Chapter 5

I stared at myself in the reflecting walls of the elevator as it went up to the penthouse.

It wasn't a glorious sight to put lightly. I looked like a bum, I smelled like an ashtray, so it was normal that most people didn't guess that I was worth a few millions.

My father had a wing at the hospital he worked named after him. He made significant break-through in his field and he was amazing at his job. And he had pretty impressive life insurance and a sizable trust fund from his father. I had inherited all of it. No one in his family needed his money. They were already loaded.

Most people didn't know about this though, about how much money I was actually worth.

I stayed in the dorms because it was more convenient. I was right on campus. I could wake up later. I didn't care about sharing a bathroom. Either way, I was lucky, my best friend was my roommate and we didn't have to clean a toilet.

I could have stayed in the penthouse. My penthouse. My father had bought it when he'd gotten his job at the hospital. My mother lived here. I grew up here. It never really felt like a home though. It always kind of felt cold and empty, especially after my mother's death.

I changed things up a bit after my father died and I was the one in control of decorating. At first I wanted to turn my father's room into a crack den. I wanted to buy fifty cats and then just lock them in and let them marinate in their own stew of pee and poo. I wanted to take a sledge hammer to the walls.

But that would have had a significant impact on the over all quality and value of my penthouse so I refrained from turning it into a meth lab.

Also, it was kind of ridiculous for me to be so angry over my father's death. He wasn't an especially bad father. He was just the kind of father you would expect from a brilliant neurosurgeon. He was out saving lives every day. He wasn't supposed to play catch with his son. He was supposed to be at the hospital working. And it wasn't like he had any control over his death. Given the chance I was pretty sure he would have tried to prolong the inevitable.

I bought plants. I bought a whole bunch of plants after my father died. I went to a florist to figure out the kind of floral arrangements I would need for the funerals and I just thought that cut up flowers felt so sad. They were dead and I didn't want dead things. I wanted alive things. I remembered that my father had said the same thing for my mother's funeral. So I bought a bunch of flowers and plants and then I never had the heart to get rid of them so I kept them and like any good crazy hoarder I started to buy more and more and now the whole penthouse felt like a greenhouse. It was nice though. And the whole place was just filled with natural light because of all the glass walls so it sort of worked out nicely.

When the elevator finally reached the top floor I entered the access code into the pad and walked into my home.

There were shoes there that shouldn't be here. And a suitcase.

I sighed, shook my head and followed the sound of the television in the living room.

The blond head was facing the opposite direction but I didn't need to se a face to know who was sitting on my couch. "Jesus, Dick, what are you doing here?" I asked.

Dick, or well Richard Titchen the Third. My uncle. My eighteen years old, yes-he's-younger-than-me uncle. My grandfather was a rich old bastard who had eight ex-wives and was probably on the way to lucky contestant number nine.

"Jesus' Dick. Nice nickname. I dig it," Dick nodded, his eyes fixed on the TV, switching channels.

I called him Dick to annoy him but usually we all called him Trey, because he was the third Richard which I found kind of weird, but hey, I wasn't the one making up the rules in this dysfunctional family.

"Of course you do.", I walked around the couch, pushed his legs and let myself fall on the other side of him. "What are you doing here? Grandpa kicked you out?"

"Yeeeep."

I wiggled my eyebrows at him. "You brought a stripper to dinner again?"

Trey hit my arm with the remote. "Hey! She wasn't a stripper. She was an escort. And no I did not bring a stripper to dinner." He grinned, proud. This would be good. "I brought dad's seventh wife to dinner."

"The model that could open beer bottle with her tits and lasted like, four months?"

"The very same."

I shook my head slightly. It was hard to keep track of the wives and all the fiancés my grandfather went through. My father was the product of his first marriage. Grandpa had two sons and a daughter with my grandmother before he left her for the wife of one his friends. Grandma now lived on her big ass alimony in a big ass house on Martha's Vineyard. I had a bunch of uncles and aunts, some that we called "illegitimate" that my grandfather didn't claim or just didn't care about. Trey was the product of my grandfather's two year marriage with his fourth wife. "You want him to take you off the will, that's really all this is, right?" I asked my uncle.

