Chapter Six, Just An Appendage Live To
Attend Him.
"I WANT TO BE BETTER FOR YOU"

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When Octavia Amulius returned to the roman palace after her brief visit to the gladiator cages, she was overcome with a new found sense of dread.

The woman couldn't quite explain the feeling, but as she was escorted into the safety of the palace, now standing between the four stone walls of her home, her familiar surroundings swallowing her whole, she could sense something was wrong. It made her feel uneasy. Even with Caius standing close to her, Octavia couldn't quite shake this overwhelming, and suffocating feeling that threatened to consume her very being. It made her wish to turn back and return to the gladiator cages, knowing she felt more safe in the secluded quarters with a violent gladiator than she did right now in the very place that had been her home for the last year.

Truth be told, in that very moment, the woman had wished to wither and disappear for good.

However, Octavia's chance to escape quickly slipped from her fingertips when she saw Geta enter the room she had been residing in for the last five or so minutes, trying everything in her power (or what little she had) to rid herself of this sickening dread burrowing in the pit of her stomach. When she lifted her gaze to meet the emperor's eyes, she noticed the aching desperation and some-what fear that seemed to cling to his irises. And when Geta saw her, now home, safe and sound, he did not hesitate to march over towards her. At first, Octavia wanted to stumble back and create distance between Geta and herself, worried about what was going through his head to make him act the way he was — erratic and desperate.

     But regardless, she remained still where she stood, Caius still standing close to her, all while she awaited whatever was waiting for her once Geta reached her.

     And when the emperor stopped in his tracks, looking down at his wife to-be, he let out a shaky sigh full of relief, before he took her hand into his own. A gentle gesture that stunned Octavia at first as she tried to erase the frown that had crept its way onto her face. So, when Geta's eyes met her own again, he only saw a concerned look on her face instead of one full of confusion. "Thank the gods, you are home at last. I have been waiting," Geta spoke, his gentle grip on her hand beginning to tighten as his gaze found Octavia's sworn guard. "Be gone, Caius. Your services are no longer required at this time," He dismissed the man standing behind Octavia.

     But Caius did not move. That was when Octavia turned around to face her guard, her eyes softening at the sight of him in his protective stance while he looked between Geta and herself. It was clear he did not want to abandon Octavia in the midst of the emperor's erratic behaviour, but she flashed the man a sheepish grin. "You can retire to your quarters now, Caius," She instructed kindly. Caius spared both Octavia and Geta one last glance before he nodded his head and retreated back to his quarters, now leaving Octavia alone with the mad man she would soon call her husband.

     That was when Octavia Amulius turned to face Geta once again, trying to shove any feeling of fear or doubt to the back of her mind as she glanced at him. But as the woman continued to peer at the emperor, she soon noticed his erratic expression filled with nothing more than madness, soon turned into that of worry. She would even go as far as to guess that Geta was scared of something. Something that could only be solved by her. Why else would he turn to her in a fit of his own desperation? It was enough for Octavia's sheepish grin to falter before her kind eyes peered into Geta's frightened gaze filled with disarray, her grip tightening on his hand as a way to reassure and suppress his nerves.

     "What is it, Your Majesty?" Octavia asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her words were to be heard by the emperor, and only him.

     Geta did not say anything at first. Instead, he let out a shaky breath past his quivering lips before he decided to speak, finally finding the courage to do so. "It is Caracalla. His condition has seemed to worsen since Thraex's party today. He is not himself, Octavia, and I cannot blame the wine. I wanted to order in a physician sooner, but there is no one I trust more with my brother's health than you, My Love," He explained earnestly, each word that left his lips laced in honesty.

Octavia Amulius had always appreciated that she was someone Geta deeply trusted, especially with something as precious as his brother's life. It made her feel like she was sometimes more than just a future bride, and a bearer of children. And in Rome where that was all women like her were good for, being considered as something more, and someone who could be useful in the eyes of the most powerful man in the entire city, well, to put it quite plainly, it always meant more than Octavia could express herself sometimes. She liked to be useful, and although she was in a position where she didn't have to worry about being useful, the woman still yearned to give back to the city and the people of Rome one way or another.

So, as the woman nodded her head, she parted her lips to speak. "Take me to him," She requested.

