I cried the rest of that night, too distraught to even tell Wrenner what was wrong. Fallon called twice but I couldn't deal with him, turning my phone off feeling devastated and somehow embarrassed by what my life had become.

I thought that I was out from under my mother's thumb. Enjoying my secret emancipation I had stolen for myself. The whole time Colleen had a trump card in her pocket, and as I realized every moment since I had arrived was training to be a good wife to a man I met once in secret, I knew I didn't have the luxury of saying no.

I woke the next morning, exhausted from a lack of sleep. I had just showered and while walking across the room to dress, I caught a glimpse of my naked body in my rounded floor mirror.

I hadn't noticed until that moment but all my practicing with Fallon changed my shape. My ass was more ample, my waist curvy and small and, though I was still in development, even my breasts seemed to be more womanly.

I looked at myself and willed my body to stop growing. Willed myself to be anything but someone Yaran would consider stunning. Something the stranger would mount and breed.

I thought he was a decade older than me. It's funny what four and a half years can do because the thought of my first kiss being with a twenty-three year old man felt more traumatising than it being with a nearly nineteen year old wolf in sheeps clothes.

I wonder how he would kiss me when we reunited. How he would touch me for the first time. If he would be gentle. If he would wait until I was ready or if it would be what it was meant to be, rape with parental consent.

I saw myself no different than Cal's girls. My body sold for the profit of a man that decided my pussy was all I'm worth and I broke.

I had anxiety attacks before but panic attacks are a whole new beast. I hit the ground hard; naked and clawing at my throat. I couldn't breath as I had my first hallucination, a rare side effect to a disorder no one knew I had.

I saw the devil, with deep dark eyes and familiar pouty lips. His skin was as black as his eyes and suit, Yaran's mask now a physical feature of his face. He climbed on top me choking the air from my lungs, telling me I was his to take.

I spent twelve days on suicide watch in private hospital ward. I didn't try to hurt myself but when I started screaming about the devil, Colleen thought it was a preemptive measure.

My doctors said my psychosis was brought on stress but I knew not to speak about the thoughts that haunted me so I buried it down. They gave me antipsychotic medication but Yaran still came to me at night in my dreams. Not the alluring young man that delivered my first kiss but the monster I created in my mind.

When I returned home, I would wake up some mornings with my brothers in my bed, Wrenner explaining it was the only way to keep me from crying. The days were no better, the four walls of my bedroom felt like a prison, Colleen ordering Mai to turn away all visitors.

I missed Fallon and Emily's graduation but Colleen always made sure Wrenner brought my school work home. Going through the books to be sure I wasn't passing notes and I think she was worried I would be bold enough to speak the truth.

I wasn't.

But I did work up the nerve to kill myself again. It felt like my only way out. I was too scared to cut my wrist again. The shallow marks from my first attempt left bracelet band scars. There was nothing shallow about the pain and so I decided to overdose on my medication.

I went into my family's bathroom and ran the water, but I then wondered who would find me. I worried it would be Mai or one of my brothers; unsure what Wren would do if I was successful that time around.

I balled up on the bathroom floor and sobbed uncontrollably. Wren and I were a package deal. I knew his happiness depended on my ability to perform. Pretend everything was fine when I was always an inch from the edge.

I needed to get out but I couldn't leave him like that. Wren was thriving with Colleen and, as the thought came to me, I realized despite the trauma our doctors claim we suffered, I wasn't crazy when I was with Cal. In fact, I felt my life had been better in California.

No matter what happened, nothing interfered with Colleen's routines. Nineteen days after my hospitalization Colleen and Damian were planning a weekend get-away for their anniversary.

Damian gifted Wrenner and I an obscene weekly allowance and mine had accumulated two fold. I figured if I could make two dollars stretch at seven, I could make it far with two thousand at fifteen.

I wrote three letters. One to Wrenner, telling Hansel, Gretel had to go on her own adventure and not to start any fires while I'm gone. Another to Brielle, apologizing for ruining our plans for college and promising to come back when I could. And the last to Emily, telling her I was sorry I missed her graduation and would miss her deeply.

I tried to write something for Fallon, but I didn't know what to say. I had only known him for two months but it felt like I would miss him the most. I decided to say goodbye in person, heading over to his house that morning and hoping he was spending his day off at home.

