyme scented oils courtesy of their gracious Airbnb host. He watched as the water began to accumulate and bubbles sprouted from the surface, the light bouncing off them as the scent of pure relaxation wafted through the room.

When he returned to the main part of the flat, he saw Benji snuggled under the covers staring at his phone with a worried, lined forehead and a frown etched into his face.

"My dad just messaged me."

"What did he say?" Victor asked as his eyebrows disappeared into his hairline while he sat beside him on the bed.

"I didn't read it yet."

"Oh. Why not? Too nervous?"

Benji chewed on his lip as he stared at the ceiling. "Hmm... I don't know. But now I feel like this is going to weigh on my head and ruin our whole trip. Maybe I'll be less worked up about this whole thing in the bath, though. I need to think about what I wanna do."

"Yeah, talk about bad timing, right?" Victor said, scooting a bit closer and reaching out to stroke Benji's hair. "I'm here if you wanna vent. But I can also understand if you don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Thank you... I might take you up on that offer later but for now I just wanna live in the moment and for us to focus on spending time together... in the bath," Benji said decisively, resting his hand atop Victor's before sliding it down to his face and kissing his palm. "I'm not gonna let my dad ruin things."

"Good idea. But first you gotta get out from under there," Victor replied, leaning down to press a peck to Benji's lips before sliding off the bed and offering his boyfriend a hand.

Sighing, Benji took Victor's offered appendage and dragged himself out from his nest before covering his mouth with his wrist as he yawned. Benji whined and shivered, then hopped onto Victor's back. He murmured into his neck: "It's too cold in here."

Victor chuckled as he slipped his hands under the backs of Benji's knees and indulged him, even though the walk was only a few feet away. He set Benji down inside the warmth of the bathroom where the steam had already begun to float through the air. They disrobed hastily before plunging themselves into the hot, bubbly water, sitting in silence for a moment as they adjusted to the sensation, before they scrubbed themselves clean.

"This is so nice," Benji breathed, breaking the silence as he lowered himself below the placid surface so that only his face poked out from it like a little island in the middle of a lake.

With a smirk, Victor moved beside him so their shoulders were touching and imitated him before raising his head and letting his sopping wet curls drip into his face. He flicked his head to the side to clear the hair away before smoothing it back with his hand and blowing at the water that dripped onto his mouth. Benji opened one eye and peered at him before sitting up again. He used the tops of his fingers to toss a few droplets in Victor's direction.

"You splashed me."

"Yeah, by accident," Victor retorted, returning the favor a bit more forcefully this time.

"Sure," Benji said, rolling his eyes as he clapped his hand on the surface of the water as Victor shielded himself with his arm.

"Okay, now it's personal," Victor giggled as he sent a wave toward Benji, who ducked under the layer of bubbles to avoid it.

"This was supposed to be relaxing!" Benji scoffed as he splashed back with equal force, before smacking Victor on the shoulder jovially with his fist.

"Well, whose fault is that?" Victor cried, flicking the water quickly in succession as Benji did the same.

"You started it!"

"No you!"

They ended up with their faces turned in opposite directions as they splashed each other, erupting into a fit of laughter as they sent a deluge all over the bathroom floor and all over their clothes.

"Enough, enough," Benji finally said, raising his hands in front of him. "You win. I surrender."

Victor shook his head as he clicked his tongue, still grinning. He wiggled his eyebrows. "You surrender, huh?"

"Oh, shut up, you know what I mean."

"I have no idea what you mean," Victor said slyly.

Benji's lips parted as he licked at his own teeth; he knew Victor was just testing their boundaries. The air that had become thick with humidity suddenly felt even heavier between them. He then noticed he still had his hands in front of him and his face reddened as he lowered them back into the water.

"I know you wanted to say something else," Benji said playfully, exposing his pointed canines as he smirked and gazed up at Victor through his eyelashes.

"Hmm..." Victor hummed as he stroked his chin and moved closer to Benji, eyes softening as they trailed down from his face to the bit of his shoulders that peeked out from the water.

"Okay, now I'm really curious."

"You'll just have to be patient..." Victor teased. "Or you could just tell me what you mean and I'll tell you what I mean."

Pressing his lips into a line, Benji tipped his head to the side as he watched Victor observing him. Victor removed a hand from beneath the surface, cupping Benji's cheek as he trained his gaze back on the other's face. Benji nuzzled against Victor's fingers, eyes fluttering closed. He was so warm. The hearth in his chest crackled a bit more intensely, the proverbial pot threatening to boil over if Victor touched him anywhere else.