"Nah, I just like the sheer look of shock on his face whenever I do something particularly batshit crazy," Trey answered proudly. It was true that grandpa's surprised face was quite a sight.

"Did you sleep with the sixth wife?" I asked, "because that's just oh so fucking wrong, on so many levels I swear no shrink can help you, you Woody Allen wannabe."

"Please, dad never slept with her," he waved the matter off, "he's way too old."

"Don't underestimate the stallion."

"Oh, Clementine told me they never had sex."

I gave him a pat on the leg and got on my feet. I had plants to water. "She just told you that to have sex with you. I hope you wrapped the missile launcher because, this just in, she probably just wants an offspring and a way back into the family," I told Trey and went outside on the terrace to fill up my watering can. There was an in-ground pool on the terrace and a watering hose. In other circumstances I might have enjoyed the view that the top floor of the building offered, but Trey offered too much of a distraction for me to not pay attention to his idiocy.

"Seriously?" Trey asked, leaning his head back to try to look at me as he talked.

"Christ, I really hope grandpa cuts you off the will. There's no way you're his. You're way too stupid."

"Come on give me some credit."

"Credit goes where it's due," I answered him and walked back inside with a filled water can. I made my way carefully around the penthouse, trying not to splash water everywhere. "You're not even in college."

"And you flunked art classes, so who's the dumbass?"

I'll show you dumbass. "Phenylketonuria is an inherited genetic disorder that afflicts about one out of fifteen thousands kids and children with this disorder are unable to chemically handle an amino acid called phenylalanine. It basically makes the gene for the hepatic enzyme phenylalanine hydroxylase nonfonctional, and that particular gene is located in the chromosome 12. It comes from your parents and if not treated it can lead to seizures, intellectual disabilities, mental disorder, heart problems, hypopigmentation, musty smell, small head."

"You lost me at phe."

"So, you decided to just crash at my place without even asking," I asked, still watering plants.

"I figured, what's mine is yours. Wait. No. What's yours is mine."

"No, what is mine is definitely not yours. And I do not want what is yours. Keep everything that's yours on your side of the continent."

"Please, stop being such a cynic. You love having me around."

I stopped watering, put the can down and looked at him properly. "I'm entertained when you're around. Very different. A weird homeless couple screaming at each other in the street is entertaining. That doesn't mean I want them crashing on my couch."

Trey rolled around the couch and got on his feet, making his way towards me. "You just wait, I'll make sure I'm the sole inheritor when dad kicks the bucket and you're not getting a penny."

"A penny? Or Penny, the fourth wife?"

"Peneloppe is my mother, Niki—," I punched him in the stomach before he could say my full name.

I grab him around the head in a deadlock. "Asshole," I chuckled.

And then we hugged properly, because all of this conversation was solely for comedic purpose and yes my uncle often made questionable decisions, but I did too. And there was absolutely no way he would have taken Clementine anywhere else than a therapy spa. "So, what's really up?" I asked my uncle and started to water again.

"Same old, same old. He wants me to be a lawyer, I tell him he already has two sons that are lawyers and handling the family business quite well and what's the point in having another son to fight for the crown and the old bastard just wants us to fight together, I swear, if the Hunger Games were real, he'd throw all of us together with a spear and just watch contently with pop corn at the outcome," Trey explained following me around.

"Richard the Second can be quite the psychopath."

"I mean, lovely dude at a dinner party, but he's not above killing a puppy if it proves a point."

"Sure, sure. But come on. Marine biologist? Seriously? Are you still going to be doing that? Because it's so cliché. It sounds fake." Trey had just started out college at UCLA which was on the other side of the country and planned on majoring in marine science.

"Just because George Constanza lied about being one doesn't mean the job isn't legitimate."

"Fine whatever. So what are you doing here?"

"There's a conference about climate change and the way it affects marine life on a campus close by and I figure you wouldn't mind the company if you were here, and wouldn't care if you weren't there."