"I got you a balloon!" I blurted when he opened the door.

It was a black graduation balloon. Fallon loves the color black. I picked it up from a pharmacy on the way over thinking maybe I should have a physical parting gift.

"I see," Fallon emotionlessly replied, stepping to the side to allow me in.

I wanted to kiss him; an intrusive thought about launching myself into his arms because it wasn't as if I would see him the next day, but I reframed. Instead, I extended a greeting card with two hundred dollars in the folds.

"I got you this too." I smiled, in anticipation of his reaction.

"Thanks," he said, not bothering to open the card as he walked to his bedroom.

I frowned at his back but I didn't want to argue, following closely as I questioned how it was.

"Hmm... Went to prom," he said as though bored by my small talk.

"With who?" I felt jealous.

"A girl from school. Then I walked on stage - gave a speech - people clapped - It was cool - You should have been there," Fallon blurted with a hint of resentment in his tone.

I had made a big deal about attending Fallon's graduation. I bought a dress and planned to skip school but I wound up spending that day mute in a therapist's office.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's fine. Good to see you're alive," he muttered, walking into his wall to wall mirrored bedroom.

"Barely." I laughed at the irony.

Fallon shoved the card into his top draw before sitting in the swivel chair at the center of his room. He held his chin, his thumb pressed to his lip, with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Are you mad at me?" I mumbled, leaning against his bedroom door.

"Why would I be mad at you?" Fallon's smile was tense.

"I don't know," I muttered.

"You don't?" he countered.

"You just said you werent!"

"I just asked you why, in your opinion, should I be. I mean, aside from wasting money on those prom tickets."

"You said you took someone else."

"I wasn't going to go. You said you wanted to," he glared at me.

"I'll pay you back," I assured him.

"I don't want your money," he said, the vitriol in his tone making me second guess my cash present. "Why are you here, Rue?" Fallon asked, his cold distance making my heart ache.

"Why are you mad at me?" I spoke in a hushed whisper.

Fallon was conflicted. He blamed himself for our fall-out. He promised me we would be friends and thought he overstepped. He knew getting mad because I didn't reciprocate his feelings was wrong, but he was mad I showed up after nearly two weeks of radio silence as though everything was fine.

"My best friend ghosted me." Fallon shrugged with a pained smile. "Sorry if I'm not as cheery as you need me to be."

"I didn't ghost you. I've just been dealing with a lot."

"Too much to answer a call?" he asked sadly.

Fallon Lynch wasn't a guy who was used to rejection. Girls fell all over him and waited by the phone in hopes he'd be in the mood. When I didn't answer the phone he thought I was mad at him. When a few days passed and I didn't call him back he thought I didn't want to be his friend anymore.

Fallon sighed, looking visibly uncomfortable as he confessed he had missed me. I missed him too. He was a few feet away, and all I wanted was to kiss him; feeling disheartened that I just couldn't.

I burst into tears. Weeks of frustration erupting from my face. He was on me in an instant. It was the first time I had ever cried in front of someone. Only trusting Wrenner with those emotions until that point and once I started I couldn't stop.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Fallon held me tight.

"I've missed you so much!" I sobbed, wrapping my arms around his waist.

Fallon deflated in my arms. "God, I love you," he ruefully chuckled, whipping my tears with his thumbs.

I felt like I couldn't breath. My eyes welling up as I looked upon the boy in front of me realizing it wasn't just a crush. I was in love with my best friend.

"I love you!" I sobbed.

"I know," he sadly declared, but he didn't, our signals crossing because every time we said it the other didn't know we were saying it as more than a friend.

I wailed uncontrollably as I pushed the words from my throat. I informed Fallon I'd come to say goodbye.

"What?" he asked, looking wounded and confused. "Is it because I...?" he asked, sounding as if he wanted to cry.

I shook my head, explaining the best I could. The more I spoke, the more his eyes widened in horror. I knew I was overwhelming him but once I started I couldn't stop.

For the first time I told Fallon about Callahan and how Wrenner and I came to live in New York. I told him about Winston's deal being the reason Colleen wanted us after all those years. I told him about the abuse, the way the lawyers always buried it when someone spoke up. I told him about my nightmares and the panic attack that kept me away.