"Fine. I wanna be closer to you. But no funny business. At least, not yet," Benji said, eyelids hanging heavy with desire. "Happy?"

Victor nodded and Benji settled himself between the other's legs, resting the side of his head against Victor's shoulder and draping his knees over the other's thigh. They had enough space that they could both straighten out comfortably.

Exhaling, Victor wrapped his arms around Benji as the other drew shapes on his dripping chest and occasionally glanced up at him with a soft smile. Victor kissed Benji's hair, inhaling the scent of the oils he had poured into the tub earlier, before allowing his hand to travel from Benji's shoulder to his chin.

He tipped up Benji's face, capturing the other's lips with his own, moving against him in a slow, gentle rhythm. Benji felt Victor's arousal twitch against his side but he didn't feel the immediacy of lust himself, for now, even if his heart was beating so hard he felt it would cause ripples in the water. He needed a bit more time lately, but they were lucky that there was no rush, no sensation of adrenaline forcing its way through their veins as if they were being chased.

"What did you wanna say before?" Benji whispered against Victor's skin as they parted, smirking before he added: "Don't think I forgot."

"I was just gonna ask if I can touch you," Victor said innocently, eyes wide, but Benji knew it was a facade.

"Yeah, of course. Do whatever you want. Just... be gentle, please, at least this time around," Benji replied. He swallowed the lump in his throat, shifting so that his back pressed against Victor's chest, flesh slippery.

Benji let his cranium fall back against Victor's shoulder as he stroked the insides of his thighs, while Victor dragged his digits over his chest and along his sides gently, obliging him, trailing lower and lower under the water. Reaching up behind him, Benji took Victor's cheek in his palm, bringing their faces together again like two pieces of lodestone and gasping into his mouth.

Eyelids falling closed, Benji allowed Victor to touch him, the sensation of coming undone creeping up on him, roiling warmth bubbling at the base of his rib cage as the nova almost threatened to burst through the rest of his body.

He could feel Victor's patience thinning, his movements clumsy as if his hand were in the process of cramping, and although he didn't want Victor to stop, his patience made Benji see that he truly never had anything to fear. Eyes snapping open, suddenly feeling more alive than he had in months, Benji kissed Victor again, putting every ounce of shimmering, golden trust he had into that single action before he disconnected their lips.

Victor peered at him through a slit, curious and hovering back to him as if they were planets denting spacetime and the force of gravity alone drew them to each other onto a collision course. But then he removed Victor's hands from him and rose, droplets raining from his bare form and returning to the now lukewarm water, and stepped out of the tub, taking two towels from the rack and wrapping one of them around himself, patting his overheated skin dry. Victor watched for a second before taking the offered towel and following suit.

"Let's continue this in the other room, shall we?" Benji said, playing coy as his cheeks flushed. He dropped the towel on the floor and disappeared into the main room.

"Someone's a little impatient," Victor said, not bothering to be thorough as he ran after Benji, wrapping his arms around his middle from behind.

"Well excuse me for being a little frustrated after you just spent the last half hour touching me," Benji said with a chuckle as he led them through the flat.

"Was it really that long?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm exaggerating but just... here, sit down," Benji said, rolling his eyes with a smile as he motioned to the spot in front of the fireplace.

"Okay..."

Raising an eyebrow, Victor did as Benji asked, crossing his legs in front of him and leaning back on his hands, tilting his head to the side as he watched Benji rummage around in his bag. Benji then tossed a bottle toward Victor, saying "catch!", and Victor chuckled as he did just that.

"What are your thoughts on the condom situation?" Benji asked, glancing at Victor from across the room.

"It doesn't matter to me, mi amor."

"Cool, no condom it is."

Benji grinned, satisfied, as he padded back across the room and climbed onto Victor's lap as he uncrossed his legs; Victor opened his mouth, undoubtedly to ask Benji if he was sure, before closing it again, certain now that he didn't have to ask, instead encircling Benji's back and drawing him closer.

Outside, distant explosions cut through the sky, immersing the atmosphere with the sulphuric scent of gunpowder, but Victor and Benji had their attention set on more important matters than the Earth completing yet another revolution around the Sun.

Pressing their foreheads together, Benji stared down at Victor with hooded eyelids, cupping his face as if he were holding an astrolabe and hoping to find all the secrets of the universe in Victor's deep brown eyes that sparkled with the light of an uncountable number of stars. They sat like that for a moment, breathing synchronizing in a peaceful melody.

Then Benji leaned down to kiss Victor again, surroundings disappearing, and all he could see was the map of the sky in the darkness as Victor's lips connected with his, transporting him away from the spot on the floor beside the crackling fireplace.

