ZEN

I brought my drawing pad and put the drawing tools I need inside my sling bag. I carried the easel down the stairs. It's already two in the afternoon and we have plans to go to the hill. I wear my black jacket and maong shorts and black hiking sandals.

"Ma, may pupuntahan lang kami ni Rozend. We will go to the hill. Watch the sunset and maybe paint it," sabi ko habang nakaupo siya Mama sa sala at nanonood ng TV. "Baka gabihin kami ng uwi."

Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Wala si Josh dahil nakikipaglaro siya sa mga kaibigan niya sa plaza. Ngumiti siya sa 'kin. She tucks my hair behind my ears.

"How's the workshop?" tanong niya.

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at yumakap. She hugs me back and lightly combs my hair with her fingers. "It's fun. I'm really enjoying the workshop. And I'm learning a lot of things and there's Rozend who helps me whenever he can. I think this summer camp is a worthwhile experience."

"That's good to hear. Alright. Maghahanda lang ako ng pwede ninyong kainin, pangmeryenda," saad niya nang kumalas siya ng yakap.

"Huwag na, Ma. Sabi ni Rozend, si Tita Rina na ang bahala sa meryenda namin," pigil ko sa kanya. I kissed her cheeks. "Bye, Ma!"

Tumayo na ako at lumabas ng bahay dala ang mga gamit ko. Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin niya. Paglabas ko sa bahay, nakita ko si Rozend habang bitbit ang isang lunchbox. He's wearing his gray jacket with white shirt inside, khaki shorts and dark gray hiking sandals. Bitbit din niya ang gitara niya, easel at backpack kung saan nakalagay ang mga gamit niya sa pagpipinta. He's talking to his mother who's now pruning the branches of the santan plants.

"Come back before dinner," paalala ni Tita Rina sa kanya.

"7 p.m.?" he bargained.

"6 p.m." she said with a serious look.

"Alright! 6:30 p.m.," he said with a smile.

Napailing na lang si Tita Rina pero napangiti na rin. Wala sa sariling ginulo niya ang buhok ni Rozend. "Sige. I won't stop you but take care of yourself." Napalingon sa 'kin si Tita Rina at ngumiti. "Andiyan na pala si Zen. Sige na. Basta bumalik ka 6:30 p.m. sharp," paalala niyang muli kay Rozend. Kumaway sa 'kin si Tita Rina. I waved back with a smile.

"Uhm," saad ni Rozend pero tumango siya. He kissed Tita Rina's cheeks and walk to me. Nauna na akong sumakay sa Ford pickup. I will drive today. Inilagay ko sa likod ang mga gamit ko. Inilagay din ni Rozend ang mga gamit na dala niya sa likod.

"Ah, Rozend, pakilagay na rin ng foldable stool. Andiyan sa likod ng garage. Ilagay mo na lang sa likod ng pickup," I instructed.

"Okay," he said. When he's done, he sits beside me and fastened his seatbelt. I started the engine and we drive to the hill. I noticed that Rozend is silent on our way to the hill. He's looking outside the window with distant eyes and I wonder what he's thinking.

"What's up?" mahinang tanong ko.

Hindi niya ako agad sinagot. Pero napansin kong sumulyap siya sa 'kin bago bumuntong-hininga nang malalim. Muli siyang tumingin sa labas ng bintana.

"Why is it hard to be free?" he suddenly asked.

"What kind of freedom are you referring to?" kunot-noong tanong ko.

"The freedom to do whatever you want without restrictions. Without worry. Without limits. A kind of freedom where you can dance under the sun and even in the rain," malalim na saad niya. He's just too deep to understand but I like hearing his deep honest thoughts.

"Then why don't you try it? What's stopping you?"

"I want to be a rebel. I want to break rules. I want to be bad," he honestly revealed. "But I don't want to be a burden."

"Do you want to be bad now? Because I can help you do bad things," nakangiting suhestiyon ko sa kanya.

Interesadong lumingon siya sa 'kin. "How?"

"I can't reveal it yet. But do you want to do it now or not? We can always take a detour," paghahamon ko sa kanya.

"Lola, kinakabahan ako sa sinasabi mo," he said with worry. But I noticed that he's a bit thrilled.

"It will be fun to be bad sometimes," nakangiting wika ko nang tumingin ako sa kanya. "Yes or no? This is just a limited offer."

"When you're saying it that way, it's like you're not giving me a choice," reklamo niya. Saglit siyang nag-isip. "Yes?" Hindi siguradong sagot niya. I suddenly stopped the car and pull the car in reverse.

"Then it's a detour," excited na sabi ko. I pulled the car back and drive the other way. I stopped in front of an art supplies store.

"Wait for me here. I'll just buy something," saad ko. Napansin ko ang nangingilatis na tingin niya sa 'kin. I laughed a little. "Relax. It will be fun. I promise." Bumaba na ako ng sasakyan at pumasok sa loob ng store. I bought spray paints in different types and colors.

Paglabas ko sa store, may dala na akong isang plastic ng spray paints. Inilagay ko ito sa likod ng pickup bago itinuloy ang pagmamaneho. Pumasok kami sa isang makipot na eskinita.

"Hey, you're really sure about this? I have a bad feeling about this," he said with worry.

Ngumiti lang ako sa mga reklamo niya. Paglabas namin sa isang makipot na eskinita, tumambad sa 'min ang isang malawak na lupain. The wide land is enclosed by concrete walls. Actually this is a private property but this a heavenly place for vandalism. Napansin kong maraming naka-park na sasakyan sa malawak na lupain. And some people are already painting the concrete walls with their thoughts, doodles, scribbles, paintings and all.