"Are you telling me you wouldn't have told me you weren't in town if I hadn't dropped by?"

"Depends if there was anything good on TV."

"I'm offended," I joked. "Anyway, make yourself at home. Feel free to eat anything in the fridge."

"There's absolutely nothing in the fridge."

"Well there you go."

At this point I was done with the watering—most of my plants were very low maintenance, so I left the water can outside and went back to sit on the couch, Trey still following me.

"So, what's new with you? Because you smell like bad decisions," Trey asked after he let himself fall on the couch beside me.

I leaned my head back against the couch and rubbed my eyes, annoyed. I think I groaned a little too. "You're the second person to tell me this today."

"Then it must be true."

"No, it probably means I should shower immediately." I still hadn't showered. I still hadn't washed my teeth. I was disgusting myself.

"Also true. Seriously, what's up?"

I shrugged. What was there to say? I'm miserable, please hold me? "You know, it's nicer being in my position. People don't know me. Most people don't know about Titchen and Farrer."

"Titchens," Trey corrected.

"Titchens?"

"Yep. Titchens and Farrer. Dad made Bill a partner." Bill was my other uncle, the second son of my grandfather's first marriage. People needed a chart to understand the complex inner workings of my family genealogy.

"Just Bill?"

"Harvey is having a fucking fit," Trey said and madee a sound close to a giggle. Harvey was the second lawyer son, the product of grandpa's third marriage.

"Grandpa really wants a civil war in the family," I pointed out.

"I think he just wants to thin out the herd so he needs to write fewer names down in the will."

I snorted and nodded. "Makes total sense."

Trey kicked my foot. "Don't think I haven't notice that you're trying to distract me to change the subject. I'm not like your feeble best friend."

"I'm fine." He made a face like he wasn't satisfied with that answer. "I'm great."

"Suuuuure."

"My recent lack of motivation really shouldn't be that big of a deal. I'm not the only lazy moffo around," I said and lounge like a truly useless person on the couch, like it was beginning to swallowing me up, or I was like, very slowly slipping to the ground.

"You disgust me for saying moffo."

"You're quite welcome."

"Be honest though. What's up? We haven't heard from you in a while."

I ran my hands over my head, messing up my hair a couple of time, trying to figure out what to answer. And grossing myself out. My hair was sticking up too easily. I seriously needed to shower. "Because there's nothing to tell. My life follows a boring and pathetic pattern of drinking, smoking and sleeping with strangers. The only time you should be hearing news from me is when the hospital calls to get my stomach pumped."

"Because it's full of sperm?"

I laughed out loud. I hadn't expected that comeback. "Yes, of course, because it's full of sperm."

"By the way, should I give you the money for the whole Grayson bet?" Trey asked.

My whole body froze. "What?"

"You know, the Is-Nik-Gay bet?"

Unbelievable. Even Trey knew about this? "Did Tyler fucking call you for this?"

"Oh no, his mom told me about it the other day when she came to have dinner."

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"Dead serious."

"I'm going to murder that whole family."

Tyler's mother knew my grandfather because she used to work for his law firm before she changed career. They were still close. Not like ninth wife material close, more like you-have-an-interesting-view-on-things-and-I-enjoy-sharing-your-company-from-time-to-time. It was because of this relationship that she'd known to call my father when Tyler's brother-in-law and my friend Blake had gotten his seizure.

"Don't hurt his mom, unless she asks you too. Have you seen Tyler's mom?"

"Of course." I joked a lot with Tyler about his mom, but that girl was a real cougar and not the cheap tacky kind. If Tyler's sister aged as well as their mom Blake was a lucky guy.

"God that woman is hot. Did I ever tell you I think I could have had a go at her at one point?"

I closed my eyes, shook my head a little. "Yes, multiple times."

"That woman..."

"Is in a happy relationship with a thirty something year old guy, do not create any drama," I finished for him before he could add anything else. "You're younger than her son. Do not go there. Please."

When Tyler's mom had left his dad it had really messed up their family. They were finally getting to a better place, getting a good rhythm again. I would never encourage anything that could potentially create more drama in the Grayson household.