Each movement and ministration brought Benji farther and farther from his present existence, to a plane where only he and Victor could inhabit, limbs splayed and tangled like lotus plants underwater as he grew closer and closer to ecstasy, and with it, the overwhelming reminder that he loved Victor with as much passion, with as much conviction, and with as much devotion as he afforded himself.

And when Benji clutched at Victor's back, blunt nails digging into flesh and teeth knocking together as names and whispered words floated around them, the earthly becoming cosmic as the hypernova engulfed them both while the fireworks boomed in the frigid outdoors, Benji knew that Victor felt that same adoration for him, too.

They lay in the afterglow beside the simmering coals, spent, the ship holding the two of them crash landing back at its origin, hair now slick with sweat instead of water. Benji rested his head on Victor's chest, arm draped over his middle as Victor embraced him, their bodies still shaking from exertion, but wearing lazy smiles on their tear-soaked faces nonetheless, feeling closer than they ever had before, with no barriers or secrets between them.

"Hey, Vic, did you wanna go ag--" Benji began, lifting himself onto his elbows and looking up, only to see the steady rise and fall of Victor's chest, and deciding at the last minute that he would shut up.

It was unusual for Victor to sleep so hard that even the sounds resembling gunshots did nothing to make him stir, so Benji knew he must truly have been exhausted. He exhaled, watching Victor for a moment as he gently smoothed down his curls, then pressed his lips, feather-light, to Victor's forehead.

Careful so as to not wake Victor, Benji knelt and lifted Victor in his arms, carrying him to bed and nestling him under the covers before putting out the fire and rejoining Victor, laying atop the other's heart and listening to its steady rhythm as he drifted off to sleep, knowing just how lucky he was to be beside his beloved.

They awakened the next day not feeling particularly different despite the occasion, but knowing regardless that they had undergone a profound change, a transmogrification, and a reincarnation, when they had consummated their love for one another the previous night.

In order to test this hypothesis, Benji and Victor spent the day inside, limbs laced together and fingers intertwined as they breathed each other's air and gasped each other's names in the space where only the two of them could hear it. Victor pressed Benji into the sheets so many times they lost track, until they fell asleep wrapped around each other like braided rope, all the tension peeling away as they got to know each other's bodies again and realized not much was different from the last time they had slept with one another. But now that they had refamiliarized themselves, their flesh craved nothing more than for their molecules to be united in perpetuity, as if to make up for the time when they had been separated.

Later on, once the sun had set again, they stretched their legs out on the town, which was empty for the most part, the temperature much warmer than it had been the past few days. The snow that had been there the day previous now painted the cobblestone and grass where it had lay with a sheen that glinted in the light of the street lamps, becoming, once again, fodder for Benji's camera.

On the morning of 2 January, Victor and Benji arose from their slumber after falling asleep following yet another bout of lovemaking, and they cleaned up their flat as best as they could before they packed their things and embarked into the city for their final day of sightseeing.

The sun greeted them as they wandered through the streets hand in hand and with bags strapped to their backs. They bought some souvenirs before continuing on to a little shop with a glass storefront, which Benji had read reviews about before they had arrived.

When they entered, bombarded by the scent of rubbing alcohol, one of the workers behind the glass counter--a pale, mustachioed fellow with a thick Scottish accent who also happened to have most of his exposed skin covered in multicolored ink and looked trustworthy as a result--offered them coffee as they waited. Benji could never get used to the unfamiliar hospitality, the pleasantry of being offered hot beverages upon arrival, but it was nonetheless a welcome request when coming in from the cold.

Inside were several black leather armchairs, which were comfortable to sit on while observing the drawings that adorned the walls and served as samples of the artists' work. Victor sat in one of the chairs and Benji perched himself atop his lap despite there being plenty of other places to sit. When their host returned with their coffees, he didn't even react to the sight of Benji seated with his arm draped across Victor's back.

They didn't need to fuss much over what designs they wanted and the artists were busy for a few more minutes so Benji and Victor sipped their mediocre instant coffees at their own pace despite their American sensibilities screaming at them that they should hurry up and despite knowing they were consuming liquid anxiety, the aroma cutting through the sterility and providing a false sense of calm, at least for the moment.

After a few minutes, a short red-haired woman who was also heavily tattooed made her way down the corridor and greeted them, introducing herself as their artist and giving them a rundown of what to expect. Leaning on the counter, they chose a fancy script font for the tattoo they wanted to get to match--a quote from Love in the Time of Cholera that they'd decided on together. Once they had everything to their liking, the artist left to create the stencils, leaving them alone again.

