Note: this chapter contains very brief mention of self-harm and toxic relationships.

•••

George doesn't quite believe that it could possibly be the person he's thinking it is. For a moment or two, he stands; with the phone to his ear, frozen to the spot. He doesn't talk; he doesn't even make a sound. On the other side of the line, he hears soft, muffled laughter from the stranger.

"Sorry. I know you probably weren't expecting to ever hear from me again," the voice remarks; his tone suggests that he's feeling a little embarrassed at his feat. "But I put in a lot of work to find your number again. I had to try all the possible combinations of the number I was meant to call the other day — to find the single digit I typed in wrong to end up on the call to you. I've just had a very long series of awkward phone calls with random people to find you."

"I-I see." George can't help but stammer a little in surprise. Never in his lifetime, did he expect Levi to attempt to contact him again. "B-But why are you calling me? I—I don't mean that in a horrible way; I'm more just curious about—"

"It's fine. I knew what you meant." Another nervous laugh buzzes in George's ear. "And in answer to your question, well ... I know it isn't my business to pry into other people's lives — let alone a complete stranger's. But after what we discussed the other day, the intrigue was eating me alive."

"So you called me back to be nosey about my personal shit," George hisses. Having almost self-harmed earlier, he's still shaken up from the unexpected disturbance Levi decided to make.

"I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it," Levi apologises, remorse clear in his subtly-quivering voice. "I just ... I guess I worded it wrong. It's not that I want to have something to gossip about to my mates or anything. In fact, it's kind of the opposite. I wanted you to know, that if keeping all this 'being gay' stuff a secret is getting too much for you; you can call me whenever you want to get it out of your system. And I'll listen — of course I'll listen. And I won't tell a single soul; and I won't judge you, not ever. That's a promise."

"I appreciate the gesture; and I don't mean to be rude Levi, but ... why would I want to tell a stranger about my deepest, darkest secrets?" George's free hand reaches up to his face; he uses his fingers to pinch at the bridge of his nose, rubbing in confusion. "You could be anybody, for all I know."

"I know it sounds crazy." Levi heaves a sigh. "But it could help you a lot. Particularly if you have nobody else to talk to about it. It can't be healthy for you — keeping it all locked inside." He pauses a minute, to try and find the right words to say. "Sometimes talking to somebody who isn't directly involved with your life, can be easier than telling somebody you love."

When George realises this man has a valid point, he gives in at last. "Alright," he breathes in defeat, his hand swiping through his hair. "I guess I have nothing to lose. Thanks."

"The pleasure is mine, George. It's nice knowing I can help one person on this Earth, at least."

"How old are you?" George blurts, having not really pre-planned giving this man an interrogation.

"I'm twenty-four. What about yourself? You don't sound too old."

"I'm twenty-three." His brows furrow slightly; his gaze locks onto the floor, in a trance-like state. "And whereabouts in England are you from? It can't be that far from me, with your accent."

"Why? You planning to find my address and murder me in my sleep?" Levi retorts playfully, successfully earning a chuckle from the Greek-English man he's holding conversation with. "Kidding. I'm from Goring. It's kind of near Reading."

"Never heard of it. But I'm from North London, anyway." George decides to make a jibe at his new 'friend'. "Perhaps a bit more famous than your drab town, or whatever it is."

"There is absolutely nothing drab about Goring, I'll have you know. It's a wonderful little village. You should come and visit some time."

"I think I'll have to pass on that one." He moves his eyes up to the clock on the wall, noting that the time is 4:00PM. "Anyway, if it isn't too much trouble, I have to go now. Things to do, and all of that."

"Are you sure you're alright, mate?" Levi asks; a mix of concern and authenticity present in his hushed tone. "You seem a bit agitated. Has something happened? Am I annoying you?"

The question also seems to be spoken with a saddened air about it; this causes George to frown in guilt. He never intended to be quite so harsh with this person — especially since they've been considerate enough to call him to check in on how he's doing. He's never met this person, and yet he seems more interested in George's life, than some of the family and friends he's known his entire life. He gives in, releasing a breath wasn't aware he was holding in. "It's not you," he explains, before choosing to elaborate further. "Before you called ... I almost did something stupid. Really stupid. I was in the bathroom when the phone went. I was holding a razor, and ... " Shame prevents him from being able to complete the sentence.

"Oh, George." A sympathetic inflection on George's name makes it obvious that Levi is relieved it didn't get to occur. "I'm glad I called then. Sounds like I did it in the nick of time."

"I guess you did," George murmurs; his heart overrides his head, as he decides to divulge some of the heavy weight he bears. "To tell you the truth, Levi, I don't know how much longer I can keep going with all of this."

"You mean, with hiding the fact you're gay?"

"Yeah. And just knowing it'll hurt Stephanie when she does eventually find out. She's been hurt before by another man, and I never wanted to do that to her as well. It isn't in my nature."

"I see." With every word George speaks, Levi is listening intently — acting almost like a therapist; and he does a good job of it. "I'm assuming this is why you're so stressed about all of this."

"I don't want to break her heart. She's the last person to deserve it. She comes with a lot of emotional baggage, but that doesn't bother me. I've been trying to tell myself that—"

"That the relationship is true love?" Levi suggests. "That it's a two-sided relationship, even though it's only one-sided?"