I left out wanting to die. I was embarrassed. Fallon never knew that part of me. I told him by that time tomorrow I would be in California because I would die before I married Yaran Iravani and he told me I couldn't go.

"You're pocket-sized, Rue, someone could hurt you."

"I didn't come to ask for advice, Fallon." I sniffled. "I just needed to say goodbye before I go."

I turned to leave. I felt horrible for info-dumping on him. I never wanted Fallon to look at me the way he had at that moment. Needing to escape the pity in his gaze.

Fallon wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back against him and begging me not to go. "Please, don't leave me."

I wanted to stay with him. Even if I couldn't be with him, I thought having him around would be enough, but I couldn't.

"I have to." I trembled, my heart aching.

"No, you don't. You can't go to California. Your whole plan is banking on finding family you haven't spoken to in years. You just said it's after you graduate. A lot can happen in two years," Fallon reasoned.

"I can't sleep, Fallon. I can't eat. I can't live like this for two years." I sobbed as he squeezed me tight.

"Then stay here. Your parents don't know me. We could figure something out. I'll protect you, Rue, just don't leave me."

Present

Fallon's place doesn't feel much like him. The large contemporary luxury apartment off Columbus Circle is a major deviation from the reflective tech-filled bedroom we once shared.

I'm nervous. I hadn't been with another man in years and, as Fallon gives me a tour, I realize he's nervous too. I don't see why.

Fallon takes a while to tell me about a painting he got in Europe. He has smart blinds, hardwood flooring, and large wall-to-wall windows facing Central Park. There are two bedrooms, a home office, and a large almost industrial kitchen that leads to a small dining room I don't see him using.

It all seems catalogue. As if he just gave a designer his card and said go basic.

"Well, that's everything aside from the bathrooms." He smiles, leaning on his dark turquoise bedroom door in his long navy blue hall. "Do you want to call it a night?" Fallon looks over to the guest room a few yards away.

"I have nothing to wear," I realize.

I knew I was spending the night at Fallon's. There was no way I was making the four-hour drive to Athen's while wasted, but I didn't think to pack a whore bag.

I don't even have a toothbrush.

Fallon smiles at my pondering expression while I try to remember where there's a local CVS.

"I could let you borrow something." He pushes off the door and grabs me by the waist. "You always looked better in my shirts, especially without pants on."

"Yeah?" I flirt, leaning in and giving him a teasing kiss.

"Yeah. I'll take the guest room. There's a master bath in my bedroom so—" Fallon explains, our kisses deepening.

I love his lips. I love how they fit so perfectly with mine. I love how our tongues dance as Fallon's hands rub my lower back. "You don't want to sleep with me?" I lowered his hand to my ass, offering my neck.

"I want to do a lot of things with you," he sighs, a simple brush of Fallon's lips against my nape creating a wave of pleasure.

I hum, pulling him by the shirt and kissing his lips. I grow breathless as our mouths smack together in a fevered embrace. Fallon's, traveling down to my chest before pulling away and gazing down at my breast with a wanting look.

"We've had a few, maybe we should call it a night, Kid." He gazes into my eyes as I slide my hands up his shirt, acquainting myself with the new muscles I have yet to explore.

I kiss him gently; flicking my tongue against his as Fallon takes my breasts into his large hands. I laugh slightly as he pushes them together like a teen boy feeling up his first pair. He caresses them in half-circular motions, leaning down to plant soft lust-filled kisses against my exposed skin.

I know where this is going but I'm still nervous; deciding a shower might loosen me up. Already knowing his answer when I request Fallon join me.

His master bath is bigger than my first apartment. There are double gold grain marble sinks with a modern mirror gliding across the wall. It's painted in calming muted colors, with a large Castilla bathtub across from his spa-like voice-activated shower.

"Can I live here?" I gasped while Fallon stands behind me, kissing my neck while unzipping the back of my skirt.

"In my bathroom?" he muses, spinning me around and kissing down the front of my body while he peels it from my waist. "This is new," he notes, pressing his lips to the feathered pen tattoo on my pelvis.