"What did you wanna get for yourself?" Victor asked, bending his elbow atop the counter and resting his head on his hand.

"I'm gonna get the Scorpio constellation, obviously," Benji said as-a-matter-of-factly, comfortable with the short distance between them. "Serpens and Ophiuchus would be cool, too, but I don't know, I wanted something that was more about me, you feel?"

"Hmm... what if I got Aquarius so we could match?" Victor said with a chuckle. "Just kidding. We'll see how I handle the pain."

"I mean... I heard it's not bad. Although the spot is sorta hit or miss."

Victor cringed. "That's... so great," he said sarcastically. "It'll be worth it, though. I wonder what my mom is gonna think..."

"You could also just not tell her and never take your shirt off again," Benji teased, earning a poke in the belly from Victor.

"Wait... it just hit me that we won't be able to cuddle properly for a while," Victor said, looking genuinely horrified, and Benji couldn't stop himself from gasping.

"Shit, you're right. Dang it, I'm gonna have to lay on your other titty," Benji said with a pout, and Victor giggled, just as the artist returned to lead them down the hall.

They spent a few minutes arguing over who would go first, settling it finally with a game of rock, paper, scissors when Benji obliterated Victor twice and then proceeded to strip his own shirt off to go under the needle while Victor held his hand. He'd been mentally prepared for something far worse, but aside from the points that needed an extra go, the sting didn't hurt so much as long as he didn't think about it, and he hadn't squeezed Victor's hand that hard, although Victor's grimace told a different story.

Benji's constellation tattoo on his arm took slightly longer since it was a bit larger, spanning up his bicep and covering his scars. Throughout the process, they chatted with the artist, and Benji, feeling courageous once again, ventured to talk about his struggles. He was proud of himself for being able to discuss it with a stranger other than Dr. Singh for the first time, and the way his shoulders lightened afterward made Benji realize that he didn't have anything to be afraid of; it was getting easier with time.

After Benji's tattoos were finished and covered, he and Victor switched places, hands still joined. Benji stared at the fresh ink on his arm, mesmerized, as Victor gripped at him, but Benji barely noticed the sensation.

Once they finished, they walked out of the shop adorned with "Los seres humanos no nacen para siempre el día en que sus madres los alumbran, sino que la vida los obliga otra vez y muchas veces a parirse a sí mismos" over their hearts, a permanent, withstanding reminder of their own power.

Their stay in Edinburgh soon came to a close and they boarded the southbound train, finding a spot at a table to sit down in the half-empty carriage. They now had a few hours of peaceful bliss to enjoy wrapped up in each other's bodies before they had to return to the concrete jungle. But Benji couldn't enjoy the sensation as much as he would have liked, the mine barrage weighing on his brain now that he was alone with his thoughts; not even Dolly Parton could distract him, and so he knew he had to confront it sooner rather than later.

"Thanks for managing to keep my mind off things these past few days, by the way," Benji said, taking a sip of water as he played with the ends of Victor's curls, a pensive look and a sly grin drawn on his face. "I'm thinking I should take you up on that offer to talk now because otherwise I know I'm gonna wanna keep putting things off."

"Is this about your dad?" Victor asked as he sat up straighter, looking more serious than he had just a second ago.

"Yeah... I don't know what to do," Benji sighs, staring down at his phone.

"What does your gut say?"

"My gut says I don't even care anymore," Benji said flatly, but he didn't know if he fully believed his own words. "Maybe before I would have jumped for joy and all that but now... I'm annoyed. What's the point? Honestly, I got used to just pretending he didn't exist and accepted that we probably will just never have the relationship I always wanted to have."

"I mean... that's a reasonable response after having so little productive contact with someone, don't you think? It seems like it took him a long time to come around."

"Not only that, but my mom had to talk to him about it, too. Like, I still don't get why he couldn't come up with that on his own."

"That's a good question, B. You would think that if someone actually cares they would show you that they care. I don't get it, either. So I can see why you would be hesitant about the whole thing."

"Exactly... And maybe saying I don't care isn't technically right but I'm just like this close," Benji said, holding up his free hand to show his thumb and forefinger a millimeter apart, "to just being done with him for good."

"I get it. But what did he say?"

"Uh... I still haven't read the message. I almost just deleted it without reading it but... that feels wrong."

Victor pursed his lips, rubbing Benji's back absently. "Sounds like your subconscious might have been trying to tell you something, don't you think?"

"Maybe you're right..." Benji said, finger hovering over the message.