     The second those words left Octavia's lips, Geta guided the woman to the room where Caracalla had been residing in since the brothers arrived home earlier the same day, his hand remained attached to Octavia's. When Octavia stepped into the room where Caracalla was, she looked ahead at the familiar boy, his orange hair poking out in every direction underneath his golden crown of laurels. His pale complexion accompanied by the hollow and lifeless look in his eyes was enough to send chills up and down her spine. The monkey sitting upon his shoulder had more life in him than he did in that very moment, and that was the part that frightened Octavia Amulius the most.

     When she first arrived at the palace just over a year ago now, Caracalla was once an emperor, a mad one at that, but one filled with life and excitement. He was once energetic and eccentric who would often string words upon words together to form a wild range of sentences to carry on a never ending conversation. Octavia had taken a liking to him, despite his madness, and saw Caracalla as the little brother she never had. But the further he dwindled down the rabbit hole of his own dark solitude of maniacal rage and despair, and the more he became less like himself, the greater the wedge between Octavia and Caracalla became. Now all she saw when she looked at him was a ghost wearing the shell of an emperor.

Releasing a shaky breath past her lips, Octavia slowly approached Caracalla with a gentle and faint smile and a kind glimmer shining in her copper eyes. "Caracalla, it's Octavia. You remember me, don't you?" She asked him in hopes of catching the emperor's attention.

Octavia's calm and gentle voice was enough to make Caracalla lift his gaze from his trembling hands before his eyes met her own. Except Octavia Amulius did not see much life in his hollow eyes. She expected to catch a glimpse of something, even if it was just a small spark of the old Caracalla she formally met a year ago. Instead, Octavia was met with a blank stare, and for a moment, she was starting to believe she was truly peering into the eyes of a stranger, and couldn't help but wonder how one person could deteriorate so quickly. She was sure the excessive drinking had something to do with his mental state, or lack of. But regardless of what she had told both Caracalla and her husband to-be in the past, they still chose to neglect her advice.

"Dearest, Octavia..." The woman was taken by surprise when she heard Caracalla's familiar voice lure her out of her thoughts, watching as a childlike grin found its way to his lips. "My apologies. The party the other night must have clouded my mind," He then apologised, and Octavia swallowed thickly. He was losing track of time already, meaning his mental state as the disease attacking his loins continued to spread to his brain was deteriorating at a rapid rate, and nothing she has given him was strong enough to be a potential cure.

     Truth is, Octavia Amulius knew she could not cure the emperor of his withering illness at all. She could only slow down the process, but that could do more harm than good.

And as the woman continued to stare at Caracalla, she began to notice the paleness of his skin that was sticky with sweat, and the strange red bumps dotted across his cheeks, and even the amount of weight he had lost in the last couple of weeks. That was when she realised the emperor would die before next spring. He would live a short life full of madness and misery before he took his last breath. It was a heavy truth she had carried for a long time on her own, choosing to try and give Geta hope that his brother — the only person he had ever truly loved and cared about — would live a long life with her assistance and the proper care given. But Octavia knew she couldn't lie to him, or herself, any longer.

And while she did not care for the lives of either emperors, she did not wish for either of them to die such a horrifying and tragic death.

"Is everything okay, My Lady?" Caracalla questioned her once again, his brows furrowing together in confusion.

Octavia smiled through the painful realisation again before she nodded her head, placing a comforting and gentle hand on Caracalla's pale cheek, and Caracalla smiled back in response to the woman's touch. "Everything is fine, Your Majesty. You just focus on taking care of Dundas. He looks very handsome today," She commented, her eyes flickering over to the monkey sitting comfortably on Caracalla's shoulder, munching away on nuts placed in a bowl next to him.

"He does," Caracalla replied excitedly, like a giddy child. "I always take good care of him," He added and Octavia let out a laugh before she retracted her hand from the emperor's face and turned around to face Geta, who stared back at her nervously.

     Octavia ironed out the crease of her gown using her hand before she placed her hand on Geta's arm and guided him away from Caracalla so the youngest of the twins couldn't hear their conversation, not that he would be able to understand. He was so far gone now, Octavia was surprised he could still recognise her. "Do you understand what is happening?" Geta asked, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. It was a coping mechanism as he tried to control his own crippling nerves.