It's technically my first tattoo. A bright blue and lime green blended feather pen in the shape of an infinity symbol, covering up the original minimal infinity symbol with Rue and Kellen etched into the band, but Fallon doesn't need to know that.

"Yeah, I have one behind my ear too." I smile down at him as Fallon strips off my panties.

We stand naked, becoming familiar with our new forms. My hips are slightly wider than when we last knew each other. My nipples are no longer pierced and I've put on nearly ten pounds since I was eighteen.

Fallon is more muscular than he was. His body is well-sculpted and impeccably groomed. I look down at his growing erection, tilting my head curiously.

"What?" His smirk is rather proud.

"Just contemplating physics," I admit.

Fallon isn't as comically large as Gage, but his girth gives me pause. I'm not scared. Just surprised. I was sensitive back when we dated, unsure how we managed.

He takes me by the waist, pulling our bodies close as he kisses me passionately, leading us back into the walk-in shower.

"You know..." I warn, no longer willing to have have unprotected sex with anyone who isn't Gage.

"I know." Fallon smirks, ordering the voice control for summer rain.

We kiss as we wash each other in the overhead's midst and the smell of the shower oil Fallon caresses me with is strangely familiar.

It smells sweet, like baby powder and shea butter made a delicious love child. I still remember the day I created it; excitedly standing in the boutique with Fallon as we created my custom scent.

What did you choose? Smiled the older teen boy as relished in the feeling of being a witch while I blended my concoction in the herbalist cauldron.

Vanilla, geranium, rosewood, a drop of something she said is ylang ylang, and shea butter, smell it, I grinned dipping my finger and pushing a sample up to his nose.

Fallon hummed, telling me he liked it before taking my finger into his mouth. I stared at him, fighting the urge to kiss the boy I kept telling myself was just a friend.

What? It's edible. He smirked, turning to go pay.

I kiss him to make up for the missed opportunity. "This is the same one I used to use," I note, looking over to the custom bottle.

"I know." Fallon turns me around to wash my back.

"So which is it?" I tease as Fallon kisses my neck.

"Is what?' he muses.

"Do you really love the smell, or do you like all your girlfriends to smell like your ex?" I tease as his hand glides to my center.

"I don't have girlfriends," Fallon asserts, gripping my upper thigh as he strokes my clitoris with his middle finger.

I take a deep breath while Fallon licks my neck, humming as he informs me he just really likes the taste. He kisses my jawline and caresses my breast, sliding his finger into me while I bite my lower lip.

I close my eyes and love the tingle it brings as he speaks against my neck. Fallon slowly twists his finger in and out while he speaks. "There is this sound you make..." his voice is soft yet controlled and my body reacts; Fallon's arm pushing up my breast while he holds me close. "Yeah. Like that, but more of a sigh," he describes, pinching my nipple.

A small moan escapes my lips, his words calling my mouth to his own. It's funny, our first kiss I felt nothing. Our second, I was angry and fevered. Our third, sad and confused. What followed, clumsy desperate blizz and then, agonizing relief.

It took dozens, maybe hundreds of kisses until the night our bodies were this intuned and it was the night we said goodbye. This feels like a warm hello. Fallon tells me he missed me as he slides his finger into my mouth.

My body tightens, sucking gently as I close my eyes and nod in agreement. I desire this man; feeling his hard erection as he spreads my legs. I guess sex in here would be interesting.

Maybe I spoke too soon before. Fallon has always been responsible and I'm on birth control...

My thoughts are interrupted by a wet pulsing sensation against my clitoris. "Oh!" my eyes snap open, looking down at the slender metal shower wand in Fallon's hand.

"Hmm... that's not it," Fallon taunts, using his foot to slide my legs further apart.

Within minutes, I'm panting like a bitch in heat. Ready and willing to let Fallon Lynch have me in any and every way he pleases. He licks and kisses my body, shifting the stream between my legs until I'm trembling.

"There..." his voice a tasty mix of cocky and soothing as my body writhes against his, desperately stroking Fallon's hardened shaft.

"Fallon!" I call, needing him inside me here and now.

He wraps his arms around my waist, holding firm, and using his free hand to expose my mist. "I love how you say my name," he groans into the side of my neck. "I love this more," he smirks, angling the handheld and overwhelming my senses.