"Exactly. And I hate telling her I love her, because I always feel so bad for lying to her. But sometimes it's unavoidable." A frown forms on George's lips, despite knowing Levi can't see this expression. "I just ... wish there was a way out of all of this. Something that could push me to get it done. But I can't take the leap. I'm too afraid."

"Maybe if you find a man and fall in love, that could make things easier. The right person will be worth it, won't they?"

"How am I expected to find somebody if nobody knows about this?" He scoffs, not so much at Levi; but at his own pathetic situation. "It's kind of hard, to find somebody when nobody's aware you're into them."

"I suppose you have a point." Levi inhales silently, before releasing the breath loudly in acknowledgement of how difficult this is. "I wish I knew how to help you, mate."

"Nothing anyone can do." His tone is defeatist; as if he no longer seems to care for the suffering he's putting himself through.

"Just remember, that if you ever want to call me to vent all of this ... I've got you. Okay?" Levi's voice is inviting, although it still holds that unshakable mysteriousness within it. "You've got my number, now. I'm just down the line."

"Thanks." Another glance up at the clock tells George that it's now 4:07PM. "Anyway, I should leave you to it. People to see; places to be. All of that."

"Of course. Sorry to keep you."

"It's no issue. I guess, talk to you some point soon, then?"

"That, you will. Bye for now, George."

"Bye ... " He keeps the phone to his ear until he hears the familiar, prolonged beep that signifies the end of the call. Placing the phone back on its receiver, George halts in his place to think over the conversation that just unfolded. Once more, he cannot quite wrap his head around the idea of someone he's never met caring enough about his emotional well-being, to check that he's okay. Having gotten over the initial surprise, he potters towards his bedroom; he already knows that he is going to write about this in his diary. George unlocks the padlock, slipping it off the book; he tosses it to one side, grabbing his pen.

Dear Diary,

Something weird just happened. Steph and I argued, and she stormed out the house. But then ... it feels a little fuzzy. I remember being in the bathroom — and I was about to hurt myself. Because of hiding all of this. But as I was about to do it ... the phone rang. When I answered it, it was that Levi guy again. He told me I could vent to him whenever I needed to, and I guess that's a nice feeling to have. I've never had anybody to confide in about these things, so even if I'll never see this person face to face, it's a relief to have someone to offload my troubles and struggles to.

He seemed pretty sincere, too. There's always going to be a part of me that's apprehensive about confessing all my deepest, darkest secrets to someone I don't really know, but by this point, do I really care? I've got nothing left to lose by now. I already question how much longer I can carry this until I give up. What's going to happen, by trying to make things a little easier on myself? I know I could just tell Andrew — but what if he reacts badly too? I can't tell any of my work colleagues either, because a lot of them know Stephanie through me. What if they told her my secret? I can't trust anybody. Not a single soul, except for this Levi, perhaps.

I guess I'll see how things unfold as the days go by. Until my next entry ...

Yog x

Popping the lid back on his pen, George closes his diary. He has to fumble for the padlock, as it's stuck between the blanket and the bedsheets; but eventually his fingers touch against it, rendering it found. He snaps it up, sliding it through the designated hole to secure the book shut. Setting it down on his bedside table, he takes a few minutes to just lean back into the cushioned bliss of the pillows behind him. His fluffed-up locks of hair fall every-which-way from the impact of being leant against something soft.

•••

"George? Babe?"

The faint sound of Steph's persistent name-calling brings George out of the sleep he fell into unexpectedly. He awakes with a slight start; his eyes widen with no warning, as his head turns abruptly. His first sight is his partner, laughing at his reaction to being woken up.

"Babe, you're fine. You just had a nap or something." Her body lowers onto the bed, taking a spot next to his laid-down body.

George's arms move to rest against his stomach, for the duration of time it takes for his senses to kick-start after being in a slumber for a couple of hours. "I take it you're not mad at me anymore, then?" he asks, with a bite of sarcasm evident.

Her previously-amused irises melt into doe-like, remorseful ones. "I'm sorry George. I took the time alone to think over everything, because I needed to get my head around it all. And the more I thought about it — the more I realised you were right. Nothing in life is guaranteed, is it? Not even our relationship; even if it's amazing. I know you were just saying it as a fact, and not as a way of leaving me." Her gaze moves downwards, as shyness tickles at her facial features. "I think I'm just still messed up from Mackenzie."

"But you know I'm not Mackenzie. I'll never be him. I know it isn't easy, but your insecurities are from him mistreating you." George reaches an arm across the bed, to rub hers comfortingly. "Even if we did break up ever, you know I'd still have your back. I wouldn't treat you the way he treated you. We'll always be friends, at the very least. You're okay with that, aren't you?"

Steph nods, finally understanding where he's coming from. "I'd like that. Obviously, I would like us to remain together for life. But if we ever did split up, I'd love to still be friends with you. But luckily we don't need to think about that right now." A soft chuckle fills the gap which would otherwise be silence. "Come here."

George accepts the verbal invitation, allowing his head to fall into her chest; she cuddles him sweetly, messing with his adorable waves of hair — with today serving as a fresh reminder to her, as to why she cares so much for him. She feels, stronger than she ever has before, that he is her person; her life partner; and her true soulmate. She looks at him; and she sees the world and more — this is putting it lightly.

It's just unfortunate, however, that the same cannot be said for the way George feels towards Stephanie.

•••

Chapter five! Is it starting to get interesting yet? I hope nobody is bored yet! xx