The woman glanced over at Caracalla for a moment, who continued to laugh, as he fed Dundas another nut. The glimmer of sadness in her dark eyes was enough to make Geta's hope slip away from him, all while Octavia parted her lips to speak. "The disease is effecting his brain at a rapid rate. I told you this would happen, Geta—"

     "But the remedies you've been giving him are suppose to be helping. That's what you said would help," Geta interjected harshly, cutting Octavia's sentence short.

"No, I told you they would slow down the spread for a little while, and that they wouldn't work forever," Octavia quickly corrected him, her sharp and confident tone rendering Geta speechless for a moment, almost as if her outspoken temperament was unflattering to hear. "Geta, I know you do not want to hear me say this. However, you should prepare yourself for the worst because the inevitable is going to happen." The warning was enough to send the emperor into a frenzy as he pushed her back and began to walk away, no longer wanting to hear her words.

     So, Octavia chased after Geta, her hand reaching out for him. "Geta—"

     "My brother will not die because you are going to fix him," Geta snapped at her, his sharp and venomous tone causing for Octavia to flinch as she stumbled backwards in shock.

"Geta, I cannot fix this. This isn't a wound I can just stitch up. It's up here," Octavia argued, pointing to the side of her skull to indicate that she can't cure Caracalla of his madness, even if she truly wanted too. "All I can do is make him comfortable, but I fear he will not make it to next spring." The second those words rolled off of Octavia's tongue and left her lips, Geta shook his head, fiddling with his rings once again, but this time to try and suppress the anger boiling in his blood.

     "You will find a cure," Geta breathed out, speaking through gritted teeth. It wasn't even a string of words filled with hope. He was barking an order at her like she was some common slave.

Octavia began to shake her head. "Geta, I understand he's your brother, and you don't want to lose him, but I cannot stop this from—"

"Find a way!" Geta raised his voice at Octavia again, and this time, his strong grip found its way to her arm. Octavia flinched again as Geta's hand snaked around her lower arm and his nails dug deep into her skin, his wide eyes staring into her soul, and truthfully, scaring her to death. But she couldn't dare show this as he brought her in closer to him, their faces now inches apart, but his strong and tight grip on her remained. It made her skin burn underneath his violent touch, and become sore from the feeling of his nails digging deeper into her flesh.

     "Geta..." Octavia breathed out shakily, her voice barely above a whisper. The woman then swallowed thickly before she parted her lips to speak again. "You're hurting me."

     The second those words left Octavia's mouth, Geta's eyes softened before he allowed his grip around Octavia's forearm to loosen, and then, let her go. Octavia stared back at the man she would soon call her husband, hate and shame burning bright in her copper coloured eyes, all while she continued to stare into Geta's eyes filled with regret. And when Geta lowered his gaze to see the red marks searing across the woman's skin, he realised the real damage he had done, and it made the emperor feel sick to his stomach. Geta didn't know what made him feel worse; the knowledge that he had hurt Octavia again, or the way she looked at him after he had done it.

Geta even tried to reach out for the woman, hoping to corner her and apologise profusely. However, Octavia did not give him the chance as she stepped further away, creating some distance between Geta and herself. With tears in her eyes, she parted her lips to speak. "It's getting late. I shall retire to my chambers for the remainder of the evening," She informed before she turned her back on Geta and left him standing alone in the midst of the aftermath of his own desolation.

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Octavia Amulius looked out over the balcony that had a perfect view of the city below, her copper coloured eyes peering up at the dark night sky, watching as a few stars appeared, glistening bright. A flicker of joy brushed over the woman in that very moment, finding peace and a hint of tranquility in something so beautiful, and ever-so precious. It was a simple thing. A momentary feeling that came from nature itself. But it was a reminder that even beauty could shine through, even in the midst of her darkest hours, it would break through the basking of darkness and turn it into shimmering light. The sight alone was enough to make Octavia crack a small smile.

But reality had its way of finding her.

Octavia's hand found its way to her arm — the same arm Geta had wrapped his tight grip around and made sure she felt every inch of scorching pain — and her smile quickly faded. A sad look of realisation washed over her face as she lowered her gaze to look down at her arm, her bare flesh displayed in front of her sad eyes. Octavia began to notice the harsh redness that scorched across her skin in certain lights. She knew those red marks would slowly turn into bruises by morning light. The woman then looked down at the indentations where Geta had dug his nails into her soft flesh. He fortunately hadn't broken her skin, and her marks could've gotten a whole lot worse if she hadn't spoken up.