Fallon's bedsheets are having sex with my skin. They're not silk. Our bodies are still damp and the shower oil would stain if it were but it's so soft on my freshly waxed skin I can't help but nuzzle against them.

I pinch my nipple and rub my wet center to keep momentum as Fallon squeezes into the contraceptive. He watches me, licking his lips and admiring my dark-freckled body while I bite my lower lip.

"You are so beautiful," He sighs, climbing onto his king sized bed.

He kisses below my breast. Incorporating his tongue as Fallon makes his way down my belly, I realize he is tracing every freckle, conjuring my arousal while his mouth follows God's map to heaven's gate.

Fallon doesn't eat my pussy, he absorbs it. Delivering sensual kisses with his tongue as though greeting a long lost love after years of yearning. He holds my hands; our fingers interlocked against my thighs while I point my toes and arch my back, releasing dionysian moans into the atmosphere.

We kiss softly as he sinks into me. My body stretches to accommodate his presence. I can taste my candied lust on his tongue as Fallon slowly thrust in and out of my form.

He curses under his breath, bringing a smirk to my lips as he creates warm wind against my ear that makes my body tingle. Fallon feels amazing. Delivering long, slow strokes while kissing and sucking on my waiting breast.

His warm mouth is the reason I'm so obsessed with nipple stimulation. Hooked from the first time his tongue swirled against my sensitive flesh.

Soft sighs escape me while I run my fingers through Fallon's hair, rotating my hips in the same slow slow rhythm from the club. His heated moans enliven me and it's not long before my body tense and melts into an orgamn while I cum.

"Right there," I plead as Fallon hits the perfect spot.

"Say my name," Fallon commands, his mouth still at my breast.

"Fallon," I sigh, digging my nails into his shoulders as he heeds my command. "Oh my God, Fallon please, right there don't stop!" I beg, feeling pressure building in the pit of my stomach as the head of his cock rubs against my wall.

Fallon's tongue massages against mine, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in. "Like this?" he asks, slightly increasing the pressure.

"Fuck, yes!" My words tremble while I cum.

"You feel so good, baby," Fallon groans, pushing back my legs.

I keep my eyes on him while I rub my clit. Fallon presses his tongue to the front of his teeth excitedly watching me boost my pleasure. My mouth falls open as my body grips his dick, Fallon sucking my wet fingers while using his thumb to strum against me.

"Hold your legs open," he directs, my body reacting to the simple command.

I tighten. Holding back my legs while Fallon grinds against me in shallow circular motions. My eyes flutter, shutting them tight as thrill-chills ripple through me.

"Fuck, I'm about to cum again," I moan before biting down on my lip.

"Cum for me, baby," Fallon growls, pushing my knees down beside my head.

His eyes shift between my face and our sex. Fallon's glistening abs flexing his hips roll against me. It feels so good, I look down surprised to see he is only halfway inside of me. I narrow my eyes, deeply confused. It's as if I can feel him at my core and yet this is only a sample.

As if reading my mind, Fallon dives deep. Taking a sharp intake of air, I shut my eyes while a whimpering moan escapes from my lips.

"Shit, I've missed you," Fallon softly groans as I reach under myself and pump my hips back and forth.

"Yeah," I mindlessly reply.

He uses his forearm to pin my legs back, grabbing my face with his free hand and requesting I look into his eyes when I cum. I take a deep breath. A pleading expression on my face as I gaze into lust-filled green jewels. Fallon licks his lips and it drives me wild, shoving him back to free myself and pulling him in, his mouth catching my cry as I cum hard.

My essence erupts around him and fills the room with wet squishing sounds. I was embarrassed the first time I ejaculated; confused by this new thing my body had done. As far as I knew, it wasn't a thing girls could do until Gage showed me how. Now it's a sexual party trick.

"Fuck," Fallon moans into my mouth, pulling back and pumping at a steady pace while I splash against him.

He looks so fascinated; biting his lip he rubs my clit, building my moans into screams while we cum in unison.

When we're done, Fallon rests his hands on both my thighs, still halfaway inside of me while he gazes at me with his mouth slack.

"I've missed you too,' I say with a smile, pushing him away.