"Ready? We can just be bad today. We can rebel. We can break the rules." I parked the pickup near a wall where we will vandalize.

"Hindi ba tayo mahuhuli?" nag-aalangang tanong niya.

"Well... That's the exciting part. The owner of this land is randomly visiting this place and if we're unlucky then it should be today," nakangising saad ko.

"You've done this before?" kunot-noong tanong niya sa 'kin.

"With Elaine," nakangiting sagot ko.

"Nahuli kayo?"

"Hindi pa naman. Kung mamalasin, ngayon pa lang. Tara na! Are you scared? Hey! Don't chicken out now!" pang-aasar ko. Bumaba na ako sa pickup at kinuha sa likod ang mga spray paints. Walang nagawa si Rozend kundi ang sundan ako. He looks around the place and I can notice his amazement. Most people here are teenagers who are vandalizing every part of the concrete wall. May ilan pang parte na hindi napipintahan dahil sa lawak ng lupain. And maybe the people vandalizing here are kind of lost too and they just want to express their feelings by messing up the walls. I can hear the contagious laughter from the teenagers next to our wall.

"You can be free now. You can rebel. You can break rules and be bad," I said. I opened the water-based spray paints. I handed some paints to him. I started to paint in the wall. I write some words in different colors – red, blue, black, yellow, green.

BREAK RULES. BE BAD. REBEL. BE FREE.

"Come on, Rozend! This is your time to be free," I encourage him and laugh heartily. When I turned to face him, he's sitting on the hood of my pickup, holding a spray paint in one hand and he's softly gazing at me. He's the perfect picture I can't take. And I regret not bringing a camera today. Maybe next time, I'll bring a camera with me.

He smiled widely at me. "You're such a rebel, Zen." I stuck my tongue out to him.

Tumayo siya at lumapit sa 'kin. He started to paint the wall in different colors with a thrilled smile registered in his face. And I can see a kid rebelling inside him. I paint the sun. He paints the sea. I paint the sky. He paints the trees.

We both laugh when our paint colors overlap. He draws a stick figure of a girl and a boy.

"This is us," he said with a satisfied smile.

"I'll paint the raindrops because you want to dance in the rain," I said. And I draw some dark clouds above their heads and some raindrops.

"Hey don't paint that! You're ruining the nice weather in this wall," reklamo niya pero tinawanan ko lang siya. Because I didn't listen, he sprayed an orange paint in my fingers and he chuckled when I turned to him with a dark look.

"Aba! Aba! Mukhang gusto mo ring mapintahan ha!" I playfully said.

I sprayed paints in his hands and clothes too. We both laugh until we lose out of control. Maging ang mga suot naming damit ay namantsahan na ng pintura. Tumakbo ako palayo sa kanya nang pintahan niya rin ang legs ko.

Malakas akong tumawa habang pinipigilan siya. "Tama na, Rozend! Okay na! Ehhhhhh! Hahahaha! Stop it!"

Tumigil naman siya pero pareho kaming punong-puno ng pinta sa buong katawan. I'm just glad that we can wash the paints off our skin by water. Pero ang mga damit na suot namin, hindi ko alam kung may pag-asa pa. I noticed that the sun is almost setting and time passed by too fast but I didn't notice. Time passed by too fast when you're enjoying yourselves I guess.

Natigilan ako nang hawakan ni Rozend ang mukha ko. He looks like he is mesmerized and I am lost in his caramel eyes. Pero masamang tingin ang ipinukol ko sa kanya dahil pinahidan niya ang mukha ko ng pinta. Malakas lang siya tumawa.

"I almost forgot the snacks my Mom prepared. Let's eat that first. Magagalit siya kapag ibinalik ko 'yon sa bahay nang walang bawas," nakangiting sabi niya. I nodded. Umupo ako sa hood ng pickup habang kinukuha ni Rozend ang pagkain.

Tumabi siya sa 'kin habang pinagmamasdan ang ginawa naming imahe sa pader. Good thing that the sandwiches are wrapped in foils. We don't have to worry about our dirty painted hands. We silently eat our fill.

"It's your fault that we wasted a day," reklamo ko habang nakatitig sa pader na pinuno namin ng makukulay na pintura.

Malawak na ngumiti siya. "This is the most satisfying wasted day though."

"Yeah. You're right. We can go to that hill tomorrow. No detours allowed," wika ko. "Are you feeling better now?" I turned to him with a soft gaze.

Diretsong tumingin siya sa mga mata ko. And I feel a little awkward because it's different from his usual gaze. He's smiling at me with sincerity. "Yes. I feel much better. Thank you, Zen."

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. "Don't mention it."

Nakauwi kami bago mag-6:30 p.m. Hindi na namin inalis ang ilang gamit namin sa pickup dahil bukas pa naman kami makapagpipinta. Hindi ko alam kung paano papasok sa loob ng bahay dahil punong-puno ng pinta ang katawan ko pero naglakas-loob na ako habang dahan-dahang pumapasok sa loob ng bahay.

Pinipilit kong hindi makagawa ng ingay hanggang sa makalampas ako sa kusina pero natigilan ako nang may biglang tumawag sa pangalan ko.

"Paris Zen del Rio!" And I know it's my father's voice.

I turned to him with an uncertain smile. "Hello, Papa."

"Ano'ng nangyari sa 'yo?" salubong ang mga kilay niya pero hindi naman siguro siya galit.

"Body paint?" nakangiwing sagot ko. I form a peace hand sign and run to my room. 

Although this is a wasted day, it's the most satisfying one. I feel light and free.

***