Octavia Amulius knew to be grateful that some bruises was all she walked away with, but she couldn't shake this harrowing fear that told her she would live in fear of Geta's rage. Every argument, every disagreement, would result in new bruises, new indentations.

And then it dawned on her; she would have to live with this fear for the rest of her miserable life.

Octavia was beginning to wonder if she had the strength to be his wife after all. She wondered if she was cut out for this kind of lifestyle, living in fear of her husbands rage, baring his children, all to watch them grow up and follow in their father's footsteps, and even inherit his madness. Octavia wondered if she would ever find true happiness again. Even though she did all of this, trading her freedom, her happiness, for her father's life to be spared, Octavia was starting to believe it couldn't have been worth it. If this was what she traded it all for, could she truly find peace with the decision she made a year ago?

And then Octavia Amulius looked over the edge of her balcony at the streets of the city below, she was starting to realise how easy it would be for her to throw herself over and collide with the ground below. It was the easiest option and escape for her. She would hit the ground and it would all be over. She would never have to see Geta and live under the shadow of his terror ever again, and her father would still remain a free man, alive and well on the outskirts of the city. Octavia just had to find the strength to end it all, to close her eyes and float to the ground until she felt her darkness become permanent. And when the woman believed she had found the strength to make the most difficult choice of her life, a gentle knock at the door brought her back to reality.

     "Who is it?" Octavia called out, sounding surprised and almost frustrated that she had been stopped from freeing herself from this eternal prison.

     The door slowly opened and entered Augusta, an apologetic look evident in her eyes as she stared back at Octavia, who remained on the balcony. "My apologies, My Lady. I just thought you should know, the emperor is on his way," Augusta informed solemnly. Octavia let out a sigh and winced as she looked down at her arm again, wondering what else could be said between them after their altercation earlier this evening.

     Nothing else was said between Octavia and Augusta. The maiden left the room, and Octavia slowly made her way back inside the room from the balcony, dressed in her nightgown, her body covered by her robe. Octavia stood alone, waiting anxiously for Geta to find his way into her quarters after she had made it abundantly clear that she did not want to see him again today. However, if the emperor had needs that only she could fulfil, then she had no choice, but to oblige, forever scared of what would happen if she chose to go against his wishes. A woman scorned by the unbearable desires of mad men was an outcome Octavia never wanted to be met with. All she had to do was swallow her fear, her pride, and do whatever Geta wishes for her to do.

     So, when the doors to her chambers creaked open, Octavia did her best to recover from her stumble backwards as Emperor Geta entered her room, dressed in nothing more than his red and golden robe. She thanked the gods above when it became clear her husband to-be had not noticed her resistance, nor her fear when he entered the room. To pretend, and act as if they were fine now, she flashed him a forced smile. "Your Majesty...I did not expect to see you tonight," She told him gracefully.

Octavia watched as Geta slowly approached her, the same sad look in his eyes from before when he realised he had harmed her. He appeared almost apologetic, and worried he would harm her again as he continued to near closer towards her, scared that the woman would scurry away out of her own fearful instincts. Octavia remained still though, swallowing the thick lump forming in the back of her throat that felt like a million tiny blades slicing into her neck all at once. She allowed the emperor to reach out with his trembling hand, before he took her hand into his own, his thumb brushing gently across her soft skin. It was a kind gesture that sent shockwaves through Octavia's system, knowing it was a vast difference to when he handled her earlier.

     Octavia lifted her gaze to see Geta's eyes staring straight back into her own, her fear eating her alive in that very moment. It was only when Geta decided to speak his mind, that her fear quickly faltered. "I wanted...I wanted to apologise for how I handled you earlier," He informed, his voice shaky. Octavia resisted the urge to frown, knowing she has never seen the emperor apologise to her, or feel any form of remorse. It was unlike him.

     Shaking her head, Octavia then parted her lips to speak. "You do not have to apologise to me—"

     "Octavia, please..." Geta began, guiding Octavia towards the bed. Hand in hand, she followed him before they sat beside one another on the edge of the bed. Geta then took both of Octavia's hands into his own, inhaling sharply as his eyes found her's again. "You were just trying to help my brother, and I allowed my fear of losing him to take over, and I should not have taken it out on you. I am truly sorry. Back when we became engaged last year, I promised myself that I wouldn't be like him — my father," He explained, his eyes saddening when he mentioned his father, the former emperor of Rome before his sons claimed the throne after his death.