"Fine. We're still diverting. You're the only person I know that qualifies lots of sex as a boring and pathetic pattern."

"I don't remember half of it most of the time," I admitted. I felt kind of stupid. I was a walking cliché.

"Well, hey, I have this fantastic idea right now. How about you stop getting drunk, stop smoking and you stop fucking around? If it doesn't bring you any joy what's the point. I'm all for bad decisions, as long as you own up to them. You clearly don't."

"It passes the time. I don't think for a little while. It's nice."

"If my brother could see you..."

It pissed me off and saddened me at the same time whenever people would imply that I was disappointing by father. "That's the thing though, he can't see me. He's not here anymore."

"That doesn't mean you have to let your life go to shit. I don't see why you need to ruin your life just to prove a point."

"And what would be that point?"

"That you can be your own man, but at the same time, the man your father wanted you to be was pretty much as good as it could have gotten. You don't want to win, really. You want to prove to yourself that your father was right and med school really was the way to go, the place where you were happy."

"I wasn't happy in pre-med. I was miserable. I didn't have any friends. Everybody hated me. I was always alone and miserable."

"But you had your father," he pointed out.
             I didn't want my eyes to fill with tears but they did a little. Yeah, I was miserable back then but I wasn't alone. "Yeah, I had my dad," I repeated softly.

"Do I need to tell you the obvious conclusion, or you can figure it out for yourself?"

"You're annoying," I just answered. I didn't want to dwell on this. I probably needed to think about that stuff all the time. I probably needed to be in therapy every darn day. But it was easier to ignore everything.

"That's what I'm here for," he smiled at me and I smiled a little at him too. It always felt so strange to think about the fact that he was my uncle, yet he was two years younger than me. "Hey, earlier, did you really imply that I had a genetic disorder that makes me a small headed intellectually challenge musty smelling dude?"

I snorted, but kept myself from grinning. "No, not at all."

"You need to start respecting your uncle," he told me sternly and I laughed.

After that lovely conversation I finally took a well needed shower. Afterwards, we ordered pizza and watched a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress. Jesus' Dick kept repeating over and over again that I was just sealing my gay coffin.

Tyler texted me a couple of times. I think he was worried about me. Take a number dude. 

I really needed to get my shit together.

"Are you sleeping here or going back?" Trey asked me after our seventh episode.

"Going back. I didn't sleep in the dorms last night, Tyler was worried. I'll probably need to hold him against my body all night, stroke his soft hair and tell him everything is going to be alright, and shh, shh, don't struggle, it just hurts at first, just let me do my thang." I did the gesture that fitted with that little bit. I was quite proud of it.

"See, that right there is why everyone that bets you're gay is going to win."

I shook my head adamantly. "I don't see it."

Trey rolled his eyes. "Of course you don't see it Femme Fatale."

I pressed my hand against my heart and feigned like I had gotten a blow. "Cheap shot."

Trey ignored my little acting. "Are you more a Roy Dupuis guy or a Shane West guy?"

Fine, whatever, I would humour him. I had called him Dick. He could be making fun of my namesake now. "Oh Roy Dupuis all the guy. That sexy French accent. Mmhm."

"But Shane West was the bad boy in A Walk to Remember and he really sold it to me. I cried like a bitch at that movie."

I didn't answer right away. I just narrowed my eyes a bit, contemplative. Finally, I asked, "Should we seriously question our sexuality?"

"Probably."

And then we just both burst into laughter.

_________________________

A/N: Soooooo. This was a long time coming, eh? XD Sorry about the ridiculous amount of time you had to wait. I have no excuses.

I figured some of you might not have seen the message I sent out around New Years Eve, but my goal for the year is to upload at least one chapter of any of my stories every week. I've really missed being more active on Wattpad and writing, so I'm trying to get my ducks in a rows and finally finishing a few stories. Hopefully, this time, it'll stick.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and Richard the Third. The next chapter is already partly written so it should be coming out, next week? We'll see. You won't have to wait this long again though, pinkie swear!