"I'll be here for you no matter what you decide," Victor reassured him, squeezing his knee gently.

"Thanks," Benji said, taking a deep breath. "Okay. I'm gonna do it. And once I read it, I'll decide where to go from there."

"You got this, mi amor."

"I know."

And even without the nectar of Victor's voice in his ear, Benji was certain of what he had to do as he finally pressed on the message that had been sitting there, taunting him, for the past few days, a twisted, mangled beast with horns and piercing white eyes watching him from afar in the darkness. It was but a mirage that faded away as soon as he read the words.

The train raced down the tracks, rocking from side to side, the motion failing to deter Benji from holding his sight steady as he looked down at his arm where the redness and irritation had taken hold, but he couldn't help but grin at the sight of the sky reflected on his own worn skin. He then raised his eyes to the blackness outside, the billions of tiny dots bright and vigorous as they peered down at him in return.

Victor snored quietly beside him, hair tickling at Benji's neck. They would be at Kings Cross soon, and as much as the thought of parting rustled his insides, Benji was looking forward to sleeping in his own bed.

Biting his lip, Benji leaned against Victor, letting his head creep down to rest lightly atop Victor's own and letting his eyes fall closed as he gripped his boyfriend's hand.

Boyfriend. Even the simple thought of the word sometimes left him in disbelief; it felt so natural, even after the arduous journey they'd been through in order to be together again, as if they'd never been apart at all.

But he knew in his core that something was different, and he wouldn't have given up their separation for anything because now he knows he'll be all right on his own; the impending collapse that normally accompanied parting from Victor was no longer anywhere to be found, the foundation cemented and solid enough that not even a calamity could tear it down.

They arrived back in London, fortunate once again that this was the terminus because they had both fallen asleep in each other's spheres, disentangling from one another and disembarking onto the platform on an unusually clear night. But at least it was warmer than it had been up north, and for that, Benji was grateful.

Stepping aside and finding a secluded spot, they leaned against each other, hand in hand, enjoying the comfortable silence between them despite the typical racket of the city encompassing them. Benji fidgeted with the thread on his sleeve with his other hand.

"I guess this is it," Benji said after a long pause.

"Thank you for planning all this, B. It was awesome. You're awesome," Victor said, eyes twinkling.

"We deserved it," Benji said with a smile, pressing one final kiss to Victor's lips. "But thank you. You're amazing, too."

When they pulled away, pupils connected, Benji could only sigh, the overwhelming sensation of Victor's love filling him to the brim in that moment. He stood in place, palm resting on Victor's cheek as the other mirrored him, the entirety of the platform and their surroundings once again melting away in the same way they melted each other and the walls they'd built around themselves as they dissolved like salt in a boiling liquid.

They'd found themselves drawn back together like water to itself not because the universe wanted them to be, but because the sheer capacity of their own spirits made it so. Perhaps one day, far in the past, the atoms in their bodies had inhabited the same star before it collapsed and sent its particles careening through the vacuum of space to Earth.

But they were formed not as one being, separated, but two, meant to roam the planet alone until magnetized and pulled back together again, the quarks within the elementary particles seeming to remember the gravitational force they shared even if there was no true possibility for that to happen. To lend such credence to the power outside themselves seemed logical, but perhaps it was that which had ripped them apart.

It wasn't fate that reunited them, but their own hands; not their need for each other, but their need to be truly human, to be whole, to extend that complete humanity to one another, to take their right to be alive and to hold it, unflinching, for themselves alone.

Holding the thread from his jacket in his digits and playing with it absently, Benji couldn't stop himself from pulling at it until it snapped. At first it resisted, as anything will when exposed to an outside influence--that was Newton's third law, after all. But then it split, with the tiniest audible noise, almost like a crack, and he placed both pieces together side by side, then tore them in half again. And again. Until he had several little pieces of string, like grains of sand, dust, that blew into the wind from inside his palm.

"I love you. See ya next week, mi amor," Victor said. And every week, then every day after that, until the end of time, is what Benji knew he implied.

"I love you, too, mi alma," Benji said loud enough that only Victor's ears could catch his voice, embracing him one more time.

He smiled before he untangled himself from Victor and they both turned on their heels as the stars twinkled knowingly in the tapestry of space above them for a moment, light years away; they were faint, but he could see them when he squinted. And Benji knew their photons had traveled millions of years from the past only to now caress their eyes.

But this was the future. And when Benji blinked, the bodies painted across the heavens disappeared; only he remained, a lone beacon in the night. He pulled his scarf closer to his face and marched on.

(The End)