Octavia's gaze softened when she saw Geta become so open and vulnerable in front of her, pouring out his heart and soul to her about such a delicate matter. Geta had only talked about his father once in her presence, and he was drunk at the time. From what she remembered from that conversation, Geta's and Caracalla's father was a cruel and abusive man, who took pleasure in hurting his own sons. As the eldest of the twins, Geta would often take most of the beatings his father inflicted on him, shielding and protecting Caracalla from their father's wrath. No matter what hatred and resentment Octavia felt towards Geta, she had always admired his bravery to protect his brother when they were just boys. She had often wondered what had become of that boy who once protected his brother, wondering how he could turn out so cold and pathetic.

Octavia Amulius was always given her answer time and time again when Geta's rage drifted to the surface.

"He was senseless and cruel. I vowed to never become like him, and today I broke that vow. And I am truly sorry, Octavia." Geta was being earnest with her. Octavia felt his pain when she saw the tears form in the corners of his eyes. "I want to be better than him. I want to be a better husband..." Geta rambled, removing one of his hands from her own, before he placed it on her stomach. "And when the time comes, I want to be a better father to our beautiful child. I promise you, what happened today will never happen again."

     Octavia felt a small smile ghost across her lips before she lifted her hand and caressed his face, her fingers grazing across his jawline before she pressed a gentle and soft kiss to the emperor's lips. Geta instantly smiled into the kiss and returned the favour, their lips moving in sync with each other for a moment before Octavia pulled away, her forehead resting against his. Geta reached up and tucked a strand of her raven coloured hair behind the woman's ear, before he pressed another kiss to her cheek, and then another on her jawline. They were different this time, soft and passionate, and not sloppy due to his drunken state. It ignited something in Octavia. It gave her hope all over again for a happy marriage.

     "I promise to be the man you deserve," Geta reassured her, pressing another kiss to her neck. And as Octavia turned away, he pulled back her robe and pressed a lingering kiss on her shoulder, the warmth of his lips sending chills up her spine. "I will give you anything you want," He added, his voice barely above a whisper. "...Within reason, of course."

     And that was when the thought crossed her mind.

     "There is one thing..." She trailed off. Geta stopped peppering her skin with kisses and Octavia looked over her shoulder, her eyes meeting his. "I would like to be that gladiator's healer. If he is lucky enough to survive the games tomorrow, I would like to take care of him," She suggested, sounding hopeful.

     However, judging by the confusion that quickly washed over Geta's face, he was not too pleased with her request. "I do not like the idea of you spending too much time with that barbarian. It was suppose to be a one time offer for impressing me at the party today," He countered disapprovingly.

     "I know," Octavia replied, nodding her head. "However, Geta, I always felt as if I had a true purpose when I was taking care of my mother. I forgot how much I missed helping others until I did it again today. If my safety is an issue, Caius will be with me at all times, and you know he would never let anything bad happen to me under his watch," She elaborated, trying her best to plead her case to him.

     And although he was hesitant on the idea, Geta wanted to keep Octavia happy, especially after their altercation earlier this evening. So he put on a smile and nodded his head. "If that is your wish, then you shall have it. But if he ever lays a finger on you, I will have him strung up in front of the city for everyone to see. Understood?" He sighed in defeat.

     Octavia smiled again, "I understand."

     Geta hummed quietly and brushed his knuckles against her cheek. "It will be better from now on. I promise you," He reassured her one last time before he forcefully pressed his lips against her own again, igniting a night tangled up together in the sheets. Regardless of how Octavia felt in that moment, she pushed away her fears of her marriage to Geta, and her hate for his very being all to one side, deciding to remain in this moment with him, hoping it would last for a lifetime.

     It would be better, he had told her. And the most excruciating part was that Octavia believed him.

Why did she believe him?

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authors note.
Sigh...Octavia doesn't know what hell is waiting for her, she really shouldn't have believed Geta's false promises because this won't end well, just warning you guys now. BUT the first game in the colosseum is next followed by some Octavia and Lucius scenes so I'm hopefully feeding you guys some good food after this hell of a chapter with Octavia and Geta.

Until then I hope you guys liked this chapter and I'll update